"Are you sure you can handle it?" James questions, reluctant to leave the house by himself.

"Yes, I'm her mother. I can spend the day with her while you go into the office and work. You wanted me to spend more time at home with her. That's what I'm trying to do. And anyway, if it makes you feel better, we are probably going to my mother's house, so she can play with Dax." I say.

"And you've got my number in case anything happens or you have any questions?"

"Holy shit, you sound like I'm the babysitter that's never done this before. Go to work. We will get it figured out." James was frustrating me with his lack of confidence in my parenting abilities. It seems like we just couldn't get on the same page.

"Okay, fine, but please call me if you need anything. I can always come home. Most of my work can be done from here, anyway."

"Go please, enjoy a nice day working from the office. We will see you tonight for dinner." I shook my head, placing my hand on James's shoulder.

"I love you." James sighs.

"I love you too."

After a quick kiss on the lips, and a couple more hugs and exchanged glances between Hazel and James, he was finally gone.

"Are you ready to go do some shopping today?" I tickled Hazel, her tiny body scrunching forward to get away from my fingers, little giggles escaping her lips.

"Uhhmm," She nods, so proud of her response.

"Alright let's go get dressed then."

•••●•••

Hazel sat patiently in the child basket on the shopping cart. Her tiny blue dress falling in a clumped up mess around her.

"Thank goodness I put shorts on you or else you'd be showing the entire world your diaper." I tease. Hazel bobs slightly in the cart, holding onto the same handle I am. Her tiny feet were kicking with excitement.

"We need to find a good gift for your dad. Your mom isn't very good at this, and normally she'd go out on Christmas eve to find something, but it seems this year I have more time on my hands than expected."

Hazel shakes her head no, and I can only assume she's agreeing with me that I'm not very good at this kind of stuff.

Christmas music echoes in the background, adding a sense of cheer to my mood. Today felt like it was going to be a good day. The store wasn't nearly as busy as it was when I'd get my shopping done, which made it nice to be able to breathe.

I twist the cart back and forth, weaving it through the aisles. Hazel drifts from side to side, laughing with each turn.

"Here we are!" I nearly shout, a little louder than I had intended to. I look around, checking to see if anyone noticed me talking to my toddler. Heat rose to my cheeks when I made eye contact with a younger girl across the store.

Hazel throws her hands in the air and makes some sort of noise that imitates a 'yay' sound, then bringing her hands together to start clapping.

I smile as I watch her, my heart melting as her blue eyes search the shelf. James put her hair in the cutest pigtails before leaving, and I assume that's only because he thought I couldn't do it.

She points to a book about baseball, reaching as far as she can from where she is sitting.

"Oh, no, honey. Your dad doesn't even like baseball." I mutter, pushing her back against the seat.

Hazel whips her hands about, flailing them in every direction possible, until they make contact with my arm.

"No, do not hit me." I said.

"No!" Hazel shouts, reaching for the book again.

I push the cart further into the aisle trying to avoid the situation. Hazel groans, hitting the cart and kicking her legs more aggressively now.

"Hazel, you need to calm down. We haven't even been here for ten whole minutes." I let out a sigh, trying to take a deep breath.

"No. No. No!" Hazel continues to shout, getting more and more frustrated by the second.

At this point, I was getting angry as well, so I decide to head to another aisle. All we needed to do was find a gift for James and we could leave, and if we still had enough time, we would be able to head to my mother's house before nap time.

The next aisle had more sports like things, which would not help me either, as James didn't care for sports. He was into old movies and spending time with his family. How was I supposed to buy a gift for someone who just wanted to spend time with his family?

Skipping a few more aisles, I finally find the card and board games. Maybe there would be something here. I push the cart about halfway down the aisle.

I turn to look at a few of the board games closer to the end. Did we already have these, though? I couldn't remember what games we had and didn't have. It's been so long since we've actually sat down and played games together. A grunting noise leaves the cart, and I turn just in time to see Hazel nearly fall out of the child's seat. I lunge forward, catching her at the last second as the cart goes flying down the rest of the aisle.

Hazel immediately starts screaming from the startling experience while my heart teases with the idea of exploding.

"You are okay, sweetie," I whisper, holding her close to my chest. My fingers were trembling as I brush them along the back of her head.

I didn't notice I had sunk to the ground, sitting on the floor with my baby crying in my arms. No one got hurt. Everyone was just in a panic. I stood up, grabbing the shopping cart from the middle of the floor, pulling it closer to me. That was way too close for comfort. I opted to just carry Hazel instead of risking that again.

