chapter thirty-five

       WITHIN THE BATTERING WINDS of a dusty Tatooine sandstorm that clawed at her clothes and tangled her hair, Amora almost preferred her enslavement back at Jabba's palace. It seemed to be the much preferable option compared to wandering through a desert blindly, her sense of direction relying on grasping Luke's arm and searching for the red light from Lando's tracker.

       The group had flown as far as they safely could on the cruiser, but when they travelled into the hazardous valley, the cons outweighed the pros. They were forced onto the ground to find the ship by foot, and although the extreme danger remained, they at least had a lead, known otherwise as Lando and his tracker (and they also had cloaks that Artoo somehow had ready, but it was better to not ask questions).

       Amora's eyes were squeezed shut for the majority of the walk, only opening them periodically to ensure safety. She didn't need to go blind like Han. But closing her eyes only protected so much. For example, she very much regretted changing her hairstyle so quickly, because her free waves were not withstanding this wind.

       "Did no one check the weather beforehand?!" she yelled to anyone who cared enough to listen.

       "Sorry, the mob holding you hostage wouldn't tell me!" Luke called out without looking back.

       Amora didn't reply, but she could feel the corners of her lips turn upwards. It was terribly relieving that the same, comforting banter hadn't changed.

       It was especially relieving because of how much did change. The storm wasn't the only reason Amora guiltily wished to return to Jabba's. Quite frankly, she was in over her head with the idea of freedom. For some reason, she had assumed that leaving that horrid place would result in an immediate resume of where she took off, her life back on track with no consequences. Much to her surprise, that is not what happened.

       Everything felt so different! And to be honest, Amora couldn't decide whether it really was or not. She knew the rebellion was suffering their worst loss since its creation, she knew her once hatred-filled friends were seeing each other in a new light, and she knew a traitor-turned-good was a fresh addition to their group. Even Luke, her forever consistency, was now a Jedi knight. And it wasn't necessarily the changes that appeared so unsettling. It was more that she was oblivious to them all when they actually occurred.

       Everything she had learned within those palace walls seemed so far off and imaginative. She knew them to be true because they were, not because of her own experience. None of those realities had much effect over her present until she finally stepped away from her own confinement. Only then did she face the looming year of her life that was lost.

       Besides her nervousness for unaddressed change, another fear stacked onto the pile involving her lack of practice within the rebellion. The alliance was striving to survive after a job poorly done and all she did was claim the title of a certified barista. She knew she could've helped, but there was nothing to show for it. The thought of returning after a skill-weakening hiatus was intimidating.

       Luckily, it was easy to tuck those worries away until further notice, since the current worry overtaking her mind was to stay standing.

       "How is it?!" Leia yelled over the noise to Han, whose eyesight had greatly improved since he was freed.

       "I don't know!" Han shouted back as he dragged his feet effortfully. "All I can see is a lot of blowing sand!"

       Leia shook her head and sighed. "That's all any of us can see!"

       "Then I guess I'm getting better!"

       Amora wasn't sure how that could be true. Her eyesight was significantly worse. How was all this sand not making him blind for good? Hopefully he was lying and had his eyes closed, too. Yeah, that had to be it.

       In a quick second where she tore her eyes open, she was delighted to do so. Although difficult to see, the looming figure of the Millennium Falcon was no doubt there, a relieving safety haven that Amora didn't realize she missed. She had spent so much time in that ship, whether it be a mission or her just wanting to be alone, that it instantly reminded her of home. It was nice to be back.

       However, the Falcon wasn't the only ship there. Not too far away, there was a much smaller X-wing who looked as though it could tip over any second from the weather. Amora figured it was Luke's. It only made sense. She didn't know he planned to travel separately, but it's not like it mattered. They were headed to the same place.

       The group practically ran to the ships in a mad dash to escape from the dusty storm. Thanks to Lando, the Falcon's boarding ramp was already sailing downwards, which was easy to see in the bright, white lights that made out its shape. It was fully set by the time they arrived.

       Lando and Chewie, at the front of the group, went ahead first, causing Amora to break away from Luke to go help the giant Wookiee. For someone so big and strong, he wasn't handling himself well. She ran up to his other side and grabbed his arm, hearing him growl softly in thanks. The three stumbled onto the ramp and jogged up until they found themselves in the warm atmosphere of the ship.

       She peered up at Chewie and patted his arm softly. "You all set, big guy?"

