The warm,summers rain soaking their trembling bodies that held each other close enough to feel the soft smell of love in the air. Thick feeling of need,lingering lust at the bottoms of hearts and in corners of lips,floating silence and the blood pulsating in temples.

Her tongue,tied and paralyzed,couldn't roll the cursing words over into wet atmosphere. Cruel truth made every cell in her body numb with pain and passion. Her anger was rising from her toes into her fingertips that ached for touch of his skin.
To trace the lines of his jawline and bridge of his nose. Sliding down the rough surface of his two days unshaven face to his soft lips wet from the rain and tears escaping his eyes. She could taste,for the first time,the salty liquid from his lips and drown everything he told her in his tears so tomorrow the memories of this terrible nigh wouldn't exist. He would come to take her out on a date. The death wouldn't stand between them. The guilt wouldn't suffocate both lungs and make the tears of pain and resisting. Resisting the anger that could lead her lips to his,and his hands on her waist,tightening her skin hard to the edge of pain and scream. Then everything would stop like every time before.
The anger running through her veins and tears uncontrollably leaving her big eyes that were fixated on his red,blurred ones.
The noise of cars and passers by,of rain drops tapping the sidewalks,colourful umbrellas and windows died. The dim lights disappeared in mist of rain and smoke,sharp liquid cutting through terror of loneliness and treason that engulfed two bodies glued,motionless on sidewalk. The bodies of other people started disappearing under pouring rain. But the two of them were alone even before,with all those staring eyes and judging words. They had strong resistance on those 'move' or 'weirdos' or ' crazy people'.

His hands were first that held hers,hesitantly but tightly like there won't be tomorrow. His hands didn't know that body parts can feel hunches of sad endings and parting so they use any chance for the mere touch or skillful movements of pleasure that only skin contact can give. When love comes its like the skins became similar,with same electricity and softness,and eyes shine with same colours. And the blood becomes thicker with feelings and fears, the hair floating on the soft wind of love songs and sleepless nights. Soon those unnoticeable changes lead to unbreakable bond of skin,lips and souls that can be sensed by body and heart but incomprehensible  to mind. That's why his hand flew to her in fear of separating and breaking down.
Her soft skin was his only bond with mind and senses in that very moments of guilt gripping tightly his heart and chocking him. Death of her brother was flying above his head in this wet,warm night. The sky painted with lightnings and grayish clouds couldn't catch his look that was on her eyes. The seconds seemed like hours and the people really were missing from the sidewalk in attempt to go away from crazy couple blocking the way to their homes or loved ones.

"Please slap me. Kick me. Curse me. Just say something,do something." His pleading voice broke out in tears and soft sobs silenced by rain sound and her scream that follower his words. The burden fell from his heart when the high pitched ,painful sound made people turn their heads but never stop.
His arms felt stronger then ever when he held her from falling when her weak knees wanted to touch the rough surface of asphalt.

"I am so sorry,so sorry. Don't fall. Don't be silent please. Yell at me. Make people wander if you're crazy. Hit me. Just do so..."

" Why?" she screamed, "I loved you. And you know how much I love him. He was my everything:my shoulder to cry on,my support,my reason for everything. My little brother. And you didn't tell me."
The rising sobs blocked words in her throat. The cracks if his broken heart falling into little lakes underneath their feet.

"Like you don't know. I am a coward.I am afraid. Afraid of losing you."

"So the fear broke us." The cynical laugh fell from her lips into darkness.

"I dare to believe that there is still something that can be saved. With a forgiveness."

"I forgive you. Are you okay now?"

Her words couldn't lift the heavy feeling of guilt from his shoulders. The suffocating smoke of pain and coldness that started creeping through space between them. His heart felt that everything is on its end. Their talks will disappear in silence of uncomfortable situations, and her hand will became cold with pain of forced forgiveness without ability of forgetting. In his chest the hard punches forced the air out of his lungs so his head couldn't fight against the annoying sound of rain and her laugh through tears. He was able just to shook his head before it falling to his chest,wildly rising from sobs in need for air.
Despite the hate in her eyes and painful smile she was giving him he didn't let go of her hands. Like the, already stopping,rain would drown him and those little pieces of flesh and skin,that knew how to do magic,were his only surface and way out of everything.

