Colin

Mom seemed pretty optimistic that I would see Alicia again. I wish I could share in that optimism. Our talk together had got me thinking. When I hung up with Mom, I had walked around the park a few more times, trying to sort out the mess inside that was Colin Evans. I always thought I was the normal one, and Mom and Alicia were off their rockers. Mom forgiving Dad for leaving her. Even Alicia didn't act angry when I shared how I had used her. Hurt, yes. But I think she was more concerned about the hurt I carried inside then getting revenge for her own.

Hadn't I wanted revenge when Alicia came back into my life? It made me cringe thinking how I had acted back then. Like a child who wanted to hit back after being hit themselves. And in typical Alicia fashion, she turned the tables on me. Instead of a distant, snobby woman, I found a kind and caring one.

When the walk around the park didn't reveal the answers I was seeking, I left and headed back towards downtown. All this confusing talk made my head hurt and all I wanted to do was sit down with a nice cup of coffee and some sheets of origami paper. I remembered there being a bookstore not far. A new book on origami sounded just the thing to distract me. And lessen a little stress in the process.

The smell of new books wafted toward me as I entered the small shop. There was nothing quite like it. I perused the mysteries for a second to see if anything caught my fancy and then headed over to the craft section. I found a book that focused on complex creations which was perfect. The more complicated the better.

I flipped through the pages as I walked to pay for it, until I accidentally collided with another shopper. "Apologies," I mumbled, and went to step around.

"Mr. Evans, I didn't expect to see you here."

At the sound of my name, I brought my nose out of my book to see who had addressed me. Surprised, I found Amir. "Oh, hello."

He grinned at me in an easy-going manner that I only wish I could emulate. He nodded to the book in my hand. "Origami. Suddenly all the creations we see scattered on your desk make much more sense."

I flushed under his scrutiny. "Yes, I find it relaxing. Are you off today?" I almost groaned out loud. I didn't want Amir thinking that I was trying to be the big bad boss monitoring why he was out of office.

"Your own personal stress ball. I get it. I like doodling on scrap pieces of paper myself. I actually just slipped out on my break, couldn't wait to pick up the next book." He held it what looked like a fantasy novel with a dragon on the front.

It struck me how very little I knew about the employees who worked for me. It never seemed necessary. They kept to their personal lives and I kept to mine. Yet, I had been blindsided multiple times by insubordination. Casey having secret romantic rendezvous after hours, Mrs. Lee getting involved in blackmail. Could it have been prevented if I only paid more attention?

"I was wondering Mr. Evans," Amir said, bringing back my attention. "Will Alicia be returning anytime soon?"

"Please, call me Colin." Hearing my name be used so formally, especially outside work, was another strike against how aloof as a boss I'd been. It was no wonder Mrs. Lee or Sandy, was uncomfortable coming to me for help. "Alicia had completed the contract to everyone's satisfaction. You saw the numbers yourself."

"Yes, it was amazing how much she accomplished in the short time that she was at CyberSecure." Amir fingered the spine of the book he was holding. "You must miss your coffee time with her in the mornings."

I really shouldn't have been surprised that the time Alicia and spent together would go unnoticed. But was Amir asking to be sincere? Or because he was trying to feel out Alicia's availability for himself? "Yes, she was good company." She was more than just good company but I wasn't going to tell Amir that.

"She was great to work with. I hope to see her back."

I nodded, not sure what else to say. I had so few friends, okay maybe zero friends, and it was like I didn't know how to act around someone who was friendly. Amir seemed to be making that effort. Maybe I needed to start as well. "We should meet in the breakroom for coffee sometime. You can show me your doodles and I'll show my origami." I tried to hide a grimace. That sounded lame.

But Amir's face lit up into a genuine smile. "I'd like that Colin. Speaking of which, I should probably get back. Don't want the boss writing me up," he said with a wink.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Your secret is safe with me."

