〖 chapter three ⋆ these four
walls 〗

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

         "No smoking in here, Lockwood."

         The cigarette that had been hanging between his lips, unlit, was slapped away and he glared at his friend but Tatiana sent her own back, which was much deadlier. He rolled his eyes and picked up the fallen cigarette, placing it back in his box to use for later.

         "Oh don't give me that look," she scoffed at him, "You know the rules – you worked here, for God's sake."

         "Yeah, yeah, but I was hoping you'd let it slide now that my summer job is over," Garrett said back to her.

         Tatiana gave him a wide, teasing grin as she leaned in closer across the counter where he stayed since he wasn't allowed behind it anymore. That was for employees only and Garrett Lockwood was unemployed as of the first week of school. "Never in a million years," she told him before leaning back. "Take that nasty shit outside if you wanna kill your lungs. Unlike you, I actually wanna live a long time."

         "I'm sure," he threw in sarcastically, "But if I go out there you'll get on to me about my people watching so..."

         "That's because you're a creep," she finished for him, looking at the customer waiting in line and deciding whether or not to take their order – it was her job, after all – before one of her co-workers took them. Thankfully. "And don't bother trying to deny it."

         He rolled his eyes, "I'm not a creep, Tati, I just like to admire people."

         "Which is creepy," she restated, playing with the strands of hair framing her face with the rest in a bun, "You're a creep."

         Garrett took a bite of his ice cream – cotton candy, his favorite – and then stuck out his tongue, showing the melting treat. In response, she wrinkled up her nose in disgust and he laughed. "You're so easy, Lawson."

         "Oh, fuck off, Garrett," she bit back.

         "You say that to a paying customer? How rude. I might have to report you to your manager," Garrett teased, grinning the whole time and giggling – no, chuckling, men didn't giggle – at her expression.

         "You aren't a paying customer, you're an ex-employee who's just here to annoy and distract me from my job," Tatiana corrected, using her hands to illustrate her point.

         He made an offended noise, "I am not distracting you from your job. You can leave any moment to take orders or clean or whatever else Melissa has you doing, I don't care. You just don't want to so you're blaming me."

         "Fuck you for being right."

         He smiled brightly again. It felt nice to smile, it really did, and he wished that it could be this easy with Peter. No guilt. No bad memories and no anxiety that everyone would know in an instant if someone walked in and saw them. No, this was easy, Peter was complicated. Still, he couldn't find himself giving Peter up because of the way his heart jumped...no matter the guilt. No matter how terrible he felt about himself after.

         But he shouldn't. There was nothing to be ashamed of, Peter had said it so many times along with celebrities. He shouldn't be ashamed himself, he can love himself, but he can't. He's just glad there's still daylight out.

         "I always am," but he wasn't because he felt so wrong about so many things and it hurt. It hurt so much but it shouldn't. It shouldn't yet it pained him so much and he couldn't handle it sometimes. He just wanted it to stop.

         Tatiana slapped his arm and he yelled in retaliation which she ended with another deadly glare. Moving away from him, she smiled to another customer and took their order, preparing the ice cream while Garrett watched. His phone buzzed and it took it out to check, forcing down a smile at the emojis. Shaking his head, he turned off his phone without replying and watched as Tatiana made her way back to him.

         "Been meaning to ask this, but what happened to that Parker kid that used to come by here? Perry or whatever," Tatiana started and he froze for a moment, stricken by fear. Did she know? No, she couldn't. They had been so careful.

         "It's Peter," he corrected cautiously, "And I don't know."

         She frowned, "Really? You two seemed pretty close when he came 'round. It's just weird how he just...stopped all of a sudden."

         Garrett knew why. He knew why Peter didn't come around the ice cream shop anymore and it was all his fault, he knew that. After they had kissed, after he had run away feeling so terribly disgusted in himself, Peter showed up and Garrett took his break to smoke and Peter to never come back.

         When he plucked up the courage to apologize to Peter and tell him that he wasn't homophobic or not into Peter, it was really the opposite, and they had kind of gotten together (it was complicated for a while, but it was always complicated between them) Peter never came back. Garrett wasn't sure if it was because of him, although that was what he really thought, or if Peter suddenly became very busy, but they hadn't seen him since. It was sad, not seeing the boy he liked at work anymore, but he was okay. He got over it. He still got to see Peter.

         "Yeah, weird..." Garrett echoed.

         "But not gonna lie, I totally thought the two of you were flirting," Tatiana casually threw in, never one to beat around the bush.

         Garrett forced himself to let out a chuckle even though his heart was beating so loudly inside his chest. God, she knew, she had to. Or at least she suspected. It was so bad because if she knew someone else did and he couldn't let anyone know – no one could know. "No, uh, we were just – we're just friends."

