After coming down from heroin , Abhimanyu was checking Raina's fan twitter account. Latest post was a lyric video for the song 'So Far Away' from her album "Love on the Brain'. He clicked on the the video posted a few minutes ago, and it started,

I'm a million miles away from anywhere
Slide my hands across the sheets
Pretend you're there
But missing you is a slow burn
Every time the Earth turns
I'm reminded that night is only half the time  

Every day is a heartache and every night I lie awake  

Even when I'm hurting I know that this is worth it
Tell me it'll be alright
Gotta give me something to get me through the nothing
One more night  

Kiss me like the world is gonna disappear
Oh, I-I-I got you and I-I can get through
Anything as long as I can see your face

Right now you're so far away, so far away
So far away, so far away  

        She was not in the video. It was pictured on some other artists. It showed a man and a girl in their essentials having intimate moments. And it got him go back in his mind to the time when they were not so far away, but very very intimate, very close. Memory lanes that he walked down often.

          'One more night,' he said the line from song in his head as he remembered his first night with her. What happened that night happened in a wham. He had never intended to do that. It just happened. She looked so beautiful that night that his eyes kept going to her. He was enchanted by her as if under some spell. He had planned to offer her, her favorite dessert Dairy Milk Silk after everybody left, and that's why he told her to stay, but not in the way he did. He didn't know what got upon him. He wanted to kiss her. And once he kissed her, he couldn't stop himself from going all the way.

             When he fell next to her after sex, he couldn't believe what he just experienced. He had never experienced anything like that despite having done  it countless times before. He thought the feeling was so great because he knew she was in love with him unlike other girls he did. Or may be because she was a virgin. None of the girls he ever did were virgins.

             Few things he did that night took him by surprise. He never went down to town on any girl. He just couldn't. His fingers went there to give them pleasure, but never his tongue. He wrote in his songs as if he did all that, but in reality he never had. He watched enough porn to know what it was like though. 

           His friend was spot on that he was more of a guy who would get a girl please him than please her. But, that night when he slid his hand inside her panty and touched her so smooth and all clean down there, he couldn't wait to see her naked. And when he went down tracing with ice in his mouth, his eyes struck by how pristine, innocent and virginal her pussy looked. Her vertical lips looked like soft petals of a beautiful bud enclosing some secrets within. And the thought that they have never been touched by anyone before, and he is the first one to see them, aroused him so much. His lips fell on the petals to feel how soft and smooth they were, and when his fingers parted the petals to see what secrets lay within, his tongue couldn't hold itself from exploring the unexplored. He never thought he would relish the juices!

                                                                                   ***

                     Next morning, when he thought about it, he didn't know what to think. He didn't know if he offered her the dessert of her choice or had the dessert of his choice. He told her not to fall in love with him, but within fifteen days of it, he had slept with her. It was contradictory but then who is not full of contradictions? The thing was, ever since he started telling himself to not think about her that way,the more it made to his mind like that. If you have to tell yourself don't do this, that means you are doing it or want to do it. Reminding yourself to not think about it is also thinking about it. It's like two sides of the same coin. They co-exist. If one is not there, then there is no need for the other. But if one is there that means the other is present. Ideal is to have no thoughts at all, but that wasn't the case. He was tempted.

                     What was done, was now done. He could not change it. He could not give her back her virginity. But now that she had lost it, there was a lot she could gain from it. Every artist needs to experience things in life to become a fine artist. Their work is reflection of their own real life experiences and how strongly they have felt different emotions during those experiences. Deeper and stronger the emotions, and feelings felt, better it comes out in work. Artists use their  relationships to write love and breakup songs all the time. Best work are real feelings. The shy girl she was, he knew she would probably never go for those experiences on her own.  She had the talent to stand on the map of the world.  What she didn't have to compete with the likes of Lihanna, Swift Maylor and others, he was going to give her. She was in love with him. Good. And now that she had lost her virginity to him, who better than him? He knew exactly what she needed to experience to become that artist. 'He was waiting some talent manager from west to approach her, but until then let him equip her with everything she needs to make it big there' he thought.

