Elena's P.O.V

The one thing I have grown to hate about summer being over is driving home from work as the sun goes down, it makes me feel like a bad mum. I can't quite explain how, but something about pulling into the driveway with my headlights on makes me feel so sad, knowing that the sun has risen and set all whilst I've spent so little time with my daughter. Despite being back to working full time for almost three months, it still takes some adjusting, especially now that it seems like Juni grows more and more everyday.

She's a little over 6 months now and she's crawling and rolling like her life depends on it. I'm terrified that one day I'll get home and she'll have grown up without me. That she'll be some kind of genius whiz kid who has crawled, stood up, walked and talked all in one day. It's a sacrifice that I knew I was making when I chose to go back to work, that I could miss big milestones in her life and experiencing the guilt associated with that. Maybe I should just get knocked up again so I have an excuse to quit and stay home, blame being a mum of 2 under 2, I've heard that's been used before.

No, no I can't do that. Mainly because we already have our hands full as it is, adding another baby right now would be totally insane. But also, I love my job and the people I work with. Things will get easier, I'm sure of it.

But now isn't the time to think about all of that now. I click the remote inside my car to open the garage door as I ease my car up the last few metres of the driveway before pulling up beside Harry's new Maserati, a car he's driven approximately three times since he bought it last year. The second I step out of the car I can smell something heavenly wafting from the direction of the kitchen.

I will admit, I had some doubts about how Harry would adapt from going from his high powered stressful corporate life to 'house husband' and stay at home dad. I never doubted his abilities, just at how he'd manage the transition. Unlike me, he's made it look so ridiculously easy; the laundry is always done, the house is always spotless, there's always a fresh meal waiting for me and Juni is always so well cared for. Home is my heaven.

"Look who it is June bug!" Harry calls out as I slip my heels off and place my bag down on the floor by the couch. Harry prepares a large salad as Juni sits on the floor of the living room amongst a pile of blocks. I make a beeline for her, and to my instant relief she's as eager to see me as I am to see her. She lets out a slight squeal and abandons her blocks, holding out her arms up high waiting for me.

"Hello my sweet girl, I've missed you so much!" I exclaim as I cradle her close and pepper her face with kisses, quietly rejoicing in her coos and giggles. It's such a relief holding her after going so long without it, almost 9 hours of being away from her can often feel like a lifetime. I turn to see Harry walk out from behind the kitchen counter, a somewhat guilty look on his face.

"What? What is it?" I ask him, a sudden panic sweeping over me. Did she bump her head? Did he drop her? Has someone died? I can feel my heart starting to race before Harry places a hand on my shoulder gently.

"It's not a big deal, but she um, she might have said her first word today" He tells me, slightly anxious for my reaction. Great, the one thing I was so worried about happening actually happened.

"What does 'might of' mean?" I ask him as Juni rests her head on my shoulder, seemingly blissfully unaware of the hell I am currently in. Harry presses a kiss to my cheek before walking back towards the kitchen, I follow closely behind before sitting down on one of the island chairs and cradling Juni close to me.

"We were playing with that little toy that she loves, you know the little keyboard that makes animal noises that she loves to laugh at..." Harry begins as he opens the oven to check on something, it smells like lamb. "And I was standing up to go and get her bottle ready and as I stood up and told her I was coming back in a second, I heard her say 'mama'" He finishes, resting his forearms on the counter opposite me, looking at me with grave concern for my reaction. And I can't hide it, I'm absolutely devastated.

"I thought maybe I had misheard, that maybe she pressed one of the keys on the keyboard and made the sound. But I spent her entire nap time going through every key and none of them sound like what I heard. But she never said it again, and I've been trying all afternoon" He continues with a sigh as my heart continues to race. I missed her first word. Her first word was for me, she wanted me, and I wasn't there. I missed it.

"Bub, bub it's okay. I'm sorry" Harry says softly as he comes back around the counter and pulls my body into a hug. I didn't even notice I was crying until my face was pressed up against his shirt and the moisture tickled my nose. I feel like a complete failure, like I've completely failed her when all she wanted was her mama.

"I can't believe I missed it" I mumble against Harry's shirt as he holds me close against him, his hand gently stroking my back.

"It's not your fault baby, most of the books say that she's quick to have her first word at 6 months. She'll say it again" Harry mumbles reassuringly in my ear. I'll probably miss that too, I think to myself but can't bring myself to say it out loud, the thought is too much to deal with right now.

"What was her voice like?" Is all I can think to ask as Harry kneels down in front of me, wiping my tears away with his thumb. Now that I'm not squeezing my eyes shut, I can see Juni's head is raised up to look at me curiously. I don't want her to see me cry or be upset, but I guess it's too late for that now.

"It was angelic, and you'll hear it soon bub" Harry replies gently as Juni lays her head on my chest while reaching out towards Harry, placing her hand on top of his curly hair. I nod my head, feeling completely defeated and devastated. I knew this was a possibility, I just didn't know it would hit me as hard as it is.

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Juni still has yet to say 'mama' or anything else, and it would be a fair assessment to say that I'm not dealing well with all of this. Harry's reassurance and support definitely helped things, but missing something this momentous has me slowly spiralling back into some major self doubt territories. I've booked an appointment with Dr Lawrence next week to help deal with it all, but until then I'm just trying not to think about it, which is impossible. Especially since we had Harry's family over for lunch this weekend. Harry was worried that I wouldn't want to tell people that she had said 'mama' but of course I said that it should be celebrated. Whether I was there or not, my baby said her first word and it should be celebrated.

"Please tell me you got a video of it?" Gemma asks with an excited squeal as Theo climbs out of her lap and decides to lay down on the floor with Juni and baby Genevieve. The babies are both surrounded by toys, Juni seemingly eager to share with her cousin.

"Nope, wasn't expecting it to happen at all. She will again soon though" Harry replies, his hand resting on the small of my back as we all sit around the living room and catch up while we wait for the food delivery. Neither Harry or I could be bothered cooking so we proposed ordering some pizzas for lunch, and everyone was very much on board.

"Well next time she does I need a video of it please, it's hard enough since you three live so far away. I'm used to having all my grandbabies around me" Anne says with a slight pout. It is tough being so far away from all of Harry's family. It may not seem like a big distance, but with Juni and my job our lives aren't as flexible so we can't just pop up for a quick visit like we used to.

"Sorry mum, still not moving to Manchester. Like ever" Harry responds with a small chuckle. I don't know if I could imagine another home that I would love more than I love this one. Sure it has a couple of bedrooms that we aren't using and the property itself sits on a large area of land that's almost unheard of in London, but it's our home.

