We spent last night watching Christmas movies until the three of us fell asleep in our fort. None of us were prepared to take it down once we built it. When the morning sun shines through the large living room windows, slowly did we start the stir.

My eyes were still shut, hoping to get just a few more minutes of sleep. Anything that would tide me over for the rest of the day. Turns out sleeping on the floor with a toddler and your husband, on minimal blankets and very few scattered pillows, wasn't good for the spine.

"Oh, my back hurts." James groans, pushing himself up off the floor, knocking his head against the broom we were using as a support beam for our fort ceiling. My eyes shot open, making contact with his. Both of us froze, hoping that the fort wouldn't collapse and Hazel would stay asleep.

Hazel was the only one that looked comfortable. She slept on her stomach with her butt in the air, curled up and sucking her thumb. I wanted to take a photo, but couldn't remember where I had put my phone last night.

Once both James and I felt comfortable that she was sound asleep, we each tried our best to stretch, just enough to wake our muscles up and to climb out from under our cover.

"Okay, note to self. I know last night we talked about having fun as a family every single day, but maybe we make it a twice a week kind of thing." I chuckle, stretching my arms out wide, feeling the muscles pull in my biceps and all the way down my back. Letting out a groan as I release all the tension. "I know we aren't that old, but apparently we are too old to be that spontaneous."

"Yeah, I think you might be a little right." James leans forward, bending at the hips to stretch his own muscles out.

"Do we have any coffee around here?" I felt like I was stumbling, my legs slipping underneath me from the lack of good quality sleep.

"Yeah, top cupboard on the left." James points to the cupboards next to the sink. My mind protests when I see I have to climb on the counter to grab the Folger can.

"Alright, I guess I'll wait." I took a step back. There was no desire in me right now to climb on the counter. I also wasn't walking all the way out to the garage to get the step stool, to grab a tub of coffee and then take the step stool back.

"I got it. Will you just get started on breakfast please?" James asks, jumping up onto the counter with no effort. I nod, dashing over to the fridge, humming Christmas songs and gathering things for breakfast.

•••●•••

James turns the car down another road, driving slowly so we can see all the lights decorating the houses. Glimmering blues and whites danced with red and green figures, scattered through yard after yard.

"Man, this must be one of the best streets yet!" I nearly shout, feeling the excitement of a child building up inside me. It's been forever since I'd gone out to look at lights.

Hazel cheers in the backseat, clapping at all the different colors. At least what she could see from her car seat.

James turns the radio down just slightly, as Blue Christmas quietly plays in the background.

"Looks like they put a lot of effort into that house over there." James points to one at the end of the cul-de-sac.

"Geez, I wonder what their power bill is this month." I said, in shock at the expansive light decoration in front of me. On the roof, they had Santa, with all his reindeer, ready to pull the sled. On the ground were a dozen tiny elves meticulously working on different toys, all glowing against the night sky. They lined the snow with lights that went around the driveway and up to the front porch.

"I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to pay it," James responds. He stares at the house, just as invested in all of their hard work as I was. How did someone have enough time to put up that many lights and spend time with their family? How did they manage to take care of all those lights? I couldn't even manage getting the lights up on my Christmas tree without wanting to have a mental breakdown.

"Could you imagine having to untangle all of those every single year?" I lean forward in my seat, finally taking the seat belt off so that I could get a better look. James pulls the car to the side of the road, placing it in park so we all can look.

"Well yeah, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers you, so I wouldn't have a problem with that, but I couldn't imagine the funds to buy all those lights. You'd have to make sure you take care of them because one short ten-foot strand is like twenty bucks."

"There you go, ruining all the fun with your talks of budgets."

"It's what I do. Can you really blame me?" James smiles, his hand searching for mine. Once our hands meet, he squeezes it a couple of times. I felt closer to James like we were connecting in a way we hadn't in a while. Is this what they warn you about when you have kids? Hazel has added so many amazing things to our life, but was she really the best thing for our relationship? Before Hazel, James and I would go on dates weekly, sometimes twice a week, and now here we were, lucky to get an evening together. Things were easier now that I didn't have a job, and it'd felt good to not have to worry or stress about anything other than keeping Hazel alive all week.

There was a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day when James came home and saw that Hazel and I were okay, and we were doing good things together. A feeling of achievement I never got from editing stories.

"Look, a group of carolers!" I shout, the noise echoing in my ears. "Sorry, that was a little overdramatic." I place my hand over my mouth in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I didn't know they still did that. It always felt so awkward and weird in the movies." James shook his head, putting his seatbelt back on.

