Chapter's song: Jeremy Zucker - comethru (I'm listening this on repeat all day)

Dad invited Marie over a couple of days later. She arrived with beef stew and a bowl of rice. My dad made us some salad and bought some chocolates. He set the table on the dining room going all the way. Taking out the fancy china and getting some flowers to put in the middle of the table. I helped him in silence feeling extremely awkward about it all.

I liked Marie. I really did.

It was just that she was my mom's best friend. She was sort of my aunt. Seeing my father act like this, for her, well, it was plain weird.

Nonetheless, dinner was good. Like absolutely delicious. Especially since we'd been eating take out for the last month or so. It tasted homey.

She was really attentive, too. She asked about school and stuff and she tried to make light conversation with me. However, there was this awkward feeling nagging at the back of my mind.

What the hell was she doing here? Why was she smiling so much at my father?

Why does he smile back?

If you put those questions alone they would make me look like a crazy egocentric teenager who was probably imagining things; it was just that Mom had passed away a few months back and it was absolutely strange to have another woman sitting on the table with us.

Kind of replacing her.

I couldn't bear to think that. I missed her. I could never replace her, not even with Marie. And Dad, didn't he love Mom? Didn't he stay with her until her last breath? Didn't he miss her?

You're one to talk.

My stomach felt heavy and uneasy during her visit. Maybe I was imagining it all. Maybe I was seeing things. Still, I stayed silent most of dinner and asked to be excused just as we finished eating.

After tossing and turning for most of the night, I grabbed my cell phone and read the time. It was almost past four. Sleep seemed like a luxury right now. I rubbed a palm on my face completely frustrated with myself and pretty much everyone else. Since I wasn't going to go back to sleep, I decided to go out for a run. I wasn't one to do much sports, but I needed to do something and running seemed like a good choice.

A part of me wanted to draw. I used to love drawing but I wasn't ready. I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself. I simply didn't have the right to.

Not after everything I did.

It felt like I couldn't bring myself to do something I could enjoy because I didn't deserve it and it felt like I was forgetting Mom. As silly as that sounded, that was exactly how I felt.

The cold air nipped my skin as I started to jog. The sky was still dark and you could already see the twinkling stars. A small smile played on my lips as my breathing started to hitch due to the exercise. Prickles started to tease my legs but I ignored them. I jogged towards Riverbend park and enjoyed the view of the river. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath as I leaned on a nearby tree. The sun was starting to rise and I couldn't take my eyes of the blue waters.

It reminded me of Nathan.

I just couldn't take away the image and the unique color of his eyes.

I rolled my eyes but a small smile tugged on my lips as I recalled the moment he got punched.

Nathan was a mystery. An intriguing, unnerving, alluring mystery.

He seemed to have some sort of stalking tendencies since he appeared out of nowhere pretty much everywhere I went. However, if he was right and he had always been around, I wouldn't have noticed. Apparently, I didn't pay attention to anything around me as I was just walking around in this imaginary bubble I had built in my mind.

A fragile bubble, nonetheless. So fragile that it could break from time to time. Like when I was drunk. It happened once and my whole world collapsed. It was nasty and not something that I wanted to think about again.

I shook my head; Tom had saved me that one time and never mentioned it. I had kissed him and totally came on to him but he had been such a gentleman. He didn't take advantage of me. And I think I ended up crying and mumbling something about Mom. So when he kissed me again, a few days later, I kissed him back. It hadn't felt the same but I pinned it to the alcohol on my blood. That was the exact reason why I didn't drink at parties. And that's how we started to be this kind of friends with benefits thing. I felt like I owed it to him. Plus, it was fun at the time.

However, I didn't know that Marissa had feelings for him. She never said anything. We had this sort of friends with benefits relationship for more than four months and I never noticed any kind of negative signs from her. I sighed; maybe it was due to the fact that I was oblivious to everyone around me. She had a right to hate me.

The sun was shining brightly as I started to jog back to my house. I didn't like to run but it had been rather enjoyable. It kind of let me just follow the movement of my legs and let go of anything and everything for a moment. I was doing this again tomorrow, for sure.

Dad was still asleep as I reached the house. I made coffee and jogged upstairs to take a shower. I had enjoyed wearing a sleeveless sport shirt to run and I cringed at the thought of wearing another long-sleeved blouse. I just didn't want people to know about my scars. But it's so damn hot.

