A/N: hey everyone.

First of all I just want to say that I'm really sorry for the massive break that I took in between updates. My personal life and my family have had to go through some big changes that have been incredibly emotionally financially and mentally exhausting.

I've always used my writing as a way for me to escape, but this situation wasn't something I could have escaped from, I needed to deal with it and be present with it while it happened. The situation is still ongoing and school is making it a lot more complicated but I promise you I'm trying 

So for all of that, I'm very sorry. I've really appreciated all of your messages and kind words of support while I've been gone. It does mean a lot to me to know that you're all here for me.

Thank you for not pressuring me into coming back. I hated feeling like I was disappointing you all but I physically couldn't bring myself to write and I needed the time away desperately.

I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was a fave for me to write so far. Peak Helena parent content. I hope you like it too.

Stay safe, I love you all. Thank you. - S

Elena's pov

"Can I confess something?" I ask Harry as he settles Juni back into the bassinet beside the bed. The moment I finish speaking his focus is back on me, his forehead creased with concern as he sits back down on the edge of the bed opposite me.

"Of course," He tells me.

"That whole experience, giving birth. That was fucking terrifying" I admit with a hard swallow as I lay my head back on the pillow.

"I read all of the material that I could get my hands on about what childbirth would feel like, I went to every birthing class I could. But none of that could have prepared me for how scary it was." I continue as Harry slowly nods as he listens intently to what I'm saying. He reaches out his hand and takes hold of mine, gently stroking the back of it with his thumb.

"I couldn't figure out which pain meant that things were okay, I was scared to push or not push in case I messed things up and put her in danger. I just had so much anxiety." I add with a soft sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Harry asks with quiet concern as he shuffles up the bed closer to me. I know he worries about my anxiety and he's tried so hard to make this whole process as stress free as possible for me.

"Because you helped me so much, you made it fade away" I tell him honestly with a small smile.

"I did?" He asks with a look of surprise.

"Yes. You were so calm and focused and supportive and it made all the fear that I had go away when it came time to actually giving birth. I just knew I could do it, and that it would all be okay in the end" I assure him. It's always been that way with Harry, we've had our rough moments but in the end he's always brought me a profound feeling of calm and peace. Having him by my side supporting me through it, I just felt like it was all going to be okay. I don't know how else to explain it.

"I kept you calm? Bub I was fucking terrified" Harry responds with a soft smile.

"You were?" I ask, completely surprised. He seemed so calm the entire time, so focused and steady. He lets out a slight chuckle and nods his head.

"Completely! Seeing the woman I love in excruciating pain and being somewhat powerless is very scary. But all I could do was try not to freak out and do what I could to be supportive. I figured the last thing you needed was to worry about me being freaked out when you were literally giving birth." He responds with a small grin. I suppose that does make sense, it would have been very reminiscent of when I was in the hospital after the car accident.

We talked a bit about it when he first started going to therapy, he confided in me that he thinks he had some sort of PTSD after the accident. I remember nothing from the accident, my memory cuts out a while before it happened and starts again a few days later after my first surgery. But Harry, he remembered everything. Seeing me unconscious in the back seat all cut up and crushed by the other car, the ride to the hospital, waiting to hear news about whether I would wake up, he was there for all of it. It really changed him, and it was something he didn't want to talk about for a long time. He says it's behind him now, but I don't know if that's true. He hasn't bought another Range Rover since the accident, and I see the way he flinches when people are driving recklessly near us. But this isn't the day to talk about all of that again, I'm sure he'll open up again when he's ready.

"Well, you did a wonderful job." I tell him with a wide smile, squeezing his hand. His eyes light up as he beams back at me.

"As did you. You were fucking phenomenal, as you usually are." He replies warmly, his gaze flickering back to look into the bassinet beside the bed. "Hasn't put you off another one though has it?" He turns back to me with a small smirk.

"You're unbelievable" I tell him with a small giggle. "And no, of course is hasn't. I'd go through it a thousand times over to get her" I continue before a knock on the hospital door catches both Harry's attention and mine. John stands at the threshold of the room in his regular attire of a formal suit with a large bouquet of colourful flowers.

"Is now a good time?" He asks with slight concern before Harry stands up and waves him in before walking over to him and shaking his free hand.

"Of course, it's great to see you mate" Harry tells him warmly as John smiles widely, shaking Harry's hand enthusiastically.

"I just wanted to send my congratulations to you both in person, the girls all helped with the card" He gestures to the envelope sitting within the bouquet as he sets it down on a table at the side of the room and politely nods over at me. "Congratulations Miss Elena" He says gently to me. I shake my head and stretch out my arms towards him with a smile.

"Come give me a cuddle John" I tell him after a quick eye roll. I'm still fighting to get him to only call me Elena because often I still get some 'Miss Elena' or 'Miss Graham'. He takes a quick glance in Harry's direction before walking over to my bedside and gently hugging me for a few seconds before stepping back.

"How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you at all?" He asks as Harry leans down into the bassinet and gently lifts Juniper into his arms. I don't think I'll ever get used to watching him do that, it's so wonderful to watch.

"No, don't be silly. You're here to see the baby, not run errands for us" I assure him quickly. I know John is used to working for Harry but they also have a good friendship that they've built over the many years they've know each other. He has been a big part of mine and Harry's life together, not as an employee but as a friend.

"Exactly. Wanna hold her?" Harry asks quietly as he walks around the bed and towards John. The smile on John's face broadens as he nods his head shyly, reaching over to my bedside and using the hand sanitizer one of the nurses brought in earlier today. When he feels his hands are sufficiently sanitised, Harry gently passes Juniper to John and sits down on the edge of my bed with me as John slowly starts to rock her back and forth.

"She's gorgeous you two, so peaceful" John remarks after a few moments, his eyes laser focused on her in his arms. "Has she got a name yet?" He asks.