"Fine fine, even though I think you three would love the peace and quieett" Anne says in a cheeky singsong tone as Peter puts a hand on her knee, almost like a gentle 'let it go' signal. "How has work been Elena darling?" Anne asks me. I can feel the intrusive thoughts trying to barge their way into my head after she asks the question; she thinks your a terrible mother for going to work and missing your babies first word, she's judging you. I mean, of course I know that none of that is true, my mother in law is just checking in with me about my work. It still doesn't stop the thoughts from reading their ugly head.

"Yeah it's good, busy really. The winter months are the busiest times because families become stressed with the weather getting colder and the holidays approaching. So right now we're focusing a lot on our outreach programmes, trying to find kids and families who are struggling for the first time, early intervention and all" I explain before my eyes drift over to Juni who appears to be working as Theo's apprentice builder, handing blocks to him as he stacks them up high to make a tower.

"That sounds like such great work" Michael praises, knelt down next to Theo beside Theo's newest tower. "A lot of people will benefit from all that work" He reassures me. Working as a doctor I'm sure he's seen his fair share of families in need of intervention and support.

"So Harry, missing the corporate boardroom yet?" Gemma asks with a slightly teasing tone.

"Not even a little bit" Harry answers his sister with a warm chuckle, a response that I think surprises his family.

"Really?" Anne asks, genuinely impressed with his response.

"Seriously. I thought I would be getting a bit stir crazy by now but I'm very happy being away from it all. I had to attend a shareholders meeting last week and I was almost dreading it" Harry informs them as Theo hands him one of his toy cars. Harry's eyes light up with enthusiasm as Theo grabs a small toy car of his own, dragging it across the coffee table in front of us.

"What part of it were you dreading?" Peter asks with slight concern. Harry shrugs it off at first while sitting himself on the floor next to Theo and dragging his car along the table as well.

"I just didn't want to get sucked back into it all you know?" Harry eventually explains. "And I knew if I actually went into the office for the call then things would inevitably need my input. So I took the call at home and then went right back to that little lady" He gestures towards Juni, who playfully bats at a small plush toy that Charlie is dangling over her head.

"Charlie she's not a cat" Anne informs her with a small laugh.

"But she's funnnyyyyy" Charlie replies with a small pout as she teases her little cousin. I have to agree, it is very funny to watch Juni behaving like a kitten trying to play with a ball of yarn that's just out of reach.

"I have to say darling, I'm so glad that you aren't in that business everyday anymore. It was slowly eating away at you. And I'm grateful that the two of you have made the transition so well." Anne refers back to the prior topic of Harry's work life with a heavy sigh. I know that all she's ever really wanted from Harry is for him to spend less time working, settle down and have a family. He'd already accomplished the 'job success' portion of his life a long time ago but it seemed like a long shot that he'd ever be done with that. It must be such a change of pace for her to have her son go from billionaire play boy business man to committed stay at home father in the space of four years. As to the last part of her statement about how we've made the transition so well, that feels less true with every day that passes.

"Me too" Harry replies simply, before Theo starts to drag his car through Harry's hair and laughing loudly to himself as Harry lets him. Anne has mentioned to me many times that she was worried about Harry sending himself to an early grave with all of his working. She wasn't wrong, especially during the early times of our relationship, he was always willing and able to take phone calls and attend meetings, insisting on doing the work himself as opposed to hiring others. He didn't want to be like all those other rich men who left with their money with no regard to what becomes of what they made.

"You're not bored to death by the likes of 'Peppa Pig' or 'Cocomelon' yet?" Gemma asks with amusement. Even the mention of Theo's favourite show piques his interest as his head lifts up away from the babies and into the direction of his mum.

"Oh god no, I'd never subject myself to that. We don't really do much TV with her" Harry states with a shrug. It's not like Harry and I are rigid or finicky parents where we don't like her to sit in front of a screen, but more so the fact that putting on the TV for her has never been all that necessary. Harry is incredibly hands on when he's looking after her while I'm at work, and then when I come home my full attention is on her to catch up on what I've missed out on during the day. Besides, Harry would have literally no patience for those kinds of shows. I watched two episodes of 'Peppa Pig' with Charlie once and I wanted to cry from boredom and the migraine I had been developing since the theme song first played.

"Though when we have watched TV with her , she really likes nature shows. Nothing too graphic of course." I feel the need to add this tidbit into conversation. As though I'm trying to prove to my in laws that I know what my daughter likes, like I'm a good mother. Which I know that I am. Oh god, I feel like I'm really spiralling.

"Theo went through that phase too. Then one day we played 'Thomas the Tank Engine' and it was over. Apparently no big cat or rhino show can replace that little train" Gemma says with a half laugh as the doorbell rings and Harry stands to go and open it.

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Juni makes it through most of Harry's family visit before she becomes too agitated and tired to continue on. I elect to put her down to sleep, as I always do, my way of atoning for my guilt I suppose.

"Hey, want some company?" I look up at the sound of Michaels voice as he leans against the doorframe of Juni's nursery.

"Sure" I whisper as I slowly rock the chair while I feed Juni her bottle. Michael makes his way into the room, sitting down on the circular ottoman near my chair.

"You okay?" He asks with genuine concern.

"You worried about me doc?" I ask him with a small smile, which he returns along with a slight nod.

"Suppose you can call it 'doctors intuition'. What's going on?" He presses the question delicately. I've always gotten along well with Michael, we've bonded over being the 'outsiders' of the Styles family. We're also both working parents so he's a great person to come to advice for, something I probably should have done long ago.

"How do you do this whole working parent thing? Because I'm really struggling" I admit with a heavy sigh.

"It's tough I won't lie. And I'll be honest, it's going to get harder now that she's getting older" Michael admits sadly. "I did basically the same thing as you when Charlie was born; took four months off and then went back to work, and for the first few months it was okay. But then, as she got older and started to miss me during the day and noticed that I was gone...well, she made it known that she was unhappy that I left her to go to work" He continues as he scratches the back of his neck.

"I can only imagine" I reply with a slight smile. Charlie is a very open and honest kid, she tells you exactly what she's thinking and why regardless of who it's directed at. Last year, Harry and I went to her ballet recitals and she ran over to me, pointed at my shoes and said 'not good, I don't like those'. It was brutal, but fair.

"Yeah. She became very clingy when I was at home and then when I left for work she would cry and scream and try and grab onto my leg or my jacket. I felt awful for Gem, leaving her at home to console her" Michael replies as Juni finishes the bottle. It's so obvious that Michael is crazy for Gem, who on the surface could seem like polar opposites. Gemma is energetic and upbeat, the life of any party. Whereas Michael often fades into the background, you probably would forget that he was at the party unless you personally spoke to him. He's quiet and insightful, exactly the kind of respectful boy you'd want to have in your family. Anne must have been thrilled when Gemma met him.

