Chapter's song: Ed Sheeran - Supermarket Flowers

The distinctive smell of pancakes woke me up. Bright sun slipped from beneath the curtains. The house felt too warm and everything was too bright. Warily, I got up and paced downstairs. Every step I took made the smell stronger. Pancakes had always been my favorite food as a child. The kitchen was so bright that I had to cover my eyes for a moment.

My whole world stopped when I heard her laughing. I stood still as I watched Mom smiling at me. She pulled a chair and gestured me to sit down. She looked young. Her hair was brown and rested on her shoulders. She was wearing her favorite dress. It was white with orange embroidery. She wasn't pale anymore. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes looked full of life. She looked completely healthy. Like she had been three years ago. Even younger.

Mom. You're not real. You're dead.

She placed a large plate of pancakes in front of me and took a seat across the table. Her light brown eyes gazed at me with love. My heart was pounding faster inside my chest. A large lump was forming inside my throat and I couldn't say anything. I knew this was a dream. I knew she was still gone.

She seemed so real, though.

A moment later, without knowing how it happened, I was sitting on the table in front of her. She beamed at me. The large lump I was feeling sunk deeper in my chest. I couldn't breathe. Gently, her hand reached out for my hand on the table. I followed her movements as she placed it on top of mine and held it tightly. My heart skipped a beat as I could actually feel her fingers closing in on me as she smiled. A bright and encouraging smile. Warmness wrapped over me. A small sob left my lips as her hold tightened.

I wanted to say so much to her. So many things that I needed to clear up with her. So many apologies that she deserved.

Yet, I couldn't say anything. No word left my mouth.

I love you Cassie.

Her lips didn't move. She didn't say it. But I heard her voice and I could feel it.

With a sudden gasp, I opened my eyes. Darkness encased me as I realized that I was in my room. My hand touched my cheek as I felt tears rolling down. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the dark and I could see the distinctive silhouette of the wooden desk beside the window, the open suitcase that I left on the floor last night. It was just a dream.

I sat in bed and wrapped my arms around my knees. I closed my eyes even though I was still crying.

It felt so real.

I could still feel the lingering warmness of her hand on mine. I visualized her bright smile. The way she looked. She was so different than the last image I had of her. She had regained vitality. Most of all, she seemed at peace and happy.

I wondered if that's how I wanted to see her.

Was it real? Was there more to life after dead? Was she all right?

I couldn't explain it, but it felt like it. I felt that she was better. She wasn't suffering anymore. I remember the words the priest had said on her funeral. He had said that Mom was glorified. Those were his words. That she was in a better place. He had been happy and proud when he had said it. And I just couldn't understand how he could be at peace knowing that my mother was gone.

Religion wasn't my forte. Even though we were Catholics, we didn't go to Sunday services. We didn't pray at the table. Yet, we believed in God. I knew I did. With everything that happened with Mom, I wanted to believe it.

I needed it.

A sense of peace washed over me as I still felt that warmness inside of me. It felt like if she had really been there with me. It had been the first time I dreamed about her. But she was gone, though.

Sorrow encased me as those words repeated on my head again and again. I missed her. God, I missed her so much.

I always felt like I wasn't good enough for her. No matter what I did. She kind of pushed me to be better each day. The fact that she was outspoken meant that she said whatever was on her mind. Sometimes a bit harsh. I usually ended up feeling bad about myself and mad at her. However, my mother, even with all her faults, was a great Mom.

The tears had stopped when I grabbed my cell phone and looked at the clock. Six AM. It was still too early to get up but I couldn't sleep anymore.

My hands were still trembling because my dream had felt so real. Sighing, I got up and walked to my closet. Since we only had one bathroom across the hall, I needed to bring my clothes with me.

For the last couple of years, I had changed my whole wardrobe. My looks had been too important, so I had to have the latest trend. As I looked over the packed closet, I wondered how my parents had put up with me. I shook my head and grabbed the first thing that my hands were close to.

I washed myself and got dressed robotically. For once, I didn't took long doing my hair as I just dried it and grabbed it in a ponytail. I also didn't put on makeup. I usually didn't use more than mascara and lip gloss, but I just didn't feel like wearing them now.

As I closed the door to the bathroom, all freshened up, Dad strode past me. "Hey" he smiled at me that sad smile that seemed to go with him all the time, "I'm going to make some coffee." I looked at him and forced myself not to look at the door he had just come out of. That distinctive lump on my chest formed whenever my eyes turned to it.

Would that image of Mom would fade someday?

I had it imprinted on my head. Her paleness, her coldness, her lifeless eyes.

Swallowing hard, I followed after Dad. Silently, we drank coffee and had some pizza leftovers for breakfast. He gave me some money for lunch before grabbing his jacket. He was driving me to school. Something that the old me would have been freaking about. It was uncool that your parents drive you to school.

Today, I felt like I needed him to drive me. I was dreading the whole school thing. And I think he needed to keep an eye on me.

