"You guys should have seen her last night!" James laughs, telling his siblings the story of how I embarrassed myself with the caroling incident.

"I'm going to kill you!" I shout over the mumbling of voices. Feeling the red flush on my skin, leaving a burning trail of embarrassment on my face.

I knew James' family meant no harm in what they were saying. They all thought my mess-up was funny, and maybe one day I could laugh about it too, but as for now, I wanted to forget the horrible event. No one wants to randomly show up on the doorstep of the man that fired you. Especially not doing something embarrassing, like crashing a caroling group. God, why did I ever think that was a good idea?

Jimmy, the oldest of the brothers, sent me a knowing smile, holding his drink in the air in my direction.

"To Nicole, the wildest of all of our wives." He cheers, and the three brothers all burst into laughter. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Not that crazy," I grumble, watching the kids play with a pile of blocks. Samantha and Kallie were twin sisters, just a few years older than Hazel, but they loved letting her play with them every single chance they got. They did their best to show her how to put the blocks together, cheering her on when she would do it right. My heart felt warm watching the three girls play.

"Okay, that's enough talking about us. What's going on in your lives? Huh, Jared, why don't you have any kids yet? You know momma is going to kill us if we don't have any more grandbabies?" James hits his younger brother on the chest, mostly to get his attention and let him know the focus was now on him. Jared shook his head, not sure how to answer. He shrugs, a small smile forming on his face.

"Come on, cat got your tongue. You know you can't be so quiet in an Italian family, right?" Jimmy, the oldest of the three, hits the other side of his chest. They were tag-teaming him, hoping that if they pushed just hard enough, he would actually talk to them. Jared was always quiet though and usually would leave most of the socialization to his wife, Sara.

Sara and Becky were helping in the kitchen, gathering the different things that James' mother would need to finish up the meal. Another family dinner, with a bunch of faces that we would only see a couple of times a year. All friends on Facebook, that should know exactly what is going on in each other's lives and yet it was like a room full of strangers.

That thought was depressing. I didn't like the idea that the only reason my daughter knew her cousins was because of holidays. Maybe we should try a bit harder to be more involved with James' family. But the more I sat and thought about it, the easier it was to just sit on this couch and watch everyone else interact. This wasn't like at my family's house. Everyone felt so loving and just ready to be with one another. Here it felt like the opposite. Everyone was trying to be better than one another.

The kitchen wasn't open to the rest of the rooms in this house, not like it was in my parent's home, or even James and I's home. It was closed off, surrounded by walls. A small sliver of the room was visible through the large stone arch entrance. From where I was sitting in the formal living room, all I could see were dishes piling up on an island, ready to be delivered to the dining room on the opposite side of the kitchen through a matching archway. The walls were a warm cream color compared to our stark white. You'd think that this house would feel more welcoming. Everything was warm. The wood, the stone, the fireplace, the color scheme. Yet it lacks everything that seems more important to me.

The stone was cold, leaving the house cool in the summer, but icy in the winter. The cream color of the wall clashes with the brown color of the couch and the orange hue of the fireplace. But James' parents love it here and built this place to be the exact home they wanted it to be.

I tried to listen to the brothers' conversation once more, not liking how my thoughts were making me feel.

"Yeah, so we are taking on another exchange student from Italy. We are so excited. They should be here just after all the holidays." Jimmy answers, taking a drink of the beer in his hand. James sips his, but he must have not liked whatever concoction his older brother must have come up with this year. James did his best to seem nice and drink the horrid flavors, but it was always a struggle for him. He wasn't a beer drinker in general, let alone a craft beer made in someone's basement.

"Geez, isn't that a lot of work?" Jared, the youngest, pipes in, finally joining their conversation, it seems. I felt like I could relate to him the most. It came off like he didn't belong here either. This was not the atmosphere for him to thrive. He loves his family, but just wants to be left alone with his wife and do his own thing.

After listening for a few more minutes and realizing I didn't care at all about what they were talking about, I decide to leave Hazel with the other girls and see if the ladies needed help in the kitchen.

"Why would you put that there? Come on, we need to move these to the dining room." Martha points to a few dishes, ushering the two other wives to move them. They do as they're told, rushing around to get everything placed just perfectly.

"Oh, finally you come to join us. Welcome to the family." Martha barely looks at me as she speaks. I nod, not sure how to respond to her. She points at a few more dishes. "Dining room please."