"I hate him. I hated him before but now I want him to disappear like he never existed. I am ashamed of him. That day when I saw the picture of your brother I knew everything. I haven't loved you then but i couldn't tell. That would hurt me more then you."

"That's so selfish." She instantly regretted bitter words that escaped her mouth making tears from his eyes fall faster and episode of sobs choke his unsaid words.

Her heart,beating rapidly with wish to protect and hug him,was sorry but her mouth under control of her mind couldn't take those words back. She knew he is a bit selfish when she first met him. It's not his fault.

"It's all because of me. I was in that car too. On our way to hospital. I had an asthma attack. Medicines didn't work,he got worried. In the moments of my chocking and begging him to slow down because the fear made it worse,he just yelled at me because I interrupted his drinking session. I was 26 years old but after my mother died I became scared kid again and he couldn't stand my sensibility. I hated him even then. The car was almost flying from so much speed,he was drunk. He just constantly repeated something about my mother as always when he's drunk. I cried when he was going towards the boy cheerfully crossing the street. The lout bang and sound of his body rolling over car's roof and we were again speeding up towards the hospital. I screamed and begged, cried and almost died,but he didn't stop. Of course he was afraid to stop and confront the police. He,the face of justice. He,the respected man. I hated him in many moments of my life but then I regretted being his son. I regretted being born,having this annoying illness. I called the police next day." With a loud sigh he finished his speech leaving her eyes wide with amazement and guilt at the bottom of her heart. Guilt for blaming him even now. Although she was aware that he wasn't guilty the pain blinded her and she wanted to scream again. There was no more tears on her face and the rain dried. Just anger that was hugging her body trembling from coldness and rising fire of passion that comes to her whenever she is angry.
That's why their fights ended with her kissing him and pulling his hair. His lips forming into smile under her harsh touches and inaudible cursing words. That her feature loved the most- kissing and hugging him when she is mad or hurt. He knew that he is needed as a protector and glue that will bring her broken parts together into his own creation. She was so childlike and weak in moments of anger that he sometimes doubted her possibility to get mad at all. Maybe to her anger and passion were so similar feelings she couldn't make the difference. Thought that she's so pure couldn't leave him even in a moment like this. He melted under the rain that stopped recently,leaving him soaked with cold water and insecurity. And he knew that if she lets go completely that he will fall apart right here in this deserted street with a cars and trucks passing here and there.

"It's not your fault. But i blame on you because you haven''t told me. I deserved to know."

"Is it all over now?"

His pleading eyes glistering with tears couldn't break through her stoic look hooded by pain and anger. No words could flow from her lips tightly pressed together into a thin line making her face look weird.
And he knew that their romantic dates won't come again.
The absence of air was making his vision blur and everything suddenly started becoming gray and slow. Like in an old movie-the wind didn't ruffle her hair so quickly so he could see 'yes' in her eyes sliding down her cheek in a form of little crystal tear as his legs were moving on their own towards the street.

Repayment was ringing in his head. His father is in jail but that's not enough to erase her pain that became his too. Like his whole body was aching without her hands that were loosing their grip on his and he was falling apart. In moments of despair and loneliness the person next to you is the most important in the world no matter how much you loved her or not,because she is there to hold you keep you alive. And she was his everything. In moments of despair and emptiness she was Baekhyun's peaceful place,a house of dreams in which he could live whenever he is alone and afraid of world. Now her beautiful eyes were becoming distant as he was walking closer to the busy street with cars running in full,dangerous speed.

Wide eyed she looked at his slow movements that represented his stupid thought of wanting to repay her in the same way. Death for death.

In his desperate state, in which everything seemed dark and hopeless because the only one who could heal him was again crying because of him,he didn't want to continue living. He knew that it won't be the last time same as it wasn't the first one.

Her brother's death will go away from his shoulders when he feels the strong hit,a bit of pain and then nothing.
Her hands disappeared from his as he was already standing in the middle of street engulfed by approaching light and loud sound of breaks.

'If she is ready to let me go then I'll let go of myself too.'

