〖 chapter eleven ⋆ change the
world 〗

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         "Peter's back," Tatiana said as she turned back to her friend. He shot her a look as she smiled sweetly at him, "What?"

         "I don't need you to tell me when Peter comes in. He's his own person," he said back, smiling and taking the order of another customer, indeed seeing the familiar brunet at the back of the line.

         Tatiana scoffed from behind him, going close to whisper in his ear, "He hasn't been around recently, Gar."

         "He was probably busy," he shrugged it off, not wanting to feel the guilt anymore. But with guilt came a great feeling – a wonderful feeling, as if he were on cloud nine. "Maybe he went out of town for a while."

         "He's your favorite customer, and he used to come every day. Don't you think it's a bit weird he just stopped coming all together one day?" she asked him.

         No. It wasn't suspicious at all, seeing as he knew the truth. He knew exactly why Peter stopped coming there for ice cream – and it was his fault. It was all because of him. But he made things better, he told the truth (a little bit of it, anyway) and it ended greatly. So Peter was back here now, he was coming back (hopefully) every day so that he could see that face again.

         "Like I said," he repeated, calmly even though his heart was racing slightly thinking about Peter, "He was pretty busy."

         Tatiana stared at him for a moment as he took the money from the customer and placed it in the register. "Fine," she relented, "Let's say he was busy."

         He nodded. He thought back to their second kiss – the better kiss. He thought back to what happened after it, how Peter smiled at him in that same way again of elated happiness. He looked so much like the sun, a ray of it on earth, and he was blinded by the boy. It was glorious to witness, to be the one bringing that look onto his face. He couldn't help but sneak another kiss, not that Peter minded.

         It felt so glorious. It was only later when it felt so wrong. This was a sin, it was against the will of his father. Everything was so wrong about it, but in the moment...life couldn't be better. Fuck his father – fuck everything. That was what Peter made him feel. As if he was on top of the world.

         But he wasn't.

         He could pretend, though.

         And now Peter was back. It didn't feel like a mistake when he saw the boy move up and he smiled, ready to take his order. It felt powerful – as if he was soaring. And Peter smiled back at him, happy to be there.

         "Hi, what can I get for you today?"

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         He was tempted to reach out and grab Peter's hand. He was always anxious to touch Peter, to have the comfort that he was right there and he wasn't going to leave any time soon. He liked that reassurance, the clinging to this boy who allowed him to be something else. Maybe not free – not totally – but closer to it.

         A sweet paradise.

         But they weren't in his room, behind the closed door and confided by four walls. They were at Patty's Ice Cream Parlor, purposefully when Tatiana didn't have a shift. It took Garrett back to summer, when during his break, he would sometimes join Peter while he ate his ice cream. They weren't as careful back then, seeing as no one from Midtown would go to Patty's because even though it was good, Georgie's was better and Kelsey Richman worked there, which was always a hit with the soccer and football teams.

         It was easier during summer. Only Tatiana to tease them, always assuming (and correctly) that there was something between Peter and Garrett. She never directly asked, though, which he always appreciated. But now that school had started, he didn't work at Patty's so there was no chance they'd be able to talk to each other every day, and school was a no-go.

         But here they were now, outside. It was almost freeing to be out, to not be in his room where they met – and only met – so many times. They were outside and there was a world going about around them, there were conversations they could hear from tables away.

         And Garrett wanted to hold Peter's hand. He wouldn't, it wasn't safe. They weren't locked away where it was safe and he could, he could cup Peter's face and kiss him in his room but they were not in his room, so he refrained.

         He always refrained.

         Peter happily ate his ice cream and Garrett tried to do the same. But he kept looking at Peter, seeing him and wanting to kiss him so desperately before looking down at his frozen treat. He wouldn't, he wouldn't do that in front of people. He wouldn't.

         But he wanted to.

         He wanted to kiss and hold Peter here and not be scared, not think that it's wrong. He wanted to be open and free, wanted to feel good about himself again. He wanted to be like Peter; himself. He wanted to stick up for himself and not care about what others thought about it, not hide away and put on a mask every morning so that he could be the best for everyone else. He wanted to be what was best for him; himself. Free and happy. That's what he wanted.