"Juniper Ellis. Ellis is Claudia's maiden name" Harry explains with a proud smile, folding his arms across his chest. John looks up in recognition and grins back at him.

"And the Arcadia is on Juniper Street...That's a really beautiful name, very meaningful" John replies quietly as Juniper lays peacefully in his arms.

"All from this one's beautiful mind" Harry turns to me as he speaks, stretching out his hand to cup my cheek gently. We spent weeks trying to figure out the perfect name for her, it became kind of a secret obsession of mine. I wanted to find the perfect name that everyone would love and fit all the criteria that I wanted, but that process slowly became exhausting and filled me with anxiety so I stopped. I sent the idea of her name to the back of my mind and assured myself that it would come to me eventually, that one of the names we had on our shortlist would all of a sudden feel wildly perfect and that would be it.

And that still hadn't happened even when we got to the hospital and labour started. So I figured I already have anxiety about giving birth, maybe I should see if I can figure out her name since maybe two anxiety attacks can cancel one another out. They don't. But it got me thinking about mine and Harry's journey, not just the highlight reel or the best clips but all of it.

There are so many points along the way where our paths could have changed. I didn't have to ask Heather how she could afford her extravagant lifestyle, or said no when she offered to introduce me to Grace at the Angel Club. I could have said no to the date with Harry, or pretended I wasn't home when John came to pick me up and bring me there. Tiny decisions lead me to where I am; I asked a question, I met Grace, I agreed to go on a date and I answered a door. Tiny decisions lead me to where I am today, to this wonderful life I've been blessed with. And it all began on Juniper Street.

"I think it suits her, we've been calling her Juni and June bug but I have a feeling she'll have a tonne of different nicknames" I say as I lean my head into Harry's delicate touch. This man has had a hold on my heart since that very first meeting, since day one. I didn't know for sure that he would be with me forever, but I knew deep down that I would be forever changed by him. I didn't immediately know that he was going to be the love of my life, at that time I didn't have room for those sorts of feelings or thoughts, but I knew that something significant happened that day. I didn't ever think we would get here. I didn't even allow myself to fantasise about it because the reality of our situation at that time was so different to what I knew I wanted deep down. I wanted him, I wanted this beautiful life with him, and it astounds me everyday.

"She's a beautiful little girl, so quiet and peaceful" John remarks, bringing me back from my thoughts. It's a comment that's been made to us numerous times by our families and the nurses. It concerned me at first, I thought there was something wrong because she wasn't screaming or crying or fidgeting as much as 'normal babies' do. But one of the doctors reassured us that she's perfectly healthy and she just seems to have a quiet temperament. I think she gets that from me. Anne informed me that Harry was never quiet or shy growing up, always keen to make himself heard and speak his mind, not much different than how he is now. It's quite sweet, seeing myself in her so quickly.

"Don't jinx it" Harry tells him with a small chuckle.

"My apologies" John replies with a small smile, his eyes landing on me. "How have you both been feeling now that she's here?" He asks quietly. I lay my head back against the pillow and let out a small sigh.

"I'm both on cloud nine and bloody exhausted" I answer honestly. I've been surviving so far off of micro naps, a couple of hours here and there. The hospital environment makes it difficult for me to relax and get a decent amount of sleep, I know that once we get home things will feel a lot smoother. I know Harry's feeling the same, sleeping on a makeshift bed on the couch in my hospital room is an uncomfortable memory for him.

"Yeah I agree. Amazing but oh my god I'm so tired" Harry responds with a quiet laugh, rubbing his jaw softly.

"Welcome to the next few years of your life. They're exhausting and magical and the best years of your life" John tells us with a wide smile as he carefully fixes Juni's blanket.

"Did you ever think that one day you'd be holding my daughter?" Harry asks John with a tone of amazement. John lifts his eyes up to Harry and smiles proudly at him, like a father looking at his son.

"Back in the day I'll admit I wasn't too sure if you'd ever get here, or even if you wanted to get here. But it wasn't hard to see how much of an impact Miss Elena had on your life. And I just knew that if this was something that Elena wanted, you'd make it happen" John replies gently. It really does astound me how different Harry's life would have been had we not met.

If I hadn't met Harry, life would have been so different for me as well. I have faith that my mum still would have gotten better and that I would have graduated from University, but certainly Harry's influence made those outcomes a lot easier. I probably would have just moved back to Highcliffe, taken a boring business job in the town and looked after my mum. And maybe one day I would meet someone and get married and have a family, but maybe not. Maybe I would have never opened myself up to the possibility of being in love because I just needed to get through each day. Who knows if Heather and I would have stayed friends after I moved, I would for sure have never met Sarah, Mitch, Max or Fran. And then there's Harry's family; I would never have known them. I would have never experienced a proper family Christmas, been a part of family traditions or become a godmother.

My life would be so empty and I wouldn't even know it.

"You sure did change a lot of things for me bub" Harry tells me with a warm smile. If it hadn't been for me, what would have happened to Harry?

Would he have ended up with Holly? Or Poppy? Or would he have been a bachelor for the rest of his life, running through women from the Angel Club for years? I'd hope not. I would hope that he found someone like me, someone who made him want to really live life again. When I met him he was an angry rude rich man who cared about only himself, and looking back on it I can see that living that life was taking a toll on him. He'd pushed so many people away that many had simply given up, deep down he wanted someone to care about him but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. I would hope that he'd find someone who showed him that he is so worthy of love and has so many wonderful people around him that care for him. I'd hope that he'd want to get help for all of the awful things he's had to go through in his life, because now I see him walk around as though a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.

If it hadn't been me, I would have wanted it to be someone else. He deserves to be loved, he always has.

"You changed a lot for me too" I mumble with a soft smile as John passes Juniper back to Harry. From the angle of my bed I could swear that there is a smile on her small lips as Harry holds her close. Harry has had so much hidden anxiety about whether he would be a good father, but I've never had any doubts.

