26th July 2021

Huh... Am trying to remain calm and not go insane. Haha...

Today I went to the hospital again, for an appointment, it was the second appointment I had in the hospital.

They have been lingering over me being admitted. It's been weeks you know. They don't know that I have alters who try to kill me, and some others who wish to kill other people, am not even mentioning the ones who basically lost their minds. They don't know it. And I can't say it. Am scared. The whole system has been doing their bests to keep the dangerous parts inside but I don't know how much longer we can hold it up. Am tired.

I can't talk to my own psychologist who knows all the stuff and I feel like she has given up on me. As if I'm a hopeless case.

I will get through it. I know it. I will rise above it. Am sure of it. I just... Can't seem to get help. And am trying to play strong. I'm hiding things, pretend to be fine. They don't know I'm having nightmares every single night. They don't know I was raped for tens of times. They don't know it. They don't know!..

Alright. I'll keep my head up. Promise.

If they are not helping, then I'm doing things on my own.

...

Well, I have applied for jobs to several companies. I hope I'll be able to find a job soon. And I hope that the trial which will make me independent from the parents will be over soon.

Huh... I'm looking forward to my new life which wont be quite easy.