The Umbrella Girl by: lightnight12

Remember, these are just my opinions, and feel free to argue with or agree with anything I say.

Alright, so let's begin. The intro is strong. The prologue sets up the rest of the story rather well. Though, personally, I'm confused as to what setting this whole story is placed in. Is it just like a feel good that setting doesn't matter? Or something else?

The overall story is fine. Grammar and spelling for the most part is okay. There were some spacing issues, and I'm not exactly sure why the entire thing is in italics. Also, after dialogue, if you are going to have the person say something, it should either end in a comma or something else. i.e. "Yes." She replied, should be "Yes," she replied.

The characters are good and well written. Since you have three parts, I can't wait to see them develop even further.

Summary:

Pros:

Good characters

Strong intro

Correct grammar and spelling

Cons:

Weird setting

Spacing issues

Dialogue issues 

The whole thing being in italics

If you want to renew your faith in romance, then The Umbrella Girl is sure to have you covered.