Checkmate: by @Pockylover12 

Hey, look at that my first review! Remember, these are all personal opinions, and feel free to argue against me or agree with me on any points I make.

So, let's cut to the chase. The introduction starts out strong. You set the stage for your character Madison Steele. We know why she likes chess, and what kind of girl she is. We get a clear image in her head, which is good. I think you might overuse the work 'ok' in that first or second paragraph though. Maybe trim down on one or two. Also, though this is more personal opinion, but I think explaining the whole 'I'm not a nerd' and stereotype thing is unnecessary. Let your writing do that explanation for you. Otherwise, nothing else in the introduction.

Overall body of your work. I really like the chess aspect. Making people excited for chess wins. Very original and different. Most girls like this are usually readers or whatever, but this is different, and I think that's good for the overall story. 

The pacing is well done. Many stories I've read just throw information at you with no set pace. And I think when that happens, you get real writers block because then you have nothing left to write about. But the pacing is very good. Characters are known efficiently, and story is well rounded. 

Grammar and spacing are for the most part good. You use real spaces for dialogue, which many writers do not do. And that annoys me to death. Grammar for the most part is correct, but I think you could use more commas in many of your longer sentences. For instance in chapter one with 'Natalie came up to me.......'. That whole thing could probably use a period or comma to slow things down. Madison might be fast pace, but we as an audience are not. Remember to reign it in sometimes.

So, another major personal opinion, but I think the A/N's about asking what we think about certain characters are........stupid. You're the writer. This is your work. Do not let the audience dictate how you write your characters. If they are meant to be annoying, then let us as the audience decide that. You are the boss of Checkmate. You write for yourself first, then your audience.

Overall Summary

Pros: 

Well done introduction

Very good pacing 

Very good grammar

Different type of plot

Characters are good and believable(minus the billionaires. I personally don't know any lol)

Cons:

Some repetition of words

Needs maybe some more well placed commas

Green orbs...........come on

That weird thing about the A/N that just annoys me personally. 

A very well put together story. I think anyone looking to read about a character who hasn't gone to Starbucks yet deserves to read this. Thank you for being my first review.