Sighing, I grabbed a short-sleeved black tank and decided to be careful. I found some bracelets and decided to put them on both hands to somehow camouflage the scars.

As I trotted down the stairs, I heard Dad in the kitchen. He was setting the cereal bowls as I walked in. He stared at me for a moment and smiled at me relieved. "I thought I heard you leave at dawn," he trailed as he poured the whole-grain cereal on my plate.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep and decided to go out for a run." I poured the milk on both bowls as he watched me dumbfounded. Lifting my shoulders in a noncommittal gesture, I took a seat at the stool and grabbed a spoon, "apparently, I like running. I'm going to try it again tomorrow."

"Dr. Simmons recommended the exercise" he mumbled to himself as he started to eat. Yeah. I did feel better. Maybe the old man did know what he was talking about.

"Dad? I have to see Amanda, Dr.Pierce, but I'm not sure I want to talk to yet another therapist at school."

He nodded, "I'll call your school today. I know it's mandatory but I'll try to persuade your principal." He smiled at me as his eyes twinkled with emotion. "You look better, honey." After a pause he added, "Did you enjoy having Marie for dinner last night?"

My stomach churned uneasily. My spoon started to play with the food on my bowl. "Yeah, I guess," I trailed unsure. I kept my eyes on the cereal even when I felt Dad's gaze on me.

"I think we should do it again, don't you?" he asked tentatively.

Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore. I had only eaten half of the cereal and stood up to wash my bowl in silence. I liked her but I didn't like her like this.

How selfish can you be Cassandra?

My heart tightened. Dad looked happy. He had been smiling and making jokes during dinner.

I just missed Mom.

"I'm going to brush my teeth and I think I have time to walk to school."

Sadness flashed through his eyes as he nodded. It killed me to see him sad. Especially after seeing him smiling last night. My stomach clenched and I swallowed hard. Gazing at my shoes and rubbing my scar I murmured "You don't have to ask me. You can invite her whenever."

"Did you know your mom asked both of us to be together if she wasn't here anymore?" His words felt like a punch to my stomach. I looked up at him as my eyes brimmed with tears. My heart started to race and I had to swallow down the lump forming on my throat.  Dad's blue eyes watched me assessing my reaction. I nodded. I did hear that.

Mom had told us when she found out she had cancer. Marie had been divorced for the last eight years. She didn't have children and so far, she hadn't find anyone to be with.

I got it. I knew Mom didn't want my father to end up alone.

It was just too soon, wasn't it?

Still, what right did I have to say anything about it? So I kept quiet as I trotted to my room to get ready for the day.

The walk to school was pleasant since I wasn't wearing so many layers of clothes now. I had let my hair down and as I reached school, it had almost dried. The large rock building appeared as I absentmindedly moved my feet still thinking out about what my father had said.

I hadn't imagined anything, had I?

Swallowing hard, I crossed through the parking lot. It was still early and there weren't many cars around. But you could see a group of girls talking at the bottom of the stairs and a couple of jocks playing catch ball on the grass beside the girls.

Small waves curled my hair and I tried to flat it with my hands as I stepped inside the main hallway. Strangely, I wasn't surprised to see Nathan leaned on my locker waiting for me. Especially since after the comment he made the other day. I had avoided him and since our Math teacher had been sick, it hadn't been hard to.

They guy was persistent. And I hated to admit but he looked good in those dark blue ripped jeans and grey shirt. It somehow enhanced the color of his eyes. The bruise on his left eye was almost imperceptible. It was still a bit swollen but not as the day he got punched.

My steps faltered as I approached him but I straightened and walked in front of him. "Do you mind?" I raised an eyebrow clearly peeved at him.

Nate's lips tugged up on a crookedly smile. "Don't you ever greet people?"

My heart started to race at that stupidly good-looking smile and I retaliated with a sick sweet smile, "Hi Nate!"

He chuckled and moved aside so I could open my locker. "You look nice, by the way," he lingered as his right hand grabbed a strand of my hair. No need to point out that my heart was beating a mile a minute as I felt my cheeks warm. I tried to ignore it as I worried my lip and took out my English book.