—————————————————————————

We're able to bring Juni home from the hospital after two days, and it all went a lot more smoothly than I was initially prepared for. We had everything we needed as we were leaving, there were no car seat struggles and she slept through the entire drive home.

"You know what's crazy?" I say to Harry later on as I sit on the couch, feeding Juni. Harry looks over at me from the kitchen as he makes us some food.

"What's crazy bub?" He asks me with a small smile as he seems to be making up some Bolognese sauce. The hospital food was pretty good as far as hospital food goes, but nothing is quite like Harry's cooking so I'm well excited.

"She's so chill and relaxed" I remark as I brush my thumb gently over her cheek. She hardly ever cries and she's very happy to just sit around and stare up at the ceiling or sleep for as long as she can. Having read a lot of newborn guides, I was expecting a little bit more chaos than what she's giving us.

"Did you think she would be a howling nightmare?" Harry responds with a slight chuckle in his voice.

"Honestly, a little bit. I figured that the combination of the two of us might be a little bit difficult. Not that any of this is easy, but I thought she'd cry and fuss a lot more than she does." I tell him. Harry and I can both be quite fiery at times, and I thought that maybe the combination of us both would result in a somewhat fussy child.

"On account of how hectic our relationship has been?" Harry remarks as he stands over a pot of sauce and gently stirs it.

"Exactly." I confirm. Our relationship has not been as easy or traditional as either of us had planned, but that's not a bad thing. Without all of the horrible fights and breaks and turmoil, I don't know if we would have ever gotten here, and here is pretty fucking perfect.

"Well, I think she represents where our relationship is now. You know, the best side of us" Harry states with a warm grin as he opens the fridge. Juniper makes a small fussing sound so I reposition her slightly and she gets right back to it.

"Which is?" I inquire with a wide smile of my own. I could listen to Harry talk about our relationship for hours. Considering he used to be such a closed book, hearing him openly discuss what we mean to each other brings me so much happiness.

"We're calmer, more stable and more in love than we've ever been. And I think that's why she's so peaceful." He responds with a smile, leaning against the counter with his hands flat on the marble as he watches Juni and I. His words make my heart flutter, we are more in love than we have ever been.

"That makes sense." I tell him quietly with a soft grin.

"And that's not to say that she won't be a nightmare later on in life." Harry adds with a small chuckle as he brings over the plates of food while I sit Juni up on my lap and rub her back until she omits the quietest and cutest little burp I've ever heard.

"That's true, she could still turn on us." I say with a giggle as Harry sits down next to me, placing the food on the coffee table.

"I think we can handle it." Harry tells me as he gently lifts Juni out of my arms and lays her down in the bassinet beside the sofa. It's a small wicker basket lined with soft white linen that she seems to really love, she's asleep in an instant.

"I think we can too." I say as I reach for my plate of food.

"Have you heard from some of your work mates?" Harry asks while picking his plate up as I take a bite. It's Harry's cooking, of course it's perfect.

"One of the bouquets from the hospital was from all of them, and I got a couple of texts too. I think they're missing me already" I tell him with a small smile. It's only been a few weeks since I've been out of the office but it's already feels like forever. I've taken three months maternity leave now because I'm loving the work that I'm doing and Harry and I agreed that he'd stay home with Juni.

"Of course they're missing you, you did so much bloody work. I'm sure they're drowning without you now" Harry remarks as he twirls his pasta around his fork. He's always been proud of me for the work I'm doing, but Harry has made some comments about how he thinks I do far too much work than what I'm getting paid for. And while that might be true, I don't really care. I work within the financial department of a mental health charity that provides support and counselling services to those affected by mental health and their family members. It's a relatively small staff so we're a tight group and we've begun some incredible programmes that have meant a lot of work for all of us. I love it and I'm good at it , it's what I know.

"They'll be just fine, I trained the temp they hired to cover for me myself. She'll keep my seat warm and my work covered until I get back" I say proudly with a warm smile. Harry raises an eyebrow slightly, a soft smile on his lips.

"Still think you want to go back then eh?" He asks with a gentle smirk, gesturing over to the bassinet. Harry was very supportive of me wanting to go back to work after we had the baby, but I knew in the back of my mind that he'd think that maybe I'd change my mind once I gave birth.

"Of course. Just because I have the means to be a stay at home mum and housewife doesn't mean I want to" I reply, my half empty plate of food resting on my lap.

"Are we not good enough for you?" Harry asks with a slight chuckle.

"Shove off" I giggle with a roll of my eyes. "You know me, I can't sit around a house and not have a job, it would completely suck the life out of me. I'd be miserable to live with" I state clearly. I'd go stir crazy very quickly if I didn't have a job. I've worked since I was very young and I have a good work ethic, I enjoy providing for myself and feeling as though I'm positively contributing to the world around me. My last semester of school when I didn't have a job I did feel a sense of peace and freedom, but I also felt at times like I was being a lazy freeloader and that's not the life I want to lead.

"I vehemently object to that statement. You could never be miserable to live with, not even if you tried" Harry states with a wide grin, resting his cheek against the couch cushion and gazing at me endearingly. Oh this man, I fall for him over and over again.

"That seems like a challenge to me" I reply with a small laugh, lifting up my foot to poke the side of his stomach. He takes my foot in his hand and gently squeezes it. I hadn't realised how sore my feet were until just now. Harry seems to sense it and starts to gently massage my foot. "Oh my goodness you beautiful man I love you" I tell him as I place my plate down on the coffee table beside his empty plate and stretch my feet out towards him.

"Imagine how great it would be; you, me and June bug, all day everyday." He begins in a dreamy voice as his thumb rubs the heel off my foot. "Just our little family, hanging out all day long" His voice sends a warm soothing feeling through my body and I allow myself to embrace it for a moment.