               He never repeated girls except here and there because he didn't want a connection, but here he already had a connection with her. He considered the risk of falling for her in the process, but he had pledged that he would never fall in love that he was determined about and moreover his motive was different. It was serious work.

             He felt last night it was all about him wanting it and she was so shy. She was in love with him and she had hinted him about wanting him to touch her like that, but before he started he wanted to know where she was with it. So, after the lessons that evening, he purposely kissed her bye  and put her under shower. He didn't touch her and just stared at her breasts because he wanted to see how much she wanted him in that way. When she started rocking in orgasm, looking at him as if he was inside her, when he had not even touched her; and then when she pulled him and kissed him hard, that was green signal for him. He was ready to give her the experience of her life, determined that she felt every emotion strongly and saw it's peak.

                     After the guitar lessons, he started kissing her goodbyes that went soft on her lips and then turned into deep desperate kisses which went rolling in bed, and ended in her depths. He didn't plan on what he was going to do with her everyday. Planning ruins the experience. He decided to go with the flow and allow himself to enjoy her body without anything reeling in back of his mind.

                   Without clothes she was a sight to behold. Her baby soft skin was white as milk and smooth as silk. You place your lips in one place and they will go sliding all the way. He had done many silicone to know that her natural round high breasts could give competition to surgeon's best work. He loved how they felt in his big hands and filled them. Her soft curved buns on hind didn't lag behind either. He was loving things he never thought he could even do. He was always drawn down to her beautiful town. It was so soft ,tender, and sweet that his tongue couldn't get enough of the sweetness of her honey dripping town. He can't say he wasn't crazy about her body, but then which man wouldn't be crazy about that body. One day she didn't come and next day he literally ate her out like a man starving for days. He doubted if his craziness has anything to do with love, but then he credited it to lust.

                                                                            ***

           She was one helluva drug he was having daily  that made him to forget to  do drugs on some days. He  was getting addicted to her. Touch of her baby soft skin against his skin, her lustrous hair on his face, her soft lips tending his lips. He was unarmed. The way her lips grabbed his untamed anaconda and felt around it, it felt it would rather stay captive in her mouth than philander everywhere. To prevent addiction, he decided to detox on some days. He would think to detox in morning only to relapse in evening when she would put her hot lips on his and strip her bangin' hot body naked. She was one seductress. She thought he didn't remember the one on piano, but he had just tried to avoid the topic. 

           He was playing the symphony of Mozart on piano when his eyes fell on her leaning on the door in a super sexy black lingerie with garter belts. He smiled at her and she walked in slowly and started striptease to the music. He watched her move her body provocatively as she took the pieces off one by one and dropped them on floor. As he continued to play, she climbed and lay on side on top of the piano, and watched him play with her face resting on her hand bent at elbow. He played looking at her lying naked in front of his eyes. She then came to sit and spread her legs in front of his eyes with the intention of causing distraction and disruption. But he continued to play the keys on outer side of her hanging legs, staring at what she just lay open for him. Hard in his pants, he stood up and painted her town with the brush in his mouth, as his fingers flowed on the piano. In rhythm with the music, his brush stroked her town from slow to fast until she moaned and her cries were louder than music from piano. As she came down her orgasm and her breaths started to level, he stopped playing; grabbed her by the waist, pinned her to wall and told her how she was fucking up with his brains. How he can't wait to get inside her but damn he has go and get a condom first. She said, "It's not needed". His eyes peered into hers.

"I don't want any plastic separating us. I want to feel your skin on my skin inside me," she told him.

"Huh! You know what can happen?" he laughed a little.

"Nothing," she said.

 "I am on birth control pills for a while now."

He gulped, grabbed her tight by waist and slid in. It was his first time ever without a condom and it felt so good as he pumped her to his orgasm and spurt inside her. Though it was too quick, the entire feeling was euphoric to say the least.

          Next day, when she came and they walked in music room for guitar lessons.

