~Sara~

"Well?" Minho asked, throwing his hands in the air.

Sara didn't know how to start.

"Listen... I'm sorry. I'm not the one who should've started this in the first place." She shrugged, bowing her head. She fidgeted with the string of her sweatpants, trying to distract her eyes and hands with anything instead of watching the switch of emotions on their faces.

Truth was, the journey was officially over for her. She just had to figure out a way she could say it to them without making it sound like she was completely abandoning them.

She wanted to force Rat Man to keep his promise and let them live if she turned herself in. She knew he wasn't a man of his word, but he wouldn't have another choice if he really needed her like he claimed.

"Sara, what's up with you?" asked Minho with urgency. "You usually face up to anything that comes your way. That's the Sara we all know. But out there in the Scorch... I don't understand, but that wasn't you, shank."

Newt didn't say anything. He neither agreed nor disagreed with Minho, but his avoidant eyes told her that he would've repeated Minho's words himself.

Rachel spoke up next. "You didn't have to call Janson—we could've passed Phase Three and gone from there." Her voice was so desperate, like she couldn't believe they were so close to saving the Gladers, and Sara gave up in the last second.

Minho seemed to read her mind once he said, "Don't give me that klunk that you tried to protect us—we had ammo and everything."

Thomas spoke out of the blue. "Yeah that too, but why did you two go undercover and all, without telling us in the first place?" He switched his gaze between the two girls.

Minho raised one eyebrow at him in pride. "Thomas here has a good point." He clapped him on the shoulder. "Why bother doing all that show and then go ruin it in the end?" he demanded, crossing his arms. He stared at both girls, but Sara was getting uncomfortable with the spotlight mostly on her, however.

"Fine!" she blurted out, startling the four of them to silence.

Once she knew that the path was clear to start talking, she explained to them the reason behind her and Rachel going undercover. All about Rebecca's plan and participation in it, and how she was in contact with Jorge and Brenda before the girls met them.

"WICKED had access to your brain activity. If you knew who we were, they would too," said Sara.

"Well, I'm sold," said Minho after a few seconds of silence.

His voice sounded rather mocking—not very appreciative, so Sara knew there was more.

"But...?" She bid him to continue.

"So why shucking ruin it?" he snapped, whispering angrily. "'Cause I bet even Rachel wants to know what the shuck happened to you out there," he finished, quickly glancing over at Rachel.

She looked at Sara sheepishly, but she still nodded. Rachel might've not appreciated Minho speaking for her, but she believed he was right. And Sara owed it to her and the boys.

Newt wanted to know for sure, based on how he was looking at her. He seemed ten steps ahead of everybody—ready to give her the benefit of the doubt at least. That was one of the things she loved about him; he never made the same mistake twice. Those ten steps ahead, however, were also ten more times Sara felt just as guilty.

Thomas shifted uncomfortably, and it was like a throwback to when he was the subject of interrogation with Gally and Alby back in the Glade. He still didn't say much now, and Sara was pretty sure that his discomfort had a name—Teresa.

"Just let it out, Sara," Thomas said, startling her. "Either way, these shanks aren't gonna let you off the hook until you tell them. Trust me."

Begrudgingly, Sara tried to organize her ideas and how she wanted to tell them. "I know something... something that was hidden from me even before I was sent to the Maze," she said, sniffling.

She could see Newt begin to worry. "What was it?"

To make it easier for herself, she tried to space the others out and make it seem like she and Newt were talking to each other, alone. "Newt, remember when we talked about the implants back in the Glade?" He nodded. "Well, turns out I actually did have one—still have one."

"What?" they all asked in unison, bewildered. Maybe that method of spacing out from them wouldn't work after all.

Minho waved his hand rapidly before she could speak. "But you had your memories, so how did you have an implant?"

"It makes sense, though," she chuckled bitterly. All those dreams she had were actual memories; she was just too stupid to put two and two together. "All of you have an implant, and the Swipe, which is what causes the memory loss, is given to you via the implant. I just wasn't given the Swipe."

"But how do you know it's not just Rat Man tryin' to mess with your head?" asked Newt, unsurely. They all exchanged doubtful looks, and the suggestion soon died off.

