"You're fired."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"What?" The word drifts out in a whisper. The mood is heavy in my boss's office. I guess I should say ex-boss.

"I'm sorry. This year has been hard, and we just can't afford to keep everyone onboard anymore." He folds his hands on the desk in front of him. It felt as if he was willing me to just stand up and leave. No questions asked, and no concern about how I was going to break the news to my husband. How would we afford our bills?

"But it's two weeks before Christmas!" The air felt like it was leaving the room. My lungs begging for oxygen but failing to gulp enough to suffice their need. His face was stuck in a scowl, like a statue made of stone. Had he blinked since I'd been in here?

My eyes wander the room, taking in the lack of details. Spread across David's desk was a notepad, a pen tucked neatly into the spine, a plain black mouse pad. His coffee cup was next to his keyboard and a small bowl of paperclips in the desk's corner. There was no personality, and nothing to show that David has any emotions or does any work here.

"Once again, I'm sorry." It didn't matter how many times he apologizes, it didn't feel like he meant it. I couldn't help but feel anger boil up in my throat at the thought of the nice mansion he would go back to this evening. Not a single thing changed in his life. Did he even care about what he was doing? Was this just another task on his to-do list?

"After everything I've done for this company, I'm the one you are choosing to fire? I've been here for over six years. I've worked harder than anyone else out there to make sure everything is perfectly done, and this is the thanks I get?" The words spill out with a venom even I didn't know I could spew. Before I could think about what I had said, it was too late. Had he even acknowledged the person sitting across from him?

"It's an unfortunate thing, and I understand it's at a difficult time, but Nicole, take the chance to spend some time with your family. The hours you have worked over the years have been more than enough for any person. You could use the break." Unfolding his hands, he leans back in his chair. Grabbing the mouse to his computer, closing himself off from the conversation in hopes I would get the hint and hit the road. "Please clean out your desk. Today will be your last day."

There was no warning that this was how today was going to go. I turn to look out the window. The sun kisses the trees, melting the top layer of ‌snow. Cars fill the road, their tires pushing through slush from the storm three days ago. They were probably other employees heading for food during their lunch breaks.

"I thought the editors were going to be safe in the budget cuts. Everything is online now. You don't need so many print people still on the line." I growl, feeling the anger peek inside of me. He really didn't care, but a sense of guilt washes over me. Did I really just throw the print people under the bus? Even if they were facing the same fate.

"We thought so too, but a few of them will be in my office here shortly. I understand this is hard for you, but it's just as stressful on me as well. Now please, Nicole, go clean out your desk."

"Yeah, just as hard on you." My voice was low. He had no reason to say such insensitive things. I want to scream, to throw as many fists in his direction as I could. That wouldn't change anything, though. Engage magazine was getting rid of one of its most senior editors.

I close the door behind me, shaking my head as I head towards my office. The room felt empty, and that was before I took any of the decorations down. I grab one of the stereotypical boxes seen on every single TV show. Ironically, they were actually good at holding things, and quite useful in this situation.

"Just as hard for him, pah-lease." I grumble to myself, slowly placing each item into the box. Things like family photos, boxes of pencils, the small pot of flowers I got for my five-year anniversary. It all just seems so sad once put into its cardboard prison.

"Nicole, what's going on here?" Sienna asks, nearly startling me.

"I got fired." It wasn't easy telling her. The words felt like poison on my tongue. If it was this hard to tell an office friend, then how difficult would it be to tell my husband? He was going to freak out at the thought of living on a single income until I can find another job.

"No, that's insane!" Her hands shot up to her mouth, covering the gasp threatening to escape her lips. Sienna took a few steps towards my desk, running her fingers along the edge of the wood. "Did he tell you why?"

"Budget cuts, so if I were you I'd start looking for another job just in case. He said a few more people were getting the boot today." I knew I shouldn't have said that. I didn't want to freak her out anymore than she already was, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. The filter I'd normally have on at work was long gone the second I heard those words.

"What! Oh no, I wonder who else might get fired. I don't have any meetings with him today so I would hope that means I'm good. Oh no, I'm sorry, that's so insensitive." Her hands move from her mouth to the side of her face, cupping her cheeks in embarrassment. "So close to Christmas, too. Isn't that just awful? You'd think the company could hold off a few weeks and let people enjoy the holidays."

I took a seat In my chair, taking a deep breath. Sienna's long, curly, dark hair was on the top of her head in a bun. Tendrils of curls spill out of her hair tie. She wore dark lipstick matching the freckles speckled across her face. Her bold eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She fiddles with the sleeves of her deep red velvet top, one of her favorites around this time of year.

"There's no good time to fire someone. Everyone always has something going on." I place my hand on my forehead, trying to rub some of the stress away, wracking my brain for the words to explain this to James.

"Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help." Sienna was a sweetheart and always made the work day better. Nerves shoot through my body as sadness settles in. When would I see Sienna again, if not at work? Would we run into each other in town, or drift away like passing ships in the night?

