Prima Ballerina by Tavia_Alaine. 

To kick off, I like that the first chapter started by jumping right into the action. Pennyworth is briefed that the auditions for Swan Lake are open. Splendid. We've gotten the central catalyst over with from the get-go. 

Grammar/Syntax/Punctuation:3.5/5

Here's a simple typo in your fifth paragraph of the first chapter. Just from typing too fast or not looking over thoroughly. Just peruse your chapters and edit any simple errors you may find. (I didn't take off a mark for this!)

Nitpick 1

My nitpick right here is just word choice. "Due to their hatred". I can't describe why a different phrase would be better, but anything along the lines of "Becuase of them" would fit better.

You are missing a colon after "night" and a full stop after "mongrels".

"Thankfully" should not be capitalised since it's a dependent clause and is a part of the sentence.

There are many other punctuation marks missing throughout the chapter. Revise, revise, revise!

Also look back at your dialogue tags. Here are some examples of dialogue in different instances:

"What do you mean?" I/she/he/Marilyn ask/asks.

After a question or exclamation mark, the word following is in commons unless it's a proper noun.

"I never saw that coming," I/he say/says.

In the place, a full stop, place a comma if the dialogue tag (I say/she says) comes after.

BUT...

Marilyn frowned. "What does that have to do with me?"

In this case, if the dialogue tag comes before, the punctuation is unaltered.

Marilyn was as stiff as a board. "That doesn't concern you."

The same applies here.

You can also go online for better explanations!

As for Syntax...

I still think you need more practice before your writing style begins to sound less stilted and has more flow. For example, above you had two good opportunities to further describe (in some amount of detail) what Penn was seeing. 

You have been telling us everything throughout the first chapter and up to the beginning of the second, not showing us thins through Penn's eyes. 

You said Odette's costume was gorgeous. What about it was gorgeous? Describe how it looks to us for some persons who've never seen or heard of Odette and Swan Lake before. Adaptions are not uncommon, and often elements may take their own personal spin and look. Was Odette's costume identical to Tchaikovsky's? Or is it different with some modern flavour?

Penn was feeling famished and just that? Was there a gaping hole in her stomach, or just a small ditch? Was her mouth watering and her stomach protesting, or was she just peckish?

Detail, where needed, adds some flavour to your writing. 

Just be sure not to overload it with too many spices that make your dish too overpowering. 

 Story Concept: 3/5

Reading the blurb had me sort of looking forward to the novel – only to see what you would do with it. From what I've read, I think the story is regular. 

The story concept from the beginning was teetering on normal, but now that I've read it, I wish you had executed the narration from what I've read better. 

Considering this review is done entirely on first impressions, what I've said can be taken with a grain of salt since it's not the full picture, but Prima Ballerina hasn't drawn me in. 

Cover: 3.5/5

I think the cover is fine. The Ballerina is the centre of it, which is good. The feathers are for the swans, the only thing is I wish the title was bigger. Other than that, there's nothing wrong with it, save that the colour scheme is a bit flat – only black and white. I deducted 1.5 marks. 

Character Originality: 2.5/5

Pennyworth so far has little personality. The only other side characters all seem to be narrated by the same person. I think you should work on having more variation in tone of voice for different characters, and adding some colour to Penn. So far she falls flat, and I neither like nor dislike her. 

Writing Style: 2/5

I think your style is on the same level throughout. There's no variation and there's little about it that really stands out. Of course, a polished writing style only comes with practice, but until then, this received the score above. 

Pacing/Organisation: 2.5/5

So far, while there is nothing wron with the pacing there is still no...variation. The attempted surprise when Penn got to play Odette fell flat because we already knew it was coming. When it's clear Penn will get the role of Odette from the blurb, any sort of surprise is bound to not really be one. I like that in the first chapter you jumped right into it, but there is still nothing surprising going on. 

So far, it's only going as planned, and as the blurb told it. Is it a good or bad thing?

Was it enjoyable? 2.5/5

On the fence here, in the exact middle. I neither loved nor disliked Prima Ballerina. 

Total score: 19.5/35
Overall rating: 5.6

UP NEXT:

Back to Square One by EloniSherai.