The strand of hair slipped out of his hand. Oh, thank God, I pleaded inside of my head. 

"Listen, about the other day," he drawled as my heart started to race even faster. My mouth went dry as I thought back to the day his face was too close to mine. Or when he got punched and said that I had a beautiful smile. Even just thinking about it made my stomach uneasy.

I looked at him. His grey eyes were locked on mine and they looked determined. Not angry. Well, maybe. The distinctive sound of students chatting and milling about started to fill out the hallway. His voice was steady as he stated "You can't go out there again, not even with your friend or Chris." It sounded like an order. What the hell?

"Excuse me?" I asked quizzically.

He sighed and brushed his tongue over his lips before determination set in his eyes. "Half of the guys out there are in gangs, it's not a safe place for a girl like you."

"A girl like me?" Defiance laced my tone.

"Yes. A girl like you." He set his jaw as he straightened up and looked at me boldly.

I closed my locker's door with more force than necessary, making some of the students nearby look our way. "You can't tell me where I can or not go."

A lopsided smile played on his lips. I ignored the way my heart skipped over it. Taking a step closer, he added, "if I see you there, I'm going to carry you up and drop your cute little ass back into school's grounds." My breath caught in my throat at his proximity and the blazing intensity of his eyes. "You've been warned, Taylor." He stated in a final voice before walking away.

Why does he keep doing that? Ugh. The worst part? He's got the undeniable trait to leave me dumbfounded. That's as intriguing as annoying.

How dare he forbid me anything? And what did he mean by a girl like me?

The bell rang and I had to stomp my way towards English class. I met with Farah who eyed me quizzically. "What's going on with you?"

Rolling my eyes, I dropped my backpack on the floor. "Nathan is an idiot."

Farah's lips twitched as she tried to suppress a smile. "Nathan? The same Nathan who got punched for you?" She crossed her arms across her chest, "the one who's a total nobody?" she raised an eyebrow and the smile she had previously tried to suppress was now an evident smirk.

Pressing my lips together for a moment, I slumped on my seat. "The one and only," I muttered annoyed before pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Huh." Farah's smirk was now more pronounced. "You didn't tell me what was there, did you?"

Taking a deep breath, I started to take my notebook and black pen out, "there's nothing going on."

She kept pushing on, "so, why are so angry at him now?"

"I'm not. He's no one. I don't care what he says. I can go wherever I want and he can deal with it." I crossed my arms as I just finished setting everything on my desk. I looked up and my friend was raising an eyebrow. Still with that annoying grin on her face. "It's not important."

Softly, she shook her head. "I'm sure he isn't."

"He's not."

"I know," she beamed at me. "So, since you're so grumpy this morning, due to nothing important," I rolled my eyes as she kept on, "let me tell you what happened yesterday!" her voice tone was soft but her blue orbs sparkled excitedly as she grinned wider. Thankful for the change of subject, I breathed out and listened intently to her. "I didn't know that Chris is actually my neighbor! He drove me home yesterday and it turns out that his house is on the same street as mine, just a few houses away." Her eyes were dreamy as she added, "he is such a gentleman to me." Her tone was barely a whisper as she added, "and he kissed me."

I blinked at her as Mrs. Clearwater trotted in already giving instructions for the next hour. She turned away but I could tell that she thought that they were now seeing each other. I wouldn't be so sure, thought.

It was just going all too fast for my taste. I'd been there and I had done it, but it had just been kind of a friends with benefits thing with Tom. But at least I knew it. However, I kept quiet. I didn't feel like I could intrude in her life, anyway.

Nonetheless, I was worried about her.

As we walked out of class, we heard Marissa's distinctive high pitched voice telling someone off. I was going to pass them by as I always did, but I felt bad for the girl she was being mean to. A trembling voice answered Marissa as she laughed at it. Most of all, I recognized that voice, it belonged to Anne. I stopped Farah with my hand before walking down the corridor to see what was going on.

Anne was slumped on the floor as Marissa and her minions made fun of her. Her books and notebooks were all scattered around. I heard them voice loser and nerd. My blood started to boil and I pushed some girl away as I stepped in front of Anne, blocking her from them. "Leave her alone Marissa."

Marissa's mouth formed a sneer, "who's going to stop me? You?" She raised an eyebrow defiantly.

"Just go."

