10th July 2021

They had sent me back to the family house -I normally don't live with them 'cause they do harm my system.- till I'm admitted to a hospital... Was certainly not the best decision and my psychiatrist was strongly against of it yet... Well. I've been staying with them since a while.

Hm... Something was going on today, so I thought it would be better if I were to be taken to a hospital. So... I was taken to one.

Once I got off the car which took me to the hospital I passed out. When I was back to my consciousness, it didn't take long, I couldn't walk or even feel my legs in the first place. After some while, I was able to walk again and was brought to the emergency room.

In there, they wanted to do something to me that I didn't want them to. So... I ran away. Again.

Now... It's almost 1 a.m., am swinging back and forth on a swing in a playground which is in the middle of nowhere. I feel calm. And better than once I was in that hospital.

...

On the way back to the house.

...

Am not home but am at the parents' house. Safe and sound. I cooked a feast once I was back here and enjoyed it very well. Then slept for some.

I feel extremely tired. And... Little bit scared that I won't make it till I'm admitted to a hospital for a proper stay. My mind has been running wild and I can't do much about it. I remain calm though, I try my best to do so. If I don't, it is most likely to be my end by means of death or losing my sanity.

...

I really wish I could understand what's actually going on with me.

...

Everything will be okay, I whisper to myself.

Don't worry, its alright, I pet my head.

Smile, you are strong, I repeat everyday.

Still I dont know if it'll be okay someday.

-ibreathe