A Vampire's Story by Lady__Luck. 

Let's jump right in and skip the blurb like you asked. This review is based on the current 2 chapters you have up.

Grammar/Syntax/Punctuation: 2.5/5

1. Dialogue Tags 

This is a common trend. Below is an excerpt from Chapter 1. 

"Are you okay Merida? You look a little red." Jonathan said.

It should be instead, "Are you okay Merida? You look a little red," Jonathan said.

As well as other similarly structured sentences you have. While minor, it is important to have correct punctuation in your story. I suggest you review other punctuation rules and grammar, or enlist an editor, just to make your work more appealing to other readers.

2. Repetition

"I know how you feel about this Merida, but we have to take her down." He said grabbing my hand. I felt his dragon ring against my hand as his grip on my hand tightened. He smiled briefly at me before looking at the flyer in my hand.

The repetition of "my hand" can be a little jarring. It obstructs the paragraph and doesn't read as smoothly. It's kind of an unspoken rule to try not to repeat the same word or phrase too many times in close proximity to each other (ranging from the same line to the same paragraph). It can be distracting, and the narrative will flow a lot better when you use other substitute expressions, words or phrases and only repeat unless you absolutely have to. 

Of course, this is, again, not some SET rule, but it is observed by the best writers. 

3. My name is . . . 

You had this around the beginning of your first chapter. 

"I should probably tell you a little bit about me huh? Well, my full name is Merida Arianna Venator . . ." 

You went on about Merida's family and what her last name means. As this is a review and not a critique, I'm allowed to add my own personal preferences. As such, for me, introducing or telling us about your character like this is a minor pet peeve of mine. I don't really like reading it, because I think there are much more creative ways to ease your reader into learning about the character you've created.

While it can be done well, and in a way that I find charming and don't mind, I don't really think this part sat well with me. Again, I most likely could be over-analysing this section of your chapter, it's only one paragraph, but I felt that you could have introduced us to Merida differently. I didn't deduct too many points for this. 

Story Concept: 3/5

You haven't really told us anything about the world this story is set in save for contextual clues (like them using carriages). And in addition to only having one chapter up (excluding your prologue), it was relatively short and gave nothing more to the worldbuilding. 

I do like the story concept, minus its current execution. I wish you had a few more chapters published so I could get a feel of what it was about. I think vampire stories can be very interesting when done well, as with probably any other genre of fiction, but I don't feel sound rating too harshly on the story concept when I can't know any more of it save for what I know from a very short prologue, and a short first chapter. 

Cover: 3/5

The image quality could be improved, and the text could be clearer. Overall it's quite blurry, and individual parts aren't very distinct from each other when say compared to:

The text clearly pops from the background, and the subtitles can also be clearly seen. 

Character Originality: 2.5/5

I don't want to call anything too early, but from what I've read, Merida seems ok and Johnothan seems ok. That's all I have to say. You haven't given them any characteristics that set them apart, no strange quirks or flavour. I'm exactly neutral and on the fence. 

Writing Style: 2/5

Here's where I really think you could improve. Your spelling and grammar are good for the most part, but the pacing isn't, and there isn't a very steady or subtle easing into from one idea into another. Just general subtlety and execution could be improved. If you want me to give you specific examples, PM me. 

Pacing/Organisation: 2.5/5

Again, the pacing, even for a chapter one could have been better. It was too brief and didn't really set the scene properly for the opening chapter of your story. It did present a conflict; you did that right from the get-go, which is very good, but after presenting that conflict (the flyer), you should have taken the time to slow things down. 

Was it enjoyable? 2.5/5

I am exactly neutral here. Thank you for sharing your work Lady__Luck and I hope you update in the future. 

Total score: 18/35
Overall rating: 5.1

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El Destino by SmitaShukla16.