       With an affectionate roar as his answer, Amora nodded and turned back down the ramp to help the droids. She spotted them struggling to board the ship in such frustrating terrain, but she also noticed Luke and Han talking, making no effort to join them inside.

       "I'm thinking," Amora overheard Han say when she stepped into the sand. "I owe you one."

       Standing next to the droids, she only then realized that Leia was already out there to usher them inside. So instead, Amora hesitantly walked to the sidelines of Luke and Han's conversation. She didn't want to interrupt or rush them, but she was, one, needing to speak to Luke, and two, needing to get out of the sandstorm.

       Amora clutched her hood tightly to her head as they spoke. And whether they were done speaking or not, Han immediately took Amora's hint, patting Luke on the shoulder one last time before leaving the two to talk one last time. She stepped in closer so she wouldn't have to talk as loud.

       "Are you sure you don't wanna ditch that thing and come with us?" Amora asked as she nudged her head towards the lone X-wing. "I mean, I can get you a brand new ship back at the alliance!"

       He smiled at her offer, but sadly shook his head in refusal. "Tempting, but I can't."

       "Don't worry, we'd send someone to pick it up later," she explained cluelessly.

       "I'm not going to the alliance."

       Amora froze, feeling her moment of carefully crafted joy come tumbling down all at once.

       What?!

       She wrapped her cloak tighter around her body at a particularly harsh gust of wind as she gaped in shock. "You're not coming with us?"

       Seeing her fidget, Luke grabbed Amora's arm and pulled her over to the Falcon's ramp, where they walked up halfway to avoid the storm's conditions. Standing partially in the covering of the ship, Amora was able to remove her hood without shielding her face. The wind was muffled from outside and she could hear her own voice without yelling.

       "I'm not going anywhere dangerous," he immediately assured her before saying anything else. "I promise."

       He could sense her steadily increasing stress before it even began. He was trying his best to not stress her out, but that seemed inevitable. Amora was bound to panic.

       "Right, because that sounds promising," she spat, subconsciously trying to adopt a teasing tone that disguised genuine concern.

       He shook his head in denial. "I'm telling the truth."

       "Everywhere you go is dangerous!" Amora cried out. "Have you already forgotten about the rancor you killed this morning?!"

       "I didn't want to kill him-"

       "Not helping!" she shouted exasperatedly, any fake hint of amusement replaced by her real nerves. "I know Vader's looking for you. He's got security on every planet! And if he finds you-"

       "I'll be safe," Luke insisted, luckily hiding his tense stature at the mention of Vader from Amora.

       He had spent uncomfortable amounts of time thinking about when he should tell her. It wasn't something he wanted to drop without warning, but he also didn't want to keep it a secret. Not to mention that this information could possibly change her whole perception of him. But that wasn't realistic in the slightest, no. Amora could be vicious, but not to him. Not really. She wouldn't think twice about accepting the truth, and more importantly, him. He wasn't scared of her finding out, but he wasn't looking forward to it either.

       Either way, that wasn't even close to the first thing on his mind. She didn't need to know that. Not yet, anyways.

       He cleared his throat and continued on after the briefest of pauses. "I'm going back to Dagobah to find Yoda and finish my training."

       Amora blinked, dumbfounded. That hadn't occurred to her at all. He had to go back? Was he... not a Jedi? That all had looked pretty Jedi-like to her. But then again, she supposed he did cut his own training short. That hadn't occurred to her, either. So in that case, how long was he supposed to be gone this time?

       "But..." Amora trailed off, rendered speechless. "But... you're already a Jedi, right? Do you really need to rush back?"

       "This rescue was the only thing keeping me from going," Luke admitted. "And now that you're here, I need to go."

       Amora stayed silent, searching for any words to fall from her hanging jaw. She didn't know what she was supposed to say. After all the trouble they went through to make it back to each other, he was leaving again, just like that?

       "But I wasn't sure if you wanted to come," he continued carefully after the lack of an answer.

       Amora still didn't speak, even though she knew what he was implying. She didn't know what to say. She was frantically racking her brain for an answer.

       "This is me asking."

       She could feel a pressure building up in her chest that had no reason to exist other than inconvenience. She couldn't say yes. Saying yes would mean delaying the inevitable and filling her body with absolute dread until then. She would love to say yes, but Amora knew that she would be choosing theory instead of reality.

       "I can't just... do that!" Amora cried out, letting her emotions take the reins over composure.

       She couldn't believe he was leaving. Luke was leaving and he wanted her to come. She couldn't! She wanted to get her life straight, get back as soon as possible!

       "I've been away for so long already! I just want things to get back to normal!"