Before the eardrums breaking sound was close enough and with his eyes already closed irritated by the strong light his hand was pulled strongly to the right. His mind still blurred and dizzy,vision not really clear and silent scream blocked in his throat,his elbows hit the rough surface of sidewalk.
Under his chest the another body shaking and breathing heavily,then after a few seconds loud sobs broke the monotonous silence in which he managed to get grip on himself and realize that she saved him. Those were her sobs uncontrollably leaving her mouth with cursing words that he couldn't understand.
In a position too uncomfortable for his rules,to which he stuck strongly,and the previous situation, his lips were almost touching her angry ones, letting curses fly to his face in form of her hot breath.
The emptiness from the moments ago was now filled with her proximity and knowledge of fear in her eyes,anger in her voice and her wild heartbeat under his own. He though how the temptation was made in colour of her lips and with softness of her skin under his finger,wiping her tear before his body turned into sitting position.

His lies and hidings cut off his rights of thinking about kissing her and talking to her.

"You idiot!" She screamed. Her voice was already broken and full of pain.
"What were you thinking? I thought that I will lose you too."

Realization hit him hardly. The sadness in her words brought him back to his senses and clear mind. He was going to hurt her again with throwing himself into death. She would survive the pain again and her life would became full of depression like it was when he first met her. He was the reason of her smile and he was so happy because of that. That's why he felt broken and worthless when he made her cry. But killing himself wasn't the solution.

Her body threw itself into his arms loudly crying and hitting his back with her small fists. He knew this state of her mind when she needs his proximity to feel secured and calm.
The thought that he could've died moment ago mad him shiver with horror and fear. His mind,now clear enough, realized stupidity of his actions that could break all his bonds with this world so soon without letting him hug her just a bit more.

The sudden heat of missing and lust crept into their bodies leading lips to lips and her legs around his wast. Her small fists still hitting his chest in need for air because, now, he was the one who kissed roughly,passionately,breathtakingly without permission. He didn't think about anything anymore,just how he could've lose her.But soon her arms wrapped around his neck,her body relaxing in his arms,her back hitting the door of his apartment and soon the bed.
The soft sheets smelling like vanilla and coffee,spilled this morning in a few drops,accidentally,hugged two bodies wet from rain and lighted by fire of desire and missing.

Wet hair all over her face and lips swollen from kiss,dim lights of a lamp couldn't show more of her beauty but it was enough for forgetting about principles and rules,about fights and pain.

Gradually the clothes hitting the different parts of the room,thrown in a hurry and madness,buttons tapping the floor and making soft sounds in heated air. The fingers, cutting through air,scratching skin and grabbing the sheets, soon found place in his hair. Soft palms on his cheeks, lips pressing against his in the same rough motion as always,emitting anger and passion,with teeth gritting and biting,making breath leave his lungs.

Wet jeans painfully slowly sliding down revealing the white skin, shining brightly in a room with so little light that wasn't needed at all but so wanted for the better view at the perfect scenery of curves and shadows falling at soft surface of skin.

Soft moans,at times sounding like growls filled the air scented with sweat and jasmine,and slight smell, characteristic for his hair,of mixed mint burnt sugar with slight smell of cocoa lingering somewhere on his skin. His hot breath,still smelling like alcohol,tickling her neck,her warm hands on his shoulders.

The trembling from coldness or excitement,skin shivering with pleasure and slight pain,lips traveling down cheeks and necks,down to the fingertips and curling toes felt like perfection.

In mind full of colours everything about lies and truths was forgotten, because the only truth in this moment was love made from touches,whispers or screams and images behind closed eyes.

Everything felt so surreal,that need to devour each other so they could never break apart. His incoherent words flying through dark,over her shoulder into nothingness of inevitable end approaching them. His mind was filled with her. Everything he made her feel came into his mind like slide show he didn't want to see with vision of her crying repeating over and over. But then her voice would bring him back to reality that was even more dreamlike.

''I love you. I hate you. Damn you,and these feelings.''

"I just love you too much." he said sincerely hoping that it could melt her heart ,not knowing she was far past melting in his arms. Remains of her desires spreading all over his body,dripping from her eyes that displayed confusion. And as they were breaking apart and becoming one,deep down they knew that nothing can be fixed by that.

