@ohso_awesome

Title: Hidden Secrets

Cover: a little bland, not that intriguing. It does give off the vibe or the "fantasy" aspect but it doesn't give a whole lot else.

Description: I do like your description of the book, however, you need to fix up the punctuation. Your description, along with your cover, is what everyone reads to see if they like your book and if they see those mistakes, it may be enough to make them leave and never look back. For example; Rose's last name should be capitalized as well as Damion's. You should never ever start a sentence with "Yet" because "yet" is a word that comes after a comma, not a period. Other than that, it is intriguing, however, you should make your description a little spaced out. If you space it out more, it won't overwhelm the reader with so much words and they may actually want to read the story.

Chapter One: I was reading, ya know, being a happy camper and excited to read this book and I see your punctuation is off which completely threw me off the whole story. In the first paragraph, I notice the "yet" starting a sentence which is a big no no in English. If i may, I'm going to drop a picture under here. It really helped me and it kind of shows you what to never start a sentence off with.

The next thing I noticed is that you had wrote "ft." Assuming this is from her point of view, you don't think of the actual letters "ft," you actually say the word feet in your mind. I also would recommend try to have more complex sentences. For example, you had wrote, "My challenge is to escape." It's a sentence, nonetheless, but it's a simple one. I'd recommend maybe changing it to something like "The challenge I am faced with in this moment is to escape this wretched place."

Also, you had wrote, "Vurnable." I'm guessing you meant vulnerable, but I'm not sure.

Chapter Two: Other than the "FANBOYS" I talked about in chapter one, this was a kind of an okay chapter, it didn't really intrigue me to read more. You know, don't be afraid of stretching out your scenes and adding a lot of description as to what Is happening.

I also like how you try to engage with your readers in the Authors Note, which is very good.

On the note of Authors Notes, I've seen you have Authors note posted in your book. I do say when the author notes don't really pertain to what's going on anymore, you should delete them from the book. No one likes to read a book with too many author notes that don't even mean anything.

Chapter Three: In the beginning when you were talking about the nightmare, I suggest to space them out and make another paragraph or two out of it. Also, I've seen that you've written numbers as "12" when you should write it out as "twelve." Don't be sloppy on your work, and don't give off the impression of it.

Characters :

I'm not sure what to write here as you didn't really distinguish the different characters in this story so maybe, that might be something you want to work on.

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