I have to tell all my partners that you hurt me. That your choices still affect me in intimacy and in turn will affect them. They have to know from the first date that if they are too hungry for my skin that I will always associate them with disgust. I will always associate them with you and your desire for my skin over my mind. There is no easy way to bring up being in a past abusive relationship. "How to" starters for the conversation don't exist. I play it by ear, hope I can squeeze in the conversation-stopping topic between the laughing compatibility and mutual interest before he snakes an arm around my chair. I don't have the option to decide if my partner will or will not know. They have to. All of my past becomes theirs'.

However, you don't have to tell a single one of your partners that you assaulted me. You will never have to start and stop the connection of a first date with the phrase "I have to tell you something important about my past. I'm so sorry but this is going to affect you and me." If by some miracle they return for another date, you will never have to see the love slowly fade out of their eyes as they accept the end of a relationship. Being with a traumatized girl is always 'too slow of a pace' or 'too much work'. You won't recognize their inability to have a patience they never should've have been asked to have in the first place. A few months and a couple partners after, you will never have the fear of multiple men carrying around your vulnerable secret because you don't have to ever tell anyone.

It's not fair that I am responsible for your repercussions.