"She hasn't started doing that sort of thing yet, not in the morning at least. But she is very clingy when I come home, and I am with her too" I tell him as Juni lays settled in my arms, ready to drift off to sleep.

"That's what helped me too, when I'm not at work I am 100% present and engaged with everything that they're doing. It doesn't matter if I've just finished a 12 hour shift, if Theo wants five readings of 'The Little Red Tractor' then that's what he gets." He says with a chuckle. "But it does get better" He adds with a slight smile.

"It does?" I ask, it sure doesn't seem like it ever will.

"Absolutely. Like the other day, I had the day off work and we needed to take Theo to get his eyes checked. So I went and took Charlie with me so that Gemma could have some time alone with Genevieve and maybe get some more sleep. So we were waiting for the Optometrist to come in and when he does, the first thing out of Charlie's mouth, the man is halfway through the door at this point, she says 'You're an eye doctor, my daddy's a REAL doctor!'" Michael recounts proudly. I have to hold one of my hands against my mouth to suppress my laugh. It's classic Charlie, what a cheeky girl.

"I was horrified of course, but I also couldn't stop smiling. She was finally at an age where she understood that I have a job that meant that I go to work everyday and help people, which is something that she's really proud of. And she knows that when I'm not out being doctor, I'm home being dad. And Juni's going to know the same when she gets older, that mum works to make sure that kids all over London and the UK don't fall through the cracks when mental health issues arise within families. And she's going to think that that is so freaking cool" Michael continues with a slight whisper. His words bring a tear to my eye. I can't imagine what Juni will be like when she's Charlie's age, when she has her own fully formed personality. I hope she would be proud of me, but it's so hard to think about missing all of the stuff in between when that happens.

"I missed her first word" I try and say without my voice breaking, but miserably fail as my voice hitches slightly. Michael presses his lips together and slowly nods his head. "And I just feel this completely overwhelming guilt that her first word was 'mama' and I wasn't there to hear it. I feel like I let her down, like I'm a shit mum." I explain where it's all coming from, why this all seems to have hit me now out of the blue.

"You know that Genevieve's first word was 'poo' right? Gem was carrying her past the bathroom while I was potty training Theo and she just screams out 'poo' as loud as she could". Michael says with a half laugh. "Of course a first word is important, but it doesn't mean everything in the world. She didn't say 'mama' because you weren't there and she wanted to make you feel bad, it just happened. And you didn't mean to miss her first word, it just happened. And that's okay. You are by no means a 'shit mother', not even close" He continues calmly, reaching out to stroke Juni's foot as she peacefully sleeps, completely unaware of her surroundings.

"I know it's a silly thought, because I am a good mum, deep down I know that. But I know that as she grows up she'll notice I'm not around more and I'll miss more and that maybe she'll think that I am" I mumble as I use my free hand to brush the tears off my face as my vision goes blurry. Juni is everything to me, next to Harry she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and the thought of letting her down is awful and terrifying.

"If that's how you're feeling, maybe you should take some more time away from work?" Michael suggests softly. I love my job. And when I'm there and making a difference and meeting new people, I feel so good about myself. I just don't know if I'm ready to lose that yet. Sometimes I'm scared I'll wake up one day and regret not having spent time on my career just because I got the privilege of having a wealthy life and family. And I don't like having regrets, there have been too many already.

"I just went back three months ago, isn't that giving up a little too soon?" I say with a sad smile. I was so eager and ready to go back, but now I feel like I'm falling at the first hurdle.

"Elena, you know how important it is to look after your mental health and wellbeing" Michael tells me with a slightly more serious look on his face. He and I have spoken a lot about mental health privately to one another, so he knows what I've gone through.

"And you think my job is affecting my mental health?" I ask him curiously.

"Do you think it is?" Michael mirrors my question back to me. I guess I've been really focused on doing it all that I've not really checked in with myself about how I'm feeling.

"In all honesty, I think I was doing really well until she said her first word" I admit with a sigh as I slowly stand up and take her over to her crib, slowly placing her down gently. She stirs for a moment so I lay my hand gently on her stomach, a trick I learned when I was first starting to put her down for naps. Her eyes remain closed and I remove my hand a few moments later, walking quietly back over to my seat.

"You talked to Harry about it?" He asks gently as I settle into the seat.

"He knows it's upset me, but I haven't talked to him about my job for a while" I reply. Harry was so supportive of me going back to work, and I'm scared that talking to him about my uncertainty will maybe frustrate him. Michael frowns.

"You should talk to him. Things like this mount up, you don't want it to get bigger than it already is. He'll understand." Michael reassures me gently. I know he's right.

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Life with a baby can be pretty tough sometimes, and it's definitely had a big effect on both mine and Harry's social lives. In fact, unless it's totally essential for me to go to work or to pick something up from the store, Harry and I can go days without leaving the house. And our friends and families know this too, often making the trip out to our house to spend time with us rather than asking us to leave our home. But this weekend, Harry and I decided to put our collective foot down and start venturing out more with Juni, and it starts with a stroll in the park heading into the nearby cafes and boutiques.

"This pushchair is way easier to use than Gems one" Harry states as we reach the end of our driveway, voting to walk the four minutes to the park rather than drive unnecessarily.

"Do you remember us spending literally two hours in the baby store testing out all the different kinds?" I remark with a smile as Harry pushes the pushchair alongside me, Juni happily bundled up and nestled securely facing us. We were so stressed about making sure it worked, even though this is maybe our fourth time using it since she was born.

"I just don't understand why there are a thousand different kinds, why not one universal way that everyone knows how to use?" Harry asks with a tone that almost makes me laugh aloud as he critiques the business practices of baby furniture companies.

"Because this is already a very stressful time in your life, why not add a little bit more" I reply sarcastically as the gate closes securely behind us. I will say that initially after moving out of the apartment into a home with open space, I was unsure about how I'd feel being more 'exposed'. But I love our home more than I thought I could ever love any building, it's our ridiculously humongous sanctuary.

"Exactly, like there aren't already a million new things you have to learn" Harry replies with a chuckle, copying my sarcastic tone. "And now after all of that, we've hardly used it" He remarks, perfectly mimicking my earlier thoughts.

"I thought that too, we barely take her out of the house" I add. I can probably name all the times we've taken Juni out of our home since she was born; her christening, to see our families a few times, her check ups and maybe a few trips to the supermarket. That's really it.

"Why don't we?" Harry asks me after a brief pause, turning his head to look at me as we walk.

"I don't know. I guess, we were just so focused on getting her into a routine and getting comfortable with actually being parents that we sort of forgot about the outside world for a while" I suggest. All of a sudden I feel a twinge of guilt, knowing that I spend plenty of time out of the house while Harry stays home with Juni.