She stepped closer and towered over me. With all her force, she pushed me on the chest and I stumbled into Anne. I tried to straighten up in time so I wouldn't fall on her but I couldn't. I ended up crashing into her. Marissa's brown eyes were wild, "I'm going to make your life a living hell!" I swallowed hard. I could handle her. But I couldn't let her bully Anne.

Standing up, my eyes were leveled to hers and my tone was serious as I said "I'm not scared". Farah was wide-eyed as she watched the scene unfold.

Marissa took a step closer. "You should be."

My mouth felt dry as I added, "if you have a problem with me that's fine. Deal with me. Don't bring anyone else into it."

She laughed out loud. "Oh. I have a problem with you," she shook her head with a sneer on her face.

"Then you have a problem with me too!" Farah stepped next to me and I internally cringed. This is exactly the kind of situation that I wanted to avoid for her. She was extremely nice and I didn't want to bring her into my troubles. Especially since she didn't really know about them.

Marissa's eyes were trained on me. "She doesn't know what a back-stabbing bitch you are, does she?"

Her words cut deep within me. My chest tightened. No, she didn't.

My lips were set on a straight line when a dark voice shouted from behind us, "Farah, babe, where have you been? I've been looking out for you!" Chris' green eyes narrowed at the scene. "Is there something wrong?"

We must have been an odd scene to watch. Anna was picking up her books, Marissa was towering over me, Farah was right next to me, quite ready to deliver a punch and Marissa's minions were sending daggers our way.

"Nope," Farah answered without taking her eyes off Marissa. "We're just making new friends, right?" At that, Marissa glanced at my friend. Her eyes were loathing. Damn.

My stomach clenched but I didn't move an inch. I didn't want to be the one backing away. Even if all I wanted to was to run the other way. However, I wasn't giving up on my friends. Not again.

Marissa glared at me before she bobbed her head and her minions trotted behind her. Farah and I followed her with our eyes as she disappeared down the hallway. A relived breath left my lips. Thank God she left.

Chris stepped closer to us and I noticed he wasn't alone. Nathan had watched the whole scene too. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, either. The guy was everywhere.

Someone pushed me from behind and Farah grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling. Anne was right behind me; her jaw was quivering as her eyes were blazing. "Fuck you Cassandra! I don't need your help! You are so much worse than her! You're a hypocrite and a liar!" her hands were trembling and her eyes were scorching as she added, "and I hate you!"

Her words caught me off guard. Each word felt like blows to my stomach. She walked away as my eyes dropped to the floor. They were brimming with tears. My breath hitched and all the hatred, fear and darkness that I felt for myself intensified.

I heard Farah ask on the back if I was fine but I was already running away from them.

Tears were falling freely as I stopped on the side of the parking lot and crumbled to the floor crying.

She was right. I was the worst person in the world.

I abandoned her, even though I knew she had been my friend I never once stood up for her when someone called her names. Not once.

I was such a hypocrite.

A moment later, strong arms encased me. I tried to struggle away but they held me tighter. "It's okay, Cassie. It's okay," Nathan whispered as he rocked me.

Tired of pulling away, I clenched his shirt as his grip tightened. And I just lost it. I started to cry for everything. Out of despair, anger, fear, but mostly because I felt hopeless.

We stayed like that for the longest of times. At some point, I realized that I was sitting on his lap and was leaned on his chest hugging him hard as he rubbed his hands on my back. I loosened my grip and slowly pulled away while rubbing my eyes with the back of my palm.

Grey eyes were piercing through me. His warm breath caressed my skin. He cupped my chin as my lips parted. His thumb brushed one tear away as his eyes turned bluer. "She was mad Cassie. She didn't mean those things."

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Pulling away from him, I looked down. "She did. She's right, too." My voice broke as my breath caught in my breath. A small whimper about to burst out. 

I'm the worst person ever.

He stood up. "Do you want me to take you home?" his eyes were concerned.

Lost in my own thoughts, I shook my head and started to walk away. Heavy footsteps followed behind me. His hand encased my wrist and I felt as if my stomach plopped to the floor. Panic swelled over me. Completely frozen, my heart thumped loudly inside my ribcage. 

I knew he felt it, the bumpy scar on my wrist.