         And that's what he wouldn't do. He would keep it all inside because that was easier, and it was better. He didn't want to disappoint people, but he also didn't want to throw away his identity for others. It was a strange, destructive cycle that he couldn't find himself leaving. He couldn't escape from it, at least not for long. He would hide away from it for hours, when he was with Peter and he could forget about who everyone though Garrett Lockwood was; the Golden Boy. When he could be a kind of Icarus, the remnants of him at least. The perished side of the Lockwood boy who had crumbled to ashes.

         It was a sad thing, saying goodbye to a mask, but it was such a nice thing as well. A bittersweet experience that he wouldn't take back. It was for the best anyway.

         "So," he opened his mouth, lowering his voice, "What's it like? Being Spider-Man?"

         Peter shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, it's nice most of the time. I like saving people, and it's nice to have a sort of power, and Mr. Stark is really nice because he's made me a lot of different suits and I have my own AI named Karen. She's fun to talk to. But, uh, getting hurt isn't too nice."

         Garrett frowned, "You get hurt often?"

         The Parker didn't think anything of it as he nodded. He was used to what superhero business entailed, used to getting hurt protecting people and the city. But to Garrett, someone who was not used to hearing this or experiencing it, this was different. "Yeah. Most nights, really. But it's usually not bad. I've been shot before, though. That wasn't the worst."

         The Lockwood boy choked on his ice cream. "You got shot? More than once? And it's not the worst thing that's happened to you?"

         "Yeah," Peter nodded, not looking up so he couldn't see the alarmed look on his boyfriend's face, "I had a building collapse on me once. Actually, that was during Homecoming last year. That was pretty bad."

         Garrett leaned back towards the both the moment that Peter looked up to see his face. "Oh shit, right. You're not used to this," Peter began to apologize, "Sorry. This is just – it's my life and my injuries heal quicker than the average human. It's kinda weird to talk to someone who's new to this."

         "Uh, yeah," Garrett agreed. "So you go out every night?"

         Peter nodded, "Yep! Well, most every night. Sometimes I can't, which sucks, but pretty much."

         "Every night? So what about school?" he asked his boyfriend, "Like, when do you do homework and study."

         "It...varies. I try to do my work during class, and I go over to Mr. Stark's a lot and he usually helps me. Well, he forces me to do and explains things to me when I need help while he works on projects. He says school's more important than tinkering together. Which I understand and everything, but I'd rather work with him than do Physics and everything."

         "Ugh, Physics," Garrett groaned, "I am so glad that I didn't take that class – Clayton hated it so much last year."

         "It's...tough, yeah, but I like it. It's kinda fun, but I like that sort of stuff," Peter said.

         "I don't. I've never been a fan of math or science, which is weird considering Midtown is literally the school of science and technology," Garrett snorted.

         Peter laughed as well, nodding his head in agreement, "Yeah. But a lot of people don't really like those subjects that much."

         "Tatiana loves them, though, and her Government class. I don't know, she wants to change the world and everything," Garrett brought up.

         "You don't?" Peter asked.

         Garrett shrugged, "Not really, no. It's weird, because that means to be the thing that everyone wants to do...but not me, really no. I just – I don't think I have what it takes to do that."

         Peter looked at him decisively. "Garrett I-Don't-Actually-Know-Your-Middle-Name Lockwood, I believe that you will do more than change the world."

         He chuckled at his boyfriend, "Thanks, Pete. Maybe one day."

         If only, really. He wouldn't change the world if he kept on pleasing others, if he kept on being the person everyone wanted to see. If he played into the plan set for him. He would be like everyone else; someone who lived in the world being changed by others.

         The Avengers changed the world, Spider-Man was changing the world. Peter Parker, not that everyone else knew it, was changing the world and Garrett Lockwood was just his boyfriend. Not someone who was going to do that, but someone who was once associated with them.

         He wanted to have hope that him and Peter would last, that they would go on to be together forever, but that was a pipe dream. It wouldn't really happen. And when the world got to know Peter Parker – because eventually, he knew they would – he would be the boy's ex-boyfriend. Someone unimportant, a blast from the past. That would be his legacy; somebody that Peter used to know and nothing more.

         How wonderful.

         The Golden Boy wouldn't change the world, he wouldn't be anything extraordinary. He would another person who played into who their parents wanted them to be, not finding and being who they were. That would be him one day, that was him right then. And that could never change.

         He'd be okay with that eventually. He'd have to be; it would be his life.

authors rambling
so i changed the title of the book from friends to honest because i think it fits the book more. and can you believe that there's only so many chapters left??? yep! this book is almost over!