XXV.   break into a million pieces

Nobody dared to say a word as JJ drove in a fury. Kiara sat next to Dylan and they exchanged a worried stare. JJ was impulsive. Reckless. He often didn't think about how his reckless decisions would affect his friends. They watched as he took a turn and pulled into the yard of trailer home with a messy front yard. "Welcome to crackhead wasteland." Sarah commented with disgust.

Dylan peered out the window. "I feel like Spencer Reid just being here."

"Dude, why are we at Barry's?" Pope asked the driver but JJ's motive was anything but good.

"This'll only take a second." He replied and got out of the van.

"JJ, hold on." Dylan called out, feeling very worried for her friend.

"Where are you going?" John B shouted to him.

"Yo soy justicia!"

The group went quiet. "Did you catch any of that?"  Pope questioned.

"It means I am justice." Dylan translated with a sigh.  She looked between all of them and then at John B,  seeing the look on his face. She knew that look. "John B, do you want me—"

"No, I got it." He told her and got of the van, walking towards the home. Between him and Dylan, they knew JJ almost better than anyone else.

The girl pulled her knees to her chest again. It was a safety tick almost, that and constantly picking at her nails. Kiara noticed her downturned expression. "D, are you okay?"

Pope and Sarah turned to her.

She lifted her head. "Oh, um. . . Yeah, i'm good." She lied.

Sarah frowned. "You've been on edge since what happened with Barry. You can talk to us, DJ."

Dylan wanted to snap at her and tell her to leave her alone but that's not who she was. She wasn't mean. The truth was ever since that day at the junkyard, she was feeling gross in her own skin. She thought any older man that she walked by was thinking about her in ways that he shouldn't. It wasn't her fault. Men were disgusting. "Um, I don't really. I just kind of. . . bleh."

Pope cracked a grin at her dramatic gesture. "Why do you feel bleh?"

"Uhh–Do you remember that day we were at the junkyard? When Kie and I had to distract that guy?"

They nodded.

"Well, when he started to, uh. . . I don't know, look at me like he did, I started feeling. . . uncomfortable," Dylan explained, finding very hard to find the right words.

Pope's face fell. "Wait, what?"

She nodded and tightened her grip around her legs. "Yeah, h-he, um. . . he said he liked my hair."

"He said he liked your hair?" Sarah asked in a gentle voice.

The girl nodded again. "I know it sounds stupid but he really made me feel uncomfortable. I mean, I hardly ever like to wear my hair down anymore."

That's when Pope realized how little she let her curls out lately. He loved her natural curls but he never did think to question why she had been wearing it up so much lately. Now, he just felt incredibly guilty. 

"I'm so sorry that happened to you." Sarah told her,  feeling very sad.

"I'm sorry, DJ. I didn't know how bad it was effecting you," Kiara sympathized.

She nodded again, not saying a word. She looked up at Pope, who was sitting across from her. He only stared at her, his expression subtly going from hard to gentle. She looked away again, feeling awkward.

JJ came speed walking out of the house with a duffle bag over his shoulder and a wad of cash in his hand. "All right, so we're looking at five grand each for reparations for putting us through that bullshit. Sorry about that, y'all." He spoke like everything was completely fine.

Dylan's eyes widened. "Oh god, please don't tell me he did what I think he did."

"So that's what we're doing now? We're robbing drug dealers?" Kiara asked in disbelief.

"And he did."

"This Barry guys gonna find out and he's gonna come after us." Sarah informed.

Pope nodded sternly. "Yes, he will. This is not the time to start wildin' out."

JJ glared. "How'd you guys like havin' a gun pulled on you?" He shot.

"Relax." John B stepped in.

"He had it right here on you, bro." He continued and pointed in between John B's eyes.

"Look. We've gotta go get the gold, okay? Just give me that shit," John B snapped and reached for the bag, only to have JJ shove him until his back hit against the van. Dylan jumped at the action and covered her mouth in shock. "You feel like a tough guy, huh? What are you gonna do when he comes for us?"

"We punch him in the throat."

"Yeah, good fuckin' idea, JJ."

"Guys, please stop." Dylan begged with worried eyes.