He turned it around and my breath caught in my throat. His thumb dabbed my scar while his eyes bored into me. My breath heaved as his other hand grabbed my left wrist. He trailed a finger across my other scar without breaking eye contact. All I could think was that I was broken and that he would know. I expected him to pull away disgusted or even shocked. However, there wasn't pity or shock in his eyes. Just sadness and other feeling that flashed through his eyes for a moment but I couldn't place it.

His hand softly travelled up my arm before he pulled me to him. His arms encircled me and I could feel his fast beating heart as I leaned on his chest once again. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I swallowed hard. Nathan didn't say anything.

He was just there.

When I calmed down, he grabbed my hand and led me to his car. I was thankful he wasn't asking questions I didn't want to answer.

He was silent but his jaw was clenched and by the white on his knuckles, I knew he was gripping the steering wheel hard.

Knowing very well that the school was keeping a close eye on me, I texted Dad to let him know that I was fine but that I was skipping for the rest of the day. Not even a minute later my cell phone rang. Grimacing and with a heavy heart, I answered the call. "Hi Dad."

"Are you okay? Why are you skipping? I have a meeting with the Dean and I can't miss it," he sounded as stressed out as he probably was.

"I just need some space." My whole face was turned to the side and I was acutely aware at the boy beside me listening to the whole thing.

"What happened? You sound, troubled."

Sighing, I explained to him that I had stood up for Anne but she wasn't happy about it. I swallowed the lump down my throat, "she hates me." I closed my eyes as they were starting to tear up once more.

Dad stayed quiet for a moment. "I'll call the school and I'm also going to call Marie. I don't want you to be alone right now."

"I'm not!" I said panicked. I did not want to see her. It was just too confusing. "A friend is with me," I frowned as the words left my mouth.

"Huh" Dad sounded troubled himself. After a second he murmured, "I still think it would be better if I called her."

"Dad I really don't want to see her." My tone was soft but serious.

Sighing, I could picture him rubbing a palm on his face. "I'll try to get out early. I'll pick you up at Pierce's, okay?"

Thankful that he dropped the subject, I nodded, "yes."

"Is your friend staying over?" he asked hopeful as my stomach plummeted. I hated to hear Dad so worried, I hated that it was all because of me. I gazed at Nate for a moment and he was still looking at the road but I could tell he was listening intently to every word I had said.

"I don't know" I answered truthfully. "If he does, you won't call her, right?"

"He?" My dad's voice was a little high pitched and more worried.

"Dad."

Beaten, he took a deep breath. "Okay. Just be careful."

"Yes. I'll text you." Relief laced my tone. I really did not want to see Mom's friend.

"I love you, Cassie."

"Me too."

As I put away my phone on the front pocket of my backpack, I looked up and was surprised to see that we were already parked in front of my house. I never gave him directions. Stalker, much?

Nate hopped off the car and waited for me to get out as well. We walked to the front door slowly, each one in silence. Before I opened the door, I turned to him, "thank you for bringing me home." The goodbye I'll see at school was pretty much implied within my tone.

He gazed at me and raised an eyebrow. "I'd like a sandwich, thank you."

"Huh?" I frowned at him.

"I'm famished woman, I brought you home, now I want to eat." He forced a smile, trying to sound nonchalant. "Please." Even though he was trying not to show it, his eyes were soft and worried over me. And to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone right now.

Mom's image on her bed was still fresh on my mind. Gnawing my lip, I moved to let him walk in.

As I stepped inside my house, the same overwhelming feeling I had every time I entered my house came up. I was hoping that it would fade eventually but time kept passing and I still felt a lump down my throat as I walked inside. Every time.

It still felt as if Mom was around. Everything was the same. No matter how many times I entered the house, it still struck me as if she would be alive. And every time I got the sinking heart feeling because I knew she wasn't.

I swallowed hard and walked to the fridge. There were some leftovers from yesterday's dinner, but I wasn't in the mood for anything Marie-related. I searched through the fridge as I heard Nathan take a seat on the kitchen counter.

"There's really not much, sorry" I murmured apologetically as I grabbed two apples from the bottom drawer. I washed them and threw one at him. He had good reflex since he caught the apple without a blink.

