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THE DRIVE home was always the worst, Jude should have remembered this. It wasn't like the drive there, where her nerves were buzzing with excitement and anticipation, ready to return to school where there would be no parent telling her what she could and could not do. The feeling of freedom would never compare to anything else, and though she was happy to see her mother again, it wasn't the same bubble of joy she felt when she drove the beginning of the semester.

That term had meant everything to her, it meant getting away from her messy breakup, getting away from all of the drama that lingered in the Outerbanks, and most of all, it got her away from dad.

He was great, sometimes. Most times he was reminding her how important it was she stayed focused, to make sure she didn't stray from her task. After her twin sister had flunked out of school their first year, everything fell on Jude. She missed the time when her dad was her supporter, not an administrator.

The drive was long, three hours of her randomized playlist and stopping for snacks led her to return home around five, she would unpack her things tomorrow, for now all she could do was sit in the driveway and allow dread to gnaw at her chest.

Their house was on the outskirts of Figure 8, decently sized for four people, and it had a pool, which was all Jude really needed. She disliked the ocean and the mess brought along with it. Too much sand, and too many tourists.

She wasn't sure how much longer she was going to sit outside in her driveway, contemplating on how long it would take for her family to notice she hadn't arrived.

Finally, she switched off her car, watching the headlights fade as she made her way to the porch, hesitating by the door. Her gaze flickered to the cartons of flowers to her left, she could safely assume her mom had picked up a new hobby.

Her hands shook, and she turned the key, opening the front door. The house was quiet, which hadn't been what she was expecting, and she quickly toed her shoes off by the door, creeping inside. Maybe they were all in the backyard, she knew who was home by the cars in the driveway. Her sister's Jeep, her dad's work truck, and her mom's Toyota.

Slowly, she made her way through the house. The television was on in the living room, the fireplace crackled. As she turned to step into the kitchen, she flicked the lights on and jumped back as a series of shouts followed the action.

"WELCOME HOME!"

Her entire family was there, mom was grinning and edging forward to hug her—Shreya beat her to it. Jude and her sister looked exactly alike, other than one small detail: Jude had dimples. Shreya did not. They were the same height, same weight, they wore their hair the same way, they had the same taste in clothing. That was another refreshing thing about college, she got to be her own person there.

As Shreya pulled away, she spotted their cousin Kelce sitting at the counter, raising a hand to lazily wave at her. She nodded at him, allowing her parents to embrace her next. She sauntered over to him as they all asked about school, her mom declared she'd start dinner now that Jude was home.

"Awh, Kelce," she smiled, patting his back sarcastically. "Did you clear your agenda of fighting Pogues for me? You shouldn't have."

Kelce rolled his eyes. "A lot has changed since you've been gone, you know."

Jude did know, despite being so far away, she still kept up with the general Outerbanks gossip, even if she claimed she found it annoying. A group of Pogues had found El Dorado, though she had no clue what they'd done with the money, but Kelce scoffed.

Okay, keeping up with the Outerbanks gossip was a little bit of a stretch. She sort of knew these Pogues, or knew of them and knew one personally. She still followed Sarah Cameron on Instagram, and she'd found out through there. It was probably messy to keep tabs on your ex's little sister, but Sarah had always been a sweetheart. It was hard not to adore her.

"They don't deserve it," he went on. "They're a bunch of lowlifes."

"Technically not," Shreya cut in, sitting down at the counter, too. "They're loaded now."

"A million is nothing."

"Stop being a brat," Jude said, rolling her eyes. "It's more than you've ever made."

Kelce stared at her, blankly. "That's not funny. You know I tried to open that gym but-"

"Hurricane Agatha destroyed the building," Jude concluded. "Yes, Kelce. I remember. I was here."

"We all were," Shreya added. "Unfortunately. Jude, dad wants to talk to you."

She tried not to groan, but she got up regardless and met her dad in the living room. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey, kiddo," he gestured to the open spot on the couch next to him. "Have a seat."

So she did, and she wondered if her reluctance showed. Here it came, the lecture and the expectations he'd had but she didn't meet. It was kind of embarrassing to have her dad keeping track of everything school related now that she was out of high school. She couldn't fault him, not with Shreya's failure and the fact that he was paying out of pocket. But it was still annoying.

"What's up?" She wondered, though she had a general idea.

"You did great this term," he said, surprising her. "But I think you could have done better." Ah, there it was. "I saw your exam scores, what happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" She furrowed her brows. "I got A's on almost all of them."

"Yes, but not all. What am I paying your tuition for if you're just going to fail out like your sister?"

Jude inhaled sharply. "I'm not even close to-"

"I've signed you up for a program this summer, it'll help you stay focused and motivated. It meets twice a week down at Pat's."

Jude hated Pat's. It was a building full of snobs and jocks from her high school that didn't make it to the big leagues. Basically, it was where everyone who didn't go to college hung out and got advice from the "wiser" elders from Kildare.

"Dad, I appreciate you doing that for me, but.. it's summer. Can't I just relax?"

"There's no relaxing in the real world," he climbed to his feet, patting her shoulder. "You will go, or I'll stop paying your car off. Sound like a deal?"

