chapter twenty-one

       IT HAD BEEN ABOUT a week since they had landed on Dagobah, yet Amora still wasn't completely comfortable. She had adapted as well as she could, but in the end, the planet was still just one giant swamp. There was no way around it. Progress had been made on her ship, which improved her mood slightly. But only slightly. There was still an obvious problem that constantly plagued her thoughts. And her scrambled feelings weren't making that problem any better.

       The normally-confident Amora was sent for a loop by the almost-kiss that lingered in the air every time she and Luke were alone together. It was a painfully obvious indication that the regular, playful nature of their friendship had disappeared, replaced with something that neither of them wanted; an unmistakable tension that only stalled the relationship they both secretly craved.

       She completely regret passing up the chance to kiss him when it was presented. She liked to believe that it would've made everything much more simple. Well, it probably wouldn't have, actually, but she liked to believe it would. Then she could've sorted out her own feelings, see if that's what she really wanted, instead of tensely dodging the necessary conversation.

       It shouldn't have been that difficult. Amora just wanted to kiss him and get it over with, see how she really felt. Maybe it would be some sort of closure and she could put all feelings behind her. She could get it over with tonight if she wanted to. But it was that difficult.

       As easy as it would be for her to just walk up to him and kiss his stupid face, she couldn't do that. Now that would make things difficult. Not only would it majorly confuse him, but it'd make their friendship very awkward (if it even lasted) and a whole lot more complicated. That shot down any hopes she had while contemplating that plan. And she did contemplate it.

       Luke, on the other hand, was in a similar situation, but for different reasons. To put it simply, Amora intimidated him sometimes... there was no question about that. Not in a mean, scary way (he was lucky enough to never be on the receiving end of that), but in a "she's way out of my league" way. Like she would be disgusted at the thought of his infatuation. It wasn't like he knew a lot of girls on Tatooine... and the ones that he did know treated him like a joke (just ask Camie Loneozner). He was used to girls laughing in his face at the mere thought of him. But then he left that all behind and met Amora.

       She was a breath of fresh air compared to the toxic, survival culture of Tatooine, even if she was sometimes stern and stoic. She was confident in everything she did; the way she dressed, the way she gave speeches to squadrons, the way she would casually kiss his cheek at random times. Sometimes a little too confident, sometimes a little assertive, but to Luke, it only showed her years of experience and resilience. And under all that confidence and maturity, she was just a girl who grew up too fast; who got excited at the thought of dressing up with Leia, who squealed at the thought of traveling to a new planet, who relaxed around him because he's the only one who ever made her feel so normal. She was just a girl. A girl who was better than him in every way. A girl that made him believe that all those years of ridicule were worth it. At her core, she radiated pure kindliness. Something about her was just too good to be true.

       The fear was stupid. She would never make him feel unworthy! She never treated him like he was below her, she never laughed at him. But he couldn't help but think that she was way out of his league. It was hard to believe that a girl like her would ever spare him the time of day.

       But that didn't mean he wanted her any less.

       Amora wasn't aware of any of this, of course. And that was surprising. She wasn't an idiot. She could usually read people very easily. But her own emotional intelligence? It didn't come as naturally to her as it should've. It's like every moment in her life was crafted to specifically sabotage her ability to handle emotions maturely. And when it came to Luke, she was clueless.

       It's not like Luke was exactly good at being subtle. There was even a time where Amora was definitely convinced he liked her. To be fair, if someone had a habit of incessantly staring at you during briefing meetings and, when called out on it in front of everyone, awkwardly stuttered something about you having nice skin, you'd probably think that as well. But now, with all her doubts concerning Leia, she just wasn't so sure.

       Amora never thought she'd say this, but she was starting to miss the past few years on Hoth. It was simpler times. Her only "relationship troubles" were fretting over whether Luke preferred milk or water in his hot chocolate (the answer was milk, although he insisted it didn't matter) and her feelings were only of satisfactory friendship.

       Alright, maybe that wasn't the entire truth. Maybe she was just too taken aback by the new emotions that bloomed shortly before leaving Yavin IV that she buried them down deep, where she still felt in control. And maybe, just maybe, she pretended like she didn't care because it made things easier.

       But she'd never admit that aloud.

       Either way, it was getting harder and harder to ignore as the days ticked by. Something about her desires being so close yet so unattainable was too frustrating to bear. For someone who had led soldiers into battle and came out victorious, she was ashamed and annoyed of the whole problem. She just didn't know what to do.

