You know, looking back at the past 6 years of my life in a notebook I still have, it's truly amazing that I'm still here today. I was full of so much bitterness and pain, wanting an end to my life to end the suffering. All the mental scarring, all the memories, they still haunt me. It's been almost a year now, or maybe it's already been a year. And I'm nowhere near recovery. I keep lasping back. I keep having these memories, flashbacks if you will, to those 6 years. Gods, I just want to heal. It just seems, so, so damn hard. I really, really want to heal. I know healing isn't instant, I know it takes time, but it's been a year and I've made no signs of healing.