"To be honest, I feel anxious about taking her out on my own" Harry states honestly as we wait at the corner for our crosswalk light to turn green. It's a surprising admission that immediately gets my attention.

"You've never mentioned anything like that" I express as I put a hand on his arm while he keeps a keen eye down on Juni, who's preoccupied with watching the birds in the tree above us.

"I know everything would probably be fine and that you'd feel comfortable with me taking her out on my own-" He begins.

"Of course I would, you're so good with her there would be no reason for me to ever worry" I reassure him quickly just as our light turns green. A slight smile spreads across his lips as he glances appreciatively at me before we both cross the road and continue on our way.

"I just think that I got so comfortable with her being at home in a place where I can control everything that happens, it just felt safer to keep her out of 'dangers way'" He rationalises with a slight tilt in his head. Harry has had well documented issues with control in his past so it's not a surprising theory to me. He just wants to keep Juni safe, just like he wanted to keep me safe when our relationship first became real.

"Babe, if the roles were reversed I would have barely left the house. And if I did think she needed some outside time, I would have walked her up and down the driveway" I tell him with a reassuring smile. I know I'd be exactly the same way, and I still am even though I'm not the 'stay-at-home parent'.

"That's a long walk" Harry says with a sense of admiration. Having just walked down the driveway I agree, it's quite a walk. I squeeze his arm gently as he effortlessly guides the pushchair into the entrance of the park. It seems we weren't the only people in the world who decided the park was a good idea today. There are at least a dozen people either laying out on picnic blankets, playing games or walking in small groups.

"This sort of thing is good for her right? Not too many new things at once?" I ask, slightly worried about overloading our little one and stressing her out.

"Look at her, she's loving it" Harry reassures me as I check Juni's face to watch her admire the sky above her. Her eyes widen even further as Harry tilts back the screen the partially obscures her view, allowing her to take in more of the tree tops and sunshine.

"Right, I'm being silly, of course she loves this" I say with a sigh as I watch her keen eyes dart from one thing to another. "I hope she doesn't worry like I do" I admit allowed somewhat sadly. I'd hate for her to worry and second guess everything every second of her life because of me.

"I doubt that she will, but even if she does it might not be such a bad thing" Harry answers carefully, checking my face to spot any reaction to his assessment.

"How can she not? If I'm innately like this then isn't there a chance that she will too?" I ask Harry as I reach into fix the blanket that is draped across Juni's lap as it slowly begins to slip down her front. Just as I'm about to pull my hand back away, Juni's keen fingers wrap around my thumb and forefinger. Guess she wants to hold hands.

"A lot of your worry was born out of the environment you grew up in, you and Juni are going to have very different childhoods" Harry observes, his serious straight face quirking up into a smile as I resort to walking beside the pushchair in order to not pulling my hand out of Juni's grasp. He couldn't be more right there, there are hardly any similarities between my childhood and Juni's except for the fact that I was around for both. I grew up poor and remained poor until I met Harry while Juni was born into a family with more money than they will ever need. Juni has an already extensive, inclusive and loving family that only seems to keep growing while I had a family that shrunk down to the size of one. And those are just off the top of my head.

"I did worry a lot as a kid" I agree with him.

"Meanwhile no-one worried about you. Totally different circumstances bub" He continues to reassure me. I don't know for sure if 'no-one' is accurate, but some days it sure did feel like no-one was worried about me. I'd not eat for a few days or barely sleep because I was taking care of my mum and no-one noticed, life just carried on.

"So you don't think she'll inherit any of my crazy?" I ask Harry with a smile to which he rolls his eyes, his grin remaining.

"You are not crazy nor do you have any crazy tendencies. Do I think she'll worry about people like you do though? That's a possibility, but it's a good one" He answers with a proud smile as we make our way towards the end of the park.

"Oh yeah?" I ask slightly amused by the way he answered the question, like he was trying to dodge a bullet.

"Yeah. The kind of worry that makes you feel the need to work for a non-profit charity despite never needing to work again. Your empathy mixed with my narcissism will make for a pretty well rounded kid I think" Harry states with a proud smile.

"You know you're not a narcissist" I remind him.

"I know" He admits with a slight chuckle. I'm so glad that Harry is still doing his therapy sessions, even though he doesn't openly talk about them with me so much. I was in his home office looking for a stapler and I saw his calendar open on his desktop that had a few appointments, zoom calls with his therapist every Thursday around Juni's afternoon nap. I felt guilty having seen the bookings so I told him about it, but was instantly relieved when he laughed about how guilty I felt and told me that he likes having check in appointments every now and then. He doesn't open up about what he talks about, but I can see and feel how much better he's doing because of it. And it's in small moments like this; when he becomes less self loathing and acknowledges his growth.

"Hey, you remember yesterday when we had the family over for lunch?" I say just as we approach the small coffee stand near the fountain at the centre of the park. It's run by a father and son out of a truck that normally attracts a large crowd of locals but today seems a little isolated, supposed we've missed the morning rush.

"Yeah I remember. Why?" Harry asks me, slightly confused before Harry places our coffee orders with the son and exchanged pleasantries as Juni's hand slips from my grasp and rests back on her lap. She's quickly drifting off to sleep, seemingly bored of our little attempts at an excursion. Harry appears back by my side and hands me my coffee.

"When I was putting Juni down that afternoon, Michael came in and we had a bit of a chat about things" I tell him, slowly easing my way into this conversation as he pushes the pushchair.

"This better not be the way I find out my sister is getting a divorce or something" Harry says with a slight mumble that makes me smile. I can't believe there was a time when he didn't really like Michael that much, now they're like brothers.

"No of course not. We were talking about my job and basically how to juggle the working parent lifestyle stuff" I say with a small shrug as Juni's eyelids begin to slowly droop, clearly uninterested of hearing the same conversation for the second time.

"How come?" Harry asks with slight concern, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

"I told him about how I missed Juni's first word, and how upset it made me" I explain gently as Harry places one of his hands on the middle of my back, stroking it gently. "And it all just kind of spiralled into me thinking that I can't handle this whole 'working mum' thing" I admit.

"Why didn't you tell me about this yesterday?" He asks gently as I take a long sip of my coffee.

"I just wanted some more time to think about it before I brought it up with you I guess" I answer with a small shrug. I needed a little time to get my thoughts in order, but I'm still really scrambled. He pauses for a moment before bringing the pushchair to a stop. I stop with him, watching him as he runs a hand through his hair in slight frustration. I'm about to apologise to him, when he opens his mouth and starts speaking.

"You want my input?" He says quietly. I nod quickly, sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He sees what I don't see.

"You can handle the whole 'working parent' thing, no question about it or doubt in my mind." He says simply and matter of factly, and I'm genuinely surprised. I would have thought that Harry would have jumped at the chance to convince me to stay home with him and Juni.