       However, there was some good that came from her dreadful week. The initial doubt that she had about Yoda after their first meeting was carefully fading away into neutral territory. He wasn't nearly as unbearable as she assumed him to be and was, to be honest, very funny without even trying. She was actually starting to enjoy his company more and more. Either that, or the isolation of Dagobah was finally getting to her. Probably both.

       But that was besides the point.

       The point was, Amora was finding it much easier to relax around the Jedi master as time went on. He seemed very interested in her personal life and was a great listener. And to a degree, he actually seemed to know more about her than she knew about herself. It was sort of unfair, since he had literal superpowers that made him all-knowing, but that didn't make it any less impressive. But that was also besides the point. It didn't change the fact that she actually liked talking to him and enjoyed their small conversations, like the one she was engaged in now.

       "I'm just wondering how you manage to stay so fit for, what, a five hundred year old?"

       Amora lounged in the kitchen with Yoda, laying down in front of the table while feasting on a simple dinner of Lahdia. He had come home early without Luke, mysteriously explaining that he had something to do on his own, and prepared a pot to cook their meal.

       They had gotten the formalities out of the way days ago. Amora spilled her entire life story, Yoda explained the highlights of his, and now they were in the friendly-phase, which apparently included exercise regimens.

       Yoda munched on his leaf with a giddy laugh. "Flattered that you think me so young, I am!"

       "Young?" Amora exclaimed in shock, setting down a leaf while leaning forward. "I was only kidding when I said five hundred! Okay, okay, so lemme guess, a thousand?"

       "Hmph!" he scoffed with mock-irritation. He folded his tiny arms across his chest. "No longer flattered, am I!"

       Amora's jaw dropped as she crossed her arms as well. "Well, you can't blame me!" She then placed a hand on her heart dramatically and spoke grandly. "I've just never met someone as... venerable as you."

       Yoda scoffed once more at her sucking-up compliment, shaking his head as his ears twitched. "Another word for old, venerable is!"

       She ignored his comment and threw a leaf into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Okay, what about six hundred then?"

       "Higher!"

       "Seven hundred?"

       "Higher!"

       "Eight hundred?!"

"Higher!"

"Nine hundred?!"

       "Hehe!" he giggled enthusiastically at her guess, his stubby legs kicking through the air. "Close enough!"

       "Nine hundred!" Amora repeated in awe. "Well, you look good! Not to mention the skin care routine. I mean, you live in a swamp. What's your moisturizer?"

       "Tire me, your questions do!" Yoda huffed out while reaching across the table for his cane. "Tired! Tired, I am!"

       She grabbed his cane and handed it to him, smiling at his endearing behavior. "Alright, alright, I get it. Beauty sleep is important."

       Yoda didn't say anything, but he did give her a blank, tired look at her antics.

       "Alright!" she finally gave up with a laugh. "Goodnight then! Don't worry, I can take care of the plates."

       Yoda began to venture off down the hallway, not even bothering to turn around. "Thank you, thank you! Bed for you! Soon!" he shouted back.

       Something told her she would've been left with the chore either way, whether she offered or not. The thought made her smile.

       So she spent the next ten minutes cleaning up around the kitchen and preparing her sleeping area. Luke still wasn't back yet, so she figured she could prepare his area, too. He was probably going to be exhausted. It was the very least she could do. She also left out a small plate of Lahdia in case he was hungry.

       The day hadn't been very busy for Amora, considering that Artoo insisted on her taking a day off. She had a sneaking suspicion that he just wanted a day to himself, but the gesture was appreciated anyways. Either way, she figured it was a nice opportunity to go to sleep early to get a fresh start tomorrow.

       She curled up in her corner of the room (considering that Luke was still adamant on sleeping on the opposite side of the pillar in his small nook) and adjusted herself on top of Yoda's blankets. Artoo had already been powered off a few hours ago at his request, so there was no need to worry about him. The only worry was the same one that she couldn't seem to shake, but she pushed herself to stop thinking about it. As many times as she failed to do so, the effort was still comforting.

       But her thoughts were interrupted as she heard the sound of the front door swinging open slowly, making the sound of distant creatures even louder than it was through the windows. Luke must be back.

       His footsteps were quiet against the dirt floor along with the gentle closing of the door behind him, probably sensing the silent dwelling and wanting to avoid disruption.

       Amora rolled over on her side and waited for him to enter their room, but it didn't take long for her to notice that something was off about him. He didn't greet her with the usual "hi!" or "how was your day?" or "I brought you this cool-looking rock!" It was only a thick silence.

       The quiet was so prominent that, for a second, she wondered if it was even Luke who entered the house.

       Intruder?

