The cold air nipped my skin as we passed through Walmart's doors. Farah had asked me to tag along to get some food for later. We had walked from school and my cheeks were flushed as my throat felt dry.

"I want to make something to impress Chris," Farah murmured to herself as we roamed through the aisles. "What's the deal with that Marissa chick, anyway?" Her blue eyes turned to me.

Marissa had tripped me while we passed her table at lunch break. Luckily for me, I had only bought an apple and a pre-packed sandwich, so my lunch wasn't spoiled much. She laughed with her minions as I rolled my eyes and stood up completely unfazed. I knew she wanted me to react somehow but I ignored her. The whole thing backfired on her when Tom got up and helped me while telling her to back off me.

If she had been angry before it was obvious that now she hated me to death.

I smiled at Tom, who despite trying to be helpful, was leering at me. Cringing inwardly, I thanked him while Farah was this close to tell Marissa off. I didn't want to get her into trouble, so I grabbed her arm and pulled her away.

"She has issues," I shrugged as we stopped at the flours aisle.

"Yeah, but why is she so against you?" She said as she scanned the flour mixes. "I mean, I get it that she's jealous since she almost killed you when Tom helped you, but it's not like you actually pay attention to the guy."

A pang of guilt played in my stomach. Of course Farah was asking me all of this. She didn't know the whole story.

Truthfully, a part of me was a little scared that if she knew the real me, she wouldn't want to be friends with me. Because, let's be honest, who'd want to be friends with such a girl? Still, I had to come clean. Farah was an amazing girl and she deserved honesty.

Sighing, I grabbed one box of brownie mix and passed it to Farah. "I was Marissa."

She frowned and arranged her glasses. "What do you mean?"

I studied her for a moment. She actually didn't look surprised. "You heard about it, haven't you?"

A sheepish smile crossed her face. Her cheeks flushed as she averted her eyes. Warily, she added, "some stuff. Probably all lies, though."

I bit my lip. "I'll tell you all about it" I glanced to my right were an old lady was picking out assorted candies, "but not here."

Farah beamed before tapping the red box, "don't worry, we've got time."

I grimaced as she walked to the cashiers. I wasn't proud of what I had done. A sigh left my lips a I reached her. Her brows creased as she eyed warily the box, "don't we need other ingredients?"

Smiling, I grabbed the box from her and turned it around, showing her the images on the back, "you just need eggs and oil. I'm assuming you have those in your house."

She scrunched her nose, "yes, I probably do."

Raising and eyebrow, I asked her, "are you sure you want to make this?"

"Yeah, guys dig girls who can bake." She frowned once again, "or so my mom says."

Nudging her to keep walking, I murmured "I'll help you." Farah grinned at the same time someone gently touched my shoulder.

"Cassandra?" I recognized the voice at once. It was Lucy, one of Mom's close friends. Since she had such a bubbly, friendly, personality, she had a lot of friends. Not many where close to her. Many came over to our house once or twice a week. Before she got really sick, anyway. When the sickness was more advanced, people stopped coming to our house. It was probably hard for them to see her in such a fragile state. However, it was disheartening and even though we never talked about it, I knew it saddened her even more.

"Hi Lucy" I waved at the brunette in front of me. She was over forty, just like Mom. Her light brown eyes were sad as she stepped closer to me for a hug. Closing my eyes for a moment, I patted her back awkwardly. But having her holding me opened different emotions inside of me. It was like seeing her again triggered back the memories of Mom's death.

As her arms encircled me, I could remember Mom's laugh when she was surrounded by her friends. Or the sweet aroma of just-baked bread; Mom would always bake some delicious treat when friends came over.

For a moment, I wanted her to be Mom. I wanted to feel Mom's hands on my arms as she pulled away. I wanted her eyes to encase Mom's loving gaze not the pitied stare that she was giving me as my eyes pooled with tears. It was completely selfish. But looking at her, so healthy, so young, made me wonder why couldn't Mom survive the cancer?

My heart tightened as she smiled sadly at me. "I've been meaning to call you. We miss her very much. We've been praying for all of you." My chest constricted even more as a shaky breath left my lips. She visibly swallowed hard. "Your mom was a great friend and even though we are not family, I've seen you grow up and I care for you." Her hand squeezed my arm reassuringly as I blinked the tears away. Her own eyes teared up as her voice broke. "I'm here for you. Anything you need Cassie."

I couldn't utter a word. My voice was raw with different emotions as it all came back to me.

The emptiness, the grief; it all came flooding back as Lucy smiled at me and I just couldn't say anything to her. She noticed. Of course she did. So, she kissed my cheek and turned away with a sorrowful gesture on her face. A tear rolled down my cheek as I turned away and walked out of the supermarket.