I raise an eyebrow and smile warmly at him. "Really? No doubt in your mind?" He smiles back at me, a swoon worthy smile.

"No doubt at all. Missing her first word threw you a little bit but you can't doubt yourself like this bub. You'll miss stuff, sure, but you'll be around for so many other things. And you have important work to do, work that you'll hate yourself for quitting before it's finished." His hand reaches up to cup my cheek as he speaks, his words overwhelming and surprising me all in one go. He's right though, I've worked so hard to get to where I am and I'm not ready to let it go yet. I love being Juni's mum, but I also love having a job. And I can handle doing both.

I lean up on my tiptoes and hook one of my arms around his neck, bringing his head down closer to mine and pressing a kiss to his lips. I can feel his smile grow wider as his thumb softly strokes my cheek. Every time his lips are on mine, it feels like the first time all over again, only better now.

"Thank you" I mumble against his lips, brushing my nose against his. His hand lingers on my hip as I come down off of my tiptoes, the wind blowing some of my hair into my face.

"I'll support you either way, it's up to you" He softly states, his eyes never leaving mine as his hand leaves my hip and tucks my hair behind my ear. His other hand stays protectively fixed onto the handle of the pushchair.

Harry has always been so supportive of me, but I know he's a traditionalist at heart. All of his instincts have told him to keep me close and comfortable at home, since practically day one of our relationship. But ever since we first started speaking about me going back to work after maternity leave, it's like something changed. His preferences didn't matter anymore, his love and desire for me to live a life I enjoyed took precedence over everything else.

Maybe it's the age gap, that old problem of ours. He's at the age where life traditionally becomes a bit more domestic whereas I'm still in my 'first jobs and stupid mistakes' portion of my life. I love being a mum and Harry's partner more than anything in the world, but I also need my own existence outside of them. He has it, I should too.

"I'll stick it out, for at least a few more years. Or until life gets busier" I say with a smile and a slight shrug as I turn my head to check on Juni, who is completely passed out in her pushchair.

"Uh oh, that sounds like a challenge to knock you up again" Harry says with a smirk as he puts his free arm around my shoulder and we resume our leisurely slow walking pace.

"Not this quickly!" I laugh and lean my head into his chest. "I've just started fitting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes again" I've been quite lucky with my 'bounce back', being naturally skinny has definitely helped me with that.

"So no back to back pregnancy then?" Harry inquires with a slight chuckle.

"Sorry bub, my uterus is closed for the next year at least" I tell him with a wide grin, tilting my head up towards him.

"I guess that's not so bad, Gem and I have a three year difference" Harry points out with a sentimental smile. Anne has showed me around 300 photos from when Gemma and Harry were little. It was obvious that Gem was always so delicate with Harry and protective of him when they were growing up. I never really realised how much I had missed out on growing up as an only child.

"Well, before we start planning for second additions, I think we have one important step that we should take care of first" I say somewhat coyly, a grin automatically appearing on my face.

"Oh do we?" His grin grows as he speaks, his interest piqued. "And what important step would that be my love?" He adds. He knows where I'm going.

"Well, I would kind of like your last name" I smile up at him. He's been waiting on me for this, we both know it. We were going to get married but then I got pregnant and that seemed to take over our lives. I mentioned in passing that once Juni was born and things felt a bit more calm that we would do it, but we didn't need to be in any rush. I always seem to be the hold out in our relationship, I know Harry would have married me a long time ago if he could have had his way. But he's been patient, waiting for me to feel comfortable and secure and ready.

"Please, take it" He states in a soft tone that makes butterflies flit around my stomach. "When?" He adds with a little more urgency.

"How about, before the years end?" I suggest. It's early October now so going into the colder England months, it's not exactly going to be extraordinary weather but that doesn't matter to me. I want to do this, now more than ever.

"I have a feeling that weddings take a while to plan. Trust me, Mitch was bitching to me for six months about florals and colour schemes" Harry says somewhat fondly despite his choice of words.

"A wise man once told me that when you have money you can hire people to do things for you" I retort with a grin, which he returns. I use one of his idioms that I was graced with at the beginning of our relationship. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes the first time I heard him talk about money like that, not knowing it would eventually become a part of my life too.

"Wow, that is a wise man. You should marry him" Harry states with a smirk.

"I'm trying to, but he doesn't think it can be done in a short time frame" I add with a laugh. Harrys arm around my shoulder tightens slightly before he presses a kiss against the side of my head as we continue to walk.

"Oh it can now that we can have outside help. I'll find a good team of people to pull it all together. Now, where?" Harry continues to plan aloud. The anticipation begins to build now, we're actually going to do this. It's not like I didn't expect for it to happen for us at some point, it's just wonderful that we're putting things into motion that will begin this process.

"Where do you want to get married?" I ask him. I have a feeling I know what his answer will be, but I want to check just in case.

"I couldn't care less where it happens honestly, it's all about what you want" He answers, exactly how I thought he would answer. Typical boy.

"No no, don't be one of those 'I'll just show up on the day' kind of fiancés. You must have some idea of something" I press him to dig deep. We've talked before about how we imagined getting married, attending both Anne's and Sarah's weddings gave us both ideas about what we did and didn't want.

"Oh, I like when you're demanding like this. We should plan more events together like this" Harry replies as he places a kiss against the exposed skin on my neck, just above the collar of my jacket.

"Harry" I say with faux annoyance. If someone had asked me back when I first met Harry if he would ever be like this, I would have laughed hysterically. To think I had signed a contract stating that PDA was a no go.

"Right okay...I honestly haven't thought too deeply about where before. Have you?" He says with a happy sigh.

"I like the church in Manchester" I tell him with a small shrug as he peers at me curiously.

"My family's church? Bub, don't let my mum pressure you into doing it there" He responds.

"She hasn't at all, I just think it's really nice there" I reassure him. I honestly think Anne would be cool with us getting married anywhere in the world, so long as it happened and that she was there with us while we did it.

"Our wedding should be whatever the fuck you want, not what the people around you want for you. Surely there's a library that you like or something like that, you know, an aisle lined with books, that kind of shit" Harry says, checking to see if Juni is asleep before letting out his expletives. Luckily for him, she's sound asleep.

"You know I love a library, but libraries have no connection to you and to us as a couple." I remind him, come to think of it I don't know if I've ever even taken him to a library. And I don't know when the last time I went to one was. Sometimes on my lunch break I skip lunch and go to the bookstore a few streets away from the office and browse or buy a few books. But a library, it's been a long time.

"You forget we had sex in a bookstore?" Harry leans in close and murmurs to me, heat rising on my cheeks instantly. One of my wilder moments I would say.