"Are you going to be fine?" Concern laced his voice. "If you don't feel ready, I could talk to the Principal and you could stay home for a few days until you get used to everything. "

Until I get used to not having Mom around? I don't think that would ever happen.

I shrugged, "Dr. Simmons said that it would help."

Dad eyed me for a moment before he nodded. "Do you want me to go with you?" I shook my head and tried to smile at him. I had to go see the principal. The school was well aware of my situation and Mr. White wanted to have a word with me.

Minutes later, the car was stopping in front of the school. Before I closed the car's door, Dad's voice stopped me, "I'll be back at seven with something to eat."

"Okay. Thanks for the ride." His blue eyes watched me concerned as he nodded and waved goodbye. He didn't drive away, he waited for me to pass through the school's door before his red van disappeared out of sight.

With a heavy heart, I walked through the student packed hallway to the principal's office. A lot of people greeted me and I responded robotically. This was such a bad idea, Dr. Simmons.

Emma, the secretary, greeted me and showed me to the office. She always had that adorable kind of grandma style and she was really kind. She hated to be addressed formally and made sure everyone knew that. That's why all the students addressed at her on a first name basis. Smiling to me, she led me inside the office and gestured me to take a seat on one of the two chairs in front of the desk. She instructed me to wait for Mr. White.

Being in this office was new to me. I had never been here before. My eyes scanned the room. It was a grey modern office. Quite ordinary. There were scarce awards hanging on the wall and a few pictures of him and his family.

The chubby man stepped in a few moments later. He had grey hair and brown eyes. Yet he did seem frightful. His gaze was stern as he greeted me and took a seat on the black leather chair in front of me.

"Good morning, Miss Taylor." His eyes watched me impassibly. "I, on behalf of the school's staff, offer our sincerest condolences on your loss." He grabbed a sheet of paper that was on his desk. "You've always been a good student and I expect it to continue that way." He paused for a moment before adjusting his glasses, "Mrs. Smith, our new counselor, who is running late," his lips set in a straight line for a second, "will be checking up on you from time to time."

My brows furrowed, "but I have to take therapy twice a week already."

His eyes were stern as he added, "I am aware, Miss Taylor. However, this is the standard procedure in school. You will have to meet with Mrs. Smith at least once a week." He raised an eyebrow, "understood?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Good, now Mrs. Grove will give you your schedule and you'll have to hurry to get to your first class, since you've already skipped homeroom." He stretched his hand and I shook it with a sinking feeling that he disapproved of my past actions.

Mrs. Grove, or Emma, was waiting patiently on her counter with my schedule in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other. She smiled at me as she came near. "This is for you, sugar pie. Your schedule and something to sweeten your day."

"Thank you" awkwardness engulfed me. I wasn't used to be treated differently. I wasn't even sure that I liked it.

"Oh, come here!" She grabbed me by the arms and encased me in a tight hug. "I'm really sorry for your loss. If you ever want to talk to me, I'm all ears." She watched me softly as my chest tightened.

"Thank you" I bit my lip as she pulled away.

"Don't mention it." She smiled at me. "Have a great day!" Blinking the tears away, I nodded without another word.

Advanced math was my first class. I walked through the doors as most of the students were already in their classes. Usually, I would sit in the middle row, but all the seats were occupied, except for a couple on the back, next to the window. I took the front seat ignoring all the curious glances people would give my way.

I rarely talked to my classmates at advanced courses. Actually, I rarely talked to anyone besides my alleged friends. Which was fine now. I really didn't feel like socializing.

My eyes drifted to the front row, where a read-head was already taking out her pencils and notebook. Anne. My last real friend.

I stopped talking to her the moment I learned about Mom's condition. She called me and tried to reach out for me but I pushed her away, just as I pushed everyone that cared for me. That awful sense of shame came over me and I averted my eyes.

Someone took a seat behind me, bumping their desk on my chair. "Sorry" came a dark voice behind me. From out of the corner of my eyes, I realized that the same grey-eyed boy from the pizza place was behind me. The one that wouldn't stop looking at me: Nathan Rivers. My stomach clenched. Great. "I said I was sorry," he pushed in a low tone. Ignoring him, I looked to the front of the class. Nathan snorted, "welcome back, ice princess."

My heart plunged. His words cut deep since for the last two years, I'd been ignoring everyone around me. Even Mom. My eyes teared up and a shaky breath left my lips as I tried to keep my emotions at bay.

The teacher came in and started to give the syllabus and the rules for the semester when he bumped my chair once again. I ignored him.

Since it was the first day of school, the teacher gave us time to talk among ourselves for the rest of the hour. The sound of chatting filled the room and I couldn't help but gaze at Anne who was smiling and talking animatedly with a brunette girl who had seated right behind her. At some point, she must have sensed me watching her, because our eyes met and her cute smile morphed into a scowl as she sent daggers my way. I sunk in my seat and turned to the window with teary eyes. I deserved that.

