Soul Warrior by rabbit_incissors

Ok, as much as I wanted to read further as Chapter 3 was obviously ended in such a way to propel you to the next, I stopped there to keep this review fair. 

Soul Warrior seems very promising, looks very promising, and the blurb was also very convincing. Upon opening the book I saw many areas for improvement, in the basic flow of the story and grammatical errors, with tenses and spelling, and I also saw the plot and story concept slowly develop and unfold. 

OVERVIEW 

TO THE POINT: It's promising, has a nice concept and plot, intriguing, needs work. 

MORE DETAILED: 

Soul Warrior is about a missing prince and a well-known warrior who searches for said Prince accompanied by another prince. (Confusing?) It hints at her discovering her powers and her Dracon lineage and heritage along the way. 

I'm not the best at summarising, and some of the names are a bit too unique for my tastes, so here is the blurb (which was written well, mind, I applaud you rabbit_incissors).

Blurb

Bounded by the oath of a warrior to the kingdom of Nagarth, Alishiya Dracon is trusted to travel alongside Prince Conag in search of the lost Prince Zephiel. 

She is made to believe that the Prince is under the clutches of Lord Nerth, but little did she know that there was more to this story than she saw. 

Along her way[,] she discovers worlds she never knew existed. She learns about her heritage and the significance of the Dracon lineage.Thriving through the battles of loyalty, deceit, trust, friendship, love and hate...she begins to discover her true self, her capabilities, disabilities and her true potential.

Ok. 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS? Once I saw the word Dracon I was like:

Once I see Dragons I'm a sceptic. 

I feel like it's going to be yet another High Fantasy Eragon all over again. And while I don't actively hate dragons, I just think they're worn out. Fantasy authors need to start thinking more, going back to the drawing board and coming up with some other races and monsters to add to their works. 

I'm just tired of seeing dragons, and while I can appreciate them, I don't think a lot of them, they don't excite me as much and I'm just indifferent. And that's why for a majority of the time if I see a novel with dragons, I put it off and read more titles that seem more original to me before I give Dragon a go. 

Ok, maybe I should just make a separate rant on Dragons. 

Moving on, when I actually opened the book now, inside you kind of just ignored the whole idea of pulling your punches and showing not telling. And you stayed consistent throughout. Consistency is a good thing, but in this case, you should address it. Then there were some tiny cliches I found, I'll talk about those in characters and character development. 

Your tenses were also all over the place and shifting a lot between past and present. I'll address those below too. 

Overall, the story is regular, I can see where it leads to a bigger plot, but nothing stood out about it and it has more potential that what is currently here on Wattpad if you made tweaks. 

FULL REVIEW

I review with the following criteria.

COVER:

STORY CONCEPT:

GRAMMAR:

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

WRITING STYLE:

PACING/ORGANISATION:

IF IT WAS ENJOYABLE!

for a final score out of 35.

After I multiply it by a 100 and give it an overall rating.

COVER: 2/5

The cover needs work. It's looking really pixelated and low quality. The text is almost not visible enough and the girl in the background has a low picture quality. I went online and found some book covers that could aid as a guide to making a new one if you plan to. Here's what I found for fantasy covers: (I mean, you can always go on pinterest and just browse, there are tonnes there).

Of course, these are seriously professional and beyond what Canva can do. Again, I recommend book cover requests as well. If you want me to reccommend some simpler cover designs, or tell you how I make my comments, you can request it in my Snip Snip Writing Tips and I'll tell you all my secrets to the regular covers I make, or how to do a simpler one in Photoshop(?).

STORY CONCEPT: 3.75/5

The story concept is interesting, somewhat cliched but I can see its originality too. The names are very unique too, and while sometimes I get sceptic about unique names that get a bit too  unique to the point of impossible-to-pronounce like Xerzkikyon or Sithkycranx (which I all just made up) your names were easy to follow and had their own unique touch. 

So I can appreciate the creativity an initiative you displayed there. 

GRAMMAR: 3/5

Ok, I addressed grammar in the chapters where necessary. You were switching constantly between tenses, which is really dangerous. It is imperative that you maintain a constant tense in your novel. It can be off putting and confusing. 

Grammar is 3.5. 

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 2.5/5

Phew. Ok, let's do this.

Each time you introduced a new character you had one long, nice info dump about each of them, instead of showing subtle traits, mannerisms and characterization through their dialogue and actions. 

With every single one of them. 

