"We have ...

Calvin."

"You just couldn't leave her alone, could you?

You just had to court her. Make her forget about me."

Calvin was still chirping at the Baron.

The Baron looked my way.

The most pathetic look I have ever seen.

"Kill me," he whispered.

I nodded, smiling.

"Yea. We have Calvin."

I motioned to Nick.

"Help me get them to the kitchen. I have an idea."

"Feed them?"

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"And there are thousands of comedians out of work."

It took about 15 minutes, but we got Officer Seaman and Dip Shit in the kitchen.

We sat them on chairs and tied them tight.

"Now what?" Betty asked.

"We wake them up."

"Cool."

Betty went to the sink, turned the water on full force, pulled out the sprayer and aimed it at the two.

"Wakey, wakey."

They both screamed as the cold water splashed in their faces.

"That did it," I informed Betty.

She was laughing like a mad women, continuing to spray both of them, even though it was more than obvious that they were both wide awake and more than alert.

They were also gasping for breath and spitting water out of their mouths and nostrils.

I walked to Betty, kissed her and gently took the sprayer from her.

She growled at me.

"Down, girl."

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Officer Seaman yelled, spitting out water.

"I am a police officer."

"Yes," Dip Shit joined in.

"And ... and ...

well ... I am with him.

AND I CAN'T SWIM."

Swim where?

Officer Seaman started struggling.

"Why am I tied to this chair?"

"We have a few questions," I informed him, walking around both of them, glaring.

I then slapped my hands on the table.

They both jumped.

"Where were you on the night of August 6, 1957 at about 10pm?"

They looked at each other, shaking their heads.

"Where were you?" Dip Shit snapped.

"I wasn't born yet."

"Then why would you ask?"

"I don't know. Just always wanted to do that."

I stood up straight.

"But we do have some questions for you."

"I will tell you nothing."

Officer Seaman turned his head and spit ...

on Dip Shit.

Had to laugh.

She spit back at him.

"Like he said, nothing."

Officer Seaman was smiling.

"We have had the highest level training.

We have been programmed to withstand pain that would bring down an elephant.

To stop our minds, drowning out everything, but our own thoughts."

Dip Shit joined in.

"We have been forced to sit and watch every episode of the Kardashians ...

over and over and over."

We all cringed.

They were tough.

"I told you," Nick reminded us.

"They are the elite.

I don't know of anything that can crack them.

That will make them talk."

At that moment, Russell came flying through the kitchen.

He headed for the kitchen window and then through it.

Glass smashed and fell in the sink.

Russell never missed a flap of his wings.

Next it was the Baron, who came running through, muttering something about hiding out in the graveyard for the rest of his life.

He disappeared through the kitchen door.

Betty looked at me.

"Calvin?"

I nodded, smiling.

"Someone mention my name?"

Calvin was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, cleaning his glasses.

"Where did Russell and the Baron go?

We were having a great conversation and they suddenly left."

"They had to be somewhere," Betty told him.

He put on his glasses.

"Where?"

"Anywhere," Betty replied, nonchalantly.

"Okay."

He walked into the kitchen and saw the two tied to the chairs.

"What's going on?"

"We're playing a game," I told him.

"It's called 20 questions."

Calvin smiled.

"I know that game.

That is when you have 20 questions that you can ask, to find out what someone is thinking."

"Exactly.

You are so smart, Calvin."

I put my arm around his shoulder.

How is that possible?

"So. Can I play?"

Calvin was getting excited.

"I don't know, Calvin."

I looked at Betty.

"What do you think, hun?"

Betty tapped her lips, pretending to think.

"I don't know, sweetie.

You really have to be sharp to play this game."

"I am sharp.

My Daddy used to tell me I was as sharp as a butter knife."

We didn't bite.

After all.

He was.

"I still don't know.

What do you think, Nick."

"About what?"

I looked at Betty.

"Forget it, hun."

Calvin turned to me.

"Please, Krall. Let me play."

"Okay, Calvin, but I think because this is your first time playing, we will give you a little advantage."

I pretended to think.

"These two are going to be really hard to get their secrets from, so ...

we will let you ask 1,000 questions."

"WOW," Calvin screeched.

"This is gonna be easy."

"But," I warned him.

"You can't ask the same question any more than ...

oh ...

let's say ..."

I looked at Betty.

"25 times," she suggested.

Calvin was nodding his head, furiously.

"Okay, I understand.

But what if i phrase the same question differently.

Do I get another 25 times."

"Wow," I said, happily.

"You really are smart, Calvin.

What a clever way to get around the rules."

He took off his glasses and cleaned them, again.

"Well, I was president of the chess club in high school."

We didn't ask.

Betty spoke up.

"But we have to give him a time limit, sweetie."

I nodded.

"Of course."

I let out a long sigh.

"Okay, what would be a fair time."

"6 hours?" Betty suggested.

"Bet I could do it in 5," Calvin chirped, confidently.

"Whoa there, big guy.

That is a tall order, you are placing there, but ...

the rules state that once you say a time, that is all you get.

So 5 hours, it is."

Officer Seaman and Dip Shit sat in silence the whole time we talked to Calvin.

They smiled several times and even laughed a couple.

I really felt sorry for them.

I always thought that the only reason Calvin wasn't in heaven, is because God knows he will drive him crazy.

"Okay, Calvin.

You understand the rules?"

Calvin nodded.

"1000 questions.

No question any more than 25 times, unless I phrase it differently.

And,

I have 5 hours to get their secrets from them."

I nodded, patting Calvin on the back.

How the hell ...?

I looked around.

"Okay.

We will all leave and you can start the game in 10 minutes.

Take that time to think up some questions and then start the game."

Calvin was getting excited.

"Okay, Krall."

He shook my hand.

You know what I am going to say.

"I will do my best."

I smiled.

"I know you will, Calvin."

I looked at the two, tied to the chairs.

"May God bless your souls."

I waved to the others.

"Let's go."

We went to the common room and I poured drinks for everyone.

"I think this is a waste of time," Nick voiced.

"Those two are professionals. The best there are."

"We'll see," I said, confidently.

"Seriously Krall. They were trained by the best on Zonk."

I had to laugh.

"The same one's who train your pilots.

I mean, come on, Nick.

You can see the Earth from the moon and you guys get lost."

Nick was shaking his head.

"No. The elite forces were trained by Nicky."

"Shit."

I looked at Betty.

"We might have an issue here."

Nicky was the toughest woman I had ever met.

Hell, she was the toughest person I had ever met.

I finished my drink and poured another one, looking at the clock.

"He just started questioning them.

Let's give him an hour or so. We might need the time to come up with a new idea."

We all agreed.

"I just hope they are not too hard on Calvin," Nicky said.

"They can be relentlessly determined.

They have been trained to turn the tables on their torturers."

I took a deep breath.

"Calvin will be okay."

"Did I hear my name?"

We turned.

Only 5 minutes had passed.

Calvin was standing in the entrance to the common room, cleaning his glasses.

"What are you doing here?" we all wondered.

He put on his glasses, a sad look on his face.

"They don't want to play no more.

They started crying and pleading with me to stop."

He walked to the couch and sat down, arms folded.

"They didn't play the game right at all."

"You okay?"

Calvin nodded.

"They want to talk to you."

I looked at the others, smiling.

"Told you."

I passed an iPad to Calvin.

"Have fun."

His eyes opened wide.

"Really?

I promise not to throw this one in the sink."

I nodded to the others.

"Lets go and see our elite team."

We walked into the kitchen.

Both were sobbing.

"How could you be so cruel?

What evil lays within your dark soul?

You are evil, Krall.

Evil."