My breath was ragged as I choked on a sob. I leaned on my knees as I tried to control my breathing. A pair of blue sneakers appeared in my line of vision. Farah stopped next to me and placed a hand on my back in reassurance.

All that I could think about was that I missed Mom. Too much.

Frustration ran through me. I always thought that time healed people. That time passed and you would look back and you would smile at something funny that had happened between you two or something. But nobody told me that it would hurt so much. That you would carry an emptiness inside of you every second of the day wondering if you would ever feel complete again.

Because nobody would ever fill that emptiness Mom left.

Nobody would have her encouraging words.

Nobody would know if I cried or not like the way Mom always knew.

I had so much things that I needed to tell her. So much to clear up that it was just hard. And I couldn't stop missing her. If anything, I missed her even more with every passing day.

I did not want to forget anything about her. I was even finding myself doing things like her. To honor her in little things like adding the spices she had scribbled on her recipe books. To make hot cocoa just because on the first cold day of the season. Everything just to remember her.

"Cass?" Her eyes were soft as apprehension washed through her face. "My house is two blocks away."

Nodding, I straightened while wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry" I murmured as we walked towards her house.

"About what?" A soft smile played on her lips. My heart warmed for her. She was truly the best friend ever.

In no time, we were in front of a two story house. It was painted in white and had a pretty flower arrangement on the front lane. There was a small porch with a wooden swing right at the entrance. The parking space was empty, meaning that her Mom was out. Which was welcomed. I looked like crap.

With a heavy heart, we climbed the stairs to the porch. Right as she was about to unlock her front door, I burst out, "my mom died last summer." Her hand froze as swallowed hard. Saying out loud made it more real. "I'm still dealing with that."

I bit my lip as she took a deep breath. "I know." Her blue eyes were sad as she gazed at me. "Your father met my mother a few weeks ago. They literally bumped into each other at the parent's meeting when school started."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. She knew and never said anything. Yet, she had been adamant to be my friend. "Thank you," my voice was soft as I casted my eyes down. Thank you for being there for me.

She shoved me playfully on the arm. "That's what friends are for." A grin plastered on her face. She gestured me to follow her. We crossed through the living room. It was a large room with a rock chimney on the side. A few scattered crayons and a coloring book had been left next to it. "Sorry. My sisters tend to leave a trail behind them." She rolled her eyes, as she pressed, "all the time. It's so annoying." She shook her head as we reached the kitchen. It felt warm and cozy and you could tell that this was the most used room in the house. Even though the room was decorated in a minimalist style, it gave off the family-room kind of vibe. We left the bags on the counter next to the sink as Farah signaled the back door. "This is my favorite part of the house," she beamed excited while opening the door.

"Wow," was all that came out of my mouth as I stared at the garden. A large tree sat on the right corner. A wooden swing rocked slightly moved by the wind next to a small patch of wild flowers. A barbecue grill stood on the other wall, next to a wooden picnic table. "This is nice," I commented as Farah sat on the grass, right next to the flower patch.

She shrugged. "Dad loves to barbecue."

My right hand started to play with the grass as we stayed in comfortable silence. Farah was a true friend. A feeling of confidence washed over me as I started to talk about Mom's sickness. How I didn't know how to deal with it.

How I pulled away from Anne and started to hang out with Marissa and her clique. How I closed up on anyone building a wall that I hoped would keep me going on through it all. I explained why Marissa was against me and that I understood it in a way.

. We both stayed silent for a moment before I worried my lip and sighed. I still hadn't mentioned what I tried to do or how Dad was dating Marie. "I didn't spend the summer with my aunt." Wariness encased me as I didn't know how to tell her about what I did. Embarrassment and shame filled me. "I was in a psychiatric institution because I did this." I pulled up my sweater's sleeves and showed her the scars.

Her eyes widened and she gasped scared. Tears pooled in them as she gazed at me for a moment before leaning closer and passing both arms on my shoulders. My heart clenched as I hugged her back. My eyes were teary as well.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled as her hold tightened.

"I know," I murmured before adding, "I suck."

Pulling apart, she kept quiet for a moment before eyeing me. Her eyes were soft as she added, "you're not a bad person Cassie." I looked to the side and my eyes fixed on a small pot with white daisies. "You're not." She stressed out making me turn her way. "And I'm your friend. I'm here for you."

Swallowing hard, I shook my head. "I know. You're stubborn as hell." She chuckled as I shyly murmured, "thank you."

A mischievous glint flashed through her eyes. "I even went and had the talk with Nathan." She raised an eyebrow, "and he's scary. So that tells you how much I actually care about you."

