**H o w  d o  I  w r i t e  t h i s ?

Welp, I'm going to try to write it, for the sake of the person who requested it.

Oof.**

I clean the blood off of my knife, my boss nodding with a smug look. A job well done. Spades Slick tilts his hat in a good manner and I grin wickedly. Is it bad that murder is fun? I hear a grunt and look behind me.

Stitch pinned by clock. Stupid clocks. Stupid Stitch. His ugly bright yellow and white hat lay near him. I lift up the clock, Slick grabbing the broken Felt member off the floor.

"You'll be making our effigies, buddy boy," I heard the silly voice of Clubs Deuce say. The short member (HEH HEH) always tries to be top notch for us, but all he is good for is waving around the bull penis cane. I wrinkle my nose at his weapon and Spades snaps his fingers. I grab one of the arms of Stitch and Hearts Boxcar does the same. I make sure to not step on the glass of the now broken clock.

Once we get back to the base of the Midnight Crew, I drop the sad Felt man. I brush off my suit and take off my hat, waving it against my face from the physical exertion. Stitch is a burly guy, a bit too much for me. 

"Oi, Joker, go get the materials." I tsk at Diamond Droog for thinking he can order me around, but the dark look from Slick makes me saunter to the sewing room. You'd be surprised by how many times the boys needed to patch up their clothes. Besides Diamond, of course, he just would waste all of our materials and is a douche. 

I through the materials at Stitch and he fumbles to catch them, glaring at me. I smile sweetly, my knife out with a gleam. 

"Might not want to mess with Joker, daddy-o." Hearts says with a growl.

"Thanks, Boxy, why don't you just run off and he make the effigies?" I ask with a slap on the back. Slick hands me a small handgun- 'just in case'- and struts out with the rest of the gang.

"Why'd they let you join?" Stitch grumbles as he starts sewing. A dangerous question. I say that, and he shrugs.

"I don't think y'all want to kill me since this shit -pardon my language- saves your worthless lives."

"Oh sugar, you don't want to talk badly to lil Joker here," I look at my nails. They need a good, black gloss later.

"See, Spadesy said once we got you, we can do whatever we want to you. I already know how to make the effigies, I just need to see the magic going into it." 

Stitch grunts and I pull a needle out of my hat. I start on my own effigy - like hell I'm giving him my measurements- and he adds the touch I need for it to all work. We work in silence, the only noise is the occasional snip of string and scissors. 

I yawn after about five hours of working on one. I sit up and stretch a little. The sky was dark, a candle by Stitch. I hum the crew's song and place the effigy down. The Felt member looks at me suspiciously.

"Finish up mine and the rest by the end of next week." I order, putting my needle back into my hat. I put on a thick layer of black lipstick and kiss Stitch's cheek, a smirk afterwards.

"Because if you don't, I have no choice to do this." I cock my gun and he looks alarmed. I grab some handcuffs and place him by a pipe. I wipe my lipstick off hurriedly and rush out of the room.

A groan in agony follows me. Tomorrow, the burn of poison will be prominent in his cheek.

What a weakling.

**I mean, I tried? I don't know Felt and Midnight Crew characters maybe as well as I should, but I had a fun time being a little sadistic and mad. I think this is a good start to it all, at least I hope it is. Hope you enjoyed! Bye.**