9th August 2021

I went to the hospital once again for my third appointment with the psychiatrist. It was normal. I a bit argued when he said that my diagnosis may not be true cause I was diagnosed really early and I'm under 18 although he knows literally nothing about me and is not a DID specialist. I told him that I didn't think he knew much about DID and he agreed. Then why do you try to invalidate my diagnosis? I don't get it.

A few days back, I mentioned that I was raped to the parents. They didn't believe me at first and wanted physical examination to learn whether I'm virgin or not. I was gonna be examined but then we learned virginity tests have no scientifical back-ups to them. I think they no longer will want me to be examined since the tests are not reliable. I'm not so sure yet it seems like they won't make me take the test. Plus my little brother's psychologist who is a DID specialist validated me and I explained things better to the parents later on. Not the father but the mother is pretty much convinced that the rapes actually happened. The father hasn't yet accepted it and that's quite normal I think. It's really hard on him.

And... Well, I decided to move back in with the parents since they are now really supportive of me and aren't actually harmful to my system. I do love living alone but it is hard and I thought if I don't have to work and do chores I may have more time to spare for my healing. This seemed like a good idea.

Everything goes smoothly lately but I have a bad feeling inside. I dont know what causes it but am scared and ashamed. I think... It may be because I am ashamed that people know I've lost my virginity and scared those men will somehow find me and make me pay for I didn't keep our little secret. Huh... Those feelings shall fade away I suppose. I just need some time, that's all.

...

Set your goals high, and don't stop till you get there.
–Bo Jackson