"Why would you talk to him?" Bewildered, I frowned at that.

She rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses up her nose. "He clearly likes you." She omitted the Duh at the end of her sentence but it was clear that she was trying to be nice.

I scoffed and shook my head. "He doesn't." She rolled her eyes again. "And I tried to talk to Chris too." A small smile formed on my lips as I remembered about it.

"What?" My friend's blue eyes widened and she leaned closer to me. "What did you tell him?"

I plucked some grass with my hand. "Only that you are head over hills for him," I shrugged nonchalantly as a smile tugged up my lips.

"Oh my God!" she stood up in one jump. "You didn't!" Her tone was accusing as she glared at me. Full-on smiling now, I shrugged, clearly teasing her. Farah rolled her eyes again, "Come on, Cass, you can't do this to me!" she whined like a little girl.

Shaking my head, I stood up as well. "Why would you worry Farah? He's been pretty clear about liking you."

She scrunched her nose, "yeah, but still."

This time I rolled my eyes at her "Come on, we have some brownies to bake." She beamed at me and I stopped her before she opened the back door, "and thank you..." I murmured shyly again.

Her gaze softened. She squeezed my shoulder in reassurance as she shook her head, "I told you I was going to be your friend, Cass."

Warmness washed over me as I nodded. "I'll be a better friend from now on."

She pulled the glass door. "You better," she quipped as I rolled my eyes playfully. We stepped inside the kitchen once again and started to lay everything for the brownies-to-be.

She hadn't been kidding when she said that she couldn't cook. I practically made the brownies after she confused oil with vinegar. Luckily for her, we noticed immediately and discarded it before she decided to just follow my directions. As we had just settled the pan in the oven, the doorbell rang. Beaming at me and completely flushed, Farah went to open it.

Smirking, I trotted right behind her. "Hi," she shyly greeted the boys and gestured them to come inside the house. I was trying to hold my smile because she looked too cute like that. My smile faded when I saw Nate walking after Jay. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at his sight. Especially since Farah had said that she had talked to him. How embarrassing was that?

Jay beamed at me. He was holding a large pizza box in his hands. "Hi Cassie!"

"Hi" I waved at him. "Do you want to leave it on the kitchen?"

"Yeah, thanks!" he nodded excited and followed behind me as I led the way to the kitchen. I wasn't trying to ignore Nathan or anything. I just didn't know how to act around him.

Jay looked around the kitchen and his eyes trained on the oven. He rubbed his hands excitedly as he peered at me. "Did you guys make something?"

Nodding, I raised the now empty box on the counter. His eyes lightened up and he smiled so brightly that was a bit contagious. "I'm hungry already," he trailed somewhat embarrassed as I chuckled.

Turning around to walk out of the kitchen, I found myself almost bumping into Nathan, who was leant against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. Pulling away from him, I stepped back.

"I didn't see you there" I murmured looking everywhere but him.

"I noticed."

Jay passed beside me rolling his eyes at Nathan "I'm going to choose the movie."

Biting my lip, I kind of waited for him to move out of the way. He didn't. "Can I?"

"Why aren't you looking at me?" he tilted his head frowning.

Gosh. Why did you have to talk to him, Farah? He probably thinks that I like him, or something. Which I clearly don't.

"I am looking at you," I gazed up at him making my point. His intense eyes were piercing through me as always and my lips parted as I my heart skipped a beat. A second too long, his lips tugged up on a beautiful smile making my mouth went dry. He moved out of the way and I breathed out relieved as I passed him.

Completely flustered, I walked to the living room where Jay was playing with the TV remote choosing a movie. The room was kind of spacious. There were two large brown sofas in front of a large flat screen. Farah and Chris were cuddling in one. Chris smiled and waved at me and I did the same as I sat on the next sofa. In the middle of the room was a small glass table with two large bowls of chips and pretzels. We hadn't really walked around the house so Farah's Mom probably left those earlier. Even though I hadn't met her, I could tell she was as nice as her daughter.

My eyes travelled all around the room as I did my best to ignore the guy who had chosen to take a seat next to me. It was a really cozy home. There were pictures of the whole family on the walls and I grinned at how happy they seem. Farah resembled her mom and her sisters looked like her dad. Since they were twins, they looked absolutely identical. I wondered how she knew one from the other.

"How do you tell them apart?" I asked looking at Farah.

"I don't. I mess up their names all the time." She smiled mischievously. "They absolutely hate it." Jay cracked up at that. Chris flicked her nose and she beamed at him. Then he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. Blushing, I turned away from them as Jay started to complain while Nathan threw them a pillow snickering.