Crunchy noises were heard across the room as we both ate the fruit. Him, sat over the counter while I leant on the other side of the kitchen, leaving all the room in between. He pushed himself away from the counter and washed his hands. "I'm still hungry," he patted his belly with a small smirk on his face.

I eyed him warily. "Don't you have to go back to school?"

"What? And leave all the fun to you?" he raised an eyebrow. "Not happening. Come on, I know a place."

Biting my lip, I stared at him. His grey eyes were stormy yet determined at the same time. He was sad, I could tell. But he wasn't sad for me. It was like he had this darkness swelling inside of him and I couldn't see any kind of judgement towards me. Instead, I found understanding. Plus, he wasn't asking any questions. Even though I knew he probably had too many.

Still with a heavy heart, I slowly pushed myself off the counter. "What kind of place?"

A lopsided smile flashed through his lips. "A great place. They make the best sandwiches ever."

Apprehension made my stomach clench. I wasn't a good person. I was a failure to my friends, to my family. Why would he want to spend time with me?

"Nate," he stopped right as we reached the front door, "I'm not fun to hang out with." He glanced at me. "I got therapy," I said in a sort of explanation of why I was so fucked up while raising both hands.

His lips twitched. "We share the therapist, remember?"

Averting my eyes, my brows furrowed. "I'm fucked up. Anne is right."

His hand grabbed mine. "Don't do this," his lips were set in a straight line. "Let's get a freaking sandwich. That's it" he raised his palm in mock surrender.

My eyes teared up as my lips trembled. Swallowing the lump down my throat, I nodded. "Sandwich, okay."

"You'll thank me later, I promise." He grinned and held the door for me as I walked out.

The ride was silent as I stared outside the window. I had fucked up. Really bad.

Sometimes, I felt better. Some others, the pain, shame and guilt crashed up on me making me feel like I was at the bottom of a dark pit.

However, the boy next to me wasn't judging me, wasn't pitting me, he just wanted to be close. And I sort of needed to hang on to the fine line of hope he was giving me. I needed that. Just as much as I had been needing a friend when Farah showed up.

A slight sense of calmness washed over me just by being around him. Especially since he now knew the truth I had been trying to hide over the last weeks.

Minutes later, he parked outside Subway. My lips twitched. "Seriously?" I glanced at him.

He was full on smiling now. A gorgeous lopsided smile. "They do make mean ham sandwiches." A small breath left my lips as I grinned. His grey eyes sparkled. "See? I knew you'd enjoy it."

"I do have therapy later on," I murmured as he closed the car.

"I know," he glanced at me. "Me too." And there was that lopsided smile again.

That smile was contagious, mischievous and intriguing at the same time. It made my heart skip a beat. Or two.

When we got to the restaurant's counter, he ordered an enormous baguette with almost every condiment in it. I wasn't really hungry. Still, when I voiced that out loud he glared at me and ordered a basic ham and cheese sandwich for me. He didn't let me pay for my part arguing that I wasn't going to eat much anyway.

Across the fast-food joint was a small park, so we crossed the street and sat on a small picnic table that was placed overlooking the park, right at the middle.

We ate in comfortable silence. My eyes looking everywhere but him. I still wondered how could he be so understanding and nice to me, when everyone at school always thought of him as a mean, bad-ass. Which he wasn't. At all.

I ate half of the sandwich before I found myself playing with my food. I could feel his burning stare on me. Eventually, I gave up and met his eyes. His gaze was as intense as always, making me blush. He had already finished all his food. My palms turned sweaty and I started to trace one of my scars as I turned away from him. Gazing at the distance, I murmured, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Only if you let me ask you one in return," he retorted.

For a fleeting moment, my lips tugged up on a sad smile, "Fair enough." I swallowed hard. "Why do you go to therapy?"

His stance changed for a moment. His shoulders tensed and he averted his eyes, gazing towards the playground. A moment later he trailed, "I lost someone." By the tone of his voice I knew he didn't want to talk about it and I respected that, even though I really wanted to know.

I knew that losing someone could change you forever. It could either make you appreciate life or the opposite. Thinking about the fights and him being always lonely, I could tell he could relate to me somehow.

We were both in pain.

Silence reigned for a moment as I waited expectantly for his turn to question me. In a small, serious tone, he asked, "what were you feeling, when you, when you did it?"