"Take off all your clothes," he told her and she looked at him as what was he saying, because he never did anything like that during the lessons.

"Yeah, get naked," he said and went and sat on the the bench with piano. She stripped naked.

"Good. Now, get your guitar and sit on my lap with legs on either side". He told her and threw off his T. She came and sat on his lap with guitar like he said. Her bare back close to his bare chest.

Abhimanyu: You know how to play this song on guitar. Right? He asked showing her the song.

She nodded.

Abhimanyu: Now you play. I won't disturb your hands but my hands can go anywhere. You cannot stop playing until you have finished.

She started strumming and first few seconds he did nothing, and then his fingers started brushing up her inner thighs. She gasped but she didn't break from playing. His fingers started started sliding on her slit down there. Her breaths came heavy , but she maintained on guitar. His fingers parted her bottom lips and started rubbing within. She started moaning. She tried her fingers to keep playing the strings, but she couldn't. She stopped playing and got up from his lap.

Raina: This is not fair.

Abhimanyu: What? You failed. His eyes smiling.

Raina: What kind of lesson is this?

Abhimanyu: This is an important exercise. It teaches how when you are playing music, nothing else should matter. Nothing should distract. I thought you learnt something from me yesterday. He smirked.

Raina: Really? You were distracted. You were on me.

Abhimanyu: But I was also on piano. If you are as talented as me, you can do both. He winked.

Raina: Next time, I will go down on you while you are playing and then see what happens.

He laughed. He knew he would fail in the grab of her hot mouth around his anaconda.

                                                                           ***

                Condoms dropped from between them, and he couldn't stop himself from having more of the new feeling of her. He asked her to stay for the night. His hands won't stop touching her. His lips won't leave her lips and his penis didn't want to come out of her pussy. He could go on and on. But when in the morning, she said she wanted him to make it last forever, it just fused him. He could see forever in her eyes and that scared him. He can't be in love. He  had pledged after his father's death that he will never fall in love. He will never love one woman. He was seeing just one woman, not yet a woman, for a month now. It was for mission, but still.  He decided to have some on side. So, he got two girls to bang next afternoon when she was not there. They stripped down for him, but he didn't feel like. He wasn't attracted. He gave them money and told them to go."Who can ride Toyota when they are riding Ferrari?" he told himself. He should enjoy riding Ferrari while it was there and stop thinking about riding Toyota's and Honda's on the side. Because after it's over, he anyways will have to ride those. He told himself to stop being paranoid about falling in love with her. He'll be fine. 'There are no feelings involved.' Did he really tell himself that? Yeah! he always told himself that.

                                                                                   ***

           He liked she was wilder than he thought. His whole back had marks from her nails that dug into from her orgasms. She was concerned if she hurt him too much. He said he loved them as they reminded of the pleasures he gave her. And she turned red with shyness and smiled.

"You know a look at your face and further down your neck at your chest, and I am just gone," she told him as she lay with him in bed touching his chest. He smiled.

" What part of my body you like the most?" She asked.

" Your breasts. They are the most perfect oranges I have seen".

"Oranges?" She questioned.

"Yeah! They are round and juicy like oranges and those tits are like cherry on top."

"It's the healthiest snack you can have." he smiled wide almost laughing.

Have you ever fantasized a women?" her eyes on his face.

"All heterosexual men do." he replied

"No, I mean have you ever fantasized me before all this?"

He looked at her at the drop of unexpected question. He swallowed the lump and decided to tell the truth.

He nodded.

She tried not to smile but anyways did.

"Like what?"

"Naked..... On top of me," he said softly looking at ceiling  as if seeing the image in his head.

She rolled on top of him and looked into his eyes. She then slowly started sliding her pussy on his cock to get it rise, his heart beat fast from the fact that he was telling her the fantasy he had before they started like that, the fantasies he was fighting hard with.

She slid his shaft inside her and started riding. His heart throbbed faster as he watched her ride, his mouth parted in pleasure.

"And then?" she asked, going rhythmically up and down his penis.