         "Well, if you're friends, Mister Lockwood, then why the hell do you never talk to him during school? And yeah, I've seen him around," Tatiana interrogated.

         "Different friend groups," Garrett fed her the partial lie. It was true, their friend groups were vastly different and Flash always bitched about the boy. Mostly because he could so effortlessly get A's in class without paying attention and miss the amount he did while Flash, as everyone knew, worked his ass off to just come so close. So close but always worse and everyone seemed to remind him of it.

         Garrett couldn't sympathize too much with his friend – although calling the boy that was a stretch – what with the amount of comments he made, but sometimes it went too far. Especially when Michelle Jones got involved. She held nothing back and even Garrett could admit that it was too harsh. He'd hate to receive something like that even though he gave it to himself daily. Or, more correctly, nightly.

         "So you never as much as glance at each other? And actively avoid sitting near each other during class? Oh – and pass on being partners for our math project?" Tatiana continued to dig.

         "God, Tati, what are you? A fucking detective? I didn't kill them, I swear. I'm innocent," he joked.

         She rolled her eyes, "Just answer the damn questions, Lockwood."

         "But why?"

         "Because I'm a curious girl and if you don't I'll just go and ask Peter myself," Tatiana threatened and fuck, that was enough for him to open up a bit more.

         Peter was a terrible liar, Garrett was well aware of that, so he had to keep Peter away from Tatiana. "Geez! Lighten up, okay? Why does it matter that we aren't partners for the project? You're new and you're my friend so why wouldn't I? It's not like your close with anyone else in that class."

         "That doesn't explain everything else," Tatiana continued, looking at him expectantly.

         He sighed, "My friends aren't exactly...fond of him."

         She wrinkled up her nose again, "Even Clayton? I mean, I knew he needed some work with his fuckboyness but damn."

         "Not Clay," he shook his head, clarifying, "But some of the others. Like Flash."

         "Ugh, God. I have no idea why you're friends with that asshole," Tatiana made a point of doing a gagging noise.

         "We're not. Well, not really. I mean, I guess we are but we aren't close. We just hang near each other because of other people and I guess he's grown on me," Garrett shrugged.

         She raised an eyebrow, "Even when he bullies people? You know, like Peter?"

         No. He didn't want to be reminded of that. Seeing Peter be verbally bullied by Flash and never doing anything, too afraid of doing anything. He was always so afraid and now his boyfriend was suffering but he wouldn't dare make eye contact with him and Garrett was never sure to be relieved because of that or even more worried. More worried, he was always more worried. Though he knew rationally it was because they were on the low – the low low – and even making eye contact could be seen as shady to someone like Tatiana who saw everything. Everything.

         "I never said I liked his actions," Garrett defended himself, "And I never even attempted to defend him, so shut up. Of course I don't like that, but he's just...I don't know. I don't need to give him shit, he already gets enough of it."

         She snorted, "You say that like he doesn't bring on 90% of that shit himself."

         He sighed, "I know...I know that, I just. I don't know. He can be nice if he wants."

         "I'm sure," she said in a disbelieving tone and he sighed again to himself.

         There was another buzz and he took out his phone. Tatiana looked at him. "Who was that?"

         "My mom," he lied. It was Peter. "She says that I need to get home now, sorry."    

         Tatiana waved him off as he got out of his seat and threw away his empty ice cream in the trash can beside him. "Don't worry about it, now I can finally do my job without you distracting me."

         "Hey!"

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

         When he got home, Laurel was sitting in the living room watching Gilmore Girls. His mother was probably still at work and his father, well, he didn't know where that man went sometimes but he couldn't find himself caring. "Hey," he greeted her.

         "Sup," Laurel said in response, turning away from the screen lightly to look at her brother, "Peter's in your room already."

         His heart jumped. Partly because it was Peter and he always seemed to do that to him and partly because it was Peter in his house and Peter who was his boyfriend. His boyfriend! "Really?" he asked as calmly as could, "When did he get here?"

         Laurel shrugged, "About ten minutes ago. Better not keep him waiting, bro."

         "Yeah...see you later, Laur," he went upstairs and to his room, taking off his bag as he saw his boyfriend sitting on his bed, "I thought I said to wait outside until I got home."

         "You did."

         "But you didn't listen?"

         "It's not like that," Peter sighed, "It's just – wouldn't it be suspicious if someone, like your sister, just saw me waiting outside your house? I thought it'd be better to just knock and come in."

         He looked at him before nodding. It did make sense but he also didn't want Peter near his family. Not yet. He was still in high school, so not yet. "Right. Well, I think I know something to make up for that," he grinned teasingly, moving towards the boy who stood up.

         "Oh, really? What might that be, Mr. Lockwood?" Peter teased back.

         He hummed, "I think you know already, Parker, so just go ahead and kiss me."

         "I think I can do that," Peter smiled before cupping his face and kissing him lightly.     

