Portals To Maestosia: by Rebecca_DV

Remember, these are just my personal opinions. Feel free to argue with or agree with any points I make.

Hello there! Time for another review.

And this time we head to fantasy and portals. 

Now, I think your introduction starts off strong. We see Holly as a main character and get a taste of her personality and aliment. It does give off a good intriguing feeling to the reader as they begin your story.

There is something that I think could be worked in a little better from chapter one. And that's the introduction of the doctor and Ben. I think that their introduction would have been better if you had a few chapters of Holly living at the hospital while having these two characters watch her from afar. It didn't feel rushed per-say, but merely out of place.

The overall body is good. The grammar and spelling for the most part is correct. Good spacing and punctuation. Good details and descriptions. One thing I think you could do is split up some of those really big paragraphs. Some were kinda long, and if you just split them into two, it'd help the overall story go faster. 

Summary

Pros:

Strong intro

Good grammar and punctuation

Nice spacing

Cons:

The introduction of Ben and the doctor

The longer paragraphs

So if you fall into a portal and into a dangerous land, be prepared to run and fight. Maestosia is ready for you.