Most of the classes passed that way. It was the first day back, after all. My class before lunch period was English. I ambled into the classroom with a plummeting heart. Lunch period was coming and I didn't want to sit with Marissa or see anyone at the cafeteria. I slumped on my desk clearly defeated. This was going to be harder than I ever thought.

River's words echoed in my mind. Welcome back, ice princess.

Had I changed? Was I shallow or fake? Who was I?

"Are you okay?" Someone asked beside me. A girl with bright blue eyes watched me concerned. A new girl. Blonde hair framed her oval face and thick black glasses outlined her eyes.

I blinked the tears away and gulped the large lump that seemed to be permanently down my throat. The doctor had told me that it was anxiety. My permanent sorrow. "I'm fine" my voice came out raspy and I cleared my throat as she watched me incredulously.

"I'm Farah," her smile was warm and reassuring. I nodded as she continued, "I just moved from Colorado," she trailed waiting for me to say something.

I swallowed hard. "I'm Cassandra" I looked to the side, "but you don't want to hang out with me."

Somewhat surprised, she raised an eyebrow, "how do you know?"

Because I'm the worst person ever. I'm a lousy friend and an awful daughter.

"You're just better off," was all I said before turning away since the teacher had started the class.

Mrs. Clearwater, the teacher, made us all write a small essay for the rest of the class and I was glad she did. The class passed quickly but my anxiousness grew stronger. I even felt sick to my stomach. The bell rang and I took my time putting my things away. When I walked out of the classroom the hall was already empty except for Farah who was waiting for me by the door.

My whole body tensed as I saw her walk to me with a small defiant smile on her face. "We're having lunch together, even if it means eating by the bathroom. Which I really hope you don't do. Because that's just gross." She beamed at me, "I'm going to be your friend, even if you don't want to."

Since I clearly had no choice in the matter, I grimaced inwardly. Resigned, she stepped next to me and continued to talk endlessly about how she could tell I was a nice girl.

I totally tuned her out.

My heart was beating hard and my chest constricted as we approached the cafeteria. I followed Farah around as she walked to the food line. Trying to block the constant staring of my peers, I grabbed the first thing that appeared in front of me. Farah kept blabbering and was oblivious at the staring. She found a seat for us at the back of the cafeteria and I caught a glimpse of a sneering Marissa while she looked my way. Why was she looking at me like that?

I couldn't care less about what she thought but her stance made me wary. My eyes roamed all around the cafeteria and people were silent, observing our every move, as Farah continued to talk through. Without really looking at her, I grabbed my tray as I murmured, "I can't do this." She was in the middle of a story as I spoke. Stunned, her blue eyes widened as I stood up and walked away.

My chest was heaving as I walked outside the school. Tears brimmed my eyes. I sat on the top of the school's stairs and finally let the tears follow their course.

I can't do this. I don't want to be here.

I want Mom back.

Tears rolled down as I silently cried for everything and anything.

"Don't let them get to you." My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the dark voice. On my haste to get out, I hadn't noticed that Nathan was leaned on the wall, smoking a cigarette. I looked up to see him watching me. I also noticed he had a strong jaw and intense stormy grey eyes.

Rubbing my eyes with the back of my sleeve, I gazed at the front as I sniffed. "They don't. I'm the ice princess, remember?"

He stayed quiet for a moment before I heard his forceful strides coming closer to me. "Shit. I shouldn't have said that."

You're right, though. I bit my lip trying to ignore him. Couldn't he get a clue that I wanted him gone?

As if on cue, he sat next to me. My whole body tensed. Especially since his body radiated some kind of warmness. Which was weird and it made me feel uncomfortable. I shifted away awkwardly. "What are you doing?" I murmured anxiously.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see him passing a hand through his hair. It was dirty blonde with a few scattered sun strays. He shrugged, "I'm sitting just like you."

"Why?" I gazed at him.

"Because I just feel like it." His grey eyes were too deep as they studied my face. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious and turned away from his burning stare.

Grimacing, I looked at my shoes. "I want to be alone," I worried my lip, "please."

"Too bad. It's a free country and I can sit here if I want to." An annoyed breath left my lips. Seriously?

I didn't want to go back to school. Unlike what Farah thought, I wouldn't spend recess on the bathroom. So I glared at the parked cars in front of me, completely flustered at the boy next to me.

"Why are you doing this?" I muttered peeved.

He ignored my question as I let out a frustrated breath. But I wasn't crying anymore. Despite my evident annoyance, it felt nice to have someone near. Someone that wasn't asking questions or feeling pity.

He was just there.

And that's how we stayed until the bell rang again.

Sighing, I stood up and stared at him uncertainly. I didn't know what to say. His presence had been reassuring in some way but it also made me feel uncomfortable. I gnawed on my lip as he gazed at me. Warily, I murmured, "see you," without really looking at him.

"You know?" his voice made my steps falter. He pushed himself up as he stared at me. "I've always been around. This is just the first time that you notice me." His grey eyes were dark and serious before he half smiled and trotted inside the school.

My feet were frozen on the spot as I stared after him.

Who was Nathan Rivers?

Thank you all for your kind words!!!