Beautiful Bones by: maleficmouse

Remember, these are just my opinions, and feel free to agree with or disagree with any points I make.

Disclaimer, I've never read, seen, or know anything about Teen Wolf. So, take this review how you will.

Let's start off with the introduction. It was pretty strong, giving the reader a real sense of danger for the characters. It's also a good way to set up what Stiles is and how to reveal it to his friends. Though I actually don't know if any of those vampire characters exist in the show, so I don't know if this was a good way to introduce them or just kinda like a 'here you go, my long lost siblings' to any fans of the show.

The overall body was pretty good. Correct grammar and spacing. Relatively good pacing. The dialogue was fine. The only real thing I noticed was that when it came to dialogue punctuation, there were some issues. For instance, whenever a character said something, you'd end the statement with a period. I.e. "But your friends that Finn was looking for, they do?  Drink blood, I mean." asked Lydia should be "........I mean," asked Lydia. 

Commas after dialogue that isn't going directly into an action. i.e. "Blah blah blah," said Stiles. And,  "Whatever." Stiles then did something vampire like.

So I'd say overall your story is fine. Keep up the work!

Summary:

Pros:

Strong intro

Good grammar and spacing

Well done pacing

Cons:

The issue with the dialogue punctuation

What if Stiles were a vampire? Then check out Beautiful Bones and see what happens for yourself.