       She didn't really mean it when Amora said she wanted to go back to Jabba's palace. She may be a little anxious to head back home, but that's where she wants to be. Where she needs to be. She just wished Luke was coming, too.

       He reached out and gently grabbed her hands that she was waving around without realizing, speaking calmly and kindly. "That's fine, you don't have to."

       Amora wasn't making eye contact, still fueled off of herself and her worries. She could feel the selfishness within herself, but it wouldn't go away.

       He finished speaking quietly. "I just don't want you to worry."

       Amora gave a nervous laugh and met his gaze. "A little late, don't you think?"

       He could be gone another year, for all she knew. And even longer than that if the Empire found him. Maybe he wouldn't even be coming back! All previous optimism was failing her now when she needed it most.

       "I'll be fine," he assured, letting go of her hands to wrap his arms around her waist.

       She relaxed into his hold and brought her arms up around his neck, hugging him back with the desperate urge to keep him here. Amora always felt comfortable in his arms. She didn't want to give that up.

       "Just..." she sighed as she gripped onto the cloth of his cloak. "Please hurry."

       She tilted her head upwards to capture him in a sweet kiss, holding everything she ever meant to say between her lips. The absence of his touch for so long was enough to make her frail, yet even so, it was no difference with. She knew he felt the same way from the urgency he leaned in with. She missed him.

       Amora drew back, knowing that any longer would only make her impulsively accept his offer. Like the first time, a contagious grin fell upon her expression as previous panic slipped away for the tiniest of moments.

       "Got it?" she demanded, only half joking.

       He smiled with honest eyes. "Got it."

       With nothing left to say, Luke slid his hand down her arm, lifting her own up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Amora could feel the shadow of his lips go up in flames, burning with the intensity of innocent love. With her hand gently falling from his grasp, she smiled with an equal softness. He then silently retreated from the boarding ramp down into the raging storm below. Amora watched him walk away with the same wicked fearfulness that he must've felt when she left for Cloud City. She still felt rigid yet wavering, but there was nothing she could do about it. Amora turned around and walked up the ramp with mixed emotions.

       When she entered the Falcon completely, she hardly noticed Leia lingering in the hallway, waiting to assist the two in while Lando and Chewie took care of Han. Amora pressed the button to pull up the boarding ramp and close the doors, but when Luke was nowhere to be seen, Leia stepped forward and spoke.

       "Does he have the coordinates or should we wait?" she wondered hurriedly in opposition to Amora's strangely calm demeanor.

       "He's not coming," Amora stated neutrally as she slipped off her cloak and shook away some sand. "He'll come back eventually, though."

       "What? He never said he was leaving..." she trailed off thoughtfully, noticing her lack of feeling.

       "Change of plans, I guess," Amora spoke simply, tossing her cloak on the floor carelessly before gliding past Leia. "Hey, I'm gonna go find some clothes for the two of us, okay?"

       But Leia wasn't convinced by her nonchalant attitude. Amora had become less and less stoic over the years, wearing her heart on her sleeve whether she meant to or not. Today was no exception. And Leia had a feeling it had something to do with the boy that wasn't on the ship.

       She folded her own cloak in her hands with her gaze still set on the girl. "Amora? You okay?"

       She nodded casually with her lips pressed together. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

       But Amora's own words sounded useless and unconvincing to herself. She wasn't doing fine. It would be more concerning if she was. She realized how silly it was to pretend like everything was okay when most things weren't. Lying to Leia wouldn't do her any good, nor had it ever been helpful in the past. Although easier, it would only make her feel claustrophobic in her own skin. She could be honest.

       She stopped and turned around, running a hand through her dusty hair with a sigh. "Well, no, actually, but I'm trying. I think I just need some time to think, that's all."

       Leia was still confused, more-so curious about the conversation Amora had with Luke, but nodded anyway. "Alright."

       With yet another nod to convince herself that things were, indeed, alright, Amora disappeared around the corner as she attempted to make sense of her foggy mind.

~ ☼ ~

author's note -

ok so heres the thing. i originally wanted amora to go back to dagobah with luke so that she could have closure with yoda. but then i thought it would be too much for amora emotionally and she doesnt need that rn. so without spoiling too much, i can tell u that she WILL get closure, just not right now. and btw pls remember that shes imperfect! shes kinda struggling with a bit of trauma rn and even tho shes gotten better mentally everyone can still have off days. next chapter should come quick bc it was part of this one but i split em up so yeah ill see u soon! :)