Constellations by soulsofstars

To start off I'd like to applaud the genius in your username. In this short story, you introduced the theory that people who die become stars, and ironically your username soulsofstars addresses just that. If that was intentional, I applaud you. 

OVERVIEW 

IN SHORT: I like the concept, really, and I didn't find any major things I disliked about your story so far. I just think it could be more developed, and that's all. 

MORE DETAILED: Constellations follows the who star theme I've seen enough on Wattpad, but it's something I might never get tired of. I enjoy reading the theories about the stars, and while I don't particularly have an affinity towards them, I can appreciate their wonder. 

That being said, I literally found nothing wrong with this short story, so far at least, as it is still ongoing, but I did see areas for improvement in the basic writing and descriptions and grammar and whatnot, and I'll address those below. 

FULL REVIEW 

I review with the following criteria.

COVER:

STORY CONCEPT:

GRAMMAR:

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

WRITING STYLE:

PACING/ORGANISATION:

IF IT WAS ENJOYABLE!

for a final score out of 35.

After I multiply it by a 100 and give it an overall rating.

COVER: 2.5/5

If I saw this cover scrolling through books I'd consider it, give it a once over, but I wouldn't click on it. It doesn't stand out, and the image in the background seems to be the only thing doing all the work. I do like, however, the faint silhouette of a boy pointing to the stars that not everyone may see unless they looked closer, so I liked that touch, but other than that, it's regular. 

Here are some star themed covers I found around the web that you can use as a guide if you plan to make another cover soulsofstars to increase traffic on your story. 

Of course, I'm going to recommend Canva, and if you did use Canva then I'd recommend you do some in-depth web scouring for good images you can use in your background. And there's always the option of asking in Book Cover Shops for a commission or premade that you think would fit your novel, or if you have any friends that make graphics asking them to do a cover similar to the ones you've seen around the web or ones you really like. 

STORY CONCEPT: 3.5/5

I do like the concept, it's more original than some I've seen and I'm excited to see where it goes. I think you should make little notes in maybe a notebook or a document of sorts on your theories and the actual plotline. It's good to start something and have a clear idea of where you're going with it. 

For example, there's a really old novel I've been working on that hasn't even been published yet, and there are many times that I document the ideas for it to contribute towards a bigger plot.

I have something called AMF which is Author Mapping Files, where I document the information that pops into my head, and then there is a book I've made specifically for documenting those thoughts with parts that I update sporadically, I even added a few today:

It'd be good to have something that you can always look back to that has all your ideas so you can bundle them all into one.

That's my only suggestion. 

GRAMMAR: 5/5

I only had to correct something once, and while I'm sure there are probably more errors, I didn't catch them, so grammar gets a 5/5. I had virtually nothing wrong with GPS. 

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 2.5/5

I like Hunter, he's a type of character I don't see often, and the mere fact that you did this mainly from the POV of a guy is something that I definitely don't see enough on Wattpad so I gave you credit where it was due there. 

I don't particularly like the girl, something just seems off about her. She seems cliched already, or hey, maybe I'm just prejudiced against my own gender, but she seems cliched to me, like the girl he saw on his first day moving in that he has an undeniable connection to from day 1. Spare me, please. 

The mother seems interesting, but not interesting enough to pique my interest, and while the whole concept of her liking the stars seems great and all, she seems like a regular loving mother that you see all the time. The only difference is she taught her son about the stars. 

Overall, characters get a 2.5/5. 

WRITING STYLE: 2.5/5

Nothing struck me about your writing style, again. I've said this in many other reviews. I'm going to take it upon myself to explain what a distinct writing style and tone is. Heatheranno, DAARE, Galasriniel, lyttlejoe and all the other persons I've reviewed work for before and upcoming, please take a look at this if it interests you. I've left a link at the bottom fo this chapter too to a website you can take a look at for more details. 

Here's a definition straight off the web:

The style [of] writing can be defined as the way a writer writes and it is the technique which an individual author uses in his writing. It varies from author to author and depends upon one's syntax, word choice, and tone. It can also be described as a voice that readers listen to when they read the work of a writer.

Then there are mentions of the 4 types of writing styles:

- DESCRIPTIVE
- EXPOSITORY
- NARRATIVE
- PERSUASIVE

These of course are some we're all familiar with. You can first decide which of these you want to be most predominant in your story. Do you want it to be narrative than ever, telling a story from an objective or subjective POV, or do you want it to be mainly expository, presenting facts and observations? Persuasive? To influence the reader's perception or outlook on a subject, or Descriptive, to create visceral imagery with the 5 senses?

Here is an excerpt I found that shows a good stylised form of descriptive writing. It definitely sounds unique, and I would definitely remember it if I saw it anywhere else. I'd know this must be Oscar Wilde speaking, and if I even wasn't able to pinpoint that, I'd be sure of something, this is definitely a unique descriptive tone I don't hear often. 

"The studio was filled with the rich [odour] of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden... The sullen murmur of the bees shouldering their way through... or circling with monotonous insistence..."

Excerpt from Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.

(I use British English, so I changed the 
spelling of odor to odour, hence brackets).

So there we are. Nothing stood out about your writing style soulsofstars, and maybe what I've said above could give you a hint at what you could alter.

PACING/ORGANISATION: 2/5

I mentioned it int he comments a few times, the pacing seemed off. And by pacing, particularly here, I don't mean the overall pacing of the novel, I mean specific section where you introduce new ideas or thoughts from Hunter, there should be more gradual build up towards that thought.

Like on the bus when he started crying or was on the brink of. There should be more exposition and descriptions. Like what he was remembering about his mother, what he felt at the moment, a comparison from the past to the present and the difference between the two—the fact that his mother wasn't there.

It would give the reader more concrete evidence and reason to sympathise with the character. 

And then in the second chapter when at the end we found out he was dreaming. I'm not sure how I felt about that whole dream thing at the end, it kind of disappointed me but I could see where you were going with it and the purpose of doing that. However, again (and I made sure to comment on it there you can check your notifs or the novel itself) it was abrupt and just popped up out of nowhere. 

Again, I suggest you add more of a gradual discernment between reality and the dream world. Like he felt his eyelids fluttering open, and his breath short. His body feeling stiff and felt his head was cushioned on a soft down pillow, anything like that. Then say he realised, at the last minute, that it was dreaming. 

But he definitely knew that the clearing he dreamt about was real. 

Something like that to cushion the blow (was that a pun?)

WAS IT ENJOYABLE? 3/5

I enjoyed it, except the awkwardness to it here and there. I think you should continue updating, as you've a really interesting concept going for you, and just read through your works countless times after publishing from the perspective of an. outside, and see where there are any inconsistencies or anomalies to address. 

That's it!

TOTAL SCORE: 21/35

OVERALL RATING: 6.0

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