GUYS I'M UP FOR ANOTHER ROUND IN THE BROMANCE AWARDS! THIS BOOK MADE IT TO THE NEXT ROUND SO PLEASE VOTE!

chapter twenty-two

the same night

N.J.H.
Talking to Harry about my issues with my dad is the first thing on my agenda tonight on our date. Maybe not the best time, considering we're seeing a movie (in which we may do more than watch), then going to his house. The circumstances leave me no other option but to talk to him before we go to sleep.

The car comes to a slow halt as the movie theater comes into our vision. The nerves increase as Harry parks next to a blue Honda in front of the building. He looks exceptionally handsome tonight, wearing his classic white t-shirt and black skin tight jeans. I had decided to dress a bit more lazily and chose to wear a pullover with black jeans, but either way I can cockily say we're probably going to be the best dressed tonight.

He turns the engine off, leaning back in his seat with an increasingly bright smile on his face.

"You," he whispers, "literally resemble the sun." Harry continuously does this, comparing me to stars and the sun and the moon and any other astronomical object he can think of.

"Aw," I say, "how charming."

"But," his long arms snake around my torso, squeezing softly, "I know inside the sun isn't out. What's bothering you? You've been deadly quiet during the car ride and I know that's nothing like you."

"Nothing Harry," I tell him, "can we go...?"

Harry frowns, but lets go of me, knowing I'm being serious. I prepare myself to leave the car, but a click of the lock stops my sudden movements. Harry looks back at me, nothing but determination in his eyes.

"Nope," he says, "I need to know what's bothering my Niall."

"No you don't," I say, suddenly going back on the idea of trusting Harry with this slice of my past, "you won't think of me the same."

"You mean whatever this is will halt my never ending fondness for you?"

"I... yes."

"Baby," he sighs, taking both of my hands, "I realize you like to go through your life all by your lonesome."

"I do," I say.

"Well guess what? I'm here now. You don't have to live that lonely life you're used to. Now I know something is irking you and I need you to trust me. I've done nothing but treat you well--"

"There was the post sex thing..." I remind him.

"Babe," he says, "that, was me being an idiot. You know, I thought we were past that?"

"I don't forget things..." I say.

"Yep, I noticed."

"Is there a point to this interrogation?" My voice hints slight annoyance as the thoughts slip through my lips, "Because no, I don't really like sharing things Harry. I don't like talking about my life stories much, to your dismay. I'm not exactly the most sharing and caring person."

The car is silent for the longest time, the said truthful expressions filling the atmosphere and leaving us speechless. When Harry's voice is next heard, it's nothing that I thought would ever be said,

"Ni, one would assume you're heartless."

The words sting, taking me back to a very dark place. I bite my lips harshly, holding back tears as I respond to his statement,

"No Harry. I'm not heartless. I just taught myself to use my heart less."

I reach over, clicking the lock again and leaving the car. My feet hit the concrete and I wipe my eyes furiously. The wind is blowing ferociously through my hair and the water leaving my eyes is flowing back to my ears. I don't want to cry in front of him, not after what he just said.

I was nervous enough to tell him about my past with my father and my childhood and now he's just made it much worse, already telling me what I already know. I can't risk giving my heart to people, no matter how deep they pull me in. The second I give them my all they let go of my hand, leaving me to fall in my abyss of agony.

"Niall!"

I can hear him over the howling wind, but I act as if his voice is wholly inaudible.

"Niall!"

Continuing to walk away from his car, I begin hugging my sweatshirt closer to my body.

"Niall!"

He's getting closer.

"NIALL!"

Giving up, I turn around with my tear streaked face and red puffy eyes. I cover them with my hands and drop to my knees, sobbing as I fall. His hands pull me up again, holding me extremely close to his body. We sit there for the longest time, tears flowing out of my eyes at a steady pace and his heart beat increasing rapidly as I press myself against him tighter. Eventually the words leave my mouth in incoherent blurbs of cries and hiccups as my heart finally gives in.

"My d-d-d-dad r-r-r-r--"

"Hey, sh sh sh," he speaks in a hushed voice as he kisses my forehead continuously, "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I shouldn't have been speaking to you in that manner. I'm sorry baby..."

"My d-d-dad raped me," I tell him, a relief I've never felt before rushing over me, even in this distraught state.

He stops rubbing my shoulders, and the fear that this was it for us sinks in. He doesn't want to deal with this, all the drama and the nightmares and stress and heart-wrenching disgust I feel every day, he doesn't want it and who would want it anyway? All I am is a vessel filled with pity. And pity is the one thing that isn't pitied on.

"Niall..." his voice is hollow, sadness laced within it, "do you want to come to my house? We can talk about this you...we can talk about this."