Giving a salute with two fingers, Amir walked off to pay for his book.

That was the first time, ever, that I interacted with an employee in a casual setting. Alicia excepted of course. And yet, it felt good being able to interact with someone without fearing there was some hidden agenda. Or that it would undermine my authority as their boss. Maybe Alicia was right, I did have an issue with letting people in.

I paid for my book and made my way back home. But instead of diving into origami, I pulled out my Bible. I would have thrown it out years ago, but Mom had gifted it to me and I was afraid to hurt her feelings if she found out. So I stuffed it away, never to look at it again. Or so I thought.

I flipped through the pages, not sure where to land. I wracked my brain for what I learned when I used to go to church with Mom. But all I could remember were the stories most people knew of the Bible. Noah's ark, the birth of Jesus. None of it seemed applicable to my lack of forgiveness.

In frustration, I slammed it closed. The thing was enormous, how did anyone read through this? Opening the front cover, I thought maybe I should just start at the beginning. Instead I found, in Mom's cursive, a scripture that she had inscribed. For this son of mine was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found. Luke 15:24.

I read it a few more times. The meaning seemed simple but I didn't understand the context. I turned to Luke 15 and started reading at the heading titled "The Prodigal Son". It sounded like to me that this guy was a bit of a loser. Wanting his inheritance so he can go and squander it all. Talk about bad financial decisions. Yet, his father welcomed him when he returned home.

Was I supposed to be the son? I failed to see the similarities. If I was given a large sum of money I would be investing it, not spending recklessly. This was where it would be nice to have someone to talk to, to explain what all this meant. Growing up in the church, I always thought I had a pretty good grasp about what the Bible was about. Which was also why I dismissed most of its teachings. But at that moment, my confidence was being badly shaken that I really didn't understand it at all.

My phone pinged and I was happy for the interruption. Checking the message, my heart sped up when I saw it was from Rowan.

Just heard back from Mrs. Lee. We have a time and place for the rendezvous.

+++

Alicia

Guildwood Fellowship was packed full of cars when I arrived. Getting out of my Uber, I joined the crowd tunneling into the building. In the sanctuary, the lights were dimmed, and the band was warming up on stage. I spotted Liam tuning his guitar beside Pastor Dave.

The pews were so full that it was hard to find a friendly face. I didn't see anyone in our usual section, so I slipped into a spot on the end. Pastor Dave opened us up in prayer then launched into an upbeat tune, with the congregation clapping their hands along.

As I sang the words, I could already feel my heart become lighter. God, why did I keep running away from you in hard times? Your yoke is easy and your burden is light. On my own, my burden was anything but light.

When Cody Carnes Run to the Father began to play, I immediately sent up a prayer for Colin. His earthly father may have failed him but my prayer was that he would discover a heavenly father who had always been there. Couldn't he see that if he surrendered to God, we could be together?

As soon as the thought entered my mind, I froze in shock. I sat back into the pew, reeling from what I just prayed to God. I leaned over with my head in my hands and started to weep.

Soon, hands were placed on my shoulders and a voice whispered into my ear. "Are you okay Alicia?"

Ashley. I shook my head.

"Come on." Propelling me up, she lead me away from the sanctuary into a back hallway. By the time she sat me back down and handed me a box of kleenex, we were in the nursery.

"We shouldn't be bothered in here," Ashley said in way of explanation.

Various toys laid on the floor, a crib in the corner with a baby quilt draped over the side. It all made my heart ache a little bit more.

"What happened back there?" Ashley said. "One minute you were worshiping and the next you were crying."

I dabbed at my nose and eyes. "You remember our phone conversation about Colin?"

"Of course."

I related the story about him coming to my office that morning. How he had shared his feelings but I couldn't return them because of his lack of faith.

Ashley nodded along. "I'm sure that was very difficult for you, knowing how you feel about him. So what was the problem?"

