〖 chapter five ⋆ oh, brother 〗

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Crowds of people didn't make Garrett feel uneasy. In fact, the Lockwood boy loved to be surrounded by people. So many people who took up so much energy in the space leaving not much for him, allowing him to hide. He loved big crowds of people, pushing through individuals and hiding among them in plain sight. It was easier to let go, to be whoever he wanted – Jekyll of Hyde – and no one would even question it, no one would give him a second glance.

But in some big crowds he couldn't just let go. In those situations, he was a stranger among strangers, a nobody anyone would ever think of again, while others were filled with people who knew him – or thought they knew him. To the masses, he was Garrett Lockwood the soccer player, top of the class in history, and with a golden smile. The boy who could do no wrong, who had no scandals or breakups, no relationships they could prey on filled with such juice and betrayal.

He was just plain Garrett Lockwood who always helped and gave a smile, who made girls swoon with just one look. Who never actually took action when they gave him their number leaving them crushed. Who sat with Flash Thompson and his on-and-off again girlfriend, Maddie Blu, and his own best friend Clayton and now Tatiana.

This Garrett couldn't just let go and choose between Jekyll and Hyde, go between the two of them whenever he wanted, and be free – this one had a role to play. And oh, did he play it well. This one, a version of the Golden Boy, played ignorant to Flash Thompson's antics, agreed with them about sports and listened in their party stories and shrugged whenever they asked him to volunteer his own.

He still enjoyed this, though, the people and the sounds and the clamoring over others to speak. So many voices and so many people that he could be forgotten, a phantom surrounded by people who talked on and on for days while he listened and at his food even though it was from the cafeteria and therefore not the best. He didn't have to be loud, he could be silent. He could look around and see how other people smiled as they launched into conversations with their own friends.

He could sneak peeks to Peter, who sat with Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones. He looked so happy and free there, being himself and probably talking about classes or science or something so overly nerdy.

Garrett envied that.

But it wasn't unusual, he often envied those who could just be so open with themselves. How could they be themselves while he hid away, while he played his different roles that weren't him. But they were, though, they were him only slight altercations were made.

Garrett Lockwood didn't know who he truly was, if he was the Golden Boy or Icarus. He felt more like a mixture. He felt more like none of them at all. But he couldn't figure out who he was because he kept playing the roles and being those people that others wanted him to be. He couldn't be anything else except that – he had to their Golden Boy, he had to be Peter's Icarus.

Maddie leaned her head on Flash's shoulder and he pretended not to be fond because of it. They were sickeningly sweet – a bitter mixture because while they could be so cruel, they were so far gone for each other. Garrett wondered if he was as in love with Peter as they were for each other.

Chuck, or maybe it was Chase – Garrett could never remember his name even though they had been sitting at the same table for four years – rambled on about how much he hated football practice. Flash, occasionally, would roll his eyes before interjecting, "Oh, come on, coach isn't that bad."

"How do you know? You fucking dropped it," Chuck (Chase?) retorted, "He's gotten worse since last year, man, I'm telling ya."

Everyone knew that Flash dropped football, dropped every sport he was playing, although he only played two – track being the other one. No one knew why, except Maddie probably, and whenever asked the boy would just shrug and mumble something about not liking it anymore. Overtime, everyone had accepted that Flash was no longer an athlete and moved on. Now he was on Decathlon and studied – shocking! – which was very surprising to those who didn't know him.

"Babe, are we still on for after school," Maddie shifted her head to look up at her boyfriend.

"Sorry, I have practice after school," Flash apologized and Maddie pouted.

Chuck groaned overdramatically, "Dude, you always have that stupid Decathlon afterschool. You used to be fun."

"I think you mean he used to play sports," Tatiana broke in, taking a break for her Spanish homework that was due next period which she hadn't finished, "When he was on the football team, you got to see him more but now that he's focusing on his grades he's 'no fun', as you put it."

"Who the fuck asked you?" Chuck threw at her and Tatiana rolled her eyes.

"No one, but I'm the only person who was willing to tell you the truth and not give a shit if it hurt your fragile feelings," the girl said without care.

Garrett couldn't help it, sporting a grin because of his friend. "Whatever," Chuck grumbled back and Garrett had to hold in a cackle because of that.

Flash sent Tatiana a look of almost gratitude and she just nodded subtlety. His girlfriend, however, said, "I agree with Chuck. You never hang out with me anymore."

"How sad," Tatiana commented dryly to herself but Garrett overheard her and let out a small chuckle.