"And then I grabbed your bouncing boobs.... squeezed them.... swirled my tongue around.. and latched on those erect tits and sucked them hard," he told her almost breathless.

"Then do that", she said looking in his eyes.

Holding her in position, he pulled his back up, grabbed her boobs and licked them swirling his tongue all over. Her head dropped back and she moaned.

"And then?" she asked panting as he started stroking in and out of her.

He smiled."What just happened," he said as he spurted inside her. They engaged in a long passionate kiss sitting in the same position before untangling.

Her face rest on his chest with her hand around his waist.

"I want to know more. I am sure you had more than one."

"Aaannhhh," he groaned.

"C'mon tell me," she insisted.

He started, and then he paused, and then he smiled, and then he said, "You masturbating to help me masturbate."

"Oh, no!" she cried.

"What?" he asked.

"That I can never do. I have never touched myself there like that. I don't think I can".

"Really?" he laughed.

"I touch myself all the time," he laughed more. She made a face.

"I always do it before you come," he told  her and her eyes widened at him.

"How else do you think I am supposed to hold myself for long? If not, I will come at just the sight of your naked body".

And she kissed his chest with so much love, he could tell.

"I Love You,"  she said. 

              A lot of times, he wondered if he was in love. He was showing all the signs and symptoms. He even wrote a song about that. He dismissed that it was because he was doing only her for  nearly a month and it's normal to feel like that especially when you have some connection with the person.

                                                                            ***

                    He loved sex with her but he also loved to talk with her like he always did. It's just that now they talked lying naked with each other, caressing. He told her about his school, college, work but still never mentioned about Sahil as his best friend. By nature he liked to keep his relationships to himself. She told him about a lot of things and he loved hearing all her stories about her days in slums, her days in church and especially her Mahatma Gandhi stories. She told him how Mahatma Gandhi and church had great influences in her life. How as a kid she read many stories on Mahatma Gandhi and loved them and even tried to follow his teachings. She believed in non-violence, kindness and forgiveness. She told how his teachings and church helped her deal with the violent circumstances at her home.She absolutely hates when people get violent and loud that she wants to run away from there. She told him how when her dad beat her for that video with him, they were worried that who from their community and caste will marry her now. And he couldn't stop laughing.

                                                                      ***

              She had started skipping some lectures to spend more time with him, which he didn't object to. She walked into the room after changing into a sexy babydoll lingerie with g-string as she knew how it got him more excited, though it didn't take him any time to get it off her.

"Wow! Sexy," he told her when she walked into room

" What are these?" she saw him sitting with ties.

"These are my ties which I don't get to use. This is skinny. This is broad" he said showing.

 "I thought why not to put them to good use today."

"What are you going to do?" she asked trying to read his intentions.

"You know three monkeys of Mahatma Gandhi: Mizaru, covering his eyes, who sees no evil; Kikazaru, covering his ears, who hears no evil; and Iwazaru, covering his mouth, who speaks no evil. Of course you know, you are such a big Mahatma Gandhi fan girl".

"So, I am going to show how good it can make you feel when you follow these three lessons of life," he grinned.

She smiled, "You are going to tie me with your ties".

He smiled, "Come let's do the practicals on life lessons by your favorite."

He blindfolded her with the broad tie, Tied her hands together above her head to the bed. Plugged her ears with cotton and tied a skinny tie  across  her mouth covering her ears. So now you can't hear, you can't see and you can't talk. You can't do anything bad, only I can. And then he went silent for a minute.

She gulped in fear and anticipation.

"Don't worry, I am not going to hurt you. I am only going to love you".

And then he took her hot pussy on a blazing ride and there was nothing subtle about it. It was explosive. She was roaring her lungs out even with a tie restricting her. He loved watching her heave, thrust, squirm and wriggle as she had orgasm after orgasm. So much, that she was tired. He pulled loose the tie around her mouth and she said panting ,"Do you want to kill me?"

"Like this. Uhummm, Yes", he replied

They lay kissing and biting each others lips. "I love you" she told kissing.

