Three Paths by afrogirlwrites

OVERVIEW

IN SHORT: Good concept; poor execution so far.

MORE DETAILED: 

Good concept. The idea of 3 different, totally unrelated people all being connected in some way did intrigue me. 

Chlora's input (emo_anxious_potato) : The first impressions and specifically even the first sentences about the files and different seemingly unrelated people coming together intriguing, it drew you in and made you want to read more about the story, but then from there, it sorta went downhill.

Overall, the concept is one that seems well thought out, and not one I've particularly seen before, but the execution got me. In the prologue the brief summary of the different characters had me interested since they displayed some amount of diversity, but from the first chapter, while that diversity is still there, the story is bland. 

I go in depth below.

FULL REVIEW

I review with the following criteria.

COVER:

STORY CONCEPT:

GRAMMAR:

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

WRITING STYLE:

PACING/ORGANISATION:

IF IT WAS ENJOYABLE!

for a final score out of 35.

After I multiply it by a 100 and give it an overall rating.

 COVER: 3.5/5

I like the simple cover design, however, I'm failing to see how it ties in with the actual content of the novel. What does a circus have to do with it? If this is associated with a bigger plot please clarify, as if the case then this score would need to be altered. 

Chlora: It was simplistic and left a lot to the imagination. While I didn't see how ti correlated to the actual content of the story, it had a vagueness to it that made someone want to open the story and find out what it's about. 

Haha, a slightly different sentiment than mine. I added an additional 1.5 because of that opinion.

STORY CONCEPT: 3.25/5

While I will give credit where it is due for your story concept, completely unrelated persons intersecting and being related to each other is also something I've read before. (I've been to many corners of the web). Of course, my search was too specific for Google's algorithms to understand so I can't show you any screenshots to attest to that, except my word (?). Anyway, I've seen it before, but not often enough, so your story originality still has its novelty. 

I did like the execution in the first few chapters which stayed completely expository, presenting facts. And the way you presented them with the idea of files and some concise personal details. 

However, again pull your punches. Reveal it subtly. And while I understand it's a file, leave out some details to gradually flesh out in the narrations of the actual chapter. I did like the note at the end about Stacy that her story should help you to learn about and find yourself. But again, leave enough for interpretation for each person to take from it themselves. 

Chlora: I like the idea of the premise. It's creative. Just the execution was poor.

Similar sentiments, I expounded above.

GRAMMAR: 2.5/5

I had to correct quite a bit of errors so I deducted points for that and you did have some inconsistencies with tenses! Also your choice of verbs or nouns for certain things, for eg.

Like when Stacey left the house and returned. She spoke with her mother:

Excerpt:

"Where were you[,] sweetheart?" Her mother cooed from behind the cooker....

I suggested a change fo the verb, to maybe her mother pestered, frantically asked, questioned. 'Cooed' sounds a bit out of place?

As well as when you were giving us a fine info dump on Stacy's environment and her role in her household: 

Excerpt: 

"I was the only untalented person in this household." 

I didn't like the feel untalented gave me so I suggested: clumsy, gauche, inept, heavy-handed, blundering, etc. Thesarus.com is your life saver when you want to use diverse vocabulary in your work. 

Basic vocabulary substitution and replacing verbs based on context and flow. Simple things. Overall, the final score is 2.5. 

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 3/5

Ok, I like Stacy. Not because I like her for her, but I like how different she is. Haha, especially when she said she couldn't wait to be a trophy wife for Kevin 😂 😅.

Excerpt:

Then she would come back and marry Kevin who would be unimaginably rich. Just thinking about it and the amount of fun that she would have touring [with an obscene rock band after highschool] and being a trophy wife made her extremely excited. 

It kind of blew me away, because I've never seen an author blatantly, point blank, give that reason for a character wanting another one for that simple reason alone!

And while a bit queer, it did have me, ahem, off guard for a moment. 

So I really really liked that part. No joke 😅. 

Also, the banter between Stacy and Valentine was awkward, also I think you should address that. Definitely. It was so stiff and robotic. Had no flow. I left a comment on it so please take a look there.

The part about the Epi-Pen was clever though 👌.

Chlora: The characters were cliched. I give you brownie points for trying Ms Author. It just needed more work on them. Try giving them more unique traits and backstories. I should add that the characters seemed like the run off the mill angst teens who start to question themselves and that's all I could get from their personality traits. Try making them more original.

WRITING STYLE: 2.5/5

It was awkward, regular and underdeveloped. I think you should revise your work from an outsider's perspective and check for areas for improvement and tweaking. 

PACING/ORGANISATION: 3.5/5

In the beginning, I liked the pacing and where it was going, but when it got to the narration it turned me off. The writing seemed awkward, underdeveloped and almost immature?

There are many areas it lacked and was in need of improvement, and I commented where necessary so look at those, please. In the beginning, however, I liked the organisation and build up, so I gave credit where it was due. 

WAS IT ENJOYABLE? 2.75/5

I liked it, in the beginning, then it went downhill. I also liked the concept, and the diversity it presented in the prologue for the characters. But I was disappointed once I looked further. 

TOTAL SCORE: 21/35

OVERALL RATING: 6.0

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