"I have other commitments," Flash tried to shrug.

"More important than me?" Maddie pouted, looking deep into his eyes, "Your girlfriend?"

It was easy to tell that she was trying to guilt him into skipping, which Garrett knew would make Peter endlessly happy if he got to go a meeting without the guy. But, that was only if his boyfriend was going to the meeting himself. He had a complicated relationship with after school activities, too.

"I can't let down my team," Flash tried to let her down easy but Chuck scoffed.

"Really? Then why the fuck did you quit football like halfway through the season last year? Yeah, you were definitely 'not letting down your team'," Chuck played.

Flash shot him a glare, "I told you, I didn't want to play football anymore. Sorry if I didn't want to just keep putting in half the effort into something."

"Still – halfway through the season, man! We were trashed after that!" Chuck stressed.

"Dude, just let it go," Clayton said after he finished chewing on his food, "That happened a year ago."

"Says the soccer player," Chuck looked at Clayton, "You can't talk. Soccer is so easy, nothing compared to football."

"Have you ever even played soccer, Chuck?" Clayton shot back. (It was Chuck – he was right!)

"No, but I don't need to," the boy said stubbornly and Clayton looked to Garrett, shooting him a look that the boy completely understood and agreed with.

Tatiana saw the look that Clayton gave Garrett and turned back to Chuck, "Maybe you shouldn't say what's worse without actually experiencing both sides. Just a thought."

"I don't need to play soccer to know that it is nowhere near as hard as football," Chuck rolled his eyes at Tatiana, "Why are you even here?"

"Because Garrett's my friend and obviously I'm going to sit with my friend and not by myself," Tatiana said as if it were obvious, which it most definitely was.

"Yeah, but no one wants you here," Chuck said back.

"I want her here," Garrett spoke up, looking at the boy, "I mean, she is my friend."

"I'm not?"

"Eh," Garrett shrugged, "I guess, but I couldn't even remember your name until a couple seconds ago, so..."

It was a bit of an asshole move, but Garrett Lockwood could be defined perfectly by the word. Or, at least, this part of the Golden Boy could. So could Icarus, Icarus was crueler than the words from Golden Boy could ever be. Actions always did speak louder than words, so did thoughts.

"I want her here, too," Clayton backed up his friend, smiling sweetly at Chuck.

"Awe, you want me here?" Tatiana acted as she moved her hand over her heart, looking at the West boy, "I'm touched."

Clayton rolled his eyes playfully, "Shut up, Tati."

The girl scowled at him, "Never call me that again if you want to live."

"And you still want her here?" Chuck questioned Clayton pointing his finger between the two as if to signify the exchange that had just occurred.

"It's all fun and games, she doesn't actually mean it," Clayton waved him off.

"Do I?" Tatiana asked, giving Clayton a look that caused him to send her the middle finger. She stuck out her tongue in response.

"Well, I don't want her here," Maddie made herself known again, as if she couldn't stand the spotlight being on her, "She's rude and loud. I think she should leave."

"Too bad that I'm not," Tatiana gave her a faux smile.

Maddie glared at her, "Go join Decathlon with all the other nerds, loser."

"Oh, like your boyfriend?" Garrett pointed out, already wincing at himself. Even if he didn't mind being the part of an asshole, being one, he didn't like it if this part of him touched those who were supposed to be hidden away from it. Flash, surprising, was one of those people.

It even surprised him, thinking this. Flash was the boy who was brash and loud who bullied his boyfriend yet he couldn't find it in himself to hate the guy or say he deserved the backlash he was giving him.

Maddie grew red at the comment made by him and Flash looked uncomfortable and he wanted more than anything to apologize but he didn't. He kept his mouth shut because he was Garrett Lockwood the Asshole, a division of the Golden Boy. Even Tatiana looked surprise at the rude comment he made, knowing him as the teasing smile, but Clayton remained unfazed. He was used to this version of him.

"Shut up, Lockwood," Flash growled back and Garrett gulped down his guilt.

He didn't want to put the boy in the hot seat, he didn't want to bring that attention onto him but he did and now it was too late. He couldn't apologize, he only had to continue.

The table became uncomfortable after that and he knew it was all his fault. Crowds were supposed to be comfortable, a place where he could hide in plain sight but now he was open. It was quiet and he couldn't hide anymore, he was seen.

