〖 chapter fourteen ⋆ can't keep hiding 〗

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         Peter walked home with him the next day. Even though it had only been a day since they had last seen each other, there was so much to say – to tell him about what – especially after hours of being so close to each other but too far away to actually speak. Garrett knew he added distance, he knew that he was the one who built such a wall between them during school. He knew he was the one who avoided eye contact with his boyfriend like the plague and could never let himself just be – be with Peter and be free.

         He knew that, but he still felt that pain and he still cherished every moment he got with Peter when the bell ringed, school ended, and they were back at his place. Just the two of them in his bedroom, no one else.

         Well, until yesterday. Clayton, his amazing friend, stayed for the rest of the night and through dinner – he never even questioned when his dad didn't even so much as look at him throughout the entire meal – and always apologized for asking anything about his relationship with Peter in case it stepped over a line. Clayton, who said nothing during school, acted completely normal and didn't treat him differently. No one suspected a thing, there was not even a mention of his sexuality from Clayton.

         Their hands were so close to touching and sometimes when Garrett moved they touched briefly. He wanted to reach and hold it in his, close and lovingly. He wanted to not care about what everyone thought of him, but he did. He cared so much and that was their demise – what he knew would be.

         "So, what did Clayton say yesterday?" Peter asked. Garrett could see that he had been wanting to ask for a while, how anxious he walked and how his face – never the best for poker – held an internal battle, working up the courage to finally ask.

         "He was fine with it, actually," Garrett told him with a smile, glancing over at his boyfriend, "Like, he wasn't upset at all. We talked about it for a while and he was okay with it."

         Peter nodded, "That's good. And he – he didn't care that it was me who you're dating?"

         With a shake of his head, Garrett told him honestly, "Not at all. I mean, he teased me about it for a bit, and asked how we met, but he wasn't like rude about it or anything. And, I mean, he wants to me you, give you the talk and everything."

         "He's met me before," Peter said, looking over at Garrett, who rolled his eyes and chuckled at his boyfriend.

         "Yeah, but that was when we didn't know each other. Now, we're dating, so it's different," Garrett explained, "He wants to meet Boyfriend Peter – not School Peter."

         The Parker boy nodded but was quiet. He couldn't think about it, he blocked it out, happy for a moment. Nothing else – just happiness. There was no thought about Peter's head, how the thoughts were landing him through a spiral.

         Because there was Boyfriend Peter and then there was School Peter; they were two different people. Like Golden Boy and Icarus. They were the same person, yet so different. Opposites. One, Garrett could talk to, and the other he couldn't. They weren't the same – Garrett didn't see them as the same. Because School Peter and Golden Boy didn't know each other, and Boyfriend Peter was a secret; an embarrassment locked inside his room.

         They were different, Garrett had confirmed that himself and yet he didn't care. He was on ecstasy, a happiness of some freedom that he would not allow himself to have with anyone else. And Peter was just the shameful desire he had.

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         Peter was never good at keeping secrets. He tried, he really did, but he was so bad at it. He always wanted to tell someone, to work things out with others because it helped him more. He felt so terribly guilty not telling others, which left him relieved when people just kept figuring out his identity. When he friends kept finding out, not everyone else. He didn't want anyone else to know.

         But Garrett was his secret as well. A secret that he didn't want to have at all, but kept so close to his heart that he made a conscience effort never to let it slip. Much like Spider-Man. More than Spider-Man, perhaps. Because it wasn't his sexuality being exposed if everyone knew, it wasn't his idea to keep it all a secret; it was Garrett's.

         And he loved his boyfriend, he did, he was willing to not tell another living soul about them if that was what Garrett wanted; if that was all it took for them to engage in their relationship, but it was hard for him. Every time he saw Ned he just wanted to gush about his amazing boyfriend who started giving him free ice cream during summer, and how he had this look reserved just for him, and how he was such an amazing kisser.

         He wanted to bring Garrett home to meet Aunt May. He wanted to tell Mr. Stark that he did find something else, because the man always stressed that his life shouldn't just be Spider-Man. He wanted to tell the world, he wanted to hold hands during school and meet up like other couples in the hallway. He wanted to bring Garrett to dinner with his friends so that they could all be together – he wanted...he wanted so much and he didn't have that.

         Peter wasn't blaming Garrett. He understood that Garrett wasn't ready, there was something inside him just stopping him from telling the world. He wasn't as open with his sexuality as Peter was, he didn't have Aunt May painting his nails when he was younger because he wanted to see how that electric blue looked on his fingers. Garrett had expectations to be perfect, to life this life, and he understood.

         So he kept waiting, but it had been months. It had been so many months and even MJ had someone. And lying was so hard, reminding himself constantly throughout the day that he couldn't say anything, forcibly stopping himself from walking up to Garrett during school and kissing him – it hurt. It took so much out of him. He only got a few hours with Garrett, always in one room, always alone. There was nothing else and the boy never wanted to share anything.