"I'm not putting it back," JJ shook his head, ignoring his best friend's words. He climbed inside the van and sat the bag next to his feet. He looked at his friends. "You guys getting in or what?"

The group didn't move and instead looked at each other. Dylan crossed her arms over her chest, not knowing what to do.

"What?"

"We're sick of your shit." John B blurted.

"Oh, my shit?" He questioned.

Kiara nodded. "Yes. You're pulling guns on people and shit shit."

"You acting like a maniac—" Pope added, causing Dylan to hit his arm.

"Okay, Pope, I took the fall of you, man!" JJ shouted over him. "You know how much money I owe because of you?"

"I'm gonna pay you back and I didn't even ask you to do that!"

"I just did pay it back! Right here, right now, by myself."

He paused and waited for someone else to say something. His eyes looked at Dylan, who was still contemplating on what to do and say. She rocked back and forth on the heels of her shoes, her face full of guilt. "You know what? That's exactly what i'm gonna do. Go off by myself."

"Wait, JJ, don't leave." She quickly spoke up and stepped forward.

"Wait, JJ." John B added and went to follow him.

Sarah stopped them before they could. "Just let him go."

"JJ!" Dylan shouted out and watched him walk away from them. She turned around and faced her friends. "What the hell is wrong with you guys?" She pushed off Pope as he tried to reach for her. "Let go of me!"

She walked past them and jumped into the van. She climbed into the passenger seat and sighed heavily, rubbing her face.

When Dylan walked into her house, she was immediately faced by her very angry father. "Where the hell have you been?" Logan snapped.

"I was with the group—"

"Your mother and I have been texting you all day!" He interrupted her.

"Logan, please," Ainsley stepped in when she heard all the shouting.

"No, no, I'm done going easy on her!" Logan shouted and pointed at his daughter. "You need to start talking young lady. I mean it."

"Dad i'm sorry—"

"That's not good enough anymore, Celeste," he interrupted again. "You walk out on our talks. You stay out till the fucking sun goes down. You don't answer our calls!"

"Honey, please don't curse." His wife said over him.

"You don't know what's going on with me!" Dylan exclaimed and walked past him. She saw Braxton sitting on the bottom the staircase, listening to the arguing.

"Because you won't tell us!" Her father continued, his voice gradually growing louder the more angrier he got. "Did you know I got an email from John Jay, one of the colleges you applied for? They said you haven't been responding to any of their emails."

She sighed heavily when she realized she hadn't been checking her emails lately. "I-I've been busy—" she stammered.

"Busy? Dylan, you're lying to us."

"I'm not lying!"

"Not tell us things is lying!"

"Okay, stop!" Ainsley shouted, putting her hands between them. She looked at her daughter. "Dylan,  honey, we're worried about you. You haven't been focusing on the things you need to be focusing on. You only have a year left of school and then you're going to college. That's what you should be thinking about." She spoke gently.

Dylan silently stared at her mother, then her father,  and then she let out a disbelieving laugh. "You don't get it." She started backing up. "All my life I have done what you guys want me to. I've gotten good grades. I've signed up for every extra curriculum. I got to these stupid Kook dinners. I went to Midsummers. I have done everything to make myself appear like I'm perfect. I'm not perfect! I mess up, okay? That's what I'm supposed to do. I'm sixteen!" She shouted at the top of her lungs, all the anger and stress she'd been bottling up finally unleashing.

"Dylan, it's okay to mess up—"

"Apparently it's not," she exclaimed. "You've put me on a pedestal since I was a kid and I'm tired of it! I'm tired of everybody looking at me like I'm something I'm not!"

Her anger went deeper than just being mad at her parents and if Logan couldn't see that, Ainsley could. She stepped closer to her daughter. "Dylan, if something's going on, I need you to tell me."

Her hands cupped her face and Dylan's eyes shined with tears. She shook her head. "I can't tell you—"

"Please—"

"No, stop!" She ripped her mom's hands away from her face. "You don't get it."

"Celeste," her father stepped in with a sigh.

"Honey, what don't I get?" Her mom practically begged.