Looking around, he avoided the eyes of everyone else. There was Betty Brant with Cindy Moon, her new friend after Liz Allan left last year because her father was outed as a criminal. It was sad, seeing Liz fall so far and bring Betty with her, they were always so nice, but at least Liz was gone. Maybe it was easier for her now since she was in college, but it was awful for Betty.

She was still left here and everyone looked down on her because she was friends with Liz. Although, everyone was friends with Liz so it was a bit hypocritical. Cindy still stayed, though, so at least she wasn't completely alone.

And then, moving his eyes away from them, he found Peter's. For a moment, their eyes connected before breaking because he couldn't. He couldn't do it. Peter always looked happier when he wasn't around anyway, so it didn't matter. The small glimpse of disappointment after he broke eye contact wouldn't mean anything in a few seconds when Ned would engage him a new conversation. He would forget and it would be okay.

He swallowed down more guilt.

But lunch ended soon enough and everyone stood up, leaving the cafeteria. Garrett was glad, he didn't want to stay there anymore with Tatiana looking like him as if he were a whole different person (he was, he really was) or Flash glaring at him, Maddie following. He didn't want to look at the couple, he especially didn't want to look at his friend. Didn't want to face her.

So he walked beside Clayton because his friend wouldn't judge, his friend was used to this. It was normal to see Garrett lash out to him, it wasn't anything to be concerned about – it was who he thought Garrett was. His heart hurt even more.

"I seriously don't wanna go to Physics after this, wanna skip?" Clayton asked, looking at his friend innocently.

Garrett shrugged, "I shouldn't, but I really wanna. My parents would kill me if they found out."

"Well, say that I got hurt and you were being the most wonderful friend you are by driving me to home and then watching after me," Clayton suggested, "Come on, we can go get something to eat."

"We just had lunch, Clay," Garrett chuckled at his friend, trying not to think too hard the fact that Clayton called him a wonderful friend. He most definitely wasn't that.

"Doesn't mean I'm full. The lunch is terrible here, I barely ate anything today," Clayton said, "Please?"

Garrett sighed, "Fine. Let me get my jacket from my locket real quick and then we can go."

"Cool," Clayton commented as the two of them started their descent to his locker.

On the way there, going through the freshman lockers, Garrett stopped when he saw someone obviously flirting with his sister. Now, he knew that his immediate reaction to go over and punch the guy for preying on his baby sister was a little overprotective – a show of just how much of a big brother he was, so he was going to let it go for the moment. Question Laurel on it later when they got home.

But then he saw the guy move in to tuck a hair behind her ear and the obvious look of discomfort that flooded her features. Oh, no. That could not happen because this was his baby sister who didn't want to be flirted with and definitely needed to get to class and he wouldn't allow this. It would be a disgrace to the name of all the big brothers out there if he didn't stop this.

"Hey!" he yelled, going up to them and smiling at the guy, "What do you think you're doing?"

The guy rolled his eyes and stepped away from Laurel, "Go away, Lockwood, I'm just getting my moves on."

He saw red for a moment at how carelessly this guy talked about his sister and didn't miss the way Laurel's jaw clenched. "No, I don't think you are, actually," Garrett continued to give him a forced smile.

"Look, this doesn't concern you," the guy said, "So go ahead and run along."

Garrett hummed, "Seeing as this girl is my sister, I think it does concern me." He saw the way the life in the guy's face drained, knowing that he had been flirting with Garrett Lockwood's sister, and he grinned, "I think you should go ahead and run along."

After quoting the guy, he sighed and walked away leaving the Lockwood siblings and Clayton to the side. Laurel bit her lip and looked up to her brother, "Thanks, but I could've handled it on my own."

Garrett chuckled at her. "I know," he admitted, "But you shouldn't have to. It's like my job as the older sibling."

"How are you gonna do your job next year when you're away at college?" Laurel challenged, looking up to him with a smile.

"Call me and I'll drive back here at any moment," Garrett promised, "Now head to class."

"You too, seriously – mom will kill you if she finds out you skipped again," Laurel said, staring into his eyes.

"Which is exactly why mom isn't going to know and you aren't going to tell her," Laurel raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed, "I'll get you some ice cream one day after school if you don't tell her."

There was a pause. Then, "Fine."

Garrett grinned at her. "Thanks, love ya. Get to class!" he exclaimed as she walked away.

When he turned back to Clayton, the boy rolled his eyes and shook his head at his friend but did mutter a 'good job' when he got close enough. They continued their way to the senior hall before going to the closest fast food place. And he, Garrett Lockwood, was more than okay.