         He always rambled on about school and Spider-Man (because his boyfriend finally knew), he always talked about his friends and Aunt May but Garrett never returned. He tried to keep everything inside instead of telling his boyfriend, instead of telling anyone. He tried to deal with it and never accepted any help from anyone else and it took so much out of him to keep from forcing his boyfriend to talk.

         It hurt constantly. It hurt knowing that Garrett could compartmentalize him into two different people, and that he probably did that with himself. It hurt that he was two different people to Garrett; the one the boy adored and the nerd his friend bullied. He wasn't just one person.

         "Peter?" Aunt May knocked at his door. His head snapped up to see her standing there at the doorframe, looking at him in worry, "What's wrong."

         He wanted to tell her; he wanted to cry and tell her everything because she was his aunt and she would listen to him for as long as he needed to talk – but he couldn't, because he promised Garrett that he wouldn't tell anyone. Not even his aunt.

         "I'm fine," he said instead; a white lie so that everything was okay. That everything would seem okay. But it wasn't, and he couldn't say a thing.

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         A week passed and Peter had been canceling plans. Garrett frowned at every text – every excuse – that Peter gave. He had patrolling, homework, a test to study for, already promised Ned that he'd come over...it was so unlike him.

         Peter never just said 'busy' or said 'patrolling' he always apologized and tried to over-explain everything. It was wrong – something was wrong – and Peter wasn't telling him, and he was hurt by it. He was hurt that Peter wasn't telling him, he was hurt that he was in the dark about this, that something was wrong and he didn't even know what it was.

         "Garrett," Laurel threw a chip at him, to him he threw back, "Pay attention. I'm not rewinding just because you decided to look at your phone the whole time."

         "Sorry," he apologized to his sister, glancing down at his messages from Peter before locking his phone and putting it away, turning his attention back to the TV.

         "So," Laurel started, "Who you texting? A girlfriend?"

         The last part was so teasing, and so wrong. Almost right, he was looking at the excuses from his partner, but not his girlfriend. His boyfriend. Peter Parker, the amazing boy who was either the top of the class or close to it, and his boyfriend.

         Garrett forced a laugh, though. "No, I don't have a girlfriend, Laurel," he told her, "I've never had a girlfriend."

         Laurel frowned, "No. There was Lacey, sophomore year, right? Weren't you two dating?"

         "Nah," Garrett shook his head, "I mean, she wanted to, but I wasn't interested."

         "Ah. Is that why you two aren't friends anymore?" Laurel asked, crunching on another chip she grabbed from the bag.

         "Kinda. She asked me to Homecoming that year and I rejected her. She got so mad, saying that I was leading her on unfairly and that she had been waiting for me to ask her before doing it herself. I just told her that I never once made any remark that was close to flirting at all. Yeah...she didn't want to see me after that at all," Garrett finished off, laughing slightly, Laurel joining in.

         "Then who was? I mean, who were texting?" Laurel clarified, glancing at her brother.

         "Just Tati and Clay in the groupchat," Garrett shrugged, "Asking about what we're gonna do this weekend and everything."

         "And by that you mean what are you and Clayton gonna be doing. Tatiana is going to be helping me for my Music Man audition," Laurel informed him.

         "Oh yeah...when is that?" Garrett asked, looking at her before going back to the screen, making sure he didn't miss anything.

         "Two weeks. But I want to get something good, and for that I need to be prepared," she said.

         "What role do you want?"

         "Amaryllis, preferably. I mean, the age range for the musical is just high schoolers, so I think I have a good shot. Just have to make sure that no middle-school looking girls audition and steal her from me," Laurel joked, "But I don't know. Really, anything's fine."

         Garrett nodded, "What about Tati? We don't really talk about Music Man, but I bet it'll be the only thing she'll be on about for a while."

         Laurel laughed, "Marian, duh. And she has the pipes for it, so I'm hoping she'll get it. But who knows really?"

         "Well," he started, "I wish the both of you the best of luck."

         "You could always audition with us," his sister suggested again, looking at him hopefully.

         He was brought back to another conversation, to the night when his father looked him dead in the eyes and told him that there was no way he would be auditioning. When his father told him that he didn't like having Peter over because the boy might infect him with his bisexuality. To when he blew up because he was so angry and now they don't even talk. So much for not wanting to disappoint the man.

         "I...I don't know, Laur, it's not really my thing," Garrett lied lightly. He didn't know if theatre was his thing or not, he had never tried it. And even though it could be fun, he couldn't give it a chance because he kept thinking back. He kept replaying the look in his father's eyes that night during dinner. He couldn't.

         "It'll be fun," Laurel tried again.

         "Maybe," he agreed, "But I just – I don't know. It's more yours and Tati's things."

         "But it could be yours, too. And maybe you could get Clayton to join," Laurel insisted.

         That did make Garrett laugh. "Clayton would rather lick a hobo's foot than sing, you know that."

         Laurel huffed, settling back down to look at the screen. "Just...think about it, okay? For me?"

         The last part got him more than anything, taking and twisting his heart. "Okay," he promised, though he already knew his answer wouldn't change, "I will."

         It made him feel even more trapped lying, but it was for a good cause. Maybe that made it better, more okay, but he had already lied, so there was no changing.