How long will it take to notice—
For someone to look and see—
That my carat smile has been tarnished?

If I must shatter my soul
For anyone to recognize
Then that shall be the last time I fall.

Your façade injures my bones
And the muscles in my body are torn by your words.
But, I would rather hear you than be alone.

I will pretend along with you—
As you take your final bow.
I'll smile and nod as you leave too.

The tears will not make a path
And my trembling will falter.
For I have escaped pain's wrath.

There is a numbing within my chest;
A solid force that condemns the aching.
It shields me from bouts of distress.

The pretense has solidified
And I refuse to shake from the core.
By strength my loyalty will be testified.

Even if I must place the mask over my eyes
And paint a smile beside my lips
I would rather pretend than meet my demise.

Atrocious are the methods we keep to survive
And the trust we place within vulnerability.
For when reality creeps in we take a backwards dive.

This costume has me floating—
Way below the ground.
And when the nose comes off I am still in this bad dream.

But I am living within it
Comfortably.
And I am settling into my own furnished pit.