Embarrassed, I focused on the bunched up tissue in my lap. "I was praying for Colin during Run to the Father. But I think God was revealing the selfishness of my heart, of my prayer."

"Ah," Ashley said, catching on. "You realized that if Colin became a Christian, he becomes available."

Hearing Ashley say it out loud brought on a fresh wave of tears. "I feel like such a horrible person right now."

Ashley enveloped me into a hug, rubbing my back. "You need to give yourself a little grace. God revealed the selfish motive in your heart, and now you can act accordingly."

Separating from our hug, I saw what Ashley was saying. "You mean I need to separate myself from the situation."

Ashley nodded. "Call it a conflict of interest, if you will. There's a danger that Colin 'converts' to Christianity just to be with you. And we both know how that would turn out."

I shuddered at the thought. "It's probably for the best anyway. He was pretty opposed to anything I had to say."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

I dry chuckle escaped me. "I don't know how you do that, just say the perfect verse for the situation."

"The Spirit of the Lord spoke through me; His word was on my tongue."

That made me laugh all the harder. "Thanks Ashley, I needed that."

"Anytime Hon."

I was able to go back into the sanctuary with much more control over my emotions. The amount of tears I'd cried in the past few days made me feel more like a water fountain than a person. Back at my seat, I closed my eyes and let the lyrics wash over me. I basked in God's presence knowing that I was welcomed and loved.

Soon the last song was played and the lights came back on. I considered slipping out and heading home but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liam put down his guitar and walk off stage. As much as I didn't want to, I knew I couldn't let this feud between us go on any longer.

I made my way through the throng of people till I was behind him. Tapping him on the shoulder I said, "Hi Liam."

He spun around and when he saw it was me, his expression instantly became guarded. "Hi Alicia."

Rearranging the purse strap on my shoulder, I realized I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. "Great job leading worship. It was really good."

Liam hooked his thumbs on his pockets and stared at the floor. "Thanks."

Apparently I was going to get no help from him. "Listen Liam, I wanted to apologize about what happened. I got a little defensive. You were right to warn me."

He looked up at me then, his mouth in a tight line. Finally, he blew out a breath. "I should be the one apologizing Alicia. My pride was hurt, that was all there was to it."

I gave him a reassuring smile. "I think we both had things going on that we needed to deal with. But I do want to be your friend Liam. I want us to be able to go to bible study without fear of seeing the other."

His lips curled up at that. "Friends," he agreed.

An idea sparked in my mind. "You know, I think Jessica would really like to get to know you better."

"Jessica?"

I nodded. "Don't be too hasty to jump to conclusions," I warned. The last thing I needed was to create another situation. "But I have a feeling."

Liam chuckled. "I hear you. I'll be sure to tread the waters carefully this time."

"Good." I said my goodbyes, promising to see him on Thursday. When I left the building, my grin stretched from ear to ear and it stayed that way the whole ride home. By the time I reached home, I practically floated into my apartment.

"Someone had a good time."

I grinned at Cameron. "I had an amazing time. Nothing lifts the soul more than worship."

Cameron gave me a look. "That's where you were? At church?"

I laughed. "You sound like you don't believe me."

She did a half-shrug. "Church for me was always filled with straight-laced people who if they smiled, their face would crack."

I stood, stunned. Cameron had never mentioned before that she had a history with church of any kind. But now that I thought about it, it made a lot of sense why she carried such prejudice towards it. "I'm sorry to hear that. Just know that not all churches are like that."

Cameron shrugged again, and walked away. I knew the topic had become closed. It was disheartening to see Cameron clam up, but she did give me a tiny glimpse into her past. And that counted for something in my books.

My phone pinged, signaling a text had come through. It was nearly eleven o'clock, who would message at such a late hour? I immediately thought of Colin but I was pretty sure he would be keeping his distance. At least for awhile.

Unlocking my phone, I was surprised to see it was from Sandy Lee. But nothing could prepare me for what the message contained.

Alicia, I need your help.