Crash!

"Tommy, watch where you are going!" Henry shouts from the living room, stirring me from my sleep. James shoots up and nearly knocks the blankets off of the bed.

"What was that?" He questions, looking around the room. His chest heaves with rapid breaths.

"Easy there tiger, it was just one of the boys getting into something. Were you in the middle of a dream or something?" James turns to look at me before settling back into bed.

"Must have been, I'm not sure why that startled me so badly." He shook his head, obviously still trying to calm his breathing. "Either way, Merry Christmas, is Hazel up yet?" He turns to glance to the opposite side of the room. Hazel was sound asleep in her pack n play, all curled up like she couldn't be bothered.

"Merry Christmas to you too." I smile, cuddling even closer to James, trying to keep my voice low so I don't wake Hazel. "Yesterday's conversation was weird wasn't it?" I never got the chance to talk to James last night, by the time dinner was over, and we got all of the presents under the tree, it was time to put Hazel to bed and we were wiped out.

"Yeah, that was a little strange how they all seemed to just jump on us about having another kid wasn't it?" James wraps his arms around me, pulling me in closer to him. He kisses my forehead, and normally I'd be turned away by his morning breath, but it didn't bother me as bad this morning.

"Have you ever thought about having another kid?" I question, not sure I really wanted to open up this can of worms right now, but it felt like the perfect time to start the conversation.

"I'm not sure, I think I would like to have another one. I just don't want to go back to the sleepless nights, but also who knows what our lives are going to look like from here on out other than the fact that we are going to have each other, so it's kind of hard for me to plan anything out."

"What if I were to stay home this time?"

"You mean you want another kid, and you don't want to go back to work?" James pulls away to look at me. I could feel the shift in his demeanor. He was confused, and obviously wasn't expecting me to have that kind of response.

"I'm not saying I want one, I haven't really thought about it. But last night when everyone was talking about it, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to stay home with another baby. I missed out on so much of Hazel's life because I was so busy working. What if that was a mistake?"

"I would never call it a mistake, you were so happy working and that was such a good thing for you. I'm more shocked you are saying you may want to just stay home than I am you saying you might want another kid."

"Well, I wouldn't just be staying home," I add.

"Yeah, that's true, a kid is a lot of work."

"No, that's not what I meant." I pause for a moment, trying to give him time to catch up. "I think I want to start my own editing business. Engage closed completely and everyone lost their jobs. I think if Sienna and I can team up we could really create a much better way of doing things. Why wouldn't it be commissioned-based? Also whose to say we couldn't work from home. Maybe once we get things rolling we can hire some of the other editors from Engage. I don't know, I've been mulling some thoughts over in my head and I really think I should go for it." I watch carefully, looking for any sign that the word vomit was too much for James. So much has changed and here I was throwing yet another curveball in his direction.

"So you want to start your own business so that if we decide to have another kid you will be your own boss and get to work from home and do both the editing thing and the parenting thing?" James rubs his face, pondering what I had just told him.

"Yeah, I think that's exactly what I'm trying to say. It seemed like a great idea when I was talking it over with Sienna."

"So you've already mentioned this idea to her?"

"Not exactly, while we were joking about ways you could improve the system, I was kind of just taking mental notes so I could think about it a little bit more and see if it would even be something that was possible." I push the covers away from me, sitting up in the bed so I could actually turn to look at James. "I feel like we could really pull it off. It'll be hard in the beginning, but once things are up and rolling there's no stopping us."

"I think that's a great idea." James was quick to answer.

"You don't even want to think about it and see if you can pick any holes in my plan." He shakes his head.

"No, I have faith in you, and I know anything you put your mind to will be done to such a high standard that I won't even have to worry about it. My only fear is that even if it's your own business you'll be sucked back into the lifestyle we've been living, where you work all the time and don't have any extra time to hang out with Hazel and I. I hated not seeing you, but was too scared to tell you since I didn't want you to feel bad for working so hard."

"That's the luxury of running my own business. I can stay home and take care of it while I'm also taking care of Hazel and, when you get home, hanging out with you. It's the beauty of the whole thing. I will finally get to have the best of both worlds. It's like everything I've ever wanted." The excitement in my voice causes me to get louder with each word. A shuffling noise comes from the other side of the room. Slapping my hand over my mouth, James and I turn to watch Hazel roll in her pack n play. With bated breath, we wait to see if she is going to wake up.