"I don't want to talk about it." Dylan dismissed and walked past her brother up the stairs.

"Dylan, don't walk away from us!"

Her father's voice drowned up the farther she got up the stairs. She entered her room and slammed the door behind her. She let out a frustrated yell. She turned to the side and saw her reflection in the mirror that was leaning against the wall by her door. A frown set on her face. The bruises had cleared up but they were still fresh. The feeling of Rafe pushing and punching her echoed in her head. The pain. The suffering. It stuck to her like glue.

She took off her jacket and examined her arms. Dylan was always tiny. Her mom was small when she was her age and it passed on to her. She was active and that always kept her figure small. But the mind of a teenage girl was an act of betrayal and even the prettiest of girls think of themselves as unpleasant.  She traced the outline of her thighs and pinched her skin.  She turned to the side and examined her shape.

Why did older men fantasize about young girls? They were babies. They still had their girlhood in them. They were still growing. Men like Barry and that security guard had no business looking at her the way they did. Dylan felt nauseous thinking about what that man said about her hair. Or the way Barry said her name. It made her feel disgusting. Like they were taking away her girlhood.

The world tried to tear down girls like Dylan and sometimes, it worked.

Dylan stayed in her room for most of that night. She needed time to relax and calm down. She had been so on edge lately. After a while, she felt increasingly guilty for the way she spoke to her parents and even more guilty that her brother had to see it. She was too embarrassed to go downstairs and face them. When Kiara texted her that she and Pope were outside, she put her shoes back on and climbed out her window.

When she got in the truck, Pope and Kiara immediately noticed her unhappy expression. "Are you okay?" Kie asked.

"I'm probably the worst daughter in history of daughters." She admitted with a sigh.

Pope shook his head drove off. "That's not true. You're a great daughter."

"They telling that to the parents I had a fight with."

"Again?"

She nodded. "Yes, again. I'm like a bomb that's about to explode."

"Did you tell them what you told us?" Kiara asked.

Dylan shook her head. "I couldn't. I don't want them to worry even more than they already are." She changed the subject. "Anyways, have any of you talked to JJ?"

They shook their heads no. "I'm really worried." Kiara admitted.

"It's JJ. He's like a bug that you can't squash." Pope said with a lighthearted laugh.

"Oh, shit, before we forget," she started again and turned to her friend. "D, we have a plan to get the gold from the well."

Dylan's eyes lit up. "We do? Okay, great! What is it?"

"We have JJ and John B going inside the well like he did last time and me up top. You, Kie, and Sarah will be outside transporting."

She raised an eyebrow. "You trust Thing One and Thing Two to work together safely at the bottom of a well?"

He and Kiara looked at each other. "Uh. . . Maybe I didn't think that through." Said Pope.

Kiara shook her head. "It'll be fine. It'll be okay."

Pope pulled the truck into the Chateau. "Do we gotta be done before my scholarship interview in the morning."

"Okay, well, we gotta focus."

"Have faith, hot shot. We have plenty of time." Dylan assured with a bright grin.

"Right." He smiled sheepishly. "Uh, I got a winch. That fin can hold over like. . . 200,  300 pounds."

"I love the way your brain works." She said and poked the side of his head.

He went red in the dark of the night, he saw Kiara smirk. He rolled his eyes. Suddenly, lights turned on all around the Chateau and hanging in the trees, catching their attention. "What the hell?"

"Who the hell is that?" Kiara questioned and they took off around the house to the backyard. More multi colored lights and music appeared and they stood in complete shock when they saw a hot tub in the middle of John B's backyard with JJ in it.

An inflatable flamingo and light surrounded the hot tub and JJ sat in the middle wearing sunglasses and drinking a beer. Dylan could tell by how he was swaying that he was drunk and not thinking clearly. She looked around in shock at the set up. It looked as if he spent all night setting it up.

"What did you do, JJ?" Pope demanded.

"I got a jet going straight in my butt right now," JJ joked with an intoxicated laugh. He smiled in a daze and lowered the sunglasses to the bridge of his nose. "Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me?"

Dylan shook her head, feeling distraught. "J, what happened? Why are you acting like this?"