"Did not forget that, but I'd rather not have to explain that story to, well anyone" I say with an embarrassed giggle. I definitely told at least Fran and Heather about our bookstore antics, and knowing that they knew would just be a mortifying experience.

"Makes sense" Harry stifles a chuckle as he responds.

"But the church; it's where we became godparents together, where our daughter was christened. And Annes wedding too, you gave her away and I was a bridesmaid. We have a lot of ties to it, plus it's stunning" I rationalise the church in Manchester. When Harry first proposed to me it's where I ultimately pictured us getting married, it just made the most logical sense.

"It's beautiful and it has a lot of memories in it. I just don't want you to feel pressured to choose it" Harry adds.

"I promise you I'm not. But besides, I love having traditions now, I grew up with hardly any traditions and now I'm part of a family with hundreds of them. That place is your families church, and now it's my families church" I say with excitement.

I love the traditions that our family has now. I know that this year Juni will place the ornament on top of the tree at Christmas because she's the youngest in the family. I know that Anne will organise an Easter Egg Hunt at her house on Easter. I know that once Juni gets older she will have her own apron sitting in Annes kitchen, ready for her to wear when she helps us to make food. Every year for Peters birthday, we will go to the same average pizza shop in Manchester because it's his favourite. Whenever we FaceTime with Gemma and the kids, Charlie will pop in to share a random fact she's learned in the last week, as she has been doing every week for over a year. I love knowing what's coming. I love feeling comforted by the safety of a tradition, knowing it won't be ripped away from me.

"It's settled then. The church it is" Harry states confidently. Despite the fact that there are still things surrounding my childhood that I've kept to myself, Harry knows enough about me to realise how important these things are to me. And I'm aware of his concerns, about me feeling pressured to conform to what his family wants. But it's also what I want.

"But we don't have to make the ceremony too religious or anything" I clarify.

"Yeah fuck no I'm not singing hymns at my fucking wedding. We'll sort that part out" He agrees. Watching Anne drag Harry to church when we visit her is basically a comedy act. Peter and I have to fight to hold back our laughter as Anne quietly scolds her son for not reciting the prayers or rolling his eyes during the service. I'm not really a religious person either, it's just not something I've taken to or felt like I've needed.

"And when we do the vows I'm not promising to obey you and we aren't saying man and wife it's husband and wife or it's nothing" I add firmly as Harry takes over pushing the pushchair as I reach reach forward and adjust the pushchair cover to keep Juni's face out of the sun.

"What's wrong with man and wife?" He asks innocently.

"You are referred to as exactly what you are, a man, while I am referred to as my relationship to you, a wife. Like the only identifiable thing about me is that now I am your wife but you still get to be a man in your own right" I explain. It's something that's always irked me while watching TV shows or movies where people get married, instantly leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I watch as Harry tilts his head to the side slightly and presses his lips together before shaking his head.

"Fuck, I never thought about it like that. That's messed up" Harry answers after a while.

"So, when they pronounce us I want it to be husband and wife" I remark. People already think there's some kind of hierarchy in our relationship, where he leads and I follow, but it can't be less true. There are times where I lead and times where he leads, and many times where we're both in control.

"Yeah 100%. I can't remember what they said at Gemma's wedding, do you remember what they said at my mums?" He asks with genuine curiosity.

"They said 'man and wife', but your mum is quite a traditional woman she probably didn't even notice or maybe doesn't care" I inform him. There were a lot of things I loved about Anne's wedding, but there were some negatives attached to it too. I was just coming out of my first trimester but was managing to throw up almost on an bi-hourly loop every-time I was awake so the day dragged on a bit for me. I managed to stick it out through the ceremony, which was nearly three hours long with multiple hymns and lords prayers. And that was before Anne promised specifically in front of God and everyone else to honour and obey Peter. Then they were pronounced 'man' and 'wife' to put the icing on the cake.

"But you noticed" Harry remarks with a warm smile, as though he's proud that I've picked up on it.

"It's a major pet peeve of mine" I admit shyly. Watching any TV show or movie where they promise to obey and become man and wife instantly loses points for me.

"See, I learn new things about you every day" Harry continues as his hand gently rubs my shoulder.

"Good to know you're not bored of me yet" I reply with a giggle. I'm surprised there's much more to learn about me after all this time, but I guess there are still things I learn about Harry too. For instance, the other day he insisted that he still knows a few songs that he learned to play on the cello as a kid. I ordered a cello online that should be arriving at the house any day now, determined to see it with my own eyes.

"Yes it does bode well doesn't it?" I feel Harry grin against the side of my head as he presses one more kiss against the skin.

More plans begin to come together over the coming days and weeks. A team of event planners are hired, the church is booked and Save the Dates are sent out. December 10th.

—————————————————————————

Plans slowly begin to fall together over the next few weeks., but the most daunting one was still to come. The dress.

"Are you going to be one of those 'out there' brides who choose a non-white dress or are we sticking with white?" Fran asks excitedly as we all approach the small boutique. One of the planners who's helping with the wedding made an appointment at a very fancy place in London's High Street where 'the elite' get their wedding gowns. That description in mind and with anxiety already mounting, I invited the girls to come with me to prevent me from running out. So with the boys all at home with Juni; Heather, Fran, Gemma, Sarah, Anne, my mum and I all made our way into town for the appointment.

"I think I'll be sticking with white" I tell her as Anne and my mum excitedly lead the pack, ringing the doorbell outside the closed boutique door. Some of these rich shops don't even allow you inside without an appointment, it seems a little insane to me but I do want to look nice for the day and this is a good start.

"And you have an idea of a design?" Fran continues her excited questioning as we wait.

"I guess. I have a few photos saved on my phone of dresses that I think look nice but I don't really know, I've never tried on a wedding dress before" I answer with a shrug, already feeling the nervous energy bubble up inside me. Heather joins me at my left side and puts a hand on my arm as it subtly bounces up and down, as though she can sense my apprehension.

"We've got a long appointment, we'll figure it out once we're in there" Heather reassures me as the door swings open. A tall woman with olive skin and short brown hair smiles warmly at us and ushers us into the boutique. There are dozens of racks lining either side of the expansive room, chaise lounges set up in the middle of the store as an older woman appears with a tray full of flutes of champagne. We each take one with a laugh and a half hearted shrug, it's basically the afternoon - why not?

The woman who let us in introduces herself as Alex the owner but doesn't bother to introduce the older woman, who has now promptly disappeared to the back of the store.

"Do you have an idea in mind?" She asks me pointedly while Fran and Gemma split off and start looking through some of the racks.

"A little bit, I think" I say with a bit of a nervous laugh. Alex seems lovely, if not a little bit intimidating. "Something simple and classic, nothing too frilly or sparkly really" I add.