Minho's arguments had no end, however. "Okay, but... implant or no implant, you're one of us. I still can't get it in my head how you simply gave up back there."

"The problem is, Minho..." Sara muttered, her tone getting a little more irritable, "...that it wasn't really me."

"So, the Flare, right? How dare I blame you," Minho said, mocking her.

Newt sent a scornful stare in his direction. She couldn't believe how insensitive Minho acted, talking so lightly about that matter, as if Newt weren't affected by it. Sara was pretty sure Rat Man must've told them who was immune or not by then. That meant Minho knew about Newt's situation, and his lack of respect was seriously going off the radar.

"They were controlling me to say things—to do things," Sara snapped at him. "Does that sound like a better explanation or should I actually come up with a lie?" She pursed her lips, and her eyes widened with fury. "Draw you a picture, maybe?" she added, and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Wow," said Newt, passing a hand through his hair, and Minho rubbed his eyes with one hand. Rachel inhaled sharply and fixed her eyes to the ground.

Thomas gave Sara a look of sympathy before asking softly, "So, how did Rat Man control you?"

Here it goes.

She sighed, preparing to tell them. It was turning out much harder than she imagined.

"First of all, it wasn't him," she mumbled. For a second there, she thought that they probably didn't hear her, but when she turned around and came face to face with their widened eyes, she dropped the thought.

Overwhelmed, she buried her face in her hands. They weren't going to like what she had to say, but she couldn't give any more of herself into this.

Newt approached her and placed a hand on her back comfortingly. She hated that despite everything, she wasn't the one who was suffering—he was. Sara needed him to stop worrying about her, and focus more on himself.

She had to be the support he actually needed; not be some immature, self-centered girlfriend that whined about everything wrong in her life. But if that meant they couldn't know Rat Man's secret about her genes, then it might've as well stayed that way.

"Come on, Sara," Thomas urged her as he crouched in front of her. "Look, you're the one who set us up for this from the start—and we're all in on it," he said as she shook her head. "It's time to leave, okay? So, here's what we're gonna do—"

She shook her head with finality and stood up, furious. Newt, startled by the outburst, retracted his hand from her back and stood beside her.

"I'm done," she said in a low voice, sounding creepier than she intended.

Newt stood facing her and furrowed his eyebrows. She could see the anger starting to form on his face, but his eyes channeled something different to her. He was desperate—worried. 

"You can't be serious." His voice cracked.

Her own eyes stung with forming tears at that horrible sound in his throat. No matter her decisions, she always ended up hurting him one way or another. It wasn't easy to see him slowly go insane, but maybe she should've thought about how difficult it was for him to see her give up so easily, when everyone else was so determined to get out of there.

But what he didn't know was that Sara hadn't given up on him. Or the others. She'd given up on herself.

And she wouldn't be at peace until she reverted the situation with Newt having the Flare and all. Only then, as long as he lived, she didn't care what happened to her. If her destiny all along was to give up her life to be experimented on, possibly dying of tumors growing inside her body, then it was settled.

What an embarrassing way to die—she had to admit. But maybe she was granted this gift to save Newt. After all, she would still be keeping her original promise if he and the others got to live. If the world didn't have to wake up another day expecting beastly creatures to devour every ounce of life left in it.

It was time to be real and stop playing the invincible hero.

"I'm sick of fighting, guys." She threw her hands in the air as a sob escaped her lips. "Stop believing the lies I even told myself when I got to the shucking Glade."

She shut her eyes tightly as more and more tears fell down her cheeks. That was so embarrassing. Sara hated admitting whenever she was wrong, but she couldn't keep dragging that burden with her. She had to let go.

Thomas shook his head, and the others stared at her in silence. Newt had a pained look on his face, and Thomas sighed before saying, "But you've kept your promise."

Minho scratched the back of his neck and looked at Sara before averting his eyes. "He's right," he mumbled, "you have—and look, Sara, I'm glad to see you again. I was acting like a slinthead 'cause you always come up with little surprises that keep us on edge. But you're my best friend. And it sucks to see you like this."

