Mom comes home a little earlier today. She says she asked her boss if she could do so every Friday. Well her boss was convinced and here she is. She had a grin on from ear to ear, similar to the one Leigh always has on when I make plans with her. I haven't told Ash about my outing with Leigh tomorrow; I've decided to tell my mother about it first.

We're eating the dinner that she cooked and I helped her cook; she was kind of confused on why I was asking her to make so much. I lied to her, saying that if it was really good then I would want to eat more of it. The real reason was that Ash had to eat something. My mom wasn't even complaining, saying that I looked like I needed to eat a lot more anyway.

As we're sat down across from each other in the dining room, my fork fiddles with some peas, arranging them and rearranging them around my plate. I don't know why I'm so nervous to ask her. Maybe because this time I'm actually asking her if I can hang out with Leigh. All those other times was for Ash.

'So Mom...' I start off, focusing more on the pieces of steak than her. I put my fork down and decide to look at her. 'Tomorrow's Saturday, right?'

She nods and jokes 'I'm certain of it.'

'So I was thinking maybe Leigh and I could hang out and-'

'Like at home?'

'Yes. And no.' I reply, unsure 'We might go out as well. I don't know, to the mall and stuff. Not too far, I promise.'

'That's fine, dear.' She smiles 'It'll be nice to be out and about. Should I give you some money to spend?'

'No, mom, it's fine,' I tell her 'I'm not gonna be buying anything.'

'It'll be for when you have to eat,' She's already up from the table and in the living room in search of her purse. When she's back, she's holding a couple of notes folded together, her hand outstretched, ready to put it in mine.

'Thank you, mom,' I hold the money and place it in front of me on the table. She walks around the table to my side and hugs me tightly like she's holding on for her life. My head is against her belly because I'm still sat down and it isn't long before she lets go again, walking back to her side and picking up her empty plate to wash. She stops midway at the threshold of the door to the kitchen and turns to look at me.

'By the way,' she starts, a half-smile on the side of her face 'Love the new look.'

'Thanks,' I say again while twirling a lock of hair in between my index and thumb, trying to be honest enough but not give away anything else 'My friend did it for me.'

'Leigh is one talented girl,' she tells me before leaving. I try not to laugh.

*****

'So you're saying you wanna hang out with that girl again?! Tomorrow??' Ash groans, eating the dinner from the plate I'd brought up to my room before bidding goodnight to my mother.

'Leigh seems like a really nice girl, Ash,' I tell him 'I wanna actually be friends with her.'

'But if you're gone tomorrow, then what'll I be doing?' He complains.

'It's not for the entire day,' I inform him 'I'll be back before noon.'

'You know, last week, you had no interest of getting chummy with her.'

'Please, Ash,' I say in a voice that sounds too quiet 'Hanging out with Leigh makes me feel less like a freak. I feel like I'm just a normal teenage girl when I'm with her.'

'So then hanging out with me makes you feel like a freak?'

'No, Ash. That isn't what I meant. You're my friend too,' I convince him, my voice getting even weaker 'I just... I really need this.'

Ash sighs. There's no sound from either of us for a moment. Then he shakes his head slowly 'By the way, I'm staying at your place while you're out. I ain't going nowhere.'

I grin feel myself hugging him again 'You're the best!'

'I know, bitch.' he scoffs, but I can tell he's smiling. We're both sat on my bed now, Ash leaning his head on his fist and his elbow on the centre of my pillow. I'm on the other side with me knees folded to my chest and my arms wrapping them together like a ribbon. I'm staring at him while we're both silent and thinking, noticing every detail of his face. Dark stubble was starting to grow on the side of his face and across his jaw. I wondered whether it was the prickly kind or the fuzzy hair kind- but from the way they looked and how older Ash was from me, I could tell they must have been the prickly kind. If I touched it, ran my palm across it, would it cut my skin? I roll my eyes at my own stupidity. Of course not, idiot. Hair can't cut skin.

His eyes weren't as sunken and tired as I'd seen them be the first time I saw it. He still had dark circles, but they didn't seem so large. Getting enough sleep now probably? One thing I've noticed just now is how long and dark his eyelashes are. Why is it that boys eyelashes are so good? They rimmed around each eyelid, framing his fluorescent green eyes, so neon that they looked unnatural. His eyes were half open and Jesus his fucking eyelashes. Fuck.

I try not to focus on his lips too much because then I'd start getting flashbacks of that incident in the changing room. It's that I don't want to remember. It's the exact opposite. Wanting to remember it. Wanting to relive it. Wanting.

Wanting leads to crazy dirty thoughts and I've already convinced myself several times since I've met Ash that I'm a clean, mature, sensible girl who doesn't think like that whatsoever. No filthy thoughts, Evelyn. Just pure, wholesome thoughts.

LIKE HIS GODDAMN ANGELIC EYELASHES.