My heart sank. I took a deep breath as gazed at my scars. My eyes brimmed with tears as I recollected all the self-hatred, pain and desperation I felt that night. "I wanted it to stop," I swallowed hard, "I wanted to stop feeling so much pain. I just wanted to stop feeling anything at all." His eyes closed for a moment and I could see his pain and fear. When he opened them again his gaze was darker and conflicted.

Hesitantly, he added, "Did it hurt?"

I nodded as a small tear freed itself. "It did. But I felt relieved to feel that pain. Like I deserved it. It was welcomed." He reached out for my face and brushed the tear away. A weird tingling sensation lingered on my cheek where he had just touched me.

Troubled, he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"I know." I swallowed the large lump on my throat. "I'm sorry too. It didn't solve anything. If anything, it made it worse."

Time passed, we both stayed quiet; each one thinking about our different problems. I looked at him once and he seemed to have a fierce internal debate since his hands were clenched tightly. His jaw was clenched and his lips were set on a straight line.

I wanted to say something. I needed to, so I voiced the first thing that came to my mind "I'm sorry for your loss." I used to hate when people told me that. How could they be sorry? They don't even know how it feels. But at this very moment, I was sorry for his loss. I was sorry because I knew how hard it was to lose someone you loved. The pain and sorrow that it brought. Because the ache was so raw and the emptiness so deep that your soul would throb and you could feel completely lost sometimes. So, when those words left my mouth, I meant them, with all my heart. I was sorry because I knew how it felt.

My eyes casted down. "My mom passed away." I played with my fingers grazing the wood on the table. "Over the summer."

He was silent for a moment. His eyes were intense before turning away. "I figured."

I shook my head. In a soft tone, barely a whisper, I asked him, "how do you know so much about me?" How do I know so little about you?

He stayed quiet for a moment before a small smile drew on his lips. "Unlike you," he shoved me playfully by the shoulder, "I actually pay attention."

Playing with the hem of my hoodie, I grinned softly. "I think you should tell Amanda about your stalking tendencies."

He snorted. Taking a deep breath, his eyes roamed all over my face, "Yeah, maybe I should." His tone was much more calm and I could feel myself relax a little.

Tilting his head, quizzically, he added "So, what's the deal with the red head and you?"

Sighing, I grimaced. "She was my best friend until I blew her off to hang out with the Marissa." I shook my head. "She has every right to be mad at me."

"Well, you are aware of it now. That has to count for something, doesn't it?"

I shrugged. I didn't know. I really didn't know if Anne would be capable of forgiving me for treating her so badly.

I didn't know if I could forgive myself to begin with.

My cell phone's alarm sounded. It was time for my appointment. I stared at the time and it was already past four. Time had certainly flew.

"You missed your appointment with Amanda." He didn't seem to mind. "And I do have to get to mine." I read the street's name trying to plan the best route to get there. It was going to take me more than twenty minutes, so I got up patting my jeans from the bench's dirt.

A smirk traced his lips. "I'll give you a ride."

"No, it's fine. I like walking, so that's okay." I looked at those amazing eyes and swallowed hard from their steady gaze. "Thank you. For everything."

"Don't thank me until I drop you off at the loony's office." I smiled at that and stepped beside him towards his car. "You know, it's so lame to have therapy on Friday," he trailed in a teasing tone.

I shrugged, "I don't really mind." I had nothing to do anyway.

His eyes twinkled as I gazed at him. "Try to change your session for another day. We could do something fun next week. With Chris and your blonde friend."

"Didn't you have therapy too?" Still smiling, I shook my head, "And don't you know people's names?" I teased him.

He chuckled. "So many questions, Taylor." He stopped to open the door for me. "I only know the names of the people that seem interesting." 

My heart skipped a beat. His eyes were piercing again and my heart fluttered.

Trying to light up the mood, I added, "well, you're talking to the lame girl who has therapy on Fridays. Like you." He chuckled at that. Being around him brought this warm feeling. Like I didn't need to pretend. I could be sad or angry and it wouldn't matter. It was nice.

Nathan's hand gently encased my upper arm. "Therapy or not, there's nothing lame about you Cass. Trust me on that." His tone was sincere and his eyes were serious.

I swallowed hard. Not from anguish but from nervousness.

He and those intense eyes.     

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Love you, 

Gabs