"So, what movie are we going to see?" Nathan asked a moment later after he caught the pillow Chris sent his way.

"Not a chick flick!" Jay stared pointedly at me.

My eyes glanced behind him. He was through the action movies row. Shrugging, I murmured "whatever you want to see is fine."

He grinned. "I like you already!" I chuckled at that. I think this was the one time that I had heard him talk more than once.

"I want to see I'm number Four!" Farah exclaimed excitedly as all three guys grunted.

"That is a chick flick," Jay raised an eyebrow.

"It's not!" Farah's blue eyes widened. "There are explosions and stuff like that!" she moved her hands explaining, "and there's a really hot girl!"

"But not Meghan Fox" Chris stated beside her as she rolled her eyes.

"Let's vote." Nathan's dark voice said next to me making me glare at him.

"We're clearly outnumbered" I said flatly as he smirked at me.

"Tsk, tsk" He shook his head feigning innocence.

"Transformers it is!" Jay announced proudly raising the DVD on the air. Farah grunted but I couldn't help but smile at him. He did seem like a little boy.

We watched the movie while we ate the pepperoni pizza they brought. Right at the middle of the movie, Farah and I got up to get the brownies from the oven and the guys literally fought over them. And to be honest, they weren't that good but the gesture was nice from them.

All in all, it was fun. Jay and Nathan kept making jokes and teasing Chris and Farah while I laughed at them.

It was already kind of late and Farah's parents called to ask her if she needed more food or anything since they were on their way back when we decided to call the night off. We had school the next morning, anyway.

We all helped cleaning up before saying goodbye to each other. Apparently, Jay lived nearby. Right on the next block. He thanked Farah, waved goodbye and trotted away. Chris' house was across the street, so that left Nathan to bring me home. I was planning to text Dad to get me but Nathan insisted that it wasn't a problem. Farah wriggled her eyebrows at the same time making me blush.

Feeling awkward again, I stepped towards his truck. Nathan opened the door for me with a smirk on his face. Trying to ignore him, I gazed behind me towards my best friend and her boyfriend. They were laughing at each other. A small smile spread on my face. Farah was amazing. I was so thankful that she was my friend.

I could feel Nathan's eyes on me as I shifted on my seat. He was still holding the door for me as looked up. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked tilting his head.

"I had fun tonight." A small grin played in my lips. It was true. This had been the best night in a long time.

Nathan trotted around his car. The door slammed as he took a seat in front of the wheel. "I'm glad you had fun." He shook his head, "I did too." His voice was playful before it turned softer. The engine roared to life. "Why did you cry today, Cass?"

Completely surprised, I gazed at him. "How did you know?"

"Your eyes," he murmured still looking at the front.

My mouth went dry as I gazed at him in silence. My eyes followed the line of his nose to his lips to his Adam's apple. Then back to his lips again. My heart fluttered. Averting my eyes, my cheeks blushed as I murmured shyly, "I bumped into one of Mom's closest friends."

He didn't ask anything else and I turned my face to the window not wanting to keep gawking at him. We reached my house but after shutting down the engine, he stayed quiet on his seat. I didn't want to leave his car, either.

Biting my lip, I stammered before bursting out, "how can you know so much about me and I really don't know anything about you?" my brows furrowed.

A small smile tugged on his lips slowly. "Hey, I didn't know you were that into me."

Rolling my eyes, my hand grabbed the car's door handle as my lips set in a straight line. "Thank you Nathan." His hand held gently my knee making my heart flutter.

"Cassie." I gazed at him wide eyed. His hand left my leg. He ran it through his hair. My mouth was dry as my heart raced. "You can ask me anything you want."

Little tingles played in my knee where he had just touched me. A little freaked out about it, I kept quiet for a moment, as he crossed his arms and watched me intensely with those mesmerizing grey and bluish eyes.

What did I want to ask him? I knew that Nathan was not the talkative type, so I had to take advantage of this. Nonetheless, I couldn't ask him how did he knew so much about me, because he would completely evade my question as he always did. Thinking it thoroughly, I tilted my head as I murmured, "Why do you fight?"

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably for a moment. His eyes glazed before he answered me. "I'm looking for someone." Through fights? Whoever he was looking for wasn't for friendly purposes, that was for sure.

I raised an eyebrow as he glanced at me. His eyes seemed clouded but as he blinked, it faded away. "It started that way but now I like the adrenaline kick before the fight, or the way you have to be ready for anything at all times." His voice was wary. His eyes were roaming all around my face as he spoke. "That, added to the fact that it annoys the hell out of my father," he drawled, a smirk playing on his lips as his eyes lightened up mischievously.

