"Come on Nicole, we are going to be late if you don't hurry!" James shouts from the bottom of the stairs. Noises crash through the kitchen from what I assume was Hazel making one last mess before we leave.

"Oh Hazel, no, please don't get into that." James confirms my thoughts with the sound of panic in his voice.

"See, he doesn't know what he is talking about. I've been around plenty to know our daughter." I mumble to myself. Placing my mascara down on the counter. I took one more look at my appearance. I wasn't ready to face my family today, and I definitely didn't want to tell them about how I was a failure.

James seemed happy over the news, but would my parents, who paid to put me through college, feel the same way when they find out it was all a waste?

My pale blue eyes were red and blotchy from crying last night. No amount of concealer would hide the distress on my face. I had swollen cheeks from rubbing my tears away, my lips dry from the release of moisture. The long loose curls still clung to my dark hair, so I did my best to run my fingers through it, picking apart any knots that may have formed overnight. I didn't have the energy to redo anything with my appearance, so it was all about maintenance for the day.

"Nicole, are you coming?" James shouts once more from downstairs. This time a little softer, like he was actually concerned and not just reminding me I've been taking too long.

"Yes." I shout back. I quickly swipe on some peach lipstick before leaving the bathroom all together.

"There you are." James smiles, throwing his arms out to his sides when I finally come down the stairs.

"Here I am."

"I'm going to put Hazel in the car, and then we can be on our way." He nods, picking up our daughter.

"No, let me do it." James shoots me a look, putting our daughter back on the ground. Hazel looks up at him in confusion.

"Be my guest." He waves towards her, taking a step back from the both of us.

I wasn't sure what had come over me, but I didn't like the feeling of my husband thinking I wasn't a good mother. Sure, he didn't say it in those exact words, but I could feel that it was what he really wanted to say. All I wanted was for everyone to be proud of me.

I wanted them to know I had a wonderful job, a fantastic family, and everything else you could ever want. Yet I was failing at all three things. Last night, while I sat in my office thinking about the last six years of my life, James's words echoed in my head.

'This is great news.' How could someone getting fired ever be great news? I was still so shocked by the events of yesterday, and confused about how my husband handled it.

But while my husband was ecstatic about the news, it brought up a whole different issue. He thought I wanted no part of my daughter's life. How could I not want to be a part of Hazel's life?

I pick her up, heading through the kitchen and back into the garage to put her in the car. The door would barely open, making it hard to squeeze into the car, but once it was open, I set her on the seat so she could climb over to her chair.

"We really need to clean this garage out." I grumble, pushing a pile of boxes out of the way with my foot.

"One of the many other things I wish we had time to do together." James gripes in response.

"Okay Hazel, buckle up." I smile, watching as she plops into her seat. She looks at me in confusion, holding her arms out in front of her. "No baby, you need to buckle your seat belt so we can go to grandma's house."

"Gra-ma" Hazel beams, her mouth opening wide to show a row of shiny new teeth.

"Everything okay back there?" James asks, taking his place in the driver's seat, his fingers thumping against the steering wheel with a lack of patience.

"Yes, all good back here, just trying to get Hazel to buckle up so we can go." I groan, the pile of boxes had shifted back into my calf, and the seat belt clip was digging into my side while I tried to reach the middle of the car.

"Wait, are you trying to get her to do it by herself?" James shoots around in his seat, panic flooding his face as he casts his judgemental eyes on me.

"Yeah, she's almost two, shouldn't she be able to do that by now?" Finally my annoyance with the box was too much, using my boot I kick it out of the way, as the car door lurches open before closing even harder on my shin. I bit my lip to stop myself from howling out in pain.

Hazel giggles, clapping her hands at my dramatics.

"Momma!" she shouts, waving her hands in the air, while tears start to form in my eyes again.

"Here, let me do it. She can't buckle herself in, and no, she isn't almost two, she's only fifteen months, that's a lot of time for her to learn new things." James seems annoyed as he easily slides from his seat, walking around the other side of the car, flinging the door open, nearly hitting my car next to him. "Come on, sweetheart." He whispers, pulling her arms through the straps and buckling all the clips. After checking to make sure they are tight, he glances at me again.

"Now let's go."

I squeeze out of the back seat, trying my best not to injure myself or knock anything over. My ego was shot and my husband thought I was incompetent. What has my life become?

•••●•••

"We are here!" I shout, after one of the most awkward car rides of my life. The silence was deafening and the cool winter snow made it even more depressing. You'd think with only fifteen days' til Christmas, things would be a little warmer between James and I.