Again, awarding your consistency, but your readers (or at least I) don't want to be spoonfed all the details about each character. I mean, haha, I asked one of my friends on their opinion too for an outside perspective, and they described it as for each character you just told the reader everything about them like they were on trading cards. 

I don't mean to be offensive, but these are honest reviews, and I personally think this work would be even better if you showed not tell. Give little clues throughout the story and let the reader pick up what they can. 

I went to the web and here's what I found on the subject:

SHOWING is for making the reader feel they're in there: feel as in smell, touch, see, hear, believe the actual experience of the characters. As [John Gardner] says, it's by being convincing in the reality and detail of how we evoke our imagined world—by what the characters do and say—that we persuade the reader to read the story we're telling as if it really happened, even though we all know it didn't. That means working with the immediate physical and emotional actions and experience of the characters: your rage beating in your ears, the wind whipping your cheeks, a beggar clutching at your coat. The more I talk about Showing, the more I call it evoking, sometimes presenting, and occasionally channelling.

TELLING is for covering the ground, when you need to, as a narrator (whether the narrator is a character, or an implied, external narrator in a third person narrative). It's supplying information: the storyteller saying "Once upon a time", or "A volunteer army was gathered together", or "The mountains were covered in fine, volcanic ash". So it's a little more removed from the immediate experience of the moment. The more I talk about Telling, the more I call it informing, sometimes explaining, and occasionally understanding.

- Emma Darwinhttp://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting
(I'll give the link in the comments if anyone wants to do further reading).

That covers that. 

Other than that, the characters weren't very unique. I did like Kimel a lot, I made sure to give credit for that. He had a distinct tone, and the dialogue revealed a lot about his personality. 

Whereas with Aunt Simone in the first chapter, she seemed robotic and forced, and her interaction with the MC seemed strained. 

You also introduced resident playboi Prince Conag. I don't mind him, I guess, but he also seemed pretty regular too. 

There was also your Goddess Thrasher (who's name is related to sharks I pointed that out 😰😅)  that you made a nice subtle reference to in Chapter 2, check the comments for that too. 

I also want to address the whole thing about redheads becoming a lot more popular in fantasy lately. I mean, to disclaim since I don't want any pitchforks pointed at me, I have nothing against redheads. Why would I, and why would anyone? But redheads while rare, are also becoming more popular in fantasy, primarily for female leads as the main character. 

And the author is always sure to point it out as if having a character with a rare hair colour makes their work all the more different. Does it? Not really. There's the issue of certain things being rarities in fiction, but when you suddenly start using them too, it becomes a cliche too. 

Redheads in fiction are usually associated with a fiery temper and strong personality, lineage, connection to some awe-inspiring divine powers. I'm not even going to attempt to list the amount of fiction out there already with a redhead lead, but if this Goodreads tally counts for anything, let it be known:

And the tip of the iceberg:

I just wanted to point it out that heroines with red hair as symbolism are becoming more popular in contemporary fantasy and YA lately. That's all. I don't want anyone getting angry here, and if you do become offended, comment here or PM me and I'll take it down. 

Overall, characters get a 2.5 out of 5. 

WRITING STYLE: 3/5

The writing style seemed awkward at times, and I addressed the whole showing not telling thing too. Nothing stood out about it either. 

Some descriptions were really good and spot on too, I wish you had described the outer walls of the castle in more depth, I also left a comment wit advice on your novel, so you can check that out rabbit_incissors. 

PACING/ORGANISATION: 4/5

The pacing had no problems, it was moderately paced I guess. It does progress a bit quickly to the whole throne room dn the king addressing the missing prince and starting the whole journey to find said prince. 

But it was fine in pace I guess? I didn't see any problems. 

WAS IT ENJOYABLE? 3/5

I had a regular time reading this novel, or the first 3 chapters at least. It needs work, I'm going to be point blank about hat, but it has a good concept. I'm already seeing cliches in your work, hopefully you'll iron those out or alter them to be uniquely a part of your novel. 

Overall, enjoyment is a 3/5. 

TOTAL SCORE: 21.23/35 

OVERALL RATING: 6.1

(There was some in depth decimal addition going on here because I've realized ratings keep getting repeated and I want to give as many unique and distinct ratings based on work as I can. Some same ratings between works aren't very accurate). 

UP NEXT

Three Paths by afrogirlwrites.

(I like the simplicity of this cover so far, brownie points!)