"Have you found him?"

His whole stance was tense as he shook his head. "No," his tone was somewhat bitter. "I don't even know who I'm looking for." He sounded peeved about it. And hurt.

Several questions played in my head but I wasn't sure if I should actually prod. It was a touchy topic. He probably wouldn't answer me, anyway. Still, I wondered what his reasons for doing that were. Ugh.

I slumped on my seat as my eyes roamed all over his car. I just wanted to actually know something about him. I mean, the guy probably knew what I was thinking right now and I had no clue about anything about him.

"Why haven't you tried for the wrestling team or something?" I asked out of nowhere. I really had no clue what to ask by now.

I just wanted to keep talking to him. And that thought freaked me out even more.

Nathan smiled completely amused. He raised an eyebrow as his smirk widened. "That's kind of lame. I don't want to lose my reputation."

"As a bad-boy?" I shook my head annoyed.

"Of course. Being a bad- ass is way much cooler than being part of the wrestling team." He added enjoying himself.

There wasn't much that I could say about. Sighing, I grabbed the door handle again. "Thank you for the ride."

"Don't mention it." His eyes were piercing as I bobbed my head and hopped out of the car.

A shy smile played on my lips as gazed at him, "see you tomorrow, Nate." His eyes were darker as a breathtaking smile played on his face. My heart skipped a beat and my lips parted as I closed the door.

He waited inside the car as I reached my house and opened the front door. Worrying my lip, I turned to wave at him as his engine roared to life and his car disappeared out of sight. I stared after him even after he was completely gone. Pretty much dumbfounded at that breathtaking smile. Like usual.

Dad was working on his laptop in the kitchen. I presumed he was actually waiting for me. Which was kind of cute. I walked to him and kissed him on the cheek. His blue eyes gazed at me softly as he grinned. "Did you have a good day?"

I nodded, "the best."

He closed the computer. "Are you hungry? There's some chicken salad on the fridge."

Shaking my head, I sat on the stool next to him. "I just had pizza and brownies with Farah and the guys."

Dad raised an eyebrow. "The guys, huh?" Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at him, I settled on glaring at his laptop. "Does one of them happen to be the guy that stayed with you the other day?" I nodded while he continued, "should I be concerned?"

"Nate's just a friend, Dad."

"Nate?" he mocked me with an amused smile on his face.

This time I did roll my eyes. "I'm tired, so I'm going to bed, okay?"

Dad's smile transformed into a smugly grin. Which was kind of weird. "Next time you meet with Nate" he stressed out his name, "I'd like to meet him."

Sighing, I got up. "Seriously?" He nodded full-on smirking now. "Yeah, okay. Whatever." I looked everywhere but him. "Good night." I walked out to my room as my father was gloating all over.

As I laid on my bed, totally ready to sleep, thoughts invaded my mind. Thoughts of Mom and her friends, of those nights where they had dinner here. I remembered her laughter with a small smile. She had always loved to have people over and he was too friendly for her own good. My father had always been the solitary one and I could see how well they complimented each other.

I could only imagine how much he missed her and that he didn't want to be alone.

I was pretty sure that he wanted to change things around the house because everywhere you looked, Mom was there.

In the colorful painting on the living room's wall. In the different potted plants around the house. In the overused kitchen.

Dad needed to move on.

And he deserved it. He'd done so much for us that he deserved to be happy.

My thoughts drifted to Farah and how she was such a great friend. Had I talked to Anne a few years back, I was sure that she would have been as wonderful as Farah. But I had messed up and even after that, I had been lucky to meet someone as nice as her.

For a moment there, I pictured Mom standing close to me smiling. And I knew, deep down in me, that she was taking care of us. That she always wanted the best for us and that even though we missed her like crazy, she was watching out for us.

My eyes brimmed with tears once again. God. I would have liked to know this all those months ago. Because you always hear things like, 'live like there's no tomorrow' and stuff like that, but you never actually grasp the concept of that until something like this happens to you.

A shaky breath left my lips as I rubbed the tears away. I hated to cry. Mostly in front of others. Lately, though, I'd let my walls brake with the least probable person, Nathan Rivers. What was his deal?

There was so much mystery around him. He had this tough exterior but I could feel that he was in so much pain as me. And for whatever reason, he seemed to know so much about me. I honestly never paid attention to him. Ever.

Until now.

He was pretty much everywhere. It was too damn unsettling to feel so at edge with him. I clearly didn't know anything about him and I wanted to. And that was just plain weird.

I dozed off after midnight. My mind kept rambling on and on even after I'd closed my eyes. 

Thank you for reading this!!!