"Oh Nicole, my baby!" My mother, a short Italian woman, came rushing around the kitchen island. She had her festive apron on and in typical fashion it was covered in egg, flour, and plenty of other unknown goops. I lean in for a hug, not worried about getting any of the mess on my clothes.

"Hi Rosa," James smiles, giving my mother a half hug, as he sets Hazel down and places her diaper bag by the front door.

"Now give me my grand baby. It's good to see you guys, but she's what I'm really after." My mother looks down at Hazel, lowering her body while holding out her hands. "I'm going to get you!" She shouts, chasing after Hazel as she takes off around the counter to avoid the tickle fingers my mother was making.

"Look who finally decided to show up!" My sister Natalie joins the party, wrapping her arms around me. She wore a long green dress that stopped above her ankles, black boots to keep her feet warm, and a leather jacket to match the one I had thrown on this morning.

"Looks like some things never change." I chuckle, tugging at her jacket with one hand while grabbing mine with the other.

"I guess not." Natalie smiles.

Three kids followed her, joining in on the giggles between Hazel and my mother. They all piled on top of her, nearly toppling her over. I looked around the kitchen, my childhood home still so full of memories. Photos of all the fun things we did over the years, lined every open space on the wall. I thought back to our own house, realizing we didn't have a single picture on the wall other than our family portrait tucked back in the corner of our living room. A photo we took only because I happened to have the day off, and my mother wouldn't stop complaining about not having one.

I search the photos on her walls, looking for where she had hung it up. It had to be here somewhere.

"So, how is the job going?" Natalie pulls me out of my thoughts.

"It's good." I mumble, not really sure how to answer the question. I hated lying to my sister, especially looking at all these photos of us. We've always been so close. Before I'd gotten married, she would have been my first phone call. I wouldn't have even made it home before calling her to cry about how unfair the world was.

But she was married now and so was I, and each with our own families. We were still just as close but slowly a phone call on the drive home, became a text at the end of the day, which then became an update at the end of the week.

We were just naturally drifting into our own little worlds.

"That's good to hear. Henry just got a promotion." A pang of jealousy shot through my body.

"Oh, that's fantastic news." I tried my best to fake a smile, but the dagger of Henry getting a promotion hit me harder than I expected.

"Mommy, I need help." Dax, the youngest of Natalie's three boys, ran up, tugging at her jacket, while holding his hand on his pants. He bounces feverishly, like he was panicking.

"Oh okay sweetie, let's get you to the bathroom." Natalie was quick to leave, tugging her child along behind her rapidly.

The house was full of sounds, kids laughing and shouting, sizzling of pots and pans, muted conversations as everyone mingled. A low Christmas song was playing in the background. This is what the holidays used to feel like, and though my world was nowhere near this warm, it was good to be able to bask in the heat for just a moment.

It was at that moment that I notice our family photo on the wall. It was right next to the front door, hung above the couch that guests would sit on when they pop by just for a quick ten-minute chat that would then last hours.

Ours was the most outdated.

Natalie had a fresh one from earlier this year, with all the kids looking perfect and Henry so proud to be by her side. Our photo was from when Hazel was just first born, my cheeks were still puffy, and I had about fifteen too many pounds. Shaking my head, I plop down on the couch, watching everyone celebrate around me.

"What's wrong with you?" My mother questions from the kitchen, only about twenty feet away from me. The whole living room and kitchen were open, leaving the space with little to no privacy.

"Nothing is wrong with me."

"Then why aren't you out there talking to everyone? You love spending time with your family." My mother's questioning gaze causes me to squirm in my skin.

"Just not feeling the best. Thought I'd take a little breather over here." I replied.

"What's wrong?" She knew something was up, in a way that only a mother could. At least, how a mother should. Would I be able to do the same with Hazel when she gets a little older?

"Mom, I got fired." I finally broke. I couldn't handle her stare any longer. I was never good at lying to my family.

Everyone else joins us in the living room. My mother is still leaning against the edge of the kitchen Island. Everyone's beady eyes were watching me with confusion. Burning tiny holes in my skin, just waiting for either James or I to yell 'just kidding' but neither of us were going to.

"You what?"

I look at James, a slight chuckle forming in the back of my throat, considering my mother responded the exact same way my husband had yesterday.

"Budget cuts." I shrug.

"But you were the best and most well-known editor they've had. Why would they fire you, of all people?" I didn't know how to answer her question. While unraveling all the emotions myself, I realize it would have sucked for any of the editors to be fired. Everyone that works there is talented, and if it wasn't me, it would have been one of my friends.

"And this close to Christmas?" Natalie threw her hands over her mouth in shock.