"No, I don't want to leave just yet. I want to go join them." Caroling was just another one of those Christmas traditions that seemed to be in almost every single movie you watched, and yet no one ever really does it in person.

"You want to do what?" James turns to me, almost as shocked as when he found out I had gotten fired.

"I want to go and join them. You know, like in the movies?"

"You are insane, you know that, right?" James shook his head, obviously not interested in my idea of randomly joining a group of carolers. "You're telling me you want to run up there and just join them while they sing on strangers' doorsteps? You hate singing and let's be honest, you aren't very good at it either."

"That's exactly what I'm saying, and don't be rude. I may not be a superstar, but I'm not so bad that I would make someone's ears bleed. I want to help spread joy to everyone."

"What if they are singing super depressing songs, or you don't know the words?" James pointed toward the carolers. The family stood awkwardly at the door, waiting for the song to end. The mother seemed to put a fake smile on her face, trying her best to be polite. Nothing about it looked like they were spreading joy. But maybe that was the point. It was so awkward for that family to stand there and interact with someone because there was no cellphone to stand behind for protection. No screen in sight, just genuine human interaction. I loved it.

"Why would they sing depressing songs, and I'll wait in the bushes until I hear them singing something that I know and can join in on?" I shrug, seemingly having a plan for every outcome.

"You are insane, and I don't think you could actually do it. You'd get too shy and you know it." I couldn't tell if James was trying to egg me on, or if he really thought I couldn't do it. My hand drifts to the door handle, surveying the group. They seem to be almost done with this song, and I would have to time it perfectly. "Are you really going to do it?" Confusion shot through the car. James shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Yeah, I am." I held my position, watching as the group thank the homeowners, turning to walk down the sidewalk towards the house with all the fancy lights. This was my chance to be a girl like in the movies.

"Okay, fine, you are weird, but I'm going to leave the car running so that we can get out of here quickly when you embarrass yourself." James didn't seem as reassuring as I had hoped he would, but it didn't matter. I had already made my decision.

Once the group of singers was walking up the steps of the fully lit house, I opened the car door. Slowly getting out of it. I sneak across the sidewalk to hide behind a bunch of bushes, waiting for the homeowner to answer the door. I didn't want to rush up there and then awkwardly stand around with them for a while. I needed to wait until they start singing. The homeowner finally answers the door, cheering at the sight of carolers on their stoop.

"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas.." I heard the carolers start to sing and knew it was my chance to join in.

I ran-up to the group of carolers at the house, joining in flawlessly with the song. Nerves shoot through my body like lightning, as anxiety bubbles up in my stomach. The group almost didn't even notice someone else had joined them. They were so focused on the song they sang ‌ they didn't even bother looking over. The only thing that gave it away was the family standing at the front door, turning to look at me in horror. Except one face was familiar, the husband standing there awkwardly, holding his wife close to him like he knew he was supposed to do. He was none other than my old boss. The man that had fired me over a week ago now.

Suddenly the words weren't there anymore, and I couldn't remember what we were singing. Songs begin to jumble in my head, and I found myself wanting to repeat lines that shouldn't be repeated. I'd lost every sense of the song and needed to get out of here. I was thankful that James had stayed in the car with Hazel because we would need to go quickly. He was right. This was a stupid idea.

But instead of running, I stood there like a deer in headlights, standing just long enough to take the situation from bad to worse.

"Who are you?" The carolers stop, looking at me with confusion. I stumble backward, not sure what to say.

"Sorry, I just wanted to join in. Have a Merry Christmas," I mutter, tumbling backward, nearly falling down the hill as I rush for the car. In the window I can see James laughing. He was laughing so hard he was almost crying, bent over, leaning his head against the steering wheel.

"It's not funny," I mutter, as I open the car door, diving into my seat, placing my seatbelt on, and begging James to hit the gas.

"I told you not to do it." He smiles, putting the car in drive and pulling out of the cul-de-sac.

"You don't realize how bad that actually was, James," I mutter, my voice trembling like I had just seen a ghost. The houses drift past us, but James wasn't driving nearly fast enough to get me out of my nightmare.

"Why was it so bad? Because they noticed you? I think that's hardly a bad thing. What did you expect to happen?" He gripped the steering wheel, looking extra hard for pedestrians as we came to a stop.

"That was my boss's house. Oh god, I thought they lived up on the hill. I didn't realize he lived down here by our house. I hadn't seen him since he fired me, but oh boy, did he recognize me. That went from me just trying to join in on a caroling group, to being recognized by the man that ruined my Christmas."

"Wait, are you serious?" James started laughing even harder now, throwing his head back while we were still stopped.

"Yes! Now let's get out of here, please."