I nod, and he sweeps my legs up, carrying me bridal style. I rest my head on his shoulder as we walk to his car again; the same car I had stormed out ten minutes ago.

"We're going to my house," he confirms, "you're gonna be okay darling."

The drive to Harry's house consists of soothing sounds and kisses at every stop light. His hand never leaves my inner thigh and his thumb never stops drawing little circles on the denim fabric. Meanwhile I'm  trying to find a suitable way to tell this traumatizing tale. I've only had to tell two people; Louis, and the police. In both situations, I cried.

The car runs over the familiar driveway and Harry pulls the vehicle in the garage, keeping a watchful eye on me.

"You okay?" he asks. I nod and he signals for me to wait as he gets out of the driver's seat, rushing to open the door for me.

•

"It was in 1999," I begin my story, "around the time when his work schedule would be less hectic. My dad was home a lot then, spent most of his time taking my mom out and spoiling her to death. I loved seeing them so happy, even though I was only seven and I barely had the slightest idea of love. All I knew was that they were happy, and that made me happy."

Harry nods attentively, running his hand on my leg as we lay in his bed,

"One day, my dad came home and gave my mom a present, a membership to a spa. She was so excited she got herself ready and left for a one hour treatment. She told us she was going to meet her friends for lunch after and she'd be home in time for dinner. Once she left, my older brother Greg left too. From there it was just my dad and I..."

The tears resurface and I wipe my eyes quickly,

"You don't have to keep going," Harry says softly.

"No," I exhale, attempting to control my emotions, "if I'm going to say it, it has to be now."

He nods and I continue,

"I was excited, because I loved my dad I... I looked up to him. Of all my family members I loved being around him. I looked up at him, so excited to see what he had in store for us that day. Movie marathons, joyrides, but the only thing I saw in his eyes was anger."

I can't stop the tears from falling from my eyes now,

"He said I was the reason why my mum wouldn't pay attention to him, the reason for his neglection. He had made me do so many things he..."

"Ni," Harry stops me, lightly pushing my head onto his chest, "You can stop whenever you want to."

"No," I say, "I can't Harry I-I--"

I breathe in and out, and proceed,

"He made me suck his cock, and at first I was so confused and I didn't know he was assaulting me until I felt my pants coming off. I was so scared and he had no regret embedded in his once he was done."

My hands are shaking and my nose is running as Harry rubs my back soothingly,

"The terrible irony of this is that I ended up being gay anyway," I laugh brokenly, "Even after he raped my asshole with his fucking fingers I still ended up like this. Harry he haunts me every day and I can't get him out of my mind!"

"Baby..." he whispers.

"I-I can't believe my mother ever married him, I can't believe I ever looked up to him I--"

I know by the time I can barely breathe due to my tears, it's time for me to stop talking. Hiccups and coughs leave my mouth as Harry hugs me tightly, his hips pressed against mine and his voice mumbling sweet nothings into my ear.

"Ni," he says maybe a half hour later, "Ni baby, can we do something? I think it will make you feel better."

I hesitate, but then nod because the fact that Harry is still laying here with me is worth some reward.

"C'mere."

I obey, taking his hand as he leads my weak body to the desk. He hands me a pen and I take it, enclosing it in my fist.

"Baby can you write down what your dad did to you? Trust me, this will help. I promise."

I let myself bring pen and paper together as I write the dreaded words on the large piece of paper in capital letters.

MY FATHER RAPED ME

Reading the words in front of me make me want to be sick, the event coming back in flashes.

"Come," he whispers, "we're gonna make this better."

I pick up the paper and he takes us downstairs, where he picks up a lighter and turns off the lights.

"Outside darling," he continues, opening the door for me. Up 'till now, I've never seen Harry's backyard. It's beautiful, and I know immediately that he has a green thumb. In the center of the scene, a fire pit sits, unlit.

"Here we go," Harry says, walking up to the pit and flicking the lighter on, "come stand by me."

I nod, tucking myself into his side as we watch the fire blossom.

"What you've told me has been haunting you for years," he says, "And now we're going to burn your demon. This horrific event is about to be burned mercilessly in this fire."

I giggle softly and he smiles, kissing the top of my head.

"Whenever you're ready," he says, "fold it up and throw it in there. Burn your nightmare away."

I do as he says, folding the printer paper into a small square before tossing it into the smoldering fire. My face breaks from the depressing blank expression and a small smile remains.

"There we go," he whispers, turning me and kissing my lips. My hands reach up to tousle with his hair as he pulls away,

"See?" he chuckles, "It's all gone now. Now all we have to think about is the future."

We look down at the fire as it burns my worst fears down into ashes.

My face is warm now, along with my heart as Harry's hands tangle with mine.