Sara scoffed. "Kept my promise?" Her nostrils flared up, and her breathing was shaky. "At what cost?" she muttered in between her teeth. "What about all the people that died? All those plans we tried to carry out as if we were some sort of trained agency. They're all lies and illusions from a shucking little girl with a hero complex!"

Newt's face fell. She knew her words hurt him since he'd told her countless times before that he hated when she devalued herself. But it was the truth. And no one could ever argue with the truth no matter how much it hurt.

But Newt surprised her by walking even closer to her, staring at her with what seemed to be disappointment. "So... saving me wasn't worth your time?"

Sara frowned at him. "What?"

Newt inhaled sharply. "Sara, you appeared at the right time. You came into the Glade, and whether the buggin' slintheads liked it or not, you changed everyone's lives for good. The Glade became a brighter place—ironic it is and all. But people were actually happy for a moment—I was happy. The place became—I don't know... livable. Some of us hadn't felt like that in years. We did stuff in the Glade we'd never done before because of you."

"Newt, but—"

He held up a finger to stop her. "And you were brave enough to face the consequences for tryin' to help us. You offered a way out. Well, guess what? We found it. And even though everything went to klunk, we're still fighting. We're still here. It hurts to lose our friends, but I can assure you that every single one of them died knowing that you'd save us all. They followed you just like we all followed you, and I'm sure whoever's left is more than willing to follow you anywhere now."

"People died because of me!" she cried. "Newt, that's not very heroic..."

"Sara, you didn't want to be a hero to suck the glory out of it," he said softly. "You did it out of free will. And if everything always went according to plan, then there wouldn't be a story to tell. A hero isn't someone who follows a script line by line. It's someone who confronts the problem when the plans go off the rails. Love, that's who you are to me. You taught me that with actions. So don't ever say something like that, because they're only lies I'm not willing to believe."

As Newt finished, they all stared back at him with their jaws to the ground. Sara was speechless. She'd never seen so much determination on his face, and with how much passion he gave such a flawless speech. Maybe she hadn't taken a look at things that way.

But... if only she could believe him. She understood what he meant and appreciated him so much for that. He saw things in her that she couldn't even dream about. And he was always beside her no matter what. Her life felt complete with him; she loved him. She loved him, and nothing and no one in the world could describe that heartfelt sensation in her chest.

Consequently, losing him wasn't an option.

Sara wanted to tell him that they shouldn't be fighting the inevitable. That she wasn't being a hero, and she should've never tried to be one in the first place, because it was all just a fairytale.

She probably helped save him, but really, it was Rebecca who did everything for her. Sara just followed the woman's plans for every step of the way. And now, she was useless because she didn't have Rebecca with her anymore.

She wanted to tell him that she was ashamed of giving in to Rat Man's plans, but that she would gladly do it to save his life, because she wasn't gonna stand around to watch him slowly go insane, and then lose him forever.

Yet neither Newt nor her friends would understand. To them, making that decision would make her the second Teresa.

"Well," Minho said, breaking the silence. "I'm not too good with words, but just pretend I said the same thing as this shank." He smirked, pointing at Newt.

Sara had given the guys false hope in the Glade. That was worse. False hope was more dangerous than leading them straight to death. She furiously squeezed her hands together on her lap, unable to look at her friends.

She tried masking the anger she felt toward herself. "Why'd you guys get in a fight?" she asked out of the blue, switching topics.

"'Cause Minho here, thinks you'd be as stupid as Teresa," said Rachel. 

"Fight?" Newt and Minho asked, frowning in mock confusion at each other.

"Who said anything about—?"

Sara cut Minho off. "Please, you think Rat Man would bother beating you up with his bare hands? He has guards. And they have launchers. And I'm not stupid. I can sense the tension between you two," she chuckled. "Guys, just stop with all the fights. If you wanna plan an escape, by all means, go for it," she said as she outstretched her arms. "But stick together. Take really good care of each other for me."

Rachel gently pushed Newt out of the way, to get to her. "Alright, darling. Really seems like you're not getting it," she muttered. "We—are—not—leaving—without—you."

Sara gripped her own hair with frustration and paced around the room. "I'm useless, can't any of you understand that? I don't have anything else up my sleeve—"

"What about that hot lady?" Minho argued, and Rachel glared at him.