"It sounds amazing, for the next three months until I go back to work" I say with a happy sigh. Harry lets out a slight chuckle after a small sigh. "You said you were okay with me going back to work" I remind him as his hands move to my other foot.

"And I am, you know I am. I'm just being selfish, you know me. I want you around all the time." He reassured me gently. I should have expected this honestly, he's always on the brink of asking me to stay home and not have to worry about work. And I hate it when he calls himself selfish, it's not selfish to want something and ask for it.

"I need to have some kind of independence, to feel like I'm positively contributing to the world around me. And I finally am in a job where I feel I'm doing that and I love it. I can help to make sure more kids don't grow up in the same environment I did without anyone there to help" I explain gently as Harry massages the arch of my foot, smiling warmly.

"I know, and I'm incredibly proud of you, you know that" He tells me gently. I nod my head, he's a very supportive partner.

"Which is why, when it is time to go back to work I won't want to so I'll need you to push me to do it" I state, tilting my head to peer into the bassinet. Still fast asleep, my sweet girl.

"You want me to force you to go back to work?" Harry asks me with a hint of concern.

"Yes, gently of course but basically yeah force me to do it." I tell him. He lets out a slight laugh.

"So you're wanting me to force you to go to work even though I would prefer you not go to work?" He clarifies with a small grin and a raised brow.

"Yes please" I return his smile. He releases a small sigh and shakes his head for a moment.

"Fine, I'll try my best" He says in response as I lean forward and press a soft kiss against his lips.

"Thank you," I tell him gently.

—————————————————————————

"I don't see why we can't have them drive down to us" Harry states again for the fourth time this morning as we check through the bag to make sure we have everything we need.

"Because it's a lot of effort for Gem and Michael to bring all the kids to London just to meet Juni. Besides we can show Juni around your hometown" I reiterate as I zip the bag closed as Harry lifts Juni up out of the crib. She's still fast asleep as he presses a kiss to her cheek and holds her close to his chest.

"Yeah that makes sense I guess. I just worry about her being in the car for so long, what if she doesn't like driving?" Harry asks quietly as he picks up the strap of the packed bag and places it on his shoulder.

"Are you concerned that she won't like cars as much as you do?" I ask in response as I walk back out of the nursery, down the hallway and down the stairs. I can hear Harry chuckling softly behind me.

"Of course that's a concerning thought for me, but we've also only driven with her for the ride home from the hospital which was barely a drive. I just don't want her to be uncomfortable at all" Harry responds as he gently lays her down in her detachable car seat sitting on the kitchen island.

"She'll be fine, don't worry. She'll have to get used to it eventually" I tell him gently, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it softly. Juni is still fast asleep as he clips her into the seat, I swear this kid could sleep through a hurricane.

"Have everything?" Harry turns to me and asks, placing a hand gently on my hip.

"I think so. It's only for the day and we'll be in a house that already has practically everything we'd need so I think we should be okay" I reply gently giving him a soft smile. I'm so used to being the stressed out one in this relationship so it's interesting to see our roles reversing since I gave birth. Harry is so hyper vigilant about everything when it comes to Juni and I. He doesn't want me carrying anything heavy or standing for too long and obsesses over making sure Juni is okay. He uses a thermometer to check the temperature of her milk, excessively reads the labels of every single product we use with her and bolts upright in bed at every single sound we hear through the baby monitor. And of course I worry about all of these things too, but normally Harry is the one telling me to 'calm down' or reassuring me that 'mistakes are bound to happen but we'll be okay if they do'. So now I've found that I'm the one doing the reassuring, and it feels pretty good.

"You sure? Do we need more nappies?" He asks. I shake my head and stretch up on my toes to place a kiss against his cheek.

"You already put a full box in the car. She won't need that many it will all be fine" I assure him. My hand pushes up gently into Harry's hair and he leans his head down and presses his lips softly against mine. I feel his hand softly cup my cheek as I lay a hand on his shoulder, my hips backed up into the kitchen counter.

"What was that for?" I ask with a smile as my lips hover millimetres away from his. His own lips curl up into a smirk as his shoulders lift into a sly shrug.

"Just really love you" He answers in a low voice that engages my core. He's very cheeky, trying to seduce me when he knows that we can't do anything for at least a month when I get the all clear from the doctors.

"I love you too" I reply sweetly before his lips connect with mine again, his fingers gently tilting my chin upwards towards him.

"Come on then" He says with a happy sigh as he backs up away from me, lifting up Juni's car seat in one hand and the bag with all her things in the other. Watching him do domestic things like this is so underrated and so sexy it's kind of driving me crazy. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised, from early on in our relationship I got all hot and bothered watching him cook me dinner. That was all it took, him rolling up his sleeves and preparing a beautiful meal from scratch, I would be ready to go in minutes. Of course I've never told him explicitly, I feel like that would give him too much power.

I trail behind him to the car, watching as he expertly clips Juni's seat into the back seat of the car. At first, Harry's move to get a Tesla surprised me at first since he's always been more into older sports cars. But I'm definitely not complaining; it's super comfortable and it just feels so much safer and more robust especially with having Juni in the car with us. He's still not keen on the autopilot yet, though he did order it specifically to include it when he finally gives in and tries it. As he so logically explained it, "It was only a couple more thousand pounds". Typical.

Harry gently pulls the car out of the driveway and eases out of the front gate. Juni's car seat includes a mirror lined up with the cars rearview mirror, so we can check on her as we drive. Still fast asleep and we've managed to get all the way up the road. I turn myself around in the front seat and check her myself, sound asleep, perfect little angel.

"Is this what all of our future car rides will be like?" I ask Harry with an amused grin as I turn back to face the windshield.

"What do you mean?" He responds with a light smile.

"Us looking obsessively into the backseat every four minutes to make sure she's happy" I explain as I take out my phone and place it on charge using Harry's cable. Of course I forgot to plug it in, all the little things slip my mind lately.

