Wings of War by Galasriniel_00

OVERVIEW

TO THE POINT: I didn't like it. Particularly because I'm very passionate about fantasy, I saw many areas for improvement, and I saw many things I didn't like. 

In fact for this review, I read up to chapter 2 only, making that 3 chapters including the prologue, and I kind of don't want to read anymore. I'm not sure what that says about me but I just didn't want to read any further. 

And it's partly because I just didn't like what I was reading, and partly because of my own stubborn hesitation. Whichever it is, I stopped at chapter 2, and my review will be based on such. 

I'm going to skip the overview and go into the main meat of the matter for this specific novel.

FULL REVIEW

I review with the following criteria.

COVER:

STORY CONCEPT:

GRAMMAR:

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

WRITING STYLE:

PACING/ORGANISATION:

IF IT WAS ENJOYABLE!

for a final score out of 35.

After I multiply it by a 100 and give it an overall rating.

COVER: 4.5/5

The cover is great there's no denying that, but it still lacks something. While it fits well with the theme if the novel, showing a woman with wings, I still feel that it should stand out more, among a crowd of books. I would pick this novel if I was scrolling through the fantasy section, but I'd maybe only pick it as a second choice/resort. It looks more like contemporary fantasy than anything, and it doesn't POP or STAND OUT that much to me. 4.5 for the cover.

STORY CONCEPT: 3.5/5

While reading the blurb nothing stood out to me. It seemed more romantic than anything, which I'm not sure why I concluded that as most of the blurb spoke about an adventure. My interest, however, wasn't piqued as much from the blurb. 

The concept while not completely original, is one that I've seen before. And I just got the feeling while reading this entire thing, all 3 chapters, that this was going to be more romance than anything. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, which is very likely considering the fact that I just read the first 3 chapters and made sure of it that I didn't read anymore. 

There was also the fact that once I caught a whiff of Dragons I was dubious. Not to be a downer but I dislike dragons with a passion. 

Even then, your story concept seemed developed enough, well thought out and somewhat original, albeit with tired cliches and tropes in the mix. I could look past that. 

BUT.

I just got the feeling that romance was going to overshadow the entire plot and concept, and I'm not sure why either, but as far as I'm concerned I'm entitled to my own opinions and assumptions, hence 'HONEST BOOK REVIEWS' but if what I've said is too  far-fetched, comment right here or PM me and I'll see what I can do about it. 

GRAMMAR: 5/5

I didn't particularly find any errors in GPS. Or maybe I just wasn't sharp enough. Regardless, Grammar gets a full 5.

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 2/5 

(LONG)

This is based solely on the characters themselves as character development would be premature. That being said, I'm focusing mainly on the characters by themselves. 

Ok, to get it out of the way, I didn't like the Prologue. 

It started off great, really great, except for the fact that most times than not you did WAY more telling than showing, something I just can't stress enough, and I was sure to make comments and point it out where necessary. 

There was also the dialogue, God, I can't talk about the dialogue enough. 

The dialogue between Soren and even the other kids (who are apparently teenagers) was just painful, and it might seem harsh, but the reason I'm being more harsh than usual with this review is because of my passion for fantasy, and the fact that your work has SO MUCH POTENTIAL, Galasriniel_00, but the way you executed some stuff just jarred at me. 

Let me begin here: I didn't like Soren. 

Soren didn't even seem like a character to me. He seemed like a tool to advance the plot and cause conflict, and I didn't like it and can't emphasise it enough—before you think of your characters as fictional, think of them as PEOPLE first, please, yeah? I mean I've already spoken about this in my Wattpad Pet Peeves book, I suggest any of you reading this take a glance at that too to see what I'm talking about. 

There were so many misnomers. Like when he said after capturing the main character who I've already forgotten the name of: 

"You will listen to me. I am going to bring you to my father and he will finally be proud of me for once," He explained. 

Ok, Soren seems to confide his inner feelings very willingly. I mean, saying this to a stranger as soon as they meet? And using dialogue to reveal things about the plot and character info? No, just don't do it. Show don't tell. Don't use dialogue to reveal information to your readers. Just don't. 

And then, when he cut her across her arm and then his robotic friends tried warning him and pleading with him to stop he said probably the most stupid thing: 

"Shut up, we're already in too deep." Soren looked down at her, "We'll have to kill her."

