"20."

"Cold."

"19"

"Cold."

"18."

"Warm."

"17"

"Warmer."

"16."

"Hot."

"15."

"Yeah."

There was a lockdown of sorts after the teens found the rabbit memorial. It wasn't to figure out who could have done such a thing. 

It was Rook. It was obviously Rook.

"50."

"Cold."

"49."

"Cold."

Me and Rachel had been playing the number game all day. She picked a number and made me guess what it was. Every time she lowered it by one. It was mind numbing but it was nice to not think.

"48."

"Cold."

"47."

"Cold."

We were the only ones still in bed, the other girls in our house had gathered into the living room to exchange the latest news on what was happening. 

They were quiet but every so often there would be shouts or cries.

There hadn't been any checkins yet, aside from the breakfast run. They had been rationing the food since the grownups were killed but it would all run out soon. 

I still had the wrapper from my granola bar and fiddled with it while guessing at Rachel's number.

"46."

"Cold."

"45."

"Cold."

"44."

Cold."

I had dreams about Robin and Blitz sometimes. Their faces were starting to look strange in them though, I hadn't forgotten what they looked like but some features were starting to change. 

I couldn't remember the colour of Blitz's eyes, what Robin's smile looked like or who had been taller.

We did all kinds of things in my dreams, sometimes we were playing tag, or learning how to drive, or taking over the town ourselves, baking, running from zombies, shooting rabbits.

"43."

"Cold."

"42."

"Cold."

I could still see blood and hear screams when I closed my eyes. Moments like this were the closest thing I had to peace until they decided what to do with us. I wish they could have lasted forever.

"41."

"Cold."

"40."

"Cold."

Before Red snapped me, Robin and Blitz used to hang out at the playground. Most of the time we would play games we made up. 

One time we talked about death. I can't remember how the subject came up.

Blitz said purgatory would be worse than not existing. He wanted to end up in heaven or hell. At the time I agreed with him despite knowing I would never achieve anything in life worthy of heaven's gates.

Robin didn't believe in heaven or hell or any of it. She thought when you died you were reborn. She claimed when her time came she wouldn't be afraid of it.

Even if that turned out to be true I don't think I could ever face death head on like her. I'd seen too much of it to believe it was anything other than hideous and cruel.

"39."

"Cold."

"38."

"Cold."

Later that day the older kids would come back. There would be a group of them, about 8 or so. Dressed head to toe in black, black jeans, t-shirts, long sleeves, dresses, boots, dress shoes, socks, shorts and necklaces. 

One girl with a silver nose ring was wearing my moms black dangly earrings.

We were gathered into one line and led out of the house. We didn't go past Blitz's tree but I knew they didn't move the rabbits. Just like they didn't move Robin in the beginning.

"37."

"Cold."

"36."

"Cold."

"35."

"Cold."

The houses they kept us kids in were located in a court, a semi circle of houses. The one they kept the boys in was at the centre, the girls were on one side and the babies were on the other. When guards were assigned to watch over us they stayed in the houses nearby for convenience.

They led us in that line to join the boys who were already gathered and waiting. They didn't take out the babies or toddlers.

"34."

"Cold."

"33."

"Cold."

"32."

"Cold."

"31."

"Cold."

We were reassembled into one big line and guided out of the court. A little like back in school during a fire drill. 

Now there were about 20 of the older kids walking with us. One in front, one behind and the rest scattered on either side.

They were all armed. Some carried guns.

Just the sight of the weapons had some of the group crying, or shaking. 

"30."

"Cold."

"29."

"Cold."

"28."

"Cold."

"27."

"Cold."

"26."

"Cold."

They took us to the main road and walked us away from the forest. Rachel was behind me and scared. I was scared too.

"25."

"Cold."

"24."

"Cold."

"23."

"Cold."

Pothook High School was a place I had only been a handful of times before Red snapped. 

I went to a money raising thing they ran with Robin, I went on two separate tours, one with Robin and Blitz and the other with the rest of my grade school class and I went a couple times for music lessons for that month they offered free tutoring. I used to play the flute. 

We weren't brought into the building, we were taken straight to the football field.

"22."

"Cold."

"21."

"Cold."

"20."

"Cold."

"19."

"Cold."

Red was there.

"18."

"Cold."

17."

"Warm."

Jane was with him. 

They were a lot alike, before Red snapped she was the girl-next-door type. Baked cookies to sell, babysat for all the kids who lived on her block, volunteered at the library on weekends and worked at the flower shop on the main street. 

She was Red's girlfriend.

"16."

"Warmer."

They sat in lawn chairs side by side in the middle of the field. The remaining older kids were too, but they sat on the ground with their heads down. When we reached them we were forced to sit down too.

"15."

"Hot."

I don't believe in heaven or hell. I also don't believe in purgatory. I think when we die we just stop existing and fade away into nothing. 

At least that's what I hope happens. Non existence is hard to conceptualize but eternity has always seemed a far worse fate.

"14."

Rachel held my hand.

"Yeah."