"Probably. Sounds like a great life." Harry responds with a small chuckle in his voice.

"It really does." I reply with a dreamy sigh.

"I know they say that you should enjoy the newborn stage, and I totally am, but I just can't wait to see what she's like when she grows up." Harry adds with a proud smile.

"I know what you mean. I can't wait to see what sort of personality she has and who she'll look like more." I reply, leaning my head back again to check on her. No change. I know I'm probably incredibly biased but she really is the sweetest and most beautiful looking baby. She's still so small and has such a gentle and dainty quality to her already.

"I think she's going to look like me but act like you." Harry states as I see him check the rearview mirror for himself as we stop at a set of traffic lights.

"You think?" I ask, knowing that he's just as obsessed with her as I am. Oh god, we're becoming those parents.

"Yeah. She's very patient, and I am not patient at all." He answers with a grin.

"I think you're very patient." I assure him.

"I'm patient for you because you're worth waiting for, I'm not patient with anyone else." His words brush over me like soft velvet and I can feel my heart flutter at the simple sweet gesture.

"That's very sweet of you to say" I say, feeling my cheeks flush slightly.

"Just stating facts baby" He reiterates as he gently guides the car onto the motorway.

"I suppose I did make you wait a lot, and in lots of different ways" I admit with a smile. In hindsight, I made him wait a lot more than I probably should have. I'm happy that we waited until I was comfortable with him to have sex for the first time, but I definitely should have given him my trust a lot earlier than I did. And on top of all of that I broke up with him and ignored him for months while I sorted my own shit out only to learn that he had been waiting for me the whole time. In my eyes, he's a very patient man.

"You were worth the wait, every time" He places one of his hands on my knee as he gently reassures me. He's always had the uncanny ability of knowing exactly what I'm thinking.

"I hope she's like you." I state as I turn my body around to face him, resting my cheek against the seat. I watch as a warm smile sweeps gently across his cheeks while his thumb rubs small circles across my knee.

"In what ways?" He asks softly, as though he genuinely doesn't know what I could possibly say next.

"Well, I hope she's strong and determined and hard working. And I hope that she feels confident in herself and never feels as though she has to shrink herself down to fit in anywhere." I tell him with a proud smile as his own smile grows. He's always had amazing self confidence and an amazing work ethic, he inspires me everyday.

"I see you conveniently left selfish off your list" He replies with a cheeky grin. I roll my eyes.

"For the millionth time, you are not a selfish man" I say in defence of him. He's always described himself as selfish and I know in my meaner moments I've said it about himself too. But not lately, not for a long time in fact, because it just hasn't been true anymore.

"I have my selfish moments" He states gently as he cranes his neck to cheek on Juni through the rearview mirror. I turn my head and check on her as well, fast asleep, I think she likes the car.

"You are not selfish anymore, you've proven that not only to me but to everyone else who knows you a thousand times over." I remind him. I could go on for days about all the things he's done for the people in our lives that prove he's not selfish.

"I suppose I've come a long way then" He replies with a happy sigh. I place my hand over his that sits on my knee and give it a small squeeze.

"We've both come a long way" I say in response. "I guess its hard not to reflect back on those times now that our lives are so different now" I add as my eyes drift back to the back seat.

"I can't believe I used to think that I enjoyed my life as much as I did. That I thought I could never want more" He states in almost disbelief, shaking his head slightly.

"You were very settled in your ways" I agree with a small giggle. Harry's life had so much order when I first met him, he made all of the decisions regardless of what people wanted, he moulded his life to what he wanted. I'm glad I came in and shook things up for him.

"I'd say I was more stuck than settled" He responds with a warm smile.

"And all you wanted was a little bit of arm candy" I giggle softly as I stroke gently over the back of his hand with my fingertips. "You got a little bit more than you bargained for"

"The second I saw that picture of you in the file, I knew I wanted more" He says quietly and quickly, my heart fluttering inside my chest as he says it.

"You did?" I ask quietly. I don't know if I ever asked him what his first impression of me was. I guess I've been scared about what it would be. He nods slightly and looks over at me for a brief moment, the smile on his lips bringing a soft twinkle to his eye.

"Yeah. I thought you were absolutely stunning and then Grace told me about how you had never done anything like it before and I just had this weird instinct come over me. I just kept thinking that I needed to protect you. I couldn't let any other guy mess with you, not if I could help it" He tells me, his eyes narrowed back on the road as though he's deep in thought. He's always wanted to protect me and he has since day one. It's one of the things I value about our relationship, I've always felt safe.

"Must be a bad photo of me if you can sense my anxiety through it" I murmur with a small smile. Harry chuckles and shakes his head.

"No it wasn't that, you looked very beautiful in the photo. It was more just, like something within me had been awoken, like all of a sudden something inside me said 'okay here we go, this is important'. And I'll be forever grateful that I listened" He informs me as he picks up my hand and places a soft kiss to the back of it.

"That's why you've always considered our first meeting as our anniversary" I say with a happy sigh.

"That's where it began for me, that very first day." To me it looks as though he's glowing when he speaks, shining from within. Back then I had always considered our 'anniversary' as the day when it stopped being about money. That point was still relatively early on in our relationship but I was never able to pinpoint a date. But if I'm honest with myself, that's where it all began for me too.

"You are so crazy sweet" I say in absolute awe of him, smiling and blushing like a schoolgirl with a crush.

"I know, I'm a great catch." He replies with a soft smirk. A noise from the back seat makes my head whip around to check Juni, only to see that she's let out a small yawn and is still perfectly happy in her car seat.

"We're both very lucky to have you" I tell him sincerely. Harry's head cranes up ones more to cheek on Juni before a wide grin sweeps across his face.

"Nah, I'm still the lucky one here. I wouldn't want this with anyone else but you" He tells me with sincerity.