When she settles back into a sound sleep, we both let out a sigh.

"Maybe we should go talk about this somewhere else." I whisper, bringing my voice back down so as to not disturb her again.

"Yeah, you are probably right. You obviously can't contain your excitement at having another baby with me." James winks, yanking the blankets off of himself and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Don't be so ridiculous." I slap him on the arm. Dragging myself out of bed wasn't easy. My mother's sheets were washed in the most luxurious of fabric softener, making them smell like strawberries and cream and feel like you were sleeping with a cloud. This was one of my favorite parts of Christmas. James and I sneak out of the room and down the hallway to the living area where most of everyone else was up, eagerly waiting to destroy the stack of presents under the tree. My mother tidies up the stockings, passing them to everyone that was already seated and ready to get the Christmas traditions started.

She grabbed a large garbage bag to put in the middle of the room, in hopes that the grandkids would take the extra two seconds to put their wrapping paper in the bag, instead of just tossing it to the side before they lunge for the next present.

"I think you better go wake Hazel up, I don't know if these kids are going to be able to handle waiting any longer." I smile at James. He nods his head, turning back towards our room. I took a seat on the loveseat my mother had moved from the second living room. She wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly against her.

"I'm so glad you guys were able to make it this time. Last year didn't feel the same without you here." I cringe as she reminds me of the work trip I had to take last year. Hazel was only a couple of months old at the time, so we packed up and flew to Europe for the week, while I met with a publishing house that was looking to start running prints for Engage. Funny how so much can change in such a short amount of time.

James soon appears with Hazel. She wipes her eyes, very clearly annoyed at the early wake-up. She was definitely James' child, as he too didn't like to be out of bed before eight.

"If everyone is here and up, then I think it's safe to say we can begin the festivities. Everyone grab your stockings and see what Santa brought you." My mother shouts, her face filled with joy. Enough joy you'd think we had solved all the problems in the world. But Christmas had a wonderful way of doing that, bringing happiness to everything around it.

The kids dove into their stockings, pulling out little knick-knacks and bags of candy. James and I help Hazel pull things out of hers, while also trying to dig around and see what my mother had put in ours. Every year, it amazed me that she could pull this off. She seemed to pay so much attention to details, you'd think she called all the parents to get a detailed list of what the grandkids liked best, but she just spent enough time with each of them she already knew.

Tommy, Dax, and Luca all cheer with every new item they pull out of their stockings, and their father Henry seems pretty stoked on his new cribbage board too. I couldn't help but feel loved as I pull out a few different tubes of chapstick and a bottle of my favorite perfume.

Before we could finish with our stockings, the three boys were already digging through the presents, looking for names on the tags that had their family wrapping paper. Hazel reaches for them, doing a small grunting noise signaling to James and me that she wanted to get down. I place her on the floor and walk over to our stack of presents, grabbing one that had her name on it. I couldn't remember what we had gotten her. James had done most of the shopping himself, and everything else was online orders. I hold it up, looking at James for assurance that any gift was good and they didn't need to be opened in a certain order. He nods in response.

I hand the present to Hazel and watch as her big brown eyes focus on the boys. She carefully copies their movements, ripping the wrapping paper on her gift. She analyzes every single tear, spending more time looking at the carnage than at the gift inside.

"This is why I didn't get her anything too crazy. She's more worried about everything else around her."

"I sure do have a lot to learn for the next one," I whisper back to James. He turns and looks at me, making eye contact just long enough to give me a knowing look.

"Does that mean we are doing that?" He questions, a wide smile forming on his face.

"I don't see why not?" I shrug, realizing how insane I must sound. Two weeks ago, this would have never been on my radar, but now I couldn't be more excited to expand the family once again. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to start my own business. I really think that could be something special." I lean in, cozying up to James. His silence doesn't shock me, he usually likes to take more time to think about things. My mother wanders around, grabbing gifts and passing them out to whomever's name was on the box. She hands a box to James and me, before moving on down the line.

Holding the gift in my hand, I took a moment to look around the room. I truly was so blessed to have the family that I did.

And to think, two weeks ago, I thought my whole world was ending.

But nothing could be better than this.