Sara scoffed. "Rebecca," she said with spite. They all shared a look and frowned at her.

Thomas lowered his voice. "Did something happen between you two or...?"

"Love, she'd be more than willing to help you," added Newt, clearly confused.

Sara faced them with a pained expression. "That's the thing," she said helplessly. "They took my training wheels off. I'm riding a big girl bicycle now, and turns out... I can't pedal even once before falling over."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Minho raised his voice. "You've done so much on your own. She's just there as your backup. Cut it out on the pride a little bit and get her to help you."

Sara managed to laugh, throwing her head back. "You of all people, Minho." She shook her head and pursed her lips. "Rebecca's gonna bench this one out." And in a quieter mumble, she added, "From now on."

"Where is she?" Thomas asked impatiently.

"She's uh... she's unavailable," she said quickly, which sounded more suspicious than ever. She'd gotten worse at this lying thing. Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

"Nuh—uh. What's going on?" asked Rachel. If only Rachel didn't know her so well already.

Sara started walking over to one of the beds in the room, hoping to lie down and get some sleep rather than getting interrogated. It just wasn't possible when they all got the hint that something else was going on.

Newt gripped her by the wrist, stopping her. "Oh no you don't," he said. "Something's going on and you're telling us what it is." Sara scowled at him, and swatted at his hand to let her go, which he did.

Pouting her lips, Sara guiltily stared back at them, and sat on one of the beds. "Rebecca put that thing in my head. To protect me," she said, in a mocking tone. Then she shrugged. "She's giving me memories about everyone who died. People Rat Man himself had killed. And how everything points back at me." She smiled, no humor in it.

"Cut it out, that's not true," said Thomas. "You didn't kill your own family. Or his. He did."

"To get to me!" she snapped. "I can't fight them anymore. You do realize you were gonna face monsters worse than the Grievers out in the Scorch, right? I called Rat Man before that, because if the Safe Haven was a bluff, everything else can be. And it's true. I've caused deaths precisely for having people follow me and believe in me. It's time to call it quits on that. I'm staying to do what he wants, then when he gives me what I want in return, that's it. I won't be with WICKED anymore."

"You're not saying you want to help WICKED, are you?" Newt asked in horror. "That's exactly what Teresa thinks. You see Tommy?" He pointed at Thomas and she nodded. "Yah, that's exactly how I'm gonna feel when you do that. Teresa crushed him. Did it to all of us."

"Okay, you're not being serious," Thomas stepped in, his eyes on Sara. "Teresa... well, I figured you can expect that from her. But you... you said 'if WICKED gives you what you want'..." He trailed off, and Sara raised her eyebrows bluntly. "So... the heck do you want?"

"A cure," Sara said casually.

Newt straightened up and cleared his throat. When Sara looked at him, he squinted his eyes in pure bewilderment. Then he burst out laughing.

"A cure?" he repeated. "There is no bloody cure. I thought you were the first person to realize that," he muttered, slightly annoyed, but mostly shocked.

Sara passed a hand down her face and groaned. "See? This is why I didn't wanna say anything. But guess what? I also thought there was no cure about three weeks ago. When I came to see Rat Man, Rebecca was there. And after everything I saw, I got sick—literally. He was right. You see how I look?" She pointed to her ghastly-looking figure. "It wasn't them. I just didn't feel like I wanted to live anymore, and well... you can imagine—"

"You were starving yourself," Rachel confirmed. Newt and the other two stared back at her solemnly, and then a cloud of silence hovered above them. Sara knew that would hurt Newt the most. Just like it hurt him when Alby tried to choke himself in the Glade.

"But I can't bloody leave you here. I don't care what he told you. I want to leave this place with you, with my love," Newt added, his tone pleading. "I wanna stay with you until I—"

"Until you go crazy? Until you die?" Sara's voice cracked, and before she realized it, she'd blurted out what she shouldn't have. "That's the problem, Newt," she said more calmly.

His eyes reflected hurt, a pained expression taking over, then his lips quivered and parted. "How...?" he stammered.

"You knew about that too?" Thomas asked her and crossed his arms.

"I was told," she snapped, then muttered under her breath, "before you freaking assume I kept more things from you."