They're the only thing angelic about him, I laugh to myself. In my head of course. He starts shifting his head from his knuckles to his palm, glancing at me for a second, making me pull my eyes away from his face and pretend nothing happened. I was already erasing all the Ash analysis in my head when he starts to speak again.

'You okay?' He asks me, smirking.

'Yeah, I am. Why?'

'Your face is like crazy red,' he tells me and jokes 'I can't tell it apart from your hair.'

My hand automatically covers a cheek, feeling how warm it is. Shit. Was I really blushing the entire time?! The last thing I want is for Ash to know that I was thinking about him. He doesn't seem to suspect anything and goes back to staring into space. I rotate my position and lean my back against the wall, my legs unfolded and stretched out over my bed sheets. 'You know...' I begin to say, unaware that my mouth was even moving; My body is moving without my brain's consent. 'Before I met you, I was so used to being alone. I didn't mind it. In fact, I liked it. It was so relaxing to not have to worry about talking and listening, how to start conversations and how to end them.'

His head moves up from his hand and he sits up straight, another smirk forming on his face 'Is that so?'

I nod as I continue to speak 'Yeah, it was fine for me. I was actually so used to being alone that when you started staying here, it felt so weird.'

'So that's what you found weird,' he sniggered 'Not the random stranger in your room but the fact that you weren't alone anymore.'

'Exactly,' I'd completely ignored his sarcasm and answered genuinely 'I became so dependent on having someone with me because of you. I mean, I even started to hang out with Leigh because I didn't want to be alone at school.' He nodded along, trying to understand what my point was. 'Don't you get it?' He squints and nods again but I can tell he's lying 'I've changed, Ash. I talk more, I laugh way more, I even look different now.'

'...Is that a good thing?' He asks nervously.

I nod frantically, my eyes wide 'Yes! It is! It's like I'm starting to be happy again. I don't know how to put this but, it's like happiness was a feeling I haven't felt in a long time and suddenly I'm starting to feel it again.'

'Does that mean you don't want to kill yourself anymore?' He sounds hopeful.

'Um,' I don't know how to respond 'Not necessarily. Not yet, I guess. It's a start though, right?'

'Right,' he repeats 'It's better than nothing.'

We go back to our mini pause but there's so much I wanted to say, not knowing how to put them into words yet. It's like we were both in a video that was buffering, and you're on the edge of your seat waiting for it to play again because it stopped right before the best part. When my words finally make they're way out of my mouth I'm surprised because I didn't expect that this was something I wanted to say. 'You you ever think about that kiss?'

Ash isn't as quick to respond. I look at him, waiting for one and so nervous to what it might be. He shuts his eyes and I can see him start to smirk. 'All the time,' he finally says. I didn't know what else to tell him, my words had run dry. I'd forgotten everything I had needed to say.

He asks a question this time 'What about you?'

I shuffle to the centre of the bed 'Not too often,' I lie. I don't know why I did though, my answer was similar to his anyway. He shuffles closer to the middle too, still smirking. I think he knows I'm lying. 'Do you want to kiss again?'

'That's a fucking no-brainer, Ev,' he smirks and his eyes are so fixed on my lips I almost regret asking him that question. Almost, not entirely. I'm starting to lean in, my eyes closing so I'm not sure he is too. But as I feel his warm breath getting warmer against the skin of my face I can guarantee that it is. Maybe his eyes are closed too. We closer than an inch, way closer, so close. We both know what we want but it doesn't happen; my phone starts ringing and my eyes open instantly. I pull away to receive it and hear Ash muttering 'so fucking cliche' under his breath as he leaned back against the wall.

'So did you ask your mom about it?' Leigh asked on the other end.

'Yeah, she said it's fine.' I reply and I could almost see her smiling on the other line, that big Leigh smile. We don't have anything else to say to each other so she says goodnight and we hang up. As soon as I put my phone down I feel Ash's lips pressed against mine, his hand cradling the back of my neck and pushing me forward. My eyes are wide at first from shock, but they soon begin to close and I kiss him back. I didn't know if it was my imagination or if I was delusional from the kissing but I swear I could hear him make a couple of moaning sounds. Even if they weren't the seductive kind and sounded more desperate than not, I still consumed it all, my hand squeezing his like I was egging him on to make more noises like that.

He pulled apart quite suddenly, I wasn't expecting for him to stop so soon. It was a bit disappointing for it to come to an end. But he just looked at me and smirked 'You didn't think I was gonna waste that opportunity, did you?'

(A/N Eid Mubarak, guys! Late update, I know. Sorry about that. I was in Canada for about 8 days so I was kind of busy. It was nice there and inspired a lotta things in my brain wink wink. School starts in like 5 days or something AND I AM NOT PREPAREDDDD. I really wanna finish watching season 3 of Voltron and start watching Ballroom e Youkoso coz it looks snazzy as hell. New chapter's on its way folks! Can't guarantee frequent updates once school's started but I'll try my best. Thank you very much for reading!<3)