Author: @mistresscara

Title: Like Minds

Cover: it gives off a vibe where you kind of want to read the book but you kind of don't. Like, it doesn't really catch your eye but you keep seeing it over and over, then you'll actually give the book a chance and read the description and such.

Description:

I am having a very very hard time understanding your description. You start it off with talking about a six year old that went missing in Chicago and then you talk about a nineteen year old dead in South Korea. They can't be the same person because you had mentioned they found the nineteen year old seventeen years later, which would make the six year old twenty one. Another thing I completely do not understand is why there are teaming up with Chicago police if Chicago has absolutely nothing to do with this. I get that it says she was a foreign exchange student but that doesn't mean that Chicago deals with it. Okay, so if we are saying that the six year old missing and is the same as the found body, Chicago police wouldn't have anything to do with the case anyway. To be technical, it would probably be the FBI or the CSI. it's an overseas joint investigation so they probably wouldn't even notify Chicago PD about the kid or anything to that nature as it simple does not pertain to them. Then, you go back to the childhood friend of the six year old which absolutely makes no sense because it is seventeen years later, what is the private detective even going to be able to do? I like the ending of the description, however, I do not understand what that part had to do with the whole rest of the description above it. I would also like to point out how you had changed from saying "six" to "17" and "19"; try to refrain from writing your numbers like that because it shows laziness to the point where it could actually turn some people away.

Chapter One: Your chapter lengths are pretty incredible. (Half of the reason why this took so long.) Starting off your book, you had gave just enough details to slightly paint a picture of "Luc". You had mentioned how he used crutches, had a limp leg, and was half Chinese and French but other than that, there wasn't much you said to really paint a picture of him so readers can really imagine him. Something I'm not entirely understanding is why do you have your time lapses where you do? (The ***************) you aren't really demonstrating a time lapse as you are still in the same scene. Another thing, I don't know if this is just me but you adding so many characters so quickly into the book kind of confuses me a little. There's the officers, Jayla, Kevin, Gabby, all the bullies, Luc, etc. Sometimes when I'm reading and come across one of the persons name, I have to physically stop reading and try to remember who is exactly who. To be honest, as well, I'm actually really happy on how you had ended the chapter. It gives a little suspense and texture to your book to where you're like "oh my, lemme keep reading. I should be sleeping but fuckkk it."

Chapter Two: In the beginning of the chapter, you had described the scene well, maybe you should try doing that to the actual characters so we can really have an imagination on how they look because so far, other than Luc, we really have no idea what anyone looks like. As far as your punctuation goes, I've never seen any problem with it and I really don't expect to. Your choice in words are also exceptional and your writing style is different. I would also like to point out your dialogue and how you make the people talk. It isn't bad at all actually, it gives the characters more life and they are a lot more relatable. Your chapter lengths are still exceptionally long (which is never bad at all.) again with all the people's names, I really get confused as to who's who. You had added so many teachers names into this chapter along with all the characters you added into last chapter, it really confuses to me as to "is she luc's friend?" And "wait who's that again?" Again, this may be me, but the part when The bully (Ima call him D because I'm not sure how to spell it.) came up and when Luc got scared, I'm not really sure what exactly happened. Did Luc get scared of D and ran and forgot his crutches and then D gave them back? Why would Luc be scared in the first place? Also, thank you for including a little bit about how Jayla looks at the end of the chapter, it gave the readers a little more understanding as to what she looks like and the feelings at the end.

Chapter Three: A thing I'm still not completely understanding is the time Lapse (*************) because it's really in places where they don't need to be and it kind of throws me off balance as to if it's a new day or something else happened. Something I've been noticing in your chapters is that in the beginning of the chapters, you give off beautiful description and you go into details about a lot of things but the more we go into the chapter, the sloppier things get. St the last few pages, Its like you kind of give up and just tried to rush out the chapter which is something you definitely do not want to show. If the chapters you are doing are too long for you to stay focused on writing, I really do recommend on cutting them down or splitting them into different chapters. Do not try to write more than what you know you can. I like your dialogues as it adds a lot of context to your story, but it's done where it's not really full of anything (if that makes sense.) like, your dialogue gives details to things but it doesn't really have complete context. For example;
"I'm going to the store."
"When?"
"Now."
See, like you know they're going to the store, and that's helpful, but you don't really know anymore than that. You don't know why they're going, you don't know what the people are doing when saying these things like are they on the phone, are they in the kitchen, etc.

Characters :

There's quite a bit of characters in this book but you didn't do that well of describing them so I'm just going to kind of guess how they look by what you've wrote and how they are.

"Luc": he seems like a really happy child. Dirty blonde hair with maybe some green eyes. He doesn't stand tall because the bullies don't really feel intimidated by him. From the story, I put him as about twelve to fourteen years old. Although he gets bullied a lot, you have shown him having quite a bit of friends that actually care for him. Keeps to himself a lot, and doesn't really like to talk to anyone unless he actually has to.

Gabby; I think she's Luc's brother but then again, you threw kind of a lot of characters at me at once so other than jayla and Luc, then everyone is basically blank. She seems really nice and protective, putting her maybe thirteen years old. She sounds like she has blonde hair with some blue or brown eyes. She, again, sounds short (because you can sound short.) she sounds charismatic and always tries to be the center of attention, in a good way.

Jayla: there's not much on her besides she went missing when she was six years old. Before she had went missing, she had actually sounded a bit older, maybe ten or eleven. You had given the description on she has medium long braids on the photo they used of when she went missing but other than that, I really have nothing to go on since she isn't really in the story after the beginning of the first chapter. She seems really happy and I imagine her as having brown hair and brown eyes with a lot of friends. Although her brother was a bully, she still managed to have friends and protect those friends from her bully. She never had to, but she did, which probably makes her my favorite character in the book.

D; again, I'm not sure how to spell his name I don't want to offend you or anything if I spell it wrong so I'm just going to stick with D. He is a real ... if I ever see him in real life, I would never ever hesitate to beat him up because he is a real douche. Honestly, I imagine him as a fat thirteen year old who likes to do things only because they're cool. (Like saying the words "lit" and "savage" while playing with 2 fidget spinners at once)

Review By : @spoiledthot
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