"Did you really just give me the cliche 'it's always been you' line?" I ask with a small laugh. Perhaps I've been forcing him to watch too many romantic comedies over the past few months.

"I guess I did, but it's completely the truth. Because it always has been you, since the day I met you." He explains as his hand returns to rub soft slow circles across my thigh. I know deep down that it's always been me. From all the stories I've heard over the years, both from him and from our friends, I know that he's so different with me than he was with any other girl he's been with. Since me, there hasn't been anyone else, and I hate that it took me so long to see that.

"The same goes with you" I reply with a warm smile. His attention stay focused on the road ahead, a soft smirk on his lips.

"No Ryan's or Luke's had any chance then eh?" He asks sarcastically with a warm chuckle, sounding playfully cocky.

"Of course you'd still remember their names, I had honestly completely forgotten about them until just now" I giggle as I respond. Luke was such a thorn in Harry's side for a long time, and now I almost forgot that he had existed at all. "So no, of course they never had a chance" I add.

"It still shocks me that I was your first boyfriend" He states proudly.

"How is that shocking?" I ask him. He rolls his eyes for a moment. The weather outside the car has started to turn, rain cascading down around us as Harry turns on the wiper blades.

"How could it not be shocking? You're a stunningly beautiful girl, some guy should have snapped you up before I had the chance" Harry responds. My friends were always bothered about finding boyfriends when we were growing up, I was trying to figure out where I was going to sleep for the night. We had different priorities, not that my experience invalidates theirs, it just means that what was important to them wasn't important to me.

"It wasn't something I was bothered by. I guess I was secretly waiting for my elderly millionaire bachelor to sweep me off my feet" I say with a laugh as Harry squeezes my thigh, shaking his head with a light chuckle.

"You're so fucking cheeky. You're the one in this car that's had hip surgery, not me" He responds with a smirk.

"I'm gonna make a hot old lady, just you wait" I tell him, turning my head to check on Juni - who's still fast asleep.

"Never a doubt in my mind darling" Harry replies with a grin as he indicates to exit the motorway.

"You don't think you'll want to trade me in for someone hotter and younger?" I tease with a smile as I reach my hand over and brush it gently through his hair. He scoffs gently.

"Absolutely not. There's no-ones face I'd rather wake up to than yours" He says with a reassuring smile, leaning his head into my hand slightly.

"Better not be" I reply cheekily, smiling back at him. "Because you're stuck with me forever whether you like it or not"

"Just how I like it bub" He responds promptly, a heart warming and sincere smile spreading across his face.  We pull into Gemma and Michael's driveway a little while later, just as the rain begins to cease.

"Perfect timing, let get ourselves inside while there's a break in the weather" Harry states as he puts the car into park behind Gemma's SUV. Beside her car is Anne's so I know for sure that she's inside as well.

"Can you grab her?" I ask Harry as we climb out of the car and I open the back seat and take out Juni's diaper bag. On the other side, Harry expertly detaches Juni's capsule from the seat and lifts her out of the car before walking straight through the front door of the house.

"Hello you three" Peter greets us excitedly as I follow Harry into the house. Peter is seated at the dining table with Theo on his lap amongst a mess of colouring books. Gemma and Anne are watching as Charlie focuses on placing brightly coloured stickers across a very patient Michael's face. Charlie squeals and hurries over to us, her long blonde hair bouncing as she quickly runs and hugs me around the waist, completely bypassing Harry and Juni.

"Hey Charlie" I say with a laugh as I kneel down and wrap my arms around her while Harry sets Juni's car seat down and greets his family with a round of hugs and handshakes

"How was the drive up?" Gemma asks as I stand back up once a reluctant Charlie lets me go. Gemma hugs me tightly.

"It was great actually, she slept basically the entire time. Never made a fuss" I tell her as I give Anne a warm hug, laying my head on her shoulder for a moment or two.

"Is that one of Claudias knits? It looks gorgeous on her" Anne asks me as Harry gently lifts Juni out of her seat and cradles her close to his chest. Mum has been knitting up a storm since I told her I was pregnant, which has resulted in about twenty sets of colour coordinated knits for Juni to wear as she grows up. Today Harry's dressed her and put a gorgeously soft white knit sweater and pant combo.

"It is indeed, she's so comfortable in them." I reply as Theo's eyes widen as he registers that Juni isn't a doll and is actually a real baby.

"You guys wanna hold your baby cousin?" Harry asks an excited Charlie and a curious Theo, who both nod emphatically. "Alright, let's sit on the couch" He adds. The kids run to the living room with the rest of us following behind.

"Are you giving us a small glimpse into our futures?" I ask Michael with a laugh as I point to the stickers on his face after giving him a hug. Michael rolls his eyes with a smile as Peter wraps an arm around my shoulder.

"Partly, but I've been working a lot this week and haven't spent much time with either of them so really anything goes. I'm just grateful to spend time with them" Michael replies with a somewhat tired tone. Michael does work exceptionally hard in the hospital, it can't be easy for him to spend so much time away from the kids especially when they're this young. I give Peter a hug before we all walk into the living room to see as Harry stands while Charlie and Theo sit on the couch with Gemma and Anne at their sides. I can't lie, his words do make me slightly anxious about going back to work, what if I can't handle it?

"Ready Charlie?" Harry asks an excited Charlie who finally ceases her wriggling and holds out her arms as Gemma has instructed her, nodding her head quickly. Carefully, Harry leans down and places Juni down into her arms as Theo peers over at her curiously.

"That's your cousin you two, how exciting is that?!" Gemma asks with quiet excitement as Michael and Peter take out their phones and start to take pictures of the interaction. Charlie grins widely down at Juni, holding her carefully and cautiously.

"She's really little" Charlie turns her head up to smile at Gemma as she speaks.

"She is very little, she was in Auntie Lena's tummy a few days ago" Gemma replies quietly. Theo looks as though he's about to ask how that's even possible. He's quite inquisitive for his age, his favourite word is 'why', it drives Gemma mad.

