Months: goddamn it you fuckin donkey I don't want to take a vacation I just took one a few months ago I'm gonna end up passing out even more money than I would if we just hung up the towel and lost the bet

Months: do not expect me to cash out for you on this trip I absolutely refuse

Burrito: jfc im not asking for you to find my trip I just don't want to lose the bet ok I'm stubborn

Months: yeah we can tell

Months: now I have to take time off work too?? Might as well hand in my two weeks notice shouldn't I

Months: you always do this to me how many things am I going to have to give up for you

Burrito: don't guilt trip me this should be exciting and a relaxing time. You get a few days off why are you complaining

Burrito: and don't even talk to me about giving things up you have no idea of all the things I did for you

Months: oh god enlighten me why won't you. Was it the febreze you left behind?? Two American dollars on my nightstand?? Do tell what you sacrificed for me, go on.

Burrito: no you're going to shit on me for it and im not in the mood for that right now

Months: Yep that's what I thought huh. Sure you gave up a lot for me. So much that I don't even know what you did because it had no effect on me whatsoever. Even though, y'know, you gave it up for me. Whatever it was

Burrito: yeah whatever. When you realize it, you'll understand and you'll regret saying that

Months: saying what?? Saying that you're lying to me because you are. You gave up absolutely nothing and you came into my life thinking you could turn everything upside down and that I'd be fine with that

Burrito: you live like a slob and oh forgive me for having a crush on you like 6 months ago and wanting to be around you so much. Sorry my fault. Oops I wandered off in the garden of eden ah Oop a snake convinced me to eat an apple!! We're both corrupted and being cast out of heaven!! Look at me dooming everything I touch

Months: what the fuck are you going on about

Burrito: THE BIBLE

Months: IM NOT RELIGIOUS

Burrito: I THOUGHT THE STORY WAS COMMON KNOWLEDGE BECAUSE ITS INTERESTING

Months: INTEREST IS SUBJECTIVE NOT EVERYONE FOLLOWS THE AMERICAN IDEOLOGIES

Burrito: YOURE SUBJECTIVE

Months: I KNOW that's why I've been saying yOU CORRUPTED MY LIFE I'm an acquired taste

Burrito: yeah the taste of trash

Months: rubbish from the yard of a 5 star restaurant

Burrito: trash is trash

Burrito: we're going on that trip

Months: yeah I know obviously. There's no way to back out of it now that would be humiliating

Burrito: oh so you agree with my original statement??

Months: no I agree it would be humiliating now because you were so stubborn about it. It wouldn't have been embarrassing if we'd just admitted it earlier.

Months: don't expect a snuggle if we're forced to share a bed

Burrito: I don't want to share a bed with you.

Months: I call dibs on the bed. You can sleep on the couch or the floor. I'll get you a sleeping bag yeh

Burrito: I don't want to sleep on the floor??

Months: you're the one that got us into this mess. Suffer

Burrito: I have lower back issues you piece of moldy cheese

Burrito: we share the bed but it is carefully divided so we never ever ever touch each other. If I have to lay my hand on the half of the sheet you use, I will puke

Months: you act like I'm diseased

Burrito: what should I expect from the part of the world that got the bubonic plague

Months: ??? Like 700 years ago

Months: ur media + the public figures are the problem

Burrito: you can block political and celebrity figures but can you block a plague?? I don't think so

Burrito: stupid brits

Months: dumb Americans