I mean, I laughed here. 

No joke.  

(pun intended)

There was legit no build up to this. Pacing is bonkers. I'll also address that in a minute. 

But, this isn't meant to be a ridicule of your work, I'm just trying to show how from an outsider's perspective there is literally no build up, hardly enough context, logic or sanity to this. 

And one could even begin to contemplate Soren's mental condition from this alone.

If that was intentional, you've done a great job. 

I mean, there is no flow. It seemed to just rush into things quickly. Please, please re-edit your Prologue, Galasriniel_00, especially since it's an introduction to your work. If it's like this from the Prologue, you can't blame anyone, or me, for not wanting to read more.

Ok, then there's the Hero who saves MC from death by Soren and the ship sails. I mean, would it be too much for after rescuing the hero looks at the heroine and is like "I'm gay bish, also untie yourself." And walks off?

Gosh, surprise me, pleeease. 

You could see the forced ship starting like there was a heist on the ship, a guy holding a gun to the ship's engine and forcing it to set sail. That's how it felt. 

Not to mention right before she 'died' a la Soren there was a nice deus ex machina thrown in there (google what a deus ex machina is if you've never heard this term, I like to call it 'The Divine Move).  And her gem suddenly burst some light, saving her before Damien rushed to her side. The Divine Move.

Long story cut short, I didn't like a single character, not a single one stood out to me, please reform Soren or send him to Bedlam, and make more subtle ship introductions, even if you don't see more of that character. Do more showing than telling.

WRITING STYLE: 2.5/5

Honestly, there was no distinct tone to your writing style. 

I don't even have much to say here at this point except pull your punches more, don't reveal plot through dialogue too much and cut back on adverbs. 

Also for action scenes, the more impactful tools to use are VERBS, not adverbs or adjectives. They add little value. If you want something that is a clear image of someone being crushed by a strong fist at their throat and flung across a room, bashing their skull into a wall as blood weeps from their forehead, say it like that, not he threw him across the room and he fell. 

Writing style gets a 2.5.

PACING ORGANISATION: 3/5

I mean, I'm almost sure I addressed most of the pacing under CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, but here I'm going to tell you how I recommend you address it. 

First off, I'd start by reviewing your work from an objective perspective, making a mental note of how an outsider would perceive your work (haha which I think I did a fine job at explaining above). There was no structure, no steady climbing point and build up to a peak. 

Here's an example of what a steady plot build up would look like.

EXPOSITION > RISING ACTION > CLIMAX > FALLING ACTION

In the prologue, it kinda went from exposition, skipped the whole rising action, and went to the climax and falling action. I think that's what we call jumping the gun. 

This applies to everything we write, always have a steady build up with the rising action to falling action. 

Hope that helped. Pacing gets a 3. 

DID I ENJOY IT? 2/5.

The honest answer is no, no I didn't.

That first prologue just kinda put me off from the entire novel, as I'm sure you could tell by my introduction to this review. I honestly did not want to read any more than I already did. 

I seriously advise you take a look at that prologue, as it might possibly scare off any new readers, and well, if it doesn't, I think I'd be scared of that reader. 

Frankly put, your story seems like the type that would be popular in Wattpad Fantasy. Is that a good or a bad thing? Both. 

Some of the popular fantasy I;m seeing right now doesn't EVEN compare to other undiscovered works I've read, but hey, that's all of Wattpad in a nutshell right?

I must say though that your story had some REALLY GOOD MARKETING since you got some help with graphics from zuko_42 and aLovelyDaydream. The cover is also amazing, and your own touch with the vector divider at the start of each chapter and the banners and reference photos at the end of each chapter. I can appreciate that. Those were good, they helped soften the blow I guess, but I still think the actual content of your novel needs work.

Even if the prologue hadn't turned me off, I'm sure I wouldn't be very amused with the feeling I got that the entire would be more romance than anything. Call me harsh if you want, but I'm speaking honestly.

Anyway, that's my review for everything. A bit longer than I wanted it to be. 

If you think this review was too harsh, don't, because I was sure to disclaim that in the very frist chapter. Also as a note to any future accounts planning on submitting, if you submit Fantasy work, I'll most likely be 10 times as harsh. 

Beware of my spitfire. 

TOTAL SCORE: 22.5

OVERALL RATING: 6.4

UP NEXT

Constellations by soulsofstars.