         Whenever she told him 'I love you', or anything like that, he never allowed himself to go on a guilt trip for more than a few seconds. He recovered quickly that it was his his mission to make her feel so much love. So, he was doing just right. How many in their life get an opportunity to become that. You have only one life, and if you can become that why should you leave any stone upturned. He was only helping her on a path leading to a shining future. He was determined to get her there.

.                                                                  ***

                Raina told him that Sahil was quitting as her manager, so he met Sahil at RK studios to tell him about the second single and talk him into not quitting  without letting him know that Raina told him about that. Sahil commented that he was in love. He noticed the changes in him that he himself ignored like he wasn't smoking much, not doing drugs on some days,  and he wasn't going to his center. He never shied away from divulging the details of his sex escapades to Sahil, but when it came to Raina, he could't tell him. He couldn't tell he was fucking only her from last one month. He couldn't tell how hot she was in bed and how blazing and mind blowing it was with her. He couldn't tell how he never had anything like it before and thinks he can never have anything like that again. How it was fucking his brains, but he loved every bit of it and every bit of her. Forget telling, he didn't even want him to get an air of it. Once he was talking with him on phone and he felt Raina come, he told him he has to go. It was his 'Do not Disturb' time, and that he didn't lie.

                                                                    ***

                       The second song he wrote 'Kill em with Kindness' was inspired by her stories of Mahatma Gandhi. He was waiting for some talent management to approach her when her first single started ruling the charts across countries, and reached about half a million views. When that didn't happen, he decided to produce a second English Single of entirely different style and  a black and white video. He didn't want to get into any argument  with her over the clothes, so he left her a note and she wore whatever was given to her without any fuss. He shot her scenes with only him and the cameraman in the room. 

                   Her luscious hair, all those oiling of years had done good to her hair; her luscious full lips, her sexy body in clingy satin backless and plunging neckline gowns, from which her nipples protruded, not visible onscreen though, worked like an aphrodite on him. He was so turned on that he wanted to go and fuck her in green room itself, but he couldn't. He didn't want Saumya or anyone to get a hint of anything between them. If it were any other model he would have. But with her, he kept totally professional as if he didn't know her much outside work. It was all work that day and he was stressed after shoot so he needed it even more. 

                  He decided to drive her home in his car after the shoot. It was still dark before the daybreak. He pulled the car in a place dense with trees on way. She couldn't stop blushing at the idea , but was hesitant and worried about the police at the same time. It was about giving experiences, thrill, adventure and making permanent memories for her. He reclined his seat back, pulled her on him in seat, caressed her arms as sleeves of her jacket went down and they went down all the way. That was one hella experience for him too. He was giving her experiences , but he was also experiencing things he had never experienced before. Third law of Newton - To every action there is equal and opposite reaction. He was giving, but he was also getting. What he didn't know that, that how he wanted her to feel different emotions of love, pleasure and pain so strong, he was also going to feel them equally strong once it was over.

                                                                        ***

                       He loved the conversations with her lying naked in the warmth of her body. Few days after they had finished shooting second video, they were simply lying when she said "This is bliss to me, lying here next to you. That is all I want in life. You want this, you want that, but you know I'm satisfied. I don't really care about any of this. I care only because you have your money in it. IAS was one thing, but this, I don't know. I think I'll be happy to lead a simple life, no fame, nothing. All I want in my life is to be with you, in good days in bad days, in rich days in poor days, in happy days in sad days. You know, I will have Abdul Kalam as my idol any day than any celebrity from glamour world. It seems so vain to care about glamour, looks, clothes when thousands of people struggle everyday to meet the bare necessities of life. I want to do something meaningful in my life." He took a deep breath as he understood that she might not take offer if it came her way. "You know Raina, money makes you powerful, makes you capable of doing things you want, bring the changeyou want in life of homeless people . If you have money and it's that what you care about, you can give them homes, food and clothes and may be jobs. But it can happen only with money.  Without money, you can only talk and do nothing. So, first have lots of money and then with it bring the change that counts. It doesn't matter how vain is the thing that gives you that money, because it equips you to do meaningful".

