PLEASE READ THE A/N AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!!!!!

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p r e v i o u s l y :

"I need you too!" I nothing short of yell as I walk into John's room not a minute later.

He was pacing, as I had presumed. His hair was disheveled, his dress shirt partially unbuttoned halfway down his chest, untied neck tie in his hands.

His pacing brings himself over to me. "If I was sane and calm right now, I wouldn't have the guts to do this." John then flips the tie so it's around my neck and smoothly closes the door while pushing me up against it. And finally, in one glorious moment that feels like it lasts a lifetime, his lips press against mine, exploding every single firework ever made and then some.

"I need you."

-

Alex's POV:

The kiss was different from the one we had before. Probably because he was drunk before and I took advantage of that... Whatever. It was.

I had three letters shoved into my pocket that were very likely crumpled and my hair was a mess as was my tux, but I had never been happier than I was in that moment. Instead of me kissing the living (and dead) daylights out of him, he did that to me, but I was still completely and utterly happy. 

After the kiss went on for a few seconds John pulled away and fixed my tie back into its correct place. He then smoothed his hair, took a breath, and said, "shit."

"Shit what? Shit, we just kissed while we were both conscious and sober or shit, we have to go to the wedding you forgot about somehow?"

"Um, both really," he said, rushing around his dorm room once again. I was still balanced up against the door, breathless and watching him.

I figured we were just going to ignore the kiss that had just happened and focus on the shit, wedding part instead, so I brush myself off and head to the small mirror he had by the door. I decided that I should try to be funny rather than stress him out even more, so I said, "do I look okay? I'm trying to play the part of supportive friend who is here as a plus-one but still wants to have a good time while simultaneously having a great fashion sense."

John snorted slightly but it was more of a polite, I-see-what-you're-doing-and-I-appreciate-it-but-it's-not-working snort than a I-really-think-you're-funny snort. 

"It's definitely working," John said without looking at me. I wasn't offended or anything, though. "Okay, so we should leave here in like three minutes so that we can get there by morning."

I realized that I had never asked who exactly was getting married nor where it was, so I did then.

"Oh, it's my uncle to this girl, I don't even remember her name. I'll update you on everything in the car, let's head out. Do you have your phone and, like, clothes? Shit, did I not tell you to bring stuff?"

He hadn't, but I didn't really want to stress him out, so without saying anything I ran to his room and grabbed some things that looked to be slightly larger than things he'd wear and shoved them into a plastic bag.

"I have clothes. Let's go!" I offered him my arm, feeling oddly confident today.

John laughed, a real laugh this time, and grabbed his phone, wallet, and a small duffel bag that looked like it was about to burst at the seams, and then looped his arm through mine.

"I'm borrowing my friend's car, so that means I have to drive all night, which means you have to be up to keep me awake. Sorry." He told me as we walked down the stairs. Then he added after a moment of silence, "Sorry about all of this, really."

"It's fine, really. You asked me to go a while ago, I should've asked for details sooner. Or at all."

-

It had only been thirty minutes into the drive when John and I both became drowsy. It's not like I was boring him with conversation–more like we hadn't spoken at all.

Finally, it seemed like we were both fed up with the silence, and we both began speaking at the same time. Me with something attempting to be funny and him with something that sounded like it was going to be serious.

I began with, "so did you hear about the kidnapping?" whereas he said, "so about earlier..."

Needless to say, I was going to let him talk first.

"Wait, not, you finish yours! No, I didn't hear about the kidnapping, what happened?" John said, turning slightly to face me for a second in the dark before turning back to the road.

"Oh, don't worry, he woke up."

John snorted again, but this time it was a I-think-you're-funny snort, which made me happy.

"Sorry. You can continue now," I said, honestly wanting to hear what he had to say.

"Um, so, like, about what happened earlier...  I was going to make some lame excuse as to why I kissed you but I can't think of any which is probably why I'm saying this to you right now but I want you to hear it from sober, conscious me rather than drunk voicemail me." So it was about what I thought it was. John's voice began to sound strained, and I almost wanted to tell him he didn't have to say all that he was about to, but I couldn't. I needed to hear it. "Um. Wow, I'm actually telling you this. Damn."

John stayed quiet for a few seconds after his statement, so I interrupted.

"John, you don't have to do this."

"I do, though," He said, glancing at me again. "I need to say it."

I just nodded, allowing him time to think of what to say. Meanwhile, all I could feel was the letters burning in my pocket. Should I do it first? Put myself out there, just hand the letters to him and be like "there." Well, no, Alex, that'd be dumb, he's driving, you idiot, he couldn't read them.

Should I read them to him?

As soon as this thought crossed my mind, John began talking again.

"I told myself that I wouldn't tell you that I liked you until I knew for sure you liked me back, so I guess I'll use that kiss earlier as proof that you do. So, here it is. These are my confessions. I, uh, I... Really like you. And, like, you know that already probably, but I just wanted to put it out there. So. Yeah."

I looked at him. His nervousness was the cutest thing I'd ever seen and I realized then that I didn't want to not be able to tell him stuff like that out loud. So, I put my own nerves aside and slid the letters out of my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the first one out of its envelope, my hands shaking. I could barely make out the words on the page, but I read it anyways.

"Dearest Laurens," I began. John took in a breath, taking his eyes off the road yet again to look at me and see what I was holding. "I cannot put into words well enough how strongly I feel for you. And I only just met you a few days ago! I've never been this open with a piece of paper before, but these are things that need to be said, so I am writing them. You are the one thing that keeps me going, really. I only just moved here and there's already so much drama, but I go through it all head on because I know that I might get a chance to see you, even for just a second. Your face makes me happy, your laugh is my favourite song, your smile could literally light up a room and that's just the beginning of the cliches. You're oxygen and I'm expensive parchment, and you're going to ruin me." 

I ended before the sincerely part, not daring to look up from the paper. Instead, I pulled out the second letter and read that one too, and after, I read the third. 

John wasn't saying anything, so I finally got the courage to look up at him. His eyes seemed shiny and he had the largest smile possible on his face.

"So, yeah. There's all that," I said, not moving my eyes away from his face. "I like you too. A lot. If I didn't mention that at all."

After what seemed like hours, John finally spoke. "If I wasn't driving on a highway right now, I'd kiss you for hours."

-

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

HELLO, WONDERFUL PEOPLE. I say wonderful completely seriously here. I haven't updated since July, but this book has still risen to 30k reads?? Insanity.

This section is more of an apology than a thank you, though. 

I thought that I'd have loads of time this summer to update but it turns out, I didn't (obviously). Anyways, I'm so sorry that I haven't produced anything since July and now finally I do (it is october honestly thea who do you think you are) and all you wonderful people get is this piece of shit.

HERE ARE MY EXCUSES FOR NOT UPDATING:

-I had to fly fourteen hours to visit my family in China for a week at the end of August, do I get points for that?

-Classes started back up and my schedule is packed this semester

-I am in a show (!!!!!!!) (Pride and Prejudice) being produced at a small theater near campus and the schedule for that is demanding as well

-I'm supposed to have all of my lines memorized by October 10th (yes that is this tuesday) but I know about none of act II (that wasn't an excuse just me complaining)

-I'm a horrible person who tells herself she'll upload but then doesn't and watching thirteen episodes of Glee instead.

I'm sorry. No more excuses.

See you soon

Xoxo, gossip girl:)