"Doesn't matter," Newt said tightly, adjusting his shirt. "I wanna be with you until that happens. We can escape and be together until then."

Was he serious? He couldn't seriously think she was gonna put them through that. At least not again.

Minho, Thomas, and Rachel broke out in chatter amongst themselves—Newt also joining the argument. They couldn't all even agree on what they wanted.

Originally, they all had one goal in common. Through each step of the way, the solution seemed just barely within their reach. And slowly—progressively—any chance of escape was shattered until it just collapsed on them. That was what had everybody on the edge, all wanting to pursue a different objective.

"I'm staying!" Sara shouted, and they immediately stopped talking. "Alright? There's no reason for you guys to stay, which is why I'm asking you to go on and leave like you wanted. But I stay."

"Oh, look at that," Minho rebuked. "You roasted Teresa so much only to become like her," he said casually, shaking his head. "So sad."

Thomas also started to lose his patience. "What reason is there for you to stay?"

"Janson thinks there's a cure already," she blurted out, and their eyes went wide. Again. "And I'm staying here to help with that so that Newt and any of the infected others can get it."

Rachel scoffed. "What did Janson put in your head? We all know he's bluffing. How can you believe him, Sara!" she yelled at her.

"Apparently it's been done before," Sara mumbled, then shook her head. "Look, I know he's a slinthead. He literally told me he didn't care about me, but at the same time, his whole fret over me was because I had something to do with his plans. You'll understand later, I promise."

Newt was almost going overboard, and he grabbed Sara by the shoulders. "If he found a cure, why the bloody heck hasn't he given it to the world? Why are we still part of these trials? He shouldn't need us anymore. Why can't I have the cure already?" Newt demanded to know, then he released her once he saw the frightened look she gave him.

"He's still gonna use as many people as he needs. He's not gonna stop. But if I do this, maybe, just maybe he can stop... and finally let you all be free." Sara's voice cracked, and she shrugged, feeling exhausted and defeated.

"He wants something specific from you..." Thomas started and frowned. His mind was churning with ideas. "He's made that crystal clear."

Newt sighed. "Yah, we know, but what does he bloody want?"

Rachel squinted her eyes at Sara. "Are you saying he thinks you're the cure?"

Sara straightened up and faltered, opening her mouth to speak and shutting it back down. "I—I didn't... that's not... that's not what I said."

"You implied it," Minho dragged the words boringly.

Newt reached out and gingerly grabbed Sara's hand in his. He moved his eyes from their hands to her face, looking right into her eyes. "Love, is that true?"

Sara inhaled deeply. "If it is, then I can help you," she answered softly.

"Sara, I can't let you stay with that man. You said it yourself. He doesn't care about you. I'm sorry, but I can't let you stay with someone who doesn't care if you die in the process. I mean, did he, by any chance, let you know of the risks?" Newt asked with suspicion and curiosity.

"He said I'll be fine," she said, unable to look at him in the eyes.

"He told you that you could die, didn't he?" Minho exposed her. Sara scowled at him, angry that he was gonna make Newt worry even more about her. He didn't have to know about that detail.

Newt pursed his lips pensively. He didn't say anything, but Sara knew he was fuming on the inside. His breathing got heavy, and his eyes gleamed with fury, but he relaxed once she wrapped her arms around him. He was surprised for a second, but then Sara felt his arms around her body.

"I can't lose you," he whispered.

"Listen to me, Sara," she heard Rachel beside her. Her voice was firm, and Sara knew she was up for more lectures. "I used to be mad at you for everything. You had it all. You weren't forced to be part of the trials, and you were treated like royalty while you lived here. And Rebecca was technically your mom. You had her love. Then you met your friends, and Newt. Your life was so perfect, and you seemed like you were destined to save everyone, and things were all going your way. And I treated you like that, because I was mad that I wasn't like you. But I never realized how much you suffer 'cause of everything you have. Because now you have something to lose and you can get hurt. You don't know how strong you are. I could never."

Her voice cracked in the end, and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.

Sara let go of Newt and sniffled. "This isn't about comparing our lives, Rachel. We've all suffered. You suffered. I remember what you told me," she said, remembering the heavy conversation they both had out in the Scorch.