                      He knew it was almost time to end the mission and give her experience of another very important emotion that every artist must experience -Heartbreak.  Heartbreak to be able to sing the songs in a way that it tears people's heart apart. Mission was to make her feel strong deep love for him. Two months were not enough for it, but since she was already in love with him, it was good. Mission was to fuck her like fucked for an year and make her body needy of him and cement the love for him so that when crushed , it was hitting, it was hard, and hurting. She could write. She just didn't know what to write about. When her body will start missing these feelings in the absence of it, and these feelings will dominate her heart and head, it will start flowing out in words in a song.

                He didn't rush.'The longer she will have it, deeper and stronger her feelings of love would be which will result in a much deeper painful heartbreak' he thought. Feelings of love and heartbreak are two feelings if you do well in your songs and voice, they will always touch hearts. And what touches hearts is successful. Feeling of love is not just love in eyes, it's also sexual, has shades of horny, the way body feels when in pleasure and how body yearns for it when it's not there. More it is a culmination of all these, louder the heart makes noise and deeper it cuts when it shatters into thousand pieces.

                  He had an invitation to party from ace photographer Atul. Usually he didn't like to attend parties, but it fit just right in his scheme of things. It takes a genius to know when to end, and he knew that was it. The second single was doing exceptionally great in no time and he was sure this time round she would get an offer. Two entirely different songs sung in different styles, carrying entirely different emotions by the same artist, and topping the charts across the countries isn't fluke, speaks of talent. It was time for a massive heartbreak before she got an offer, and It was also about time he got back to his original lifestyle and started fucking girls around.

                  He flirted with a model at the party that night and got her home and fucked her in dark in a drunken state. It was nothing like he did with Raina. It was just fuck. He felt relieved. He felt relieved that he came out of the whole thing unaffected. And he wasn't in love like he doubted sometimes.

                   He wanted Raina to catch him red handed. Somewhere in his mind, he was sure she would come early morning. He wanted the model to stay, but she had some emergency come up and she left early morning. When Raina too didn't come early morning, he called the two callgirls to come late afternoon expecting Raina to come in evening. He didn't let the maid clean the room as he was sleeping. But then Raina  turned up late in morning after the maid had left. He walked to his bedroom where she saw the newspaper and confronted him. He thought it would be 'hath no fury like a woman scorned'. She would be furious. She will shout, she'll call him names. But no, she didn't tell him anything. She just asked few questions, stood calmly hearing to his explanation and left. Damn! She was a true follower of Gandhiji. No shouting, nothing, but he could see she was in pain from the way tears kept rolling down her cheeks. Raina came to take the bag she had left, when he was with the two call girls he had called. He tried his best to break her more, increase her temper, get her angry and scream at him. Tell him how she hates him. But no, she didn't do anything like that, except a comment that he was like his mom. That was enough to tell that she detested him.

               Like he had wanted she stopped coming for the guitar lessons from next day. He took the sheet off their bed and put it in the closet to be not reminded of anything. He thought he had too much sex in last two months and he needed a break from it. So, he spent time in his creative zone in arms of his music- playing, listening writing, and didn't think much about her. He thought he was as good as before and nothing changed. He was happy to know that she took the offer and was flying soon. After he got in touch with mightydick, he got busy writing for her. On the day Sahil had a party at his home, he decided to get a model home. It had been more than a month since he had sex, last being with Yukta. He didn't know , but he felt a little stressed that day and he knew he needed to fuck.

            He saw her at Sahil's party and she looked fresh like a Gerbra flower she grew in his terrace. They had all started to die though. When he saw her looking at him, he overdid with the model to break her more and kill any feelings she had left for him. She came to him and told him sorry. He knew it was for putting salt in coffee and taking away his condoms. She must have thought it would have got him in an awkward embarrassing position, but he didn't do the girls. He had told them to go after their lesbian show for him. It was only later he noticed that she had taken away all the condoms when he didn't see one in his wallet.