         Peter pulled back and he opened up his eyes again and shook his head. "Not good enough," he told Peter.

         Of course, Peter scoffed at that before pulling him back into a kiss – a longer kiss. After a few more seconds he pulled away again. "Happy?" he asked.

         "Extremely," he admitted. Because he was. He was happy because Peter was right there in front of them and they were talking like normal boyfriends, as if they weren't hiding their relationship from everyone. But it was them, together, and they were so happy and he liked being happy.

         "So," Peter kissed him lightly again, "What time are your parents getting home?"

         He shrugged. "Don't know," he traded another kiss with Peter, "Probably around six."

         "Then we have an hour to spare," Peter grabbed his hand. It was such a contrast. Where Peter's hands were rough, calloused, and beaten from God knows what, Garrett's were soft. He could thank Laurel for that. And it was a good contrast.

         He nodded back at Peter, leading him over to the bed and collapsing on it, moving on his side so that he could look at Peter. He always had cute hat hair but he had never actually seen him in a hat. But he didn't ponder it too much. Peter could have his own secrets since, well, Peter was one of his.

         "How was your day?" he asked his boyfriend. God, what a great phrase. A great phrase that made him feel so happy and giddy and he loved everything because everything is great.

         "It was good," Peter answered, looking at their hands and running his finger against his own, "Aced my Spanish quiz."

         "AP Spanish," he spat out in disgust, although it was playful, "Why would you do that to yourself?"

         Peter shrugged, "It's easy. I mean, I already know the language so I'm just taking it because it looks good for college."

         "Yuck. College."

         "Says the senior," Peter snorted and he whacked the boy softly, meeting muscle.

         "Okay, hey, just because I'm a senior doesn't mean I enjoy talking about college. It's all my dad talks about now because he wants me to go to Columbia but there's like no way in hell I'm getting into that, what with my grades."

         "Hey, don't put yourself down," Peter protested, frowning and man, that was adorable.

         "Peter, you're a fucking genius and I'm probably going to fail my calculus class," he deadpanned, "But whatever. And Laurel already has her heart set on Juliard meanwhile I don't know where the fuck I wanna go but I still have to work on applications and send those out because college is important apparently..."

         "That's because it is important, Gar."

         "Yes, I get that, Pete. Doesn't mean I actually wanna go and do all of that. But I also don't wanna spend another year here. Sorry Laurel..." he muttered the last part.

         Peter cracked a grin, "I think you'll have fun in college. My college boyfriend..."

         "Yeah, and I'll still have you, my high school boyfriend."

         The Parker boy hummed, "But I'd be so cool, being able to say that I have a boyfriend in college."

         "The same way saying you have a Stark internship made you cool?" Garrett asked.

         "Hey!" Peter said, offended, "I have never lied about that."

         "I know," he said sincerely, "I'm just messing with you, Pete, and the best way to do that is with the internship."

         Peter rolled his eyes in distaste of that, "I hate you. It's official."

         "Do you? Because I really think you don't," he said, "Come on, give me a kiss, Parker."

         "I don't think I should, Lockwood," Peter retaliated, turning away slightly causing him to sigh.

         "I'm sorry, Pete, now can I kiss you?" he apologized and Peter turned back.

         Shrugging, and keeping up the nonchalant style, Peter said, "I guess..."

         He huffed before joining their lips together in a perfect mess. It was them and that meant it was perfect. It was hidden away from the world and that meant it was perfect, it was them and he loved it. But he didn't love it anywhere else, and that was the problem.

         The problem was that he couldn't allow himself this freedom, this happiness, anywhere else besides a closed room with just him and Peter when no one else needed to know. No one could damage it, no one could touch them. But outside these four walls they were vulnerable, he was vulnerable. Words would tear him down and he wouldn't be safe so he locked himself away so that he could see the happiness, the goodness, in this. In them.

         It was always better in there. They were their own perfect mess and Peter could kiss him and he would melt. But outside these four walls there was a father didn't understand because he had built this image of a perfect son that had already been broken so many times (he wouldn't let himself be a disappointment, he couldn't be that), there was a team who thought he liked their tales of parties and women, there was a villain just waiting to take down Spider-Man. There were so many things that kept him locked inside as if he were Rapunzel. But he didn't mind, not with Peter by his side.

         But Peter wouldn't always be by his side, it would be foolish to believe otherwise. For now, though, he could pretend. And that was okay.

some things to say:

first, has anyone noticed the sections when I refer to Garrett by his name and then when it's just 'he'? (as the narrator btw) because that's very important

second, I have no self control so I posted yet another peter fic called coffee dates so check that out

and third, I have categorized my three peter fics:

hopeless — a good mixture between fluff and angst

friends — ANGST just pure ANGST

coffee dates — the fluffiest fluff

that's it. thanks for coming to me ted talks