"Sleeves? Strapless?" Alex asks as her eyes begin to wander across the store, possibly trying to locate my 'perfect dress' tucked away in a rack from 10 metres away. Now that would be impressive.

"I quite like sleeves, not too fond of strapless" I think aloud. The image of having to pull up my dress all night in fear of it slipping down has destroyed any strapless dress futures.

"Okay. I'll grab a few dresses for us to start with and we'll see how we go" Alex's bright smile has returned before she departs from my side and heads into the direction of some of the racks.

"Feeling alright sweetheart?" My mum asks, still holding her full glass of champagne, she's not much of a drinker really, mines already half way gone.

"I feel good, a little overwhelmed, but good" I tell her as I lay my head gently on her shoulder. I haa a feeling at some point she was going to give me the whole "if you don't want to do this tell me now" speeches. But I think I'm in the clear, if anyone loves that I'm marrying Harry more than me, it's both of our mothers.

"You know where I got my wedding dress from? The local Red Cross" Mum tells me with a cheeky smile as she links her arm through mine and leads me back over to where Heather and Anne are sitting. Fran, Gemma and now Sarah are at the racks, perhaps browsing for me or for Fran, who recently moved to London and is flat hunting with her boyfriend Zayn.

"They have wedding dresses at charity shops? I can't tell if that's bleak or romantic" Heather comments quietly to me as I sit down beside her.

"Oh bleak is the correct answer my love, very bleak. But hey, I got to wear a white dress and it only cost me £45. It was also my something old" Mum adds with a laugh at the end.

"You don't still have it do you?" Anne asks curiously.

"No, definitely not. I dropped it back at the same shop a few months after my wedding, ready for the next girl like me to pray for a miracle and find one in a charity shop" Mum recounts with a fond smile. It's nice to see mum reminisce about the times when my father was around. Even though he turned out to be a bastard, they did have some good times at one point.

"Mine was my mothers. She sewed it for me, took her two months. Then Gemma wore it for her wedding day" Anne informs my mum as I gesture to Heather for her to have the rest of my champagne, as all of hers seems to have gone. We switch glasses without the need for words, I've had plenty already. Anne offered me the dress she wore when Harry and I told everyone we were planning the wedding, but it just didn't feel right to marry Harry in his mothers dress. Harry agreed, although it was definitely beautiful.

"I always thought I'd be one of those quick Vegas chapel wedding dress girls, you know. Like it could be a wedding dress but with different heels and no veil it could quickly become a clubbing outfit" Heather states confidently, and the mental image that paints itself in my mind is so quintessentially Heather.

"All these beautiful dresses giving you second thoughts?" Fran asks as she approaches the lounges, holding two coat hangers in one of her hands. Heather shrugs as Alex walks past us with a few hangers in her hands. Fran stops her and hands her the selection she's collected.

"I don't think it's the dresses. Dunno, just think I'm wanting something a bit classier, a bit more mature" Heather answers her. Sarah and I exchange a look over Heathers shoulder. That's the Max Effect, and we both know it.

Max and Heather have been broken up for months now and Sarah and I have witnessed them both independently mourn the relationship in very similar ways. They're both constantly having epiphanies about 'growing up' and 'being more responsible'. Heather hasn't been on a night out in months while Max has even babysat Juni a few times when Harry and I have gone on dates. It's clear that they miss each other, but Heather is stubborn and Max is respectful of Heathers need for space.

"Alright, we have some options!" Alex announces as her stilettos echo while she approaches our group. "Elena if you'll follow me to the dressing room I'll help you change into them" I give Heathers hand a slight squeeze as I jump up and weave my way around the couches, following Alex into the larger changing room where 6 different dresses are hung up on individual hooks.

"What's immediately calling to you?" She asks me as she closes the curtain behind me. All of the options are incredibly beautiful, some white as snow while others are less piercing and more subtle. One I can immediately tell is a wild card that was probably amongst what Fran handed to Alex earlier. It's a bit glittery for my liking but there are hints of my style in the simple neckline.

"I like the look of this one" I gesture to the one furthest away. It's simple and clean, yet so regal and elegant.

"It won't exactly fit, but these are to give you the best idea of what you're looking for" Alex explains as together we get my body into the dress before Alex begins to fasten several clips to the back. Sneaking a peek in the mirror, I like it but I'm not in love with it, if that makes sense. I know I'm looking for simple and classic, but this might be bordering on boring and thats the last thing you want to think you look like on your wedding day.

"Dress number one!" Alex calls out to the girls as she opens the curtain for me. I have to hold the sides of the dress up slightly so I don't trip on the hem as the material pools around me. Excited squeals from my mum and Gemma fill the echoing room as I approach the small platform in front of a large wall of mirrors near the dressing room, allowing myself a complete look.

"It's stunning sweetheart, absolutely stunning" My mum comments excitedly as I allow my hands to rest at my sides, my reflection making my heart race quickly. I'm wearing a wedding dress. Maybe not the wedding dress, but a wedding dress none the less. It all seems insane to think that I had spent the majority of my life convinced that this would never be my life. That I was a background extra in everyone else's life story who would never do much of anything that mattered, and who certainly wasn't worth marrying or having a family with. But here I am, trying on wedding dresses while the man that I love takes care of our daughter.

"It's very you, but I think it's a little safe" Heather adds softly, to which Sarah and Fran both nod emphatically.

"I agree. It's close, but it doesn't feel quite right" I agree with a smile. I watch in the mirror as Heathers shoulders release some tension, as though she was nervous about how I would react to her comment. She shouldn't be, she knows me almost as well as I know myself.

"Okay! So we have a good foundation, let's build off that" Alex says gleefully as she ushers me back into the changing room and suggests we try a dress similar to the first, but this time with long sleeves and a different neck line. The dress doesn't exactly sit on my shoulders, exposing my collar bone slightly before the sleeves rest at my wrist. It fits a little bit better than the first, I still shrink somewhat under the material of it but I can feel an outline of what it will look like when it's more fitted.

"Oh this one looks lovely on you" Alex tells me as she pulls open the curtain and helps me carry the train over to the mirror. Before I reach it, I can see my mums eyes water while Heather nods with an approving grin. I step up onto the platform and get my first look, feeling a hitch in my throat. It's absolutely stunning, not just the dress but me in it, I look stunning.

"Okay but this is fucking amazing" Fran is the first to speak as Heather steps up and gently gathers my hair up into a low bun, the hairstyle I've already decided to do for the big day.

"It really is. What do you think darling?" Anne asks me as Alex and Sarah both work to drape the train of the dress neatly behind me.

"I really love it" I say in a small whisper while I shake my head. "I don't know why I'm crying" I add, slightly embarrassed as I wipe my cheeks with my fingertips.