"Like my baby sister, she's little too" Charlie states her point with a wide smile. It was quite fun being pregnant at the same time as Gemma, it was like we bonded on a deeper level than we ever have before.

"That's right she is" Gemma confirms with a warm smile.

"She's cute, I like her" Charlie decides with a confident grin, officially giving our daughter the stamp of approval. Such an honour.

"Isn't it cool that Uncle Harry is a dad?" Anne asks with a proud smile. I swear every-time I see Anne she is the happiest woman alive, but watching her son become a father has just made her so unbelievably happy, it's written all over her face.

"But you still my unkie right?" Charlie asks quietly, shooting Harry a worried look. Harry lets out a small chuckle and nods his head.

"I'm always going to be your unkie, no matter what" He answers her, a smile immediately spreading across her face.

"Shall we let Theo hold Juni now?" Gemma suggests brightly, and although Charlie seems reluctant she allows Gemma and Anne to switch Juni from Charlie's arms to Theo's. Harry nervously watches on from the side, as though he's ready at a seconds notice to intervene if things go wrong.

"Why she sleeping?" Theo asks curiously as Anne keeps one hand on Juni's side, supporting her as Theo holds her.

"That's what little babies do" Anne informs him with a smile.

"Why?" He asks, her answer not satisfying him. Gemma lets out a quiet sigh.

"Because they need more energy than we do" Anne answers, as though she's delighted by her grandsons thirst for knowledge. I lean my head on Peters shoulder and allow myself to enjoy the show.

"Why?" Theo asks.

"Because little babies grow a lot, so they need a lot of energy to do that" Anne tells him. For a moment it seems like Theo is satisfied with the answer, until...

"Why?" He asks once more. Gemma tilts her head back onto the couch. Theo seems to have lost interest in Juni and is now solely focused on finding himself some answers, so Harry leans down and gently picks her back up.

"Charlie did the same thing too, it's a pretty common phase, another thing for you two to look forward to" Michael tells Harry and I with a grin as Harry walks over to join us at the other end of the room. Harry and I exchange a smile, we can't wait.

—————————————————————————

"I wanna hold her again" Fran pleads with a pout as Sarah cuddles Juni closely in her arms.

"You just held her, you'll get another turn eventually" Sarah responds with a small giggle before poking her tongue out at Juni. We've been home from the hospital for two days and we decided it was time to have our friends over to meet Juni for the first time. And while Heather was at the hospital when I gave birth, this will be Benji's first time meeting his future best friend.

"She can take my turn" Mitch says with an uncomfortable chuckle as Sarah walks over to him. Something I learned recently about Mitch is that he is scared of babies. Apparently throughout his life he's had very little exposure to babies and the few experiences he has had have been not too great.

"No, you're holding her. She's basically falling asleep come on" Sarah insists gently as Mitch shoves his hands into his pockets. He looks at her and breathes out a small sigh of defeat before taking his hands out of his pockets.

"Fine. But don't you get no baby fever just yet" He warns her as Sarah delicately places Juni in his awaiting arms.

"Too late Mr Rowland" Sarah giggles before stepping back and allowing Mitch to hold her. Harry cuddles me into his side and chuckles softly against my ear.

"I've never seen him look so terrified" He whispers to me as I watch Mitch's expression. He winces as she moves in his arms, wiggling around and stretching her arms up towards the ceiling.

"Relax mate you're doing fine" Harry reassures Mitch as Juni lets out a small coo. Fran clutches her hand over her heart upon hearing the quiet sound while Sarah leans her head on Mitch's shoulder. I hear the front door open and the quick padding of footsteps I can distinctly recognise as Benji running down the hallways towards the living room.

"Maaaxxxx" Benji calls out excitedly as he runs into the room, heading straight for Max's legs before Max has anytime to react. Heather trails close behind, looking somewhat flustered by Benjis excitement but happy when she sees Max kneel down to give Benji a hug. Over the past few months, Max and Heather have been casually seeing each other. Although apparently over the past few weeks it's become more serious, to the point where she's even brought Max home to meet her parents. She can act cool and brush it off all she likes, but I can see how happy Max makes her.

"Hey buddy" Max says to Benji as Heather hugs me and gives Harry a kiss on the cheek.

"I haven't seen you in so long! I can't believe how big Benji is now" Fran excitedly greets Heather, wrapping her in a big hug. It's funny to think back to how Heather used to be such a big fan of Fran and now they're close friends.

"Way too long" Heather agrees with a wide grin as Benji wraps one of his arms around my leg and holds a hand clutching a red truck up for me to see.

"Look Lena!" He calls up to me excitedly as he encourages me to examine the tiny toy in his hand. I widen my eyes and nod my head excitedly.

"Cool truck buddy" I respond enthusiastically before Max walks over to Sarah and Mitch, holding his arms out expectantly.

"Relax Uncle Mitch she's not a shark, she can't sense your fear. Let me show you how a real uncle does it" Max states confidently as Heather rolls her eyes. Mitch seems quite reluctant to pass Juni over now, seems like he's gotten used to her.

"I um, I may need help with the transfer" Mitch mumbles before Sarah steps in and gently negotiates Juni from Mitch's arms to Max's.

"That wasn't so bad was it Mitch?" Harry asks with a cheeky smile once Max takes hold of Juni. Mitch shrugs his shoulders as Sarah cuddles herself close into Mitch's side. He opens his mouth to answer when a wailing shriek from Max's arms cuts him off. Juni has begun to wail and cry out, stretching her arms up and trying to wriggle her way out of Max's embrace.

"That's loud" Benji quietly mumbles to Heather as the two of them sit down on the couch. Harry steps over and gently lifts Juni up into his arms. She should be fine, I've just fed and changed her. Within a few seconds of Harry holding her close to his chest her cries have ceased.