Grabbing the plates, I walk them through the hallway and into the dining room as I was told.

I watch as Becky and Sara stand frozen in their tracks, not sure where to place the dishes on the dining table. None of us wanted to mess it up and anger Martha, so all of us stood against the back wall, the rocks digging at our skin.

"She told us to move these here but never told us how she wanted them placed on the table. If we all just put them down, do we risk upsetting her, or do we just stand here and hold them and upset her when she sees ‌we are clueless?" Sara mutters. Her hands appeared to be trembling.

"It's not that serious if she yells at us, whatever." I take a step forward, placing the plates on the table. The other two girls follow suit.

"I just don't want to ruin a family dinner. These are so important to Jimmy," Becky says. I look at her. She had her short brown hair tucked neatly behind her ears, and two bobby pins were placed on each side. I assume to hold the strands away from her face. She wore a fitted blue dress and was more done up than anyone else here. Did Jimmy make her dress up so much, or did she want to wear the restricting outfit? It shows off her curves well, hugging her body in all the right places, but it wasn't that kind of dinner party. Sara and I both wore jeans and nicer blouses.

"How could you ruin a family dinner for a family that barely interacts with each other? It's ruined no matter what happens." I mumble, this time more under my breath.

"How could you say that?" Becky responds, her shock resonating on her face.

"Please, everyone here is just trying to show off for everyone else. There's nothing about just enjoying each other's company. The only people that actually want to be here are the kids? Am I way out of line on this or what?" I search their faces, but there wasn't time for them to answer before Martha came storming into the dining room. She looks at the table and nods, placing the ham right in the middle. She pulls the apron off her waist and waves for us to take our seats.

"Boys! It's time for dinner. Stewart, get down here and cut the ham, please." She shouts, gathering everyone that wasn't already in the room. "Kids, you may sit at the table if you are mature enough to act like adults."

"Momma, Hazel is only a year and a half. She barely even knows what food is, let alone how to eat it properly. Breathe a little, everything looks wonderful." James pops in, carrying Hazel in his arms. She watches the blocks over his shoulder, wishing she was playing with those instead of being stolen away from them. I grab the closest seat and sit down. James takes a seat next to me, but the other two girls wait for their husbands to decide where they are sitting. With Hazel on my lap, I couldn't be bothered to pay any more attention to them.

I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through dinner and ice skating afterwards. James' family spent countless hours building a rink in their backyard every single year, and gathering enough skates for everyone in the family to come and join them. James always felt awful that the family dinner was the only time we would really show up, but no one likes being on edge all the time.

"Alright, while Stewart slices the ham, let's go around the table and give everyone an update and what you are doing, and how work is going for you? Anything exciting or interesting in your life happening?" Martha looks around the table, disapproving that everyone was more focused on the food than what she was saying. She shook her head, turning to James. She places her hand on his and smiles. "Let's start here with James."

"Well, I've been heading back into the office this last week. Nicole has been able to stay home with Hazel, so we've kind of switched roles. It's been an interesting change, but kind of nice." I shook my head, annoyed by his comment. I had no interest in telling them about how I got fired, but I wasn't sure what else to update them on.

"Why has she been able to stay home?" Jimmy asks, licking his lips as he watches his father slice another hefty chunk off the ham.

"I got fired earlier this month, so we decided that if James wanted to, he could go back into the office until I found another job." I mutter, trying to get the words out as quickly as possible.

"Well, why would you bother finding another job? A wife should be with her kids. You've already missed so much." My heart sank as the words left Martha's mouth. I felt like I wanted to be with my kid, but the more everyone threw it in my face, the more I wanted to fight it and force myself to get a job. If it weren't for outside opinions, I might have thought about just staying at home with Hazel for a while, but the judgment of being a mother was too much for me. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

"I love working, and enjoy my career, that doesn't mean I don't love my daughter as well." I grumble.

"Of course it does. You should be soaking in every last second with that baby while she is still a baby. Unless you are planning on having more?" Jimmy fed into his mother's narrative, leaving me to believe my thoughts from earlier even more. There was no way Becky wore that dress because she wanted to.

"Nicole is an amazing mother, and she does so much for our family, if she wants to work I have no problem staying home and working while I get to spend time with Hazel, this has all been a blessing and I'm so thankful for the life we have created." At least James has my back. He reaches over, placing his hand on my knee.

"Oh come on!" Becky interjected.