"Don't worry I did the same thing when I was dress shopping remember?" Sarah quietly reassures me. Alex looks on proudly, having backed away slightly to give our group a moment together.

"Remember you are getting married in December, future you may be thankful for the long sleeves" Gemma adds with a laugh as she puts an arm around Anne, who alongside my mother and I is also beginning to cry.

"It's just so elegant, but you also look so hot" Fran says cheerfully as Sarah and Heather nod in agreement.

"Have you thought about a veil?" Alex pipes up and steps forward as she asks the question.

"I'd like to try one at least, maybe see what it would be like" I say with a slight shrug. I know why women wore veils and though I don't exactly approve of it's message, I want to at least see what one would look like for me.

"I'll gather some options" Alex says before she makes herself scarce, as mum returns to my side with a pair of my heels that we brought along to the fitting. I wobble somewhat as she helps me place the heels on my feet and I step off the podium, feeling the weight of the dress.

"It's quite heavy, but I weirdly like it" I tell them with a slight smile as I take a few steps around the showroom. I look back to see the train delicately moving with me.

"Big girl dress for a big girl moment" Heather jokes with a light laugh. I suppose that makes sense, a wedding dress should feel more important and special than any other ball gown you would wear to an event.

"Wanna give one a go?" I suggest to her with a small grin.

"Might be a bit premature, don't think Max is the marriage type quiet yet" She responds with a quiet giggle, then catches herself as we all stop and gape at her. She hasn't mentioned Max in that context in a very long time. Behind Heather, Fran quietly hops up and down with excited glee.

"Talked to him lately?" I ask as innocently as I can manage as I make my way back over to the podium, dipping my toes into the Max conversation that I've been dying to have with her for months now.

"No, not since Juni's christening" Heather replies, keeping her eyeline focused on the ground. That was a slightly awkward day for the two of them, having to become godparents together only a few days after they broke up. But they were great sports about it, they wanted to go through with it still and didn't fight or cause a scene on Juni's day. Although I was kind of hoping it would bring them back together, which of course didn't quite work out.

"Why'd you guys break up again? You were so so good together" Fran pipes up with quiet enthusiasm. As one of Max's best friends, I know she's been eager to have this conversation too.

"It all just got a bit too much. I needed to focus on being a mum to Benji without the unnecessary mess of a relationship getting in the way" Heather explains half-heartedly. "If we became more serious and then things went wrong, he'd lose the only father figure he's ever had and that would break my heart." She continues, giving me a sad glance as she realises the weight of her words. Heather has always been sensitive about the issues I've had with my own dad, never wanting to trigger me or make me upset. But Benji's situation is very different than mine, at least his dad didn't literally sell him out, just kind of opted out relatively early on.

"But Max loves you guys, both of you, he gets you're a package deal and he was wanting to take that on. I mean, he wanted you to move in and everything" Fran continues. When Harry told me that Max really did want Heather and Benji to move in with him, I was kind of shocked. Max, although he seemed to be very committed to Heather, didn't seem like the type of guy who'd be willing to have his girlfriend and her kid in his space 24/7.

"I know. I love him, it's just...it's a little scary you know? When you think it's like, the real thing, it's scary" Heather says in a low mumble. I get where she's coming from, because I was there with Harry at one point too. You never expect for it to happen to you, and then it does, and then you don't know how to move forward in fear of screwing up what you have.

"Just promise me something" I say to her in a soft tone. "Don't run away from something that makes you so happy. You deserve more than that" She smiles and gives me a gentle nod as Alex re-emerges from the back of the room, an mountain of veils in her arms.

I decide on a veil in the end, because when else do you get to wear one?

—————————————————————————

"Hey, how did it go with the fitting?" Harry calls out to me as I walk back in a few hours later. We were all going to go out to lunch after the fitting but I got too anxious not being home with Harry and Juni on one of my only days off, so I hightailed it back home. Harry is sitting on the floor by the couch, Juni sitting in his lap as she plays with a pair of fabric keys, her new favourite toy.

"I found a dress! And I love it, except I can't gain or lose any weight for the next month so that's going to be awesome" I explain with a grin as I put my bag down and hurry over to Harry and Juni, who reaches up towards me as I walk around the coffee table.

"That's great bub, bet you look incredible in it" Harry says softly after I press a small kiss to his lips and lift Juni up into my arms, cuddling her tightly to my chest. She folds right into me, and I savour it because I know one day she'll think cuddling me is lame and embarrassing.

"Don't mean to brag but yeah, I do look pretty good in it" I say with a slight laugh that brightens Harry's smile exponentially. "We're going back to do the bridesmaids dresses next weekend." I explain as I sit down on the couch with Juni in my lap, while Harry rests his chin on the couch cushion and continues to grin up at me. "What is it, why are you looking at me like that?" I ask curiously.

His eyebrow quieks up slightly, a look I know means that I'm about to hear something incredible. "A little birdie just told me that your two favourite people are going out to dinner tonight to 'work things out'" He tells me while grinning. It takes me a moment to figure out what he means.

"Are you serious? Don't you lie to me" I say with a slight gasp, putting a hand on his arm.

"Cross my heart. Max just texted me a little while ago for outfit advice. Heathers suggestion apparently" He informs me before biting his bottom lip as I let out an involuntary squeal.

"Finally! We spoke about it a bit today, sounds like we got through to her" I happily sigh and recline back on the couch. Looks like Heather is going to take a little happiness for herself, which she deserves completely.

"You're a good friend. Max will be thrilled, he's missed her" Harry tells me warmly as he sits up on the couch beside me. I sit Juni upright on my stomach and tickler her under her arms, eliciting her little giggle that in my eyes could end all wars.

"Hear that baby girl? Your godmama and godpapa are going to be together again, yayyy!" I explain to her as I take hold of her arms and motion with her, making it look like she's cheering along.

"Mama" I hear a sound I've never heard before. My daughters voice, saying my name back to me. Harry gasps and squeezes my shoulder as I stare back at her in shock. She said it, I heard it, she said it to me. I struggle to sit upright as the tears begin to pour out of my eyes.

"You said it, oh my god you said it" Is all I can say through the sobs as I hold her close. I lay my head on Harry's shoulder and he holds us both tightly against him.

"Mama" I hear her say again, only intensifying my sobs as she stares back up at me in happy confusion.

I was here. I heard it. I may have missed the first time, but I heard it now.

A/N:

I know it's been way too long, and I always say that. And I'm sorry. I love you guys and I love this story, but I haven't been in the right space to write it. And it means too much to me to not do it the justice I feel like it deserves.

So...wedding next update !!

Promise it won't be three months. I'm aiming for two weeks at most.

Split POV, because why the fuck wouldn't it be? You know I love a challenge.

Thank you for all the love and support. You guys are my family 💕