"I just want you to enjoy your holiday." I smile, trying my best to sound convincing. All I could do now was hope she wasn't getting fired today, as well.

It didn't take long to gather my things from my office. There wasn't much there, as normally I brought my work home with me. The few things that were in my office fit neatly into the box.

On my way out, I stop for a moment, looking at the square building decorated in tiles of different shades of browns, giving it a modern feel with an eclectic twist. Shrubs surround the edge, creating a covered pathway to the entrance. Large windows tower the building, revealing the different levels of the editorial industry.

Finally, reality was setting in that things were about to change.

The drive home was no different. It was something I had done hundreds of times and could pretty much do it in my sleep. But the nerves of telling my husband about our financial situation left me unsettled, and those emotions grew more prominent when I turn onto the street with our home at the end of the road.

When my keys hit the counter in their usual clank, both my husband and daughter came rushing around the corner to greet me. James and Hazel both run at me like the speed of light, wrapping their arms around my body, nearly knocking me over.

"Oh my gosh guys, I'm so happy to see you two!" The words felt so natural to say. Even if I wasn't happy at the moment, they brightened my mood.

"How was work, babe?" James leans forward, giving me a kiss on the cheek. Heat takes over where his lips once were.

"Hazel-nut, why don't you go play with some toys? I need to talk to your dad about something, sweetheart." I crouch down, putting myself on her level. Her short, dark hair fell around her face. Her tiny hands desperately swat it away from her eyes. She would need a haircut soon. She nods, a toothy grin filling her face. Giving me one more big hug before running off to the living room to play with some toys.

"What's up?" James questions, looking at me with a concern in his chocolate eyes. I didn't know where to start, but I knew I couldn't delay it any longer. Time seems to slow down, allowing me ample time to watch James's face twist, waiting for the news.

"Come help me grab my things out of the car, please..." I pause, kicking the ground. "I got fired today, so I had to clean out my office."

"You what?" James's voice rose. Even if it was just a little, it was enough to notice that he was just as shocked as I had been earlier today.

"Yep, they pulled me into the office before my lunch break so they could let me know that this would be my last day. After that I had to clean out my office, which wasn't really much stuff, and hand in all my keys. I'm supposed to drop off my work laptop in a few days. If they don't have it by the middle of next week, they are going to hard reset it remotely."

"If they hard reset it, doesn't that mean you just get a free laptop?" James always did his best to find some humor in a situation, or even to highlight any good there was.

"Nope, the money for it comes out of my last paycheck if I don't get it handed in." The lump in my throat was growing as I wait for him to tell me everything would be okay, or yell at me about how bad this was. I could feel the tears building up. I was finally reaching a point where the news had settled in enough that I was ready to cry. James' reaction could be the blow that breaks the dam inside of me.

"Is this the only box?" James asks, holding the truck open. I nod, moving out of his way so he could carry it into the house for me without stumbling over any of our garage clutter.

"Yeah, most of my stuff is here in the home office, anyway. When we shut down and switched to working remotely, I just moved everything over and never moved it back."

"I guess that makes moving everything out easier for you." James smiles, holding the box out in front of him. I grab it from him, balancing it on my hip. A fog takes over my mind. Leaving me dazed from emotional overload stumbling under the weight of the world.

"Why do you seem so happy about this? I mean, you always seem happy, but right now you are smiling, not at all worried about how we are going to pay for Christmas. You do realize that it's only two weeks away, right? It's already the ninth!"

"Because this couldn't have been better news, but I understand you are upset about it, so I'm trying to be sensitive to what you are feeling." How could any of this be a good thing?

"What do you mean? How is this good? How is this the news you wanted to hear?" I look around the room, searching for somewhere to drop the box of things. It was growing heavy and I would need to put it down soon. This room felt like it, too, was lacking oxygen.

"Nicole, we've barely seen you over the last six years. Between holidays and daycare, or even working from home so I can watch her, I've done everything for Hazel. I've been the sole parent for years, and that's not what I thought was going to happen. I love that you love your career, and I'm so happy you have it, or at least had it, but maybe it'd be a good thing for you to step back and see what you have been missing?" James shrugs, heading towards the living room to sit on the floor with Hazel.

"You don't know what you are talking about." I mutter in response, but the ache in my arms reminds me I need to put the box down. The best place to do that would be my office. I turn on my heel, storming away from this conversation. The further down the hallway I got, the less I could hear their voices.

Standing in my home office left me feeling more heartbroken than I had expected. James's words helped very little with that.

Awards line a shelf near the top of the wall behind my desk. My favorite articles that I had edited were in frames and hung underneath it. Long spindly plants fell, outline all of my honors. Everything I had achieved felt like they tossed it away. Wasted accomplishments over the last six years.

For the first time in my entire life, I had no clue what I was supposed to do next.