"Nothing's wrong, Dyl Dyl!" The boy denied with another loud laugh. She could practically feel how sad he was just by the sound of it and it shattered her heart. This was a boy who lived his life unapologetically himself, who always saw the bright side of things and now he was spiritually out of control right before their eyes. "Come on get in waterbug!"

"How much did this cost?" Pope questioned, disregarding his request for them to get into the hot tub.

"Uh. . . Well, with the generator, the petrol and–oh, hey, express delivery," JJ chuckled. "Pretty much all of it, yeah."

Dylan felt like she was going to be sick. "Oh my god."

Pope's jaw dropped. "All of it?"

"Yeah, all of it."

"You spent all the money in one day?"

"Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket," JJ continued, not giving a care in the world that he just put them in more danger than they were already in. But Dylan didn't care about that right now, she only cared about that her best friend wasn't okay and that he was slowly breaking. He smiled largely. "But, I mean, come on, guys–like, look at this! Finest in
jet-based massage therapy, that's what they told me. Can't a man have a little luxury in life?"

Dylan raised a shaky head and touched her forehead. "Oh, J. . ."

"What, DJ, why are you looking at me like that?" JJ teased her. "Come on, you're always on my side!" He pulled the sunglasses off his face and they saw how red his eyes were. "Come on, all this scrimpin' and scrapin–I mean, like, guys, we. . . You only live once, right?"

The three friends stood there staring at him, all with different reactions. Dylan was worried sick, Kiara was angry, and Pope was in shock. The broken blonde quickly continued to change the subject. "Enough of this emotional shit. Get in the Cat's Ass. Come on."

"The what?" Kiara asked in a quiet voice.

"In the Cat's Ass! That's what I named her. Oh, hey, yo, I almost forgot." He flicked on a switch and water came shooting out of the jets. A disco ball shined brightly and started spinning, illuminating even more light in the backyard. Tears filled Dylan's eyes as she watched the beautiful object spin, thinking of how it represented JJ perfectly. He was a beautiful soul that had been shattered again and again by the shitty world, but he still tried his absolute hardest to make the people around him happy. They were more alike than they thought. "Yeah, that's right. Disco mode, baby!"

"Are you kidding me? You could have paid for restitution!" Pope nearly shouted. "You could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!"

"Or literally given it to any charity!" Kiara exclaimed in a fury.

"Okay, guys, calm down." Dylan tried, her voice small and shaky.

Their outburst in anger seemed to be the final straw and JJ stood up in the hot tub. "Okay, well, you know what? I didn't do that!" He snapped and all eyes fell on the multi colored bruises that covered his body. They mixed together to create the most gut wrenching color and the air left Dylan's lungs. Her hand automatically touched her chest as she felt like all the oxygen left her body and she couldn't breathe. The blonde's eyes welled in tears. "Got a hot tub! For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends. No, you know what? Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family!"

Kiara's anger vanished and her face fell along with her jaw as her eyes racked his bruised and battered body. Pope didn't know what to say and he took a step back in shock. They knew his home life and they had seen his bruises before, but the thing about JJ was that he was incredibly good at hiding his feelings. He acted like the abuse didn't bother him. But now, they saw how it really affected him and it was heartbreaking.

"No!" JJ cried out after seeing their faces. "You stop being emotional. It's fine, okay? I mean, it's sweet, right? Everything. . . Just get in!"

Kiara took the first step of action and climbed into the hot tub, fully clothed, and she wrapped her arms around him. JJ cried and wrapped his arms around her waist, hiding his face in her shoulder. "I just couldn't do it. I can't take him anymore. I-I was gonna–I was gonna kill him."

Dylan finally managed to move her feet and she, too, climbed into the hot tub. She trudged in the water and wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist, laying her head on his wet and bare back. She shut her eyes tightly and let the tears fall as his cries shook his whole body. She kissed his shoulder blades.

Pope joined them and they got together like a puzzle. They were a family and JJ was the heart. Without the heart, you had nothing, and Dylan cried as she thought about how the world wanted to destroy good people like them. She kissed his shoulder again and laid her head back down, and they let him cry without saying anything else.