              He was drunk so his reflexes were slow. After he said "Apology accepted", he was shocked that she was saying sorry for something that was nothing in front of the what he did with her. And then she said she has forgiven him as it would lessen her own pain. Wow! What a kill. Telling that she was in pain because of him and she was still forgiving him in one line. He noticed she loved to kill him with kindness every time. And when she whispered she was going to miss him, he didn't feel good in his heart. The realization dawned that he was never going to see her again and he was going to miss her unlike he thought. All that it was, it was an end of the chapter with her. Sadness started to creep in his mind and his heart.

              He had one rule- When in stress, just fuck. It was like a medicine to stress. From the way he was feeling that day, he knew he would need a good fuck. He picked up the model, but when he went home with her, he just didn't feel like, he couldn't, he didn't; Next day, he called the girl, but again he didn't feel like. There was no point doing something he didn't feel like and he sent her back. Now he had nothing else to credit, but love. She had the power to make him love only her. She had not left alone but with his heart, so far away that he was never going to get it back. He hadn't come out of the whole thing unaffected like he thought. He had fallen. He had fallen in love with her like he doubted many times. It was not then when he fell in love with her, he was in love with her from before that. That explains why he could go down on her the first time; something you can do only if you love the other person. Why he made love that night and not just fuck. He thought it felt so good because she was in love with him, but it felt so good because he was also in love with her.

                     What he had with her was not lust in the bottle of love. It was love in the bottle of lust. Which love is just love? Which love between a boy and a girl doesn't have a physical aspect to it. Love is laced with physical attraction. He was already emotionally connected with her and when he felt physically attracted to her that was it he was in love with her completely in every sense. He was in love he just couldn't see it because what you do in lust, you also do in love, have passionate mind blowing sex. Intersection of love and lust is sex. In love sex follows, but if you begin with sex it's hard to tell when it's love and especially if you have a history of lust and you are on a fuck mission with a girl with a body to die for. He doubted love many times, but credited it to lust every time because he thought he can't be in love.

              He realized he was in love, no matter how much he denied or ran away from it. It had caught him. He had fallen in love, and not just any love. He was in aashiqui with her, a love much deeper than love. The kind he mocked- Laila Majnu, Romeo Juliet. Love- when you are so much consumed in love with that one person that you don't want any other in your life. Whether in sight, away from sight or forever gone from the world you are still drinking in their love reminiscing the time with them.

               She was perfect for him, but he was not the one she deserved. She didn't deserve a life with a druggie and alcoholic like him. He could never give her a happy family and be a responsible father to his kids. What was the point? He had enough sex for a lifetime. She was going to be there with him on his big screen and that was enough for him.

                The sheet he had put away, he spread it on the bed. Lay on it. It smelt of her. It smelt of them. He wished she was the last woman he was inside, but she was not. She said in her song, she wanted that one night. Like her, he too wanted that one night with her, but now it didn't seem like a possibility. May be hallucinations or dreams could give him one.

                Seeing her on screen was one thing, seeing her live on stage an altogether different experience. She was fire. She set stage ablaze with her performances. Every year he traveled to different countries to attend her concerts. He attended her concerts in Europe, Australia and USA. He remembered her first concert in Madison Square. It was crazy. She was a live wire. When she visited India and left after seeing Sahil's new born baby, he was away to attend her First Super Bowl performance. How could he miss it, it was her first Superbowl performance. He never took the seats close to stage except that one time in Stockholm when he got caught. When he met her he thought she had moved on and never thought he would find her in pain. It made him sad . He wanted her as much as she wanted him, but he couldn't mess her more than he already had. He wanted her to move on and hoped one day she would. He couldn't believe she actually thanked him like he had said, that someday she will thank him for it.

            She may have told him that he was like his mom. But when in love, he was exactly like his dad. So much in love with her that he didn't need any other woman in his life. So consumed and surrendered to her. He was never in love before but now that he was for the first time ever, it was forever.

                                                                                 ***

Raina's lyric video: So far away by Mary Lambert.

https://youtu.be/EYEtMXVrBig