"Wow, baby J is not a Max fan" Sarah says sarcastically, trying to hide a smile. Max rolls his eyes.

"That baby is defective, all baby's love me" He responds confidently as Juni begins to let out small quiet coos. Harry smiles warmly in response, rubbing her back gently.

"I don't think that's true babe. We all just witnessed that" Heather replies with a quiet laugh as Benji removes his hands from his ears and starts to drive his truck across the couch cushions.

"Yeah. She may not be able to sense fear but apparently she knows a dickhead a mile away" Mitch joins in with a chuckle, before Sarah shoves his arm and gestures to Benji. Heather laughs.

"It's fine, he's heard so much worse" Heather assures a now guilty looking Mitch.

"Either way, your baby is a dick" Max says with a shrug before Harry lets out a quiet chuckle.

"Wanna hold her again?" He offers with a smirk. "Just, you know, try not to repulse her as much as you did last time" He adds. I offer Max a warm smile.

"Ignore them. It was just a fluke" I reassure him. Max looks back at Juni and lets out a slight sigh.

"Alright, let's try this again" He says with a tone of defeat as Harry walks back over and begins to settle Juni back in his arms. "Can't believe she likes the baby hater more than me" He mumbles quietly as Harry steps back and allows him to hold her.

"I'm not a baby hater alright, I just don't have a lot of experience. And at least I didn't make her cry" Mitch responds with a chuckle. We all watch intensely as Juni's face scrunches up again and begins to wriggle once more. It must be something he's wearing, maybe his cologne or something like that?

"I'm sure you'll wear her down eventually" Harry says with a smirk as he lifts Juni back up into his arms before she can start crying again.

"Yeah, just like you did with the rest of us" Sarah says warmly.

"I hate all of you" Max sighs and sits down on the couch with Heather and Benji. Benji quickly crawls over to Max, showing him the red truck. It brings a warm smile to his face, watching Benji closely as he drives the truck over Max's knees.

"Does this mean I can get another turn?" Fran asks with quiet excitement as she hurries over and holds out her arms.

—————————————————————————

Juni's nursery is my new favourite place, even in the dark. It's currently 4:16am and I'm cradling Juni in my arms as she has a feed, gazing around her room and realising just how much I love it here. Harry and I debated about whether to have her sleep in a bassinet in our room or start her off in the nursery but I'm glad we decided to put her in her room. She's just down the hall from us and we have a baby monitor in the room so she isn't super far away at all, and I don't want to cause any confusion with her when it comes to her sleeping. Of course this decision was not reached very easily, it consisted of me reading journal studies online for hours and Harry saying 'whatever you want to do is fine with me' which was unhelpful of course because I didn't know what I wanted to do. But in the end, we're all happy.

I didn't want to go too heavy on expertly designing and decorating a nursery for her, I didn't want to impose an identity on her before she was even born or is able to build one for herself. It's a very soft and delicate environment, a lot of pastel colours and cozy finishings, the chair I'm currently sitting in is probably the most comfortable chair ever, which is helpful considering I spend so much time in it. We don't keep the room completely dark, there's a small nightlight that bathes the room in the softest amber glow. It's so faint that she's still able to get to sleep but we're not completely in the dark when we come to check on her.

One of the pieces of advice Heather gave me was to play some music or a podcast through your headphones while feeding, because it can be a long and boring process. But as of now I can't imagine ever feeling bored when she's in my arms. I get to stare at her for so long, notice tiny details about her, fantasise about her life and personality, and that's more interesting for me than any podcast around.

"There you are" I look up as I hear Harry's whispered voice. His hair is a ruffled mess on top of his head as he leans in the doorway in only his boxers. The glow from the nightlight allows me to see the warm smile across his face, the love in his eyes.

"Here we are" I whisper back with a grin. "I've only just gotten started, might still be a while" I add as he folds his arms, leaning his head against the doorway. He doesn't answer, but his smile grows as he begins to watch me. "What is it?" I ask him.

"Remember when we looked after Theo and Charlie at the old penthouse for the first time?" He asks me out of the blue. I remember it very vaguely, it was after Harry and I first got back together but before the accident, somewhere in that space of time.

"Yeah, we took them to the aquarium right?" I answer as I search my brain for the reason why he's bringing this up now.

"That's right. I woke up during the middle of the night and you weren't next to me. So I got up and went to find you, and I found you in one of the spare rooms feeding Theo his bottle at like 3 am" He recalls with a sweetly soft smile.

"Ah, so this is like déjà-vu for you then?" I ask with a smile, the setting seems very similar. He nods his head.

"A little. But that was also the moment that I knew that I wanted all of this with you" He tells me quietly, slightly gesturing to Juni and I sat together in the chair. "By that point I was already set on you being the love of my life, but this cemented for me that I wanted all of the extra stuff. White picket fence, daycare visits, PTA meetings, weekend sports games, family life." He continues as he removes himself from the doorway and walks over to where Juni and I are sat, sitting down on the fluffy rug beside the chair.

"Really?" I ask him with a wide grin, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes. That was such an emotionally vulnerable stage of my life for me. I was coming to terms with the state of my mental health, going into a busy final semester of university and committing myself to this man who I knew would either be my soulmate or my biggest heartbreak. Hearing that in his mind I was his future, no matter what I was going through and whatever I put him through, well nothing can make your heart race with joy quite like that kind of revelation.

"Really" He says in response as he gently brushed his fingertips across Juni's cheek. "You've made me a very happy man bub" He continues as he rests his chin on my knee, his loving gaze turning from me down to Juni. I delicately thread my hand through his hair, feeling the curls beneath my fingers.

"You've made me so happy too" I whisper in response. This isn't exactly how I saw my future playing out, but I wouldn't change a single thing. He sits with me for the rest of the feed, both of us intently absorbed in watching our daughter, sitting in the knowledge that we are both so unbelievably happy.