Stars by: Zoovi_TRV

Remember, these are just my opinions. Feel free to argue with or agree with any points I make.

Lets begin then, shall we? The introduction is strong. The set up for the characters is fine, and we see what the story is about right off the bat. Nothing to crazy or wild to make the reader go 'this is too much'. 

The overall body is fine. No real grammar or spacing issues. The pacing is good. The only real thing I have is there are dialogue punctuation issues. The main thing I keep seeing is you are using commas when there should be a period. i.e. "Thanks Allen," I rolled my eyes. Should be "Thanks Allen." I rolled my eyes.

You might be over using the exclamation point as well. Using two or three in a row is usually a little much. I also think that maybe the dialogue itself might be a little stale. But that's just personal opinion.

Good story round and round. I like Mia as a character. She's fun to read.

Summary:

Pros:

Good Intro

Good grammar and pacing

Fun characters

Cons:

The dialogue issues 

Overuse of exclamation points

If you want a story about young love with a hint of mystery, then find Stars, and maybe you'll meet yours.