Minho looked at her with concern. It warmed Sara's heart that someone like Rachel was able to break through that impenetrable wall around his emotions.

"Who do I gotta kill now?" He smirked as he put a hand around her waist.

"No one," she said, playfully pushing him away. "We all saw the same thing. Thomas, Newt, Sara, and I saw it," she mumbled sadly.

"What was it?" Minho looked at each one of them, expecting an answer.

"We saw them making out..." Sara began, and Minho gave her a blunt look. "Aris and Teresa."

This boy's face turned so red that Sara was afraid fire was actually gonna come out of his ears. She'd never seen Minho so upset. Not even when Gally would piss him off in the Glade.

"He's dead, you hear me? He's a dead shank!" he shouted, heading toward the door. They all grabbed him and tried to ease his nerves, calming him down. His breathing was still heavy, and he snapped his head over to Thomas. "And you better not tell me that you forgave that chick for everything she did."

Thomas shook his head firmly. "I'm not. She's done way more damage before that too. That kiss was the last straw. And if we live out of this one... I might just have a shot with someone else," he said, his cheeks turning a dark shade of red.

"But Brenda's with them," argued Minho.

Thomas shook his head again. Sara had almost forgotten about her whispering something to him before they put them in the room.

"She said she's on our side," said Thomas. "That she's just playing along so she can help us. And she said Ava Paige is the only person in WICKED we should trust besides her and Jorge. I don't know what that means, but I'm hoping we'll find out soon, and then we'll get out of here."

Sara wished she could say she was surprised Brenda didn't mention Rebecca. A small part of Sara still wished she had. She still wanted to believe Rebecca was on their side. That she had her reasons for everything, and that she still loved Sara like the mother she was to her.

Maybe Sara also wanted to stay because of her. She didn't want to leave her there to Rat Man's mercy. He'd already done terrible things to her, and he was willing to torture her because of Sara. And Sara didn't really trust Rebecca's mother, Ava, so it unsettled her that Brenda thought they should.

"Then what do we do?" Newt asked the pressing question, still sounding annoyed.

"Wait for the right time, I guess," said Thomas, failing to sound very sure of himself.

Sara shook her head, doubting completely that they would get out of there if Rat Man locked them up with guards rounding every corner of the building. Anytime, Rat Man would have to come get her, and she wouldn't have enough time to say goodbye.

"Guys, come on. Think of a good plan and get out of here. And don't forget that I love you guys," said Sara.

Newt ran over and tackled her in a hug. "No," he mumbled into her shirt. "Don't stay. If you do, so will I."

"Newt, stop. I can't. You can't stay here," Sara cried. She grabbed his face with both hands. Moving his hair out of his eyes, she leaned in and their foreheads pressed against each other. "I'm sorry for how I treated you out there. It wasn't really me—I was being controlled by her—"

"Shh." He stroked her hair. "It's okay. Even if it would've been you, I deserved that hit. Look at me, I'm losing it," he said, in a desperate tone. "I'm acting like a slinthead."

Minho stifled a laugh. "You... you punched him?"

"Slapped," Rachel corrected casually. Sara frowned at both of them. How did she...?

Minho laughed full-on this time. "How come I missed this?" He wheezed, then he turned to Rachel, putting an arm around her shoulders, "Did she tell you and not tell me?"

Rachel shrugged, moving out of his grasp. "I saw it happen."

"Slinthead," Sara said, shaking her head at her.

"Guys, for real?" Thomas asked.

"Newt, what a shame," Minho mocked him. "I would've emptied my wallet to see that," he snorted, "if I had a wallet. Or money."

Rachel glared at Minho and whacked his stomach with the back of her hand. He was startled but continued laughing.

"Shut that bloody mouth of yours!" Newt shrieked as he pushed Minho back. "We're dealing with something serious. At least buggin' act like it."

Sara tried to pull Newt back and calm him down, but he was furious. She hated what the stupid virus was doing to him. And like usual, another argument broke out among them, everyone talking over each other.

This went on until the door burst open, and someone poked their head inside.

"Good grief! I could hear your shouts all the way from the hallway!"

Great.