       She leaned forward around the corner curiously, still staying low to the ground behind the pillar in case there really was a stranger. But no, it wasn't a stranger. It was Luke, but there was something wrong, something that she couldn't place. He leaned against the wall next to the door and stared down at his hands silently.

       "Hey," she called out quietly and cautiously, hesitant with concern.

       He glanced up slowly to meet her eyes, but other than that, showed no signs of acknowledgement. And in his eyes, all she saw was fear.

       Amora pushed herself into a sitting position and blinked a few times to wake herself up, not taking her eyes away from his shaken expression. "What- are you okay?"

       He opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. Only a few short, staggered breaths could be heard as he lowered his gaze back to the ground, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

       Amora silently shook her head and scooted over to his side of the room. He seemed to have gone through enough, whatever it may be. All he needed was someone.

       She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, hugging him as close as their bodies would allow. She let her left arm fall loosely over his shoulder, finding more warmth and meaning in this embrace than any before, an unspoken understanding between them that this attachment of theirs wasn't the same as it was before.

       "You don't have to tell me," she whispered softly, desperately shoving her feelings down for this single moment. They wouldn't cloud her vision a second more. They couldn't.

       She felt his arms snake around her waist, grasping onto the back of her shirt like he was afraid she would slip away. His head buried into her left shoulder, the side of his face rested comfortably against her neck, leaning into her hold with an unfamiliar sense of yearning.

       "I would never hurt you," he mumbled into her shoulder, his quivering voice barely audible as his lips scarcely brushed against her collarbone. But Amora wasn't even sure if she heard him correctly.

       Hurt me? What was he talking about?

       "What?" she whispered back, rubbing soothing circles onto his back, feeling his muscles tense.

       This whole situation was starting to scare her. He wasn't okay. What happened?

       "I would never hurt you," he repeated, hardly louder than before, shaking his head ever-so-slightly as he spoke. "You... you know that... right?"

       Amora still had no clue what he was talking about, but she didn't hesitate to answer.

       "Yeah, yes, of course," she rushed out in one breath. "You never would. I know you wouldn't."

       She didn't know where any of this was coming from. Luke was the most gentle person she knew. This was the same boy who almost cried when he found out they had to put down his sick Taun-Taun. Why would he ever think he had the potential to hurt her?

       "I wouldn't..." he whispered again, practically trembling in her arms. "I promise I wouldn't..."

       Only then did Amora realize just how selfish she was being, not sparing a thought about Luke's well-being until now. Every single day, he was pushing himself to the limit, physically and emotionally. He was experiencing a whole new power that she would never understand. Yet for some reason, she had the audacity to expect him to understand his feelings about her as if it was his top priority. As if she was his top priority.

       She squeezed her eyes shut in confusion, blissfully unaware of his troubles that she didn't need to know right now. Luke had slowly let go of her now-wrinkled shirt and resorted to distractedly playing with the ends of her hair, letting her know that, even if he wasn't okay, he was present. And that's all she could hope for at the moment.

       As she sat there holding him, consoling him over something she didn't understand, Amora felt a flurry of emotions bubble up inside of her, the exact same ones that she attempted to suppress for the sake of ease. She was so used to forcing them down before she could truly identity them, but there was no use now. It was too obvious. She loved him more than a mere friend would. She didn't need a kiss to tell her how she feels.

       But that didn't matter right now. It wasn't up to her. His feelings weren't up to her. No matter how many times Amora told herself that, they still struggled to settle in deeply. And now, she understood those words more than ever.

       As much as she wanted to hold him and kiss him and pretend that they were meant to be, she couldn't do that. He didn't need a relationship. He needed a friend. Because sometimes, all you need is a good friend who can show you that you're more than you think you are. A friend that's strong enough to put their feelings aside until you can figure out your own.

       She could do that. She could wait.

~  ☼  ~

author's note -

hi there! i made an announcement on my profile page about me disappearing for like four weeks so you can check that out if you want, but yeah thank you for staying with me till now! sorry for being so absent. but anyways in case it wasn't clear, this chapter was the first training scene and luke came back from his test in the cave and is really shook by it so amora is just trying her best to help him cuz she doesnt know what's going on. and he's also just scared because he thinks that if he turns to the dark side he could hurt amora so that's like another layer of hurt aND ITS LIKE ANI AND PADME🥺 and amora has accepted that she likes him but basically isnt gonna do anything about it cuz she thinks luke still has to figure out his feelings cuz she thinks he likes leia too LMAO. my girl thinks she one step ahead and being the bigger person but no like girl he literally knew he loved you from day one and tHATS HIS SISTER LOL anyways thank you for reading! i hope ill have another update soon! :)