Hazel threw her head back screaming a blood-curdling scream that left me wondering if maybe I had hit her against something, or if she hit something before I caught her.

"Are you hurt?" I ask, pulling her away from me to inspect her tiny little body. She shakes her head no, pushing away from me.

"Is everything okay here?" A stranger peers around the edge of the aisle, looking at the mess that is Hazel and me. I nod my head.

"Yes, we are fine, just had a little bit of a scare."

The woman heads down the aisle, stopping right next to us, staring down at my daughter. "Is she hurt?"

Her short curly hair was pinned tightly to her head, and the floral dress she wore showed none of her figure, making her look larger than she possibly was. She couldn't have been any younger than sixty, just someone's grandma wandering around the store.

"No, she is not hurt. She is just scared." I nearly growl at the lady, willing her to just leave us alone. Embarrassment floods through my body, leaving my cheeks burning, and turning red to show everyone how I was feeling.

"Oh poor baby, don't worry. I assume your mother will be home from work soon and the babysitter will give you back." The older woman leaned forward, talking directly to my daughter.

"I am her mother!" I nearly snap, grabbing Hazel, placing her in the main basket of the cart, and heading towards the front of the store. James' Christmas gift would have to wait until another day. My blood was boiling. How could that woman just assume I wasn't her mother? What would give her such a stupid idea? And why would she feel the need to tell me like that?

I took a moment to recollect myself in the parking lot after I made sure Hazel was safe in her car seat. James showed me on the way home from my mother's house on Saturday. I wanted to break down and cry, but I didn't want to do that in front of Hazel. Was I really such a clueless mother that I didn't know how to handle or be around my own child? Hazel calmed down as soon as we left the store, putting on the same cheery face she had when we had started our journey initially. I glance at the time.

"Well kiddo, there are only twenty or so minutes until you are supposed to be down for your nap, so we might as well just head home," I mumble, talking to no one in particular. I look at Hazel in the rear-view mirror, watching her reflection in her car seat mirror. She nods, eagerly awaiting me to move the car. "Your wish is my command."

•••●•••

"How did it go today?" James asks, dropping his things by the front door, and crouching down for a hug from Hazel. I shook my head, not sure where to start. After we had gotten home, things were better with the dramatics, but everything was still a reminder that I didn't know my daughter. I had no clue what to make her for lunch, or what she could eat. When to give her a bottle, or even how to put her down for a nap. James had written very detailed notes for every step of our day, but none of that came naturally, and I felt like I was drowning the whole time.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Hazel shouts, jumping up and down with excitement.

"Oh Hazel-nut, I missed you. Let's go get you off to bed, though, so you aren't too cranky tomorrow." James picks her up, gives me a quick hug, and takes her up the stairs to put her to bed. I glance around the living room and kitchen, realizing our mess from both places was still loud and proud. I had cleaned nothing all day, and the house looked like a tornado had destroyed it. While I wait for James to come back downstairs, I tidy up the living room, and put the dishes away in the kitchen.

"She's exhausted. Did she take her nap today?" James startles me as he pops around the corner to the kitchen. I nod, not sure what to say. She did take her nap, but did she start it an hour later than she should have...yes? It took me longer than I had expected to get her ready for her nap and by the time we sat down, she was overly tired and fought me every step of the way.

"Yes." I mumble, not wanting to look at James.

"Nicole, what's wrong?" He asks, walking around the table to put his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm a failure of a mother." I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They pour out of my eyes like rushing rivers, my lip quivering every time my body hiccups.

"No, you are not. Was it really that bad?" James pulls me into his chest, very much like I tried to do with Hazel earlier at the store. He kisses my temple, rubbing my back as he holds me tight.

"I have no idea who our daughter is. I have no idea who you are. Everything else went away because I allowed myself to get so deep into my work. I have no clue who I am without editing, and I realize that now. So much time wasted caring about things other than what really mattered. A not so nice older woman told Hazel today that her mother would be home soon and that her babysitter would give her back." I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath. "You don't have any faith in me. My mother texted me multiple times today, and even strangers at the grocery store can tell that I have no clue what I'm doing."

"You should have seen me when I first started taking care of her, when you went back to work. I had no clue how either of us were going to survive."

"But you are so perfect with her now." I mumble.

"You will get it figured out too."