After shattering into million pieces  onto the bed,through the night,pouring out all the feelings they had left,breaking dawn came to hug two sleeping souls in his room,that cold morning after thunderstorm.

He knew that everything that happened wasn't a promise or salvation but goodbye that'll hurt more than any other. Maybe because of that he didn't want to wake up,from state of levitating between reality and a dream he was still caught in. 

When her body started lightly moving beside him his heart stopped and he hardly was breathing. To afraid to touch her again he was just laying there with his eyes closed,in silence.  Soon her sniffs and silent sobs could be heard as she was already picking up her clothes from the floor. Even without asking and looking he knew what she was doing. It hurt like hell. It felt like being thorn apart but being  guilty for it at the same time. 

Burning to ash and coming back to his senses he opened his eyes to see her  getting ready to go,crying calmly like she never did before. She was too calm. Too determined that he was afraid to ask her anything,to say. Scared to beg,because what would that mean? 

"Please don't." his voice broke the silence and sob broke through his body,pushing his face into pillows.

"I have to. Are you completely sure you love me Baekhyun?" and before he could say anything she continued as sad smile was decorating her face. "What happened last night..."she opened her mouth but didn't continue." We both need time.I have to go. For the sake of myself...to keep my pride and dignity I forgot about last night. But now I have to keep it. And in the name of the memory of my brother I have to go."

Her voice was shaking as she tried to stay calm and strong,but wasn't able to look at him. Her eyes were fixated on the picture on the wall. One of many others.  Picture of them. She smiled. There were so many pictures of them. He loved to make every moment they shared,eternal. 

He was following her look smiling sadly. What else he can do? To jump and hug her tightly and never let  her go? He could,he thought about that, but it won't change her mind. Something would stay hanging in the air between them making it hard to breathe. Nothing will be the same from now on. 

She needed time but he needed just her. To stay.  

"I have to go. I have to.." her voice gradually disappeared into sob and soon she sat on the edge of bed covering her face with her shaking hands. He was sitting straight,cold air hugging his bare arms,watching her shaking back dying to hug her,melt into her and be carried in that beautiful eyes forever. But he was just sitting, and hesitating.

"Why is this so hard?" she cried out. It took only two seconds for him to hug her back and bury his face into her soft hair.

"Because we love each other." his voice sounded so strange but still so sincere.

"Do you really love me? How am I supposed to believe you?" she jumped from his embrace and gave him cold glance then tears blurred her eyes.

"You hid something so important from me. Is that what you do when you love someone? I thought you were perfect. With all your flaws and insecurities,you were beautiful in my eyes. I at least deserved the truth."

"I...I.." 

"I understand you. I would probably do the same. But... I can't be right here,right now. I heal on my own. Lets give some time and space to each other. To figure out our feelings."

"How much?"

"I don't know. Please don't call me,don't try to find me. I will come to you. In the meantime.." her voice trembled again." In the meantime if you realize you don't love. It's okay,you should fall in love with someo.."

"I won't."

"Someone who you can trust and who understands you,you..."

"Please don't leave." he cried as tried to get out of his strong embrace,her tears soaking his bare skin,her small hands fighting against his strong ones.  "Why are you saying that? Ha? I am so sorry for everything but I couldn't tell you after that day in your apartment. I was so afraid...And now I don't..I don't want you to leave and yet I know you can't stay."

"Let go of me."

"No."

"Baekhyun you are making it even harder for me. It hurts. It hurts to go even though you hurt me...I am leaving but my heart stays here..in this room,this apartment,on that wall,in the kitchen,between  those sheets.... Maybe I will come back for it."with sad smile and face covered with tears she ran out of his arms,apartment and life.

Time?

He already miss' everything of her. She hasn't properly walked out of his garden and he is already feeling empty.

And what if she falls in love with someone else? That thought hit him like a thunder,paralyzing his body in the middle of his cold room that finally got some sunlight coming through window,playing with her jacket on the floor. 

He fell back to his bed,burying his face into bed sheets that still held her scent,the smell of their love and he cried for hours,trying to run away from terrible pain just for a moment. 

But there wasn't place in his head he could run to. 

So he just cried,breaking apart,trying to not remember.  

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Short and  lame...and it was my favorite chapter😭

Still,there are some parts I am proud of😇