Jude crossed her arms, sinking deeper into couch as he left the room, but movement to her left made her raise her head. "That," Shreya said, pointing to their dad. "That right there is why I dropped out."

"You didn't drop out," Jude rolled her eyes. "You flunked out."

"Same difference," she shrugged, then grew serious. "You okay, though?"

"Yeah," Jude replied, heavily, just as Kelce joined them on the couch.

"It's good to have you back, J," he told her. "You should swing by the club tomorrow. It's Casey's birthday, we're having a little get together for him."

She wished she could have felt excited at the thought of seeing all her old friends (well, the ones she liked, anyway, but that was a completely different story) but she couldn't. Parents had a way of saying just a few words and ruining your entire night with them.

There was also another big, pressing matter that made her reluctance of going grow. "He's not going to be there, is he?"

She didn't have to say his name, her cousin knew. Kelce shook his head. "Nah. He doesn't show up to those kind of things anymore. He's renovating a duplex right now, his hands are tied."

"You're not just saying that so I'll go, right?"

"He's not," Shreya confirmed. "Rafe hasn't been to any of our meetings recently. You're in the clear."

Jude was convinced enough, even though just the thought of seeing him filled her with rage and despair all at once. She hadn't dated many boys, but Rafe Cameron had been the start and end of it all.

"Okay," she finally agreed. "I'll be there. But I'm not getting Casey a present. Not after Thanksgiving."

Kelce burst into uncontrollable laughter, slapping her knee while he stood to his feet. "I don't think he'll blame you there."

Jude grumbled under her breath. "Yeah, he better not. Dickhead."

✹

The country club was the same as ever, people stared and avoided staring as Jude approached. She was used to it, now. Even though her outburst had been a year ago, it seemed like nobody was capable of forgetting. She couldn't blame them, she hadn't forgotten, either. Right there, on that very pier.

Jude shook her head, locs falling to her shoulder as she approached. She tried not to feel nervous, it had only been a few months since she'd seen everyone last, her brief visit for Christmas that had been incredibly awkward between them all. But Kelce insisted that it was fine, and she had no choice but to believe him.

She found her friends easily, they were the loudest bunch in there, laughing and encouraging Casey to do something. The banners were a dead giveaway to their location anyway, and she wavered by the entryway.

"Jude!" Casey noticed her first, his hair lighter already from the summer, his freckles wildly scattered across his face. "You made it!"

"Here I am," she smiled, accepting the hug from him as he came barreling over. "Congrats on being of age, finally."

Casey raised a brow as she offered him a large bottle of rum. "And here I was told I was receiving nothing."

Jude shrugged, patting his shoulder. "You know I was bluffing."

"I was hoping," Casey grinned, kissing her cheek before leading her to the party. "Jude made it, everyone!"

She received a chorus of hellos and greetings, there were a few faces she didn't recognize, like Topper's new girlfriend or Jamie's older lookalike, but she waved at them nonetheless.

"Nice to see you still kicking, J," Topper called, arm slung around the brunette who eyed Jude skeptically.

"Can't keep me down," she replied, easing next to Kelce and Shreya, who were immersed in a conversation. "Hey, where's the bar at this place again?"

Shreya snorted. "Overwhelmed already?"

"I feel like everyone's talking about me."

Kelce peered at her. "You've been gone since Christmas. And your last sighting before then hadn't been.."

"Yes, yes. I remember," Jude shook her head. "Anyway. I need a drink. Now. Shreya?"

"Fine," her sister laughed. "Come on."

Jude followed her eagerly, desperate to get away from the judgement that she was sure the group still held for her. A couple of shots would help calm her nerves, and she'd be back to her old self before she knew it. She hoped.

"You know, I don't think it's as bad as you're making it seem," Shreya said, paying for their drinks. "These people are our friends. They love you."

"They can love and judge me all at once."

"That's true, but... I don't think you realize how many people are still in your circle after the breakup."

"Please," Jude scoffed. "Cameron is the goddamned token of Kildare."

"I disagree," Shreya said, but Jude's expression must have given away her thoughts, because her sister sighed. "But we don't have to talk about that right now, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks."

Shreya smiled at her, and Jude returned it. "Anytime. Ready to get back in there?"

She nodded. "As I'll ever be."

It felt true enough, and she slid off the stool, the alcohol making her system buzz. It was why she didn't react to the roaring motor of a bike, not until Shreya made a noise, and Jude followed her  gaze outside.

And there he was, placing his helmet on the handlebar of his bike, climbing off it. Jude felt her stomach sink, a new twist of nerves knotted while she tried to calm her heart rate. She hadn't seen him since they'd broken up, she stalked his socials, sure, but not in person. Hair short and buzzed, he was still handsome as ever.

Jude violently shook her head. "Fuck, I have to get out of here."

"Jude, don't be-" Shreya said, but she'd already darted into the bathroom and locked the door, bracing herself against it.

This was not good. She knew it could go one of two ways. Her choices were limited, either she found a way to get out of the club without him spotting her, or they faced each other and dealt with a much uglier argument in almost the same place they broke up in. Because she was sure Rafe hadn't forgiven her.

And she was sure she hadn't forgiven him, either.

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