dear elijah,

i've been scared my whole life. i was scared of my father, my mother, people around me, people who knew my parents, everyone. i was so afraid to disappoint my parents, to show them how flawed i was.

my life has been lived the wrong way. i wanted to be happy and i thought i was until i felt my cage close at a faster pace. the metal bars tasted like what freedom would taste like. i can't wait till i leave this place, leave it all behind and never look back.

elijah, i want to be free. i want to be like the other people my age who can stay up late and have good memories of being a teenager.

elijah, i want to be bold. if it were up to me then i would have had a life worth telling my children.

i would have had sex with him, i would have kissed that other boy, i would have gotten drunk with my friends, i would have dived in like a fool.

i would have.

i would have.

i hate those three fucking words. they hold back all the tears of being trapped. i wish i were free. i wish i would have.

elijah, i need you to help me. help me escape and be the bold person i am. i'm supposed to be the brightest star beside the moon but why do i feel like a dull cluster of dust?

  